


Partners

by sophcaro



Series: Heartbeat [2]
Category: AKB48, SKE48
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Femslash, Fluff, Friendship, Romance, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-07 07:11:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 93,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3165980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophcaro/pseuds/sophcaro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WMatsui fanfic. Sequel to Heartbeat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A jolt of electricity travels Jurina's body as the sharp noise wakes her up, extracting her effectively from her slumber. Her hand clumsily goes to push the button on the alarm clock, preventing it from releasing any more unpleasant sound. The bedroom immediately plunges into a peaceful silence again and Jurina exhales deeply in frustration. Despite knowing full well what time it is she stubbornly refuses to open her eyes, appreciating the comfort of her bed a few more minutes. When she knows she can't drag the inevitable any longer she gets out of bed and sits on the side, staring annoyingly at the rounded object that disturbed her sleep.

She knows she shouldn't get mad at it. It's not its fault if she's in an unusual bad mood. The alarm clock only did its job and woke her up at 6.30 AM, as usual during a working day. It always takes her a little time to wake up, but her large yawn clearly indicates it's going to be a bit more tough today. She wishes she could go back to sleep for a bit, but knows it's unfortunately not an option. Finally standing up her feet move forward on the blue carpet, first leading her to the bathroom, before directing her to her dresser. Her fingers rummage through the drawer in search of her favorite dark blue tracksuit, pulling it off when they finally find it. A few seconds later Jurina is fully clad in it and she moves to the door, grabbing her Ipod on her way.

The hallway is still dark and quiet when she steps outside and moves to the entrance, putting her matching dark blue sneakers on, before opening the front door. As she closes it behind her a cold wind welcomes her, and she shivers as the unpleasant sensation hits her with full force. Taking a curious look around she observes a few bystanders walking down the streets, heading to work judging by their black suits. When she finally adjusts to the fresh air she descends the steps, opening the gate a few seconds later and stepping on the street. Her left hand moves to her pocket and she retreats her Ipod, switching the device on and placing her earpieces in her ears. The music of _River_ immediately resonates and she puts the music player back in place, her feet immediately moving forward as she starts her morning jog.

It has become a routine for two years now, one that she would miss for nothing in the world. At first, she only did it a few days a week, mostly to stay fit. Then, when she realized it also helped her clear her head, it became a daily habit. Unfortunately today, the activity doesn't seem to have the peaceful effect it should have. As Jurina makes her way around the corner of her street her heart is already beating fast, but not because of the physical exercise.

She had set her music player on that particular song in hope that the lyrics would help her get rid of her current apprehension, but it was failing to do the work. Despite how much she tried to focus on the song, she couldn't get her mind off a certain girl. To be honest, she hasn't been sleeping very well last night, and couldn't stop tossing and turning in her bed at the thought of her reunion with Rena. The last time she saw her it was a week ago, after the Tokyo Dome concert. Despite how busy Jurina was these last few days with SKE's activities, time still seemed excruciatingly long.

The first days, she couldn't wait to be reunited with Rena again, and had cursed more than once her rushed departure. However, as the days went by and the date of their reunion was approaching, she started to dread it more than anything, fear taking hold of her. What if Rena realized during their time apart that she had made a mistake and decided to take back everything she said?

 _Mae he! Mae he!_ the lyrics scream at her, but her steps have never been so unsteady. She wants to keep faith, but Rena's words at the hospital have left a deep mark on her heart. As she suddenly recalls Rena's confession she pushes her negativity aside, her eyes lightening up in hope. She wants to believe in those words the older girl uttered. Rena would never say such a thing if she didn't mean it, right?

Twenty minutes later, she's back at the front door of her house again, and she makes her way to her bathroom to get rid of all the sweat. As she turns the water of her shower on she jumps at the cold sensation on her skin, before progressively getting accustomed to it. Maybe that's what she needed right now anyway. A cold shower to get rid of her worries.

When she steps in the kitchen her mother welcomes her with a smile, which she reciprocates, before taking a seat at the table. She thanks her when her breakfast is being placed in front of her, before absently taking grains of rice with her chopsticks. The food somehow tastes a bit differently this morning, and she knows it has something to do with the knot in her stomach and the girl that's still on her mind.

Realizing all the usual tricks didn't work this morning she stops trying to fight this annoying apprehension, knowing it will only go away once she's talked to the older girl. Now, all she has to do is to be patient. As her mother leaves the kitchen to let her eat in peace the room is quiet again, except for the sound of the ticking clock. Jurina takes a curious peek at it, noticing she still has one more hour to wait. It shouldn't be so hard, but unfortunately, patience has never been her strongest point.

 

* * *

 

A few girls of the SKE group are currently getting changed in the dressing room, getting ready for the recording of the television show. Churi, while getting dressed, watches out of the corner of her eye Jurina who has been very quiet since her arrival ten minutes ago. Her silence contrasts with all the chatting she can hear around her, and she really wonders what's happening to her friend.

Actually, it's not the first time she's been behaving this way. She has been unusually distant with everyone these last days, even staying away from her favorite target, Ryoha. While the sixteen year old girl was probably enjoying the respite, Churi was getting more and more worried. She had questioned Jurina a few times, but she had each time assured she was fine.

Her awkward behavior has today taken a new level, and Churi raises a surprised eyebrow at the view of the girl who's now sitting down in a chair, and checking the time on her phone every two minutes, a small sigh occasionally leaving her lips. Now that she's fully clad in her uniform, Churi turns to fully look at her and she takes a step forward, having had enough of her friend's strange attitude.

"What's happening with you?"

Jurina, lost in her thoughts, jumps at the sharp voice behind her back, before seeing a confused Churi staring at her.

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't stopped looking at your phone for ten minutes."

Just at the mention of her Smartphone Jurina takes a quick peek at it - checking the time again - before pushing it aside. She knows her behavior doesn't make any sense, and she mentally curses her friend for her keen eyes, not knowing what to answer to her question. She half hopes Churi will drop the subject, but as she looks up and notices her intense stare, she knows this is not about to happen. If there's one thing she discovered recently about the older girl, it's that she can be pretty stubborn when she wants to.

"Rena is coming back today. She's doing the performance with us."

Churi's concern immediately fades at the explanation. For a minute, she was really expecting the worse. Her mouth tugs into a smile and she leans her back against the wall behind her, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh, right. The girl of your _dreams_."

Jurina's eyes widen at her emphasis on the last word, before muttering under her breath when she notices her friend's amusement. When they departed the hotel in Tokyo a week ago, Churi had peppered her with questions in the taxi, and she may have mentioned the 'dream' incident to her. Obviously, she should have left that part out.

"I should never have told you that. I have the feeling I'm never going to hear the end of it."

Churi chuckles, noticing how her friend is now averting her eyes in discomfort.

"You have to admit the pattern is really comical."

A small groan leaves Jurina's lips and she buries her head in her hands, Churi's laughing intensifying at her action. Now, she's sure of it. She should never have relented to Churi's prying that day in Tokyo.

The laughing suddenly fades and Jurina takes a curious peek at her friend between her fingers. Churi's attention is not on her anymore and Jurina tilts her head to her right, wondering what suddenly distracted the girl. Her breathing hitches as she watches Rena who just arrived and who's taking her coat off.

The older Matsui hasn't noticed her presence yet and Jurina takes this opportunity to carefully look at her, her heart instantly fluttering as Rena's mouth suddenly tugs into a smile as she responds to what Airi is telling her. Jurina is too far away to hear anything they're saying but right now, it doesn't really matter. That shy expression is something Jurina never gets tired of seeing.

In her eyes, Rena truly is a beautiful girl: from her long black shiny hair to her small piercing brown eyes, she almost looks like a character from one of those fairytales. One thing is for sure: she really deserves her 'Nagoya princess' title. However, despite all her attractive features, it's that special smile of hers that never fails to hypnotize Jurina every time she witnesses it on her lips. Her admiration for Rena had started the first day she joined the group and, according to the sound of her beating heart, it was not about to stop anytime soon.

A light tap on her shoulder distracts the younger girl's attention and she tilts her gaze to Churi who's motioning the older Matsui with her head.

"Why don't you go and talk to her?"

Jurina looks back at Rena, noticing how she's engrossed in a conversation with Airi, before shaking her head.

"Maybe later. She's busy."

Churi raises a surprised eyebrow, not expecting that kind of answer from her. She remembers vividly the times when a young Jurina would cling to Rena at every given opportunity, disregarding each time the girl's protests. She understood why Jurina had stopped her behavior these last few months as she was trying to distance herself from the girl she had strong feelings for, but this reason was not valid anymore. Rena had confessed her feelings for her, so why was she acting like that?

Churi watches Jurina's curious behavior a few more seconds, before lifting her gaze to Rena and locking eyes with her. A small smile grazes the older Matsui's lips and Churi responds to it, not missing how Rena's eyes then fall expectantly on Jurina, whose attention is now on her suddenly very interesting phone. Churi tries to decipher her young friend's behavior - failing to understand it for a while - until it finally hits her.

"You're afraid."

Jurina's fingers stop on the screen at the girl's declaration, before taking a tentative look at her. The way her features start to contort in embarrassment is the only confirmation Churi needed to know she hit the bull's eye.

"You really can't do anything without me, can you?"

Jurina frowns at Churi's words and curiously follows her movements, until she freezes when she understands she's going to speak to Airi and Rena. Right now, she would give anything to know what she's so cheerfully talking about with them, as her eavesdropping unfortunately doesn't work at such a distance.

Jurina notices that Airi and Churi suddenly leave the room together, Rena's attention immediately back on her as she approaches her.

"Good morning, Jurina."

"Hi."

Both girls share a smile before Rena turns to the coat-hanger and grabs her outfit, her eyes wandering around the room and noticing that all the other girls are already clad in their uniforms. She knows she's awfully late. She didn't hear her alarm-clock ringing the first time - trapped in an unusual deep slumber - and had awoke in a hurry at the sound of the second warning.

Getting her attention back on the task at hand she swiftly undresses - putting her outfit once she's in her underwear - before tilting her head in curiosity to Jurina who hasn't said a word since her arrival. In fact, she's starting to wonder if she's not avoiding her. Indeed, her eyes are set on anything but her, and she can't help but notice the way she's playing nervously with her phone.

A staff member suddenly enters the room and warns them the show will start in ten minutes and the room progressively empties, leaving a silent Jurina alone with Rena. The older Matsui who's busy doing last adjustments to her blue outfit tilts her attention to the younger girl when she's done, wondering where her unusual quietness is coming from.

"Jurina?"

Rena approaches her fingers to Jurina's cheek in an attempted caress, only to see her flinching at the gesture. She immediately retreats her hand, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Is everything alright?"

Jurina raises her eyes as she hears the worry in the older girl's voice, mentally cursing her own behavior. She hasn't stopped apprehending their reunion all morning, and it was starting to show.

"What is it?"

Jurina follows Rena's movements who's now sitting in the chair in front of her, not missing the hand that tentatively makes its way to rest on hers.

"Do you regret what happened?"

Jurina looks up in surprise, seeing her own apprehension reflected in the older girl's eyes. When she arrived this morning at the television studio she hoped talking to Rena would help ease her mind, but she had only succeeded in worrying her. _Well done, Jurina._

"Of course not."

Jurina lightly squeezes Rena's hand, hoping to convey as much as comfort as possible, and mentally sighs in relief when Rena's features start to relax.

"Then why are you acting this way?"

"You have to understand. For months I believed you would never return my feelings. There was nothing I was more sure of. Your confession took me by complete surprise. I still have a hard time accepting it really happened."

Rena nods, relief washing over her as she finally gets an answer to Jurina's awkward behavior.

"You wouldn't be feeling this way if you had told me sooner how you felt."

"Would you have returned my feelings if I had confessed at the hospital?"

Jurina's question takes Rena by surprise and she momentarily averts her eyes, truly thinking about it. Would she have been able to answer positively to her confession at the time? Probably not. It would have been too soon.

Looking back at the young girl she notices the expectancy in her eyes, and she knows she's facing a dilemma. On one hand, she knows she can't lie. There have been too many secrets between them lately, and if there's one thing she hates above all, it's lying. On the other hand, she knows she can't be completely honest. The truth would do nothing good but hurt Jurina, especially when she's currently in such a fragile state of mind.

"I don't know."

Rena watches as a faint smile grazes Jurina's lips. Did she see through her half lie? Maybe, but if that's the case, she decides not to say anything.

"See... That's precisely why I didn't tell you."

Rena immediately hates the melancholy she witnesses in Jurina's eyes. She knows she's thinking about that day again, and she would give anything to erase that painful memory from her mind.

"It's all behind us now. Let's not think about it anymore."

Jurina nods in agreement and Rena raises her hand, her thumb lightly caressing Jurina's cheek in a comforting gesture. This time Jurina doesn't try to move away and Rena smiles, glad to see the light back in her eyes. Retracting her hand she gets up from her chair, and a quick look at the clock on the wall tells her they barely have five minutes until the beginning of the show. Noticing Rena's attention on the time Jurina gets up as well, adjusting her outfit a last time to get ready for the musical performance.

"Do you trust me?"

Jurina frowns at the odd question, wondering why Rena is asking her such a thing. Of course she does. She would put her life in her hands without a second of hesitation. Realizing the older girl is still waiting expectantly for a reply she quickly nods, a genuine smile moving to her lips.

"Yes."

"Then don't be afraid. My feelings for you are real."

Jurina's heart starts hammering in her chest, watching as Rena moves forward to wrap her arms around her neck, her head going to rest on her shoulder. Despite the fact it's not the first time Rena makes such a declaration Jurina's breathing hitches, somehow still not accustomed to hearing those words.

A soft knock distracts their attention and Jurina tilts her gaze to the door, listening to Churi's voice who's warning them the show is about to start. Disentangling herself from Rena she starts to take a step back when the grip around her neck suddenly tightens, preventing her from moving any further.

"Wait. I want to hug you a little longer."

Jurina's eyes widen, not expecting such words from the girl. If there's one thing Rena and Mayu have in common, it's their punctuality. They are never late, and would hate being the reason of any delay. Jurina's heart flutters, knowing full well Rena is trying to definitely put her apprehension aside. Jurina silently nods at her request, wrapping her arms around the older girl's waist anew. As Rena's fingers move to caress the back of her head Jurina shuts her eyes, tightening the embrace and relishing the tender and comforting gesture.

 

* * *

 

Jurina watches the shop from outside, noticing the five people who are queuing at the checkout. Apparently, this bakery is really as popular as her best friend promised.

"This is the one?" Jurina asks, frowning at the French name on the front window, before turning around to Mayu who's moving forward to open the door.

"Yes. _Allegresse_ is the best bakery in Tokyo."

Jurina nods, following skeptically the girl who's entering the place. It's her last day in Tokyo - having work to do with AKB for a few days - and she wants to use her last hours in the city to go and buy chocolates. She could have bought them in Nagoya, but as soon as she informed her friend of her plans to buy chocolates for Valentine's Day, Mayu had immediately mentioned that great place she knew in Shibuya.

Jurina frowns when she steps in the bakery and takes a look at all the choices. Judging by all the different types of chocolates, Valentine's Day sure is an important event. Too bad she has no idea what to buy.

"What are you going to buy?" Jurina asks, tilting her head curiously to her friend who's eying different types of chocolates.

"These," Mayu answers, pointing at rectangular brown chocolates, "the strawberry flavored ones."

"That's right," Jurina nods, suddenly remembering Yuki's cheerful reaction when the members were offered a while ago chocolates after the shooting of an advert, "Yuki loves them."

"What are you going to buy Rena?" Mayu asks, her attention fully on Jurina now that her choice has been made.

"I have no idea," Jurina shrugs, staring despondent at all the choices.

"Then don't buy her anything," Mayu says casually, taking a step forward towards the checkout when the customer at the front leaves the shop.

"Are you saying I should not buy chocolates on Valentine's Day?" Jurina gasps in disbelief. Why would Mayu suggest such a thing when she's herself buying chocolates for Yuki?

"Sure, go ahead and don't buy her anything," Mayu chuckles, shaking her head in amusement, "It would be the shortest romantic relationship ever."

"Mayu," Jurina growls, understanding she's been played. She really should stop believing every word her best friend says. Diverting her attention from the annoyingly amused girl to the chocolates again her eyes suddenly spot black rounded ones, and her face lightens up as she reads the inscription below.

"Those," she motions to them, her mouth tugging into a broad smile as she finally has found what she was looking for.

Mayu squints her eyes as she deciphers the description, her features contorting in surprise as she finishes reading it, "Wasabi chocolates? Really?"

"Yes," Jurina nods, amused when her friend makes a sudden sound of disgust, "she loves them."

"Well," Mayu says, frowning at this new piece of information, "Rena always had strange tastes."

Jurina chuckles at Mayu's affirmation, admitting that she's not completely wrong. Rena is pretty famous for loving spicy food, after all.

 

* * *

 

It took Jurina completely by surprise when Rena had, after the shooting of a television show, asked her if she wanted to come to her place on Friday evening. She knows that the older Matsui doesn't invite a lot of people at her apartment - in fact, she's pretty sure Airi is the only one who ever had such an opportunity - and it took her a few seconds to register what she had just suggested, before replying positively to the proposition.

Now, five days later, she can't help but feel a bit privileged standing right in the middle of Rena's living room. Her eyes scan the place with a barely contained excitation, while waiting for the older girl to finish cleaning the kitchen table. As soon as they arrived at Rena's apartment they immediately ate dinner, and Jurina barely had time to have a look around. As expected, the place is really neat and tidy. She would really have to look closely to find any trace of dust. Her feet lead her to the shelf filled with books standing at the right of the television. She raises a curious eyebrow as she spots an unusual section at the far left end of the shelf, contrasting with the vast quantity of cooking books. As she approaches her mouth immediately tugs into an amused smile, witnessing the display of Rena's passion: mangas, DVDs... everything of course carefully lined up.  
As she suddenly hears footsteps approaching she turns around to gaze at Rena, who immediately smiles when she discovers what she's looking at.

"I see you've found my secret place."

Jurina returns the smile, before taking a few steps towards her bag that's resting on a chair, and taking out a small rectangular box a second later. Rena raises a curious eyebrow as the young girl approaches her and stretches her hand to give it to her.

"Here, it's for you."

Rena looks back at her in surprise, before taking the offered item and sitting on the sofa. Her fingers carefully unwrap the box, her eyes widening at the view of the chocolates.

"You bought me chocolates? That's really nice of you. What's the occasion?"

Jurina who just took a seat near the girl immediately frowns. She averts her eyes from the box to stare at Rena, wondering if she's really asking such a thing.

"You really don't know?" Jurina asks, only seeing the older girl shaking her head in confusion, "it's Valentine's Day."

Jurina can almost see the gears turning in Rena's head as her features progressively contort in realization.

"I thought that's why you invited me at your apartment," Jurina continues.

"No, I completely forgot about that," Rena answers, "To be honest, I've never really cared about Valentine's Day."

"Oh," Jurina murmurs.

"Is it important to you?" Rena asks gently, not missing the way Jurina is now averting her eyes.

"Not really," Jurina answers truthfully, "but I was afraid you would get mad at me if I didn't do anything."

"Mad at you?" Rena giggles, shaking her head in amusement, "I've never paid attention to it because I don't believe people need a special date to remind them of how they feel. When you have feelings for someone, you should show it on a daily basis, don't you think?"

Jurina nods, still feeling a bit embarrassed, before seeing Rena leaning over to kiss her.

"Thank you, Jurina. It's a nice gesture."

Jurina's mouth tugs into a shy expression as Rena leans back from the kiss - her hand squeezing Jurina's reassuringly in the process - before diverting her attention to the box and taking one chocolate out, a smile moving to her lips as it touches her tongue.

"It's sweet."

"Sweet?"

Jurina looks back at Rena in surprise. Since when are wasabi chocolates 'sweet'?

"Yes, have one."

Jurina eyes suspiciously the box Rena is lightly pushing towards her. She does not trust her palate one bit. The last time she ate pasta that was not spicy according to Rena's words, she had to drink a whole glass of water afterwards to get rid of the unpleasant taste on her tongue. Now, her experience has taught her to always stay cautious when it comes to food with Rena.

Diverting her attention from the box to look at the older girl she notices her innocent look mixed with surprise. Jurina doesn't really want to take another risk, but a sudden rush of courage flows her body as she stares again at the golden box full of chocolates. They really look delicious on the outside, but she knows this is just an illusion. It's the stuffing she fears the most. Her left hand hesitantly moves on the table to take one chocolate from the box. She swallows a lump as she observes the brown chocolate between her fingers before diverting her attention to her glass of water, ready to ease her burning throat the second she would fill the spicy sensation.

In half determination she approaches the chocolate to her lips, already fearing what's about to happen. Her features contort in apprehension as it makes contact with her tongue, until her eyes widen in surprise. It's strawberry flavored. Her fingers make their way again to the box as she takes another chocolate, her mouth dropping as she still can't feel the unpleasant wasabi taste. Rena is right. These chocolates are not spicy at all. What's going on? Is she going crazy? Didn't she buy the wasabi chocolates at the shop?

"Jurina?"

Jurina looks back at Rena, immediately noticing her questioning eyes. She knows her surprise must be written all over her face, but she has to find an explanation for that unexpected turn of events. She kind of wants to take another chocolate from the box to make sure she's not dreaming, but knows it would not change a thing. She doesn't know how it happened but somehow, she ended up with the wrong box. Wait. If she has the strawberry flavored ones, then it means...

"Oh no."

Her features start to decompose as she realizes what happened and she abruptly gets up: Mayu got the chocolates that were supposed to be for Rena. She swiftly makes her way to her bag that's resting on the sofa - her fingers frenetically rummaging through it - before quickly pressing Mayu's phone number that's on speed dial. As she suddenly hears the girl responding on the other side, her voice immediately pitches up.

"Hi Mayu! I don't know what happened, but don't give the box to..."

Jurina grimaces as the shouting starts on the other side of the phone. _Too late._ She helplessly listens to her best friend's wrath - not even trying to justify herself as she knows it would be useless - before pulling away the phone when the screaming intensifies and she's being called all sorts of names. Mayu may be the sweetest person on earth, she's also very short-tempered. Her current anger is a clear reminder of that aspect of her personality, an aspect Jurina would have preferred to avoid witnessing tonight. She doesn't know how long it lasted, but she suddenly hears Yuki's distant voice, and the shouting finally stops. Whatever she said obviously worked as Mayu is now very quiet, and Jurina mentally thanks the older girl who somehow always knows how to instantly calm the AKB's star.

"It's okay, Jurina. Don't worry about it."

The younger Matsui exhales deeply in relief at Yuki's comforting words, not missing the faint muttering sound behind Yuki's voice. She knows Mayu must be grumbling behind her girlfriend's back, but she doesn't hear another word from her when Yuki hangs up.

"What happened?" Rena inquires when Jurina goes to sit back next to her on the sofa.

"Well," Jurina starts, averting the girl's eyes in embarrassment, "I went to a bakery with Mayu to buy chocolates and after that, we stayed a little while at a café. I guess our bags somehow got mixed up, and Mayu left with the wasabi flavored chocolates."

"Okay."

Jurina exhales deeply before staring at the golden box and grimacing as she starts to picture Yuki emptying a whole glass of water to get rid of the taste. Jurina hears a soft giggle next to her and she looks up, noticing the way Rena is trying to stifle her laughter.

"Poor Yuki."

Jurina's features contort in surprise at the girl's reaction, before soon joining her as Rena's laughing intensifies. Her thoughts then go to Mayu, imagining how embarrassed she must be feeling right now. She may not have many secrets when it comes to her best friend, that's definitely not a moment she's going to share with her. _Definitely not._

 

* * *

 

Jurina places the pillow Rena just gave her on the sofa, before taking a seat, patiently waiting for the girl to return with a blanket.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready to go to bed," Jurina answers when an empty-handed Rena faces her anew.

"You want to sleep on the couch?" Rena asks in confusion.

"I didn't want to assume anything," Jurina replies, averting the older girl's intense look. She may be used to sleeping with Churi quite a lot, she knows Rena never shares a bed with anyone.

"I don't understand. We shared a bed after the Tokyo Dome concert, and a few times before that," Rena affirms.

"Yes, but that was different. You joined me when I had a nightmare, then when I was cold during New Year's Eve. And after the Tokyo Dome concert, you were weeping in my arms. I was just trying to comfort you," Jurina explains.

"You're right," Rena nods, now understanding the girl's hesitation. There has indeed always been a very good reason for them to share a bed before, either for warmth or for comfort. Her feet lead her to her room again as she goes to fetch an extra blanket, before moving to the living room again when she finds one.

"Thank you," Jurina says when Rena starts to give it to her, before noticing that the older girl's fingers are tightly gripping it.

"That's ridiculous," Rena murmurs, lifting her gaze from the white blanket to look at Jurina, "we don't need an excuse to sleep together. Not anymore."

Jurina's jaw drops at Rena's sudden affirmation, following her movements as she takes the blanket back and retreats to her bedroom. Despite hearing the girl loud and clear she doesn't move an inch, too stunned to do anything. A few seconds later light footsteps distract her from her musing and she looks up, witnessing a smiling Rena at the doorstep.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"


	2. Chapter 2

Rena was a light sleeper. It was hard to pinpoint the exact moment she became aware of it, but much as she wished for it, she rarely spent a night without waking up a few times. When other members could fall asleep the minute they laid in noisy dressing rooms, the slight disturbance always managed to wake her up instantly. Despite this annoying fact - preventing her from deep peaceful slumbers - she had the faculty to go back to sleep the minute she closed her eyes again. It took her months to get used to waking up in different hotel rooms in different cities. The first months that followed her arrival in the AKB group were definitely the hardest. She was not naive: she knew being an idol meant her life was going to change drastically, but she didn't believe it would be _that_ challenging. If someone had really warned her about it, she probably would have brushed it off.

Now, after six years, she could say she was pretty much used to this new rhythm and to sleeping in unfamiliar rooms. However, it still felt good when she opened her eyes, and found herself in the familiar environment of her apartment. As disoriented she sometimes felt when she slept in different hotel rooms in a short amount of time, she didn't have to open her eyes to know when she was in her own bedroom. The smell of lavender was enough information.

This morning however as she slowly woke up, an unusual new scent was surpassing the familiar one of her red sheets. A faint citrus one was reaching her nostrils, prompting her to curiously open her eyes and tilt her head to discover its origin. She was so used to sleeping alone, that she couldn't help but flinch at the view of the body laying next to her. Not only she almost never shared a bed, she rarely invited people over. Apart from her parents and her brother, the only friend who ever visited was Airi, and she never stayed overnight. That's why it took her a few seconds to ease up, and a few more seconds to get used to the other presence in her bed.

As her body finally relaxes, she slowly turns on her right to lay on her side to observe the girl who's laying on her back. It's funny how the young ace who's so energetic during the day can look so calm right now. Not daring to make a move to not wake her up, Rena blinks a few times and releases a small yawn, before gazing at Jurina's peaceful features, and listening to the faint sound that's leaving her slightly opened lips.

Of course, it's not the first time she shares a bed with the younger Matsui. Even if she never sleeps with anyone, being associated with such a young girl had its perks. When she was still very young, Jurina hated sleeping alone and nightmares were not unusual. As a result, the young girl would often invite herself in Rena's bed. Much as Rena liked her privacy, she was never one to deny comfort to someone in distress. These occurrences happened quite often the first years then decreased little by little, when her help wasn't needed anymore.

When, a few months ago, Rena had joined Jurina in her bed in order to comfort her after her nightmare, it had been years since the last occurrence. Nevertheless, she immediately remembered the right gestures, and was glad when the trembling body relaxed against her. Albeit the fact they didn't sleep together anymore, it reassured her she still knew how the other girl's body worked. Of course, Jurina had physically and mentally changed over the years, but certain things were still very familiar to her, and she couldn't help but feel relieved when the usual tricks still worked.

It's funny how after spending so much time at the girl's side, she was now paying attention to small details she would have considered futile before. Her eyes leave her peaceful features to travel down, watching as the girl's chest is heaving up and down under the blanket, in rhythm with her constant breathing. Her gaze then goes back to the sleeping figure, her attention suddenly caught by the black hair that are spread over the red blanket. Unconsciously, Rena's hand makes its way upwards, her fingers slowly approaching their destination, until she can feel her hair ends under them.

Rena halts her movement for a second - relishing the sensation under her digits - before moving them again, and slowly letting slide a lock of hair between her thumb and her index. She plays a while with Jurina's hair, feeling contented just by the soft feeling between her fingers, before letting go and looking up again. She has to muster all her willpower to not let her hand move upwards to caress the girl's sleeping features, not willing to take the risk of waking her up in the process. A small sigh leaves her lips as her scrutinizing doesn't seem to reach an end, her mind finally voicing what she hasn't stopped thinking since she woke up and her gaze fell on Jurina. _Beautiful_.

Diverting her attention from her she takes a look at the alarm-clock, briefly pondering on going back to sleep as it's still early, before hearing the girl beside her stirring. Rena watches as Jurina slowly wakes up and turns her head towards her, sleepy eyes falling instantly on her. Rena doesn't miss the slight doubt in them as Jurina stares at her, and she can see the body beside her slightly stiffening. Rena frowns at her odd behavior, trying to understand what prompted her to react this way, until a certain conversation invades her mind. Silence progressively fills the room as both girls quietly look at each other, until Rena lifts her hand and reaches the one that's laying on Jurina's stomach.

"Good morning," Rena murmurs, intertwining their fingers together and lightly squeezing the hand inside hers.

"Hi," Jurina answers, her voice still a bit hoarse from sleepiness, her body progressively relaxing at the feeling of Rena's caress on her knuckles.

Despite the smile now plastered on Jurina's face, Rena can't help but be worried by her attitude. She really wishes she could know the formula to wipe off this apprehension she has been seeing in her eyes for a while now. Despite all her comforting words and gestures, it stubbornly refuses to leave her. Much as she finds a shy Jurina very cute, she would do anything to have the confident girl back. She can handle a self-assured Jurina, but a timid one is unsettling.

Leaning over, her gaze focuses on Jurina's as she inches closer, leaving her enough time to back away if she wishes, before reducing the distance when Jurina's eyes shut in expectation. Despite the fact it's not their first kiss it still sends a jolt of electricity through Rena's body, before her heart starts to race as lips move against hers a few seconds later. It's still hesitant and slow, and Rena knows it's partly due to Jurina's fear. The girl is still scared to wake up one day and realize all this is not real. A part of her wants to let Jurina get accustomed to this new situation at her own pace, but another part of her misses the girl that boldly kissed her after the Tokyo Dome concert. Pulling away, she gazes at the girl under her, an amusing smile moving to her lips a she notices Jurina's slight blush.

"It's almost as in my dream," Jurina murmurs absently.

Rena frowns as she retreats and sits up on the bed - trying to decipher the girl's words - before nodding in recognition as she understands what she's referring to.

"Tell me about it."

The request takes Jurina by surprise. Even if she mentioned her dreams to a few people, she always kept the details to herself. As she watches Rena prompting her to talk with a small encouraging squeeze on her hand she shuts her eyes, her dream immediately invading her mind. She can almost feel the wind against her skin and hear the sound of the waves as she narrates what she's looking at. It's a sunny day, and she's wearing a blue short-sleeved shirt and a pair of brown shorts. She's observing the sea from the top of a cliff, her gaze then moving to the few people who are laying on the sand. Albeit the fact it's summer the beach is not well known and as a result not as crowded as you would expect it to be, making it a place of choice for people who are looking for a peaceful afternoon by the sea. Her eyes start to shut as she relishes the pleasant feeling of the soft wind against her skin, cooling down a bit the hot weather.

Just as she's about to get lost in the pleasant sensation soft footsteps catch her attention and she turns around when she feels a hand on her shoulder. It's at this exact moment her dream diverges and Jurina pauses, briefly pondering on which version she's going to tell. Somehow, her decision is quickly made as she refuses to remember the times when tears would spill on her cheeks due to Rena's rejection. These first dreams were too painful, and she wishes she could erase them from her memory.

Her mouth opens anew as she continues her story, a smile unconsciously moving to her lips as the latest version of her dream fills her mind. _Sorry for keeping you waiting_ , Rena utters, slightly breathless as if she's been running. Jurina catches her hand, before feeling the older girl soon squeezing it in return. Her own nervousness is definitely showing, and she appreciates the comforting gesture. That's when Rena leans over to kiss her a first time, before saying those words that never fail to make her heart beat. _You shouldn't be afraid of kissing me._

Jurina stops her narration, her eyes still shut as she can feel the girl's lips on hers as the Rena of her dream leans over to kiss her again. She always had a vivid recollection of her nightmares, but always tended to forget about her dreams as soon as she opened her eyes. However, this particular one was so engrained in her mind it still haunted her much more than she wished.

Lost in her musing, it takes her a few seconds to register the slight shift on the bed. Just as she's about to open her eyes to discover its origin, she feels a pair of lips on hers. The summer heat is progressively replaced by a warm hand on her cheek, and the light wind against her skin leaves place to Rena's soft breathing. She immediately looses herself in the pleasant sensation, soon responding to the kiss as she understands the real Rena is pulling her out of her dream. It lasts a little while and she tentatively places a hand behind Rena's head, immediately feeling the lips moving a bit faster against hers. Her body tenses a bit at the change of rhythm, not missing Rena's sudden eagerness. Her fingers unintentionally freeze as she tries to get used to it, before feeling Rena's lips slowing down and her mouth leaving hers.

As she squints her eyes her mind is still a bit foggy, trapped in between the memory of the dream and the reality facing her. The summer atmosphere completely fades away as Rena's bedroom comes into view, and she looks up to the girl who's still hovering over her. She can't help but notice the way Rena is averting her eyes and trying to compose herself. She tries to decipher her unusual attitude, in vain, until Rena retreats and sits up, glancing at her again, all trace of uneasiness disappeared.

"Hungry?"

Just as she's about to answer her stomach decides to make a plaintive sound, Rena's mouth instantly tugging into an amused smile.

"I guess that's a yes."

Jurina closes her eyes in embarrassment as her stomach continues to do as it pleases, voicing its discomfort again and again. Somehow, this seems to amuse a lot Rena as she starts to laugh, the sound reverberating in the bedroom. A few groans escape Jurina's lips as she helplessly listens to her stomach that's refusing to keep quiet, despite her muttering. Rena's laughing finally fades a while later and Jurina lets out a small sigh of relief when her stomach grants her a short respite, until she feels a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I'm going to make breakfast. Join me when you're ready."

Jurina's eyes shot open and she responds to the girl's smile with a nod, before following her movements as she gets out of bed. When Rena leaves the room clad in her red dressing gown Jurina lets her mind wander, her thoughts unconsciously back on her dream as she recalls every detail of it.

"Why am I still thinking about it?" Jurina whispers, wondering when she's finally going to get rid of it. Frustration progressively leaves place to hope as she knows her dreams - as well as her apprehension - have been decreasing little by little these last weeks. It's still not ideal and she's aware she has to be patient until it fully disappears, but she can't deny the fact Rena's constant attention and caring attitude are playing a major role in her recovery.

 

* * *

 

A duet with Mayu. Jurina barely could contain her joy when she heard about AKB's new song. For years she dreamed of it, in vain. When she was still very active in AKB, Atsuko was the star and when she left, Mayu became AKB's center. She wished for a while the producer would see the potential of reuniting the two girls on stage, but she lost all hope when her activities in AKB decreased little by little. That's why she couldn't believe it when her manager announced the news. She thought her dream had finally been fulfilled, until she discovered the lyrics. She should have known by the title of the song that it would be a poisoned chalice. _Rivalry._

A groan leaves her lips as lyrics desperately refuse to stay engraved in her head. Mayu and her are not rivals. They never will be.

"What is it?" a gentle voice distracts her from her musing and she tears her eyes aways from the window of the train that's bringing her to Tokyo, to look at her traveling companion.

"I can't manage to memorize those lyrics," Jurina answers, her hand unconsciously squeezing the paper in frustration.

"Why?" Rena asks, briefly leaning over to take a peek at it, before watching the girl in confusion, "what's the matter?"

"How am I supposed to say such things to my best friend?" Jurina chuckles bitterly, reading again the lyrics that are bothering her so much.

Rena nods silently, failing to find the right words to reassure the young girl. It's not like she can't understand where her struggle is coming from. She is very familiar with the situation herself. When she joined the SKE group, she also had trouble memorizing lyrics that depicted situations she didn't comprehend. Falling in love with an older guy? Never happened. Crying over a heartbreak? Even less. In fact, romance itself was a foreign notion to her and unfortunately, it was the main topic of most of their songs.

Despite those facts, she still somehow managed to get used to it over time, and even start to enjoy herself on stage singing those words, even though they still didn't make much sense. Now, six years later, she probably could sing pretty much everything, even the most absurd situations. A part of her still sometimes wished their songs' lyrics could match her personality a bit more.

"I know it's hard," Rena comments, admitting those lyrics don't fit one iota the nature of Jurina's relationship with the AKB star, "but like any other song, you have to pretend."

"I can do that when it's about a fictional situation," Jurina answers, a faint sigh leaving her lips, "but this is about Mayu, not a total stranger."

"One day, I'll write a song for SKE," Rena affirms.

At those words, Jurina leaves the sheet aside and gives her full attention to Rena who's now looking out the window pensively. It's not the first time the older girl has mentioned such a desire, and Jurina nods as she witnesses Rena's decided look.

"I can't wait," Jurina murmurs, her fingers moving to rest on Rena's hand that's laying on her lap, her thumb caressing her knuckles gently, "I'm sure it will be beautiful."

Rena's eyes widen slightly and she gazes at the girl beside her anew, before intertwining their fingers together and squeezing the hand inside hers lightly. Jurina's mouth tugs into a smile at the gesture and Rena responds to it, not missing the way her chest starts to warm up at the view of Jurina's beautiful smile. As her eyes fall on the young girl's enticing lips she feels the sudden need to reduce the distance before remembering where they are, and that it's not the time for such a display of affection.

A faint sigh leaves her lips as she leans to rest her head on Jurina's shoulder, her eyes shutting slowly as she relishes the closeness. For years, she believed she would never understand this feeling so many people talked about. She definitely would have laughed if someone had told her Jurina would be the one to teach her.

 

* * *

 

Yuki noticed Jurina entering the dressing room the moment she heard the door creaking. Both girls share a smile before Yuki turns her attention to Mayu who's still focused on the sheet in her hand, her lips silently moving as she repeats the lyrics written on it. Just as she's about to warn her of Jurina's arrival she witnesses a finger on Jurina's lips, prompting her to stay quiet. It seems the cheeky girl has other plans. Yuki has to stifle her laughter as she watches the young Matsui slowly approaching Mayu's chair from behind, before throwing her arms around her neck promptly.

A piercing shriek leaves Mayu's lips as she jumps in surprise - the sheet sliding between her fingers and falling on the floor - before looking through the mirror to discover the origin of her fright.

"Jurina!" Mayu exclaims, her heart hammering inside her chest, "You scared me, idiot!"

She has a few other bad words in store for her but she restrains herself at the last minute, noticing that they have an audience. Indeed, Yuki is now annoyingly laughing at her expense, and Rena who's standing by her side has her hand over her mouth, trying hard not to join her. She doesn't know which one is the worst.

Mayu diverts her attention from them to the young girl who's still embracing her tightly, frowning at her huge grin. She has to muster all her willpower to not let her anger show anymore it already is. _You're going to pay for that_ , Mayu muses, grinding her teeth at the girl's smug expression.

When Jurina finally retreats Mayu feels her heart progressively getting back to its normal rhythm, her eyes following Jurina's movements as she bends down to pick up the fallen sheet.

"This rivalry thing is ridiculous," Jurina affirms, after taking a peek at it and giving it back to her.

"What?" Mayu asks in incomprehension, before following Jurina's gaze on the sheet, and nodding in recognition. Right, the lyrics.

"I know, right? You're not my rival," Mayu answers, getting a swift nod in reply, "we both know who's the best."

Mayu's attention goes back to the sheet as she pretends to read the lyrics again, knowing full well by Jurina's sudden silence that she's processing her words. She has to restrain herself from showing her delight, expecting Jurina's retort at any second.

"What?" Jurina growls, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance.

 _Here it comes_. Mayu doesn't need to look up to know her young friend is probably now fuming. She always knows which buttons to push to provoke a reaction. It's just _so_ easy.

Yuki listens to the two friends' conversation in bewilderment, before rolling her eyes when she understands they've fallen into their usual pattern. She should be used to it after all these years but somehow, it still manages to surprise her from time to time. Turning around, her feet lead her to an empty chair to rest while waiting for the dancing coach to arrive, before spotting Rena who hasn't moved an inch and who's watching worriedly the two girls as the conversation starts to heat up.

"Don't worry about it," Yuki exclaims, waving a reassuring her hand at her, "they are just bantering."

"Bantering?" Rena murmurs in disbelief, her attention now fully on her.

"Yes," Yuki sighs, briefly glancing at the two best friends who are still bickering, before smiling at Rena, "to be honest I don't always get it, but that's how they are. It's their way of communicating."

"I see," Rena chuckles, shaking her head in disbelief, before taking a seat opposite Yuki, and checking the time on her watch.

While Jurina will rehearse her duet with Mayu in a few minutes, she has her own choreography to work on with a few other members - Yuki included - thanks to her presence in the Team Surprise. Under other circumstances, she would be a bit bothered by the extra work. She already has enough on her plate with SKE48 and Nogizaka46, without mentioning her extra activities. Her schedule was definitely not getting any lighter as days went by, preventing her from seeing Jurina as much as she wished. That's why when she received the news about the Team Surprise new single, she accepted the idea with a smile. As both rehearsals unusually took place in Tokyo at the same moment, she knew it only meant one thing: more quality time with the sweet adorable young girl.

 

* * *

 

It's already 7 PM when the four friends halt in front of the building. Yuki blinks as she glances at the big red illuminated sign: Karaokekan. Diverting her attention from the terrifying view she tilts her head to Mayu, noticing that she's still engrossed in her conversation with Jurina, a quiet Rena listening by her side. Since they left the AKB's building, Mayu and Jurina haven't stopped chatting, the subjects varying from their daily work to trivial matters. Yuki's mouth curves into a smile as she listens to their passionate discussion, knowing how much they truly appreciate it each time they have the opportunity to spend some time together.

Yuki often complained when she got separated from Mayu when the young girl joined another team. Saying that she missed her deeply was an understatement. However, as hard as their separation was at the time, she now believed it was nothing compared with what the two friends were going through. Their reunion almost always followed the same ritual: first there was the bickering, soon followed by endless conversations. Despite the distance and their busy schedules, they still managed to keep their friendship intact. That's something Yuki really admired about them.

"I can't believe you managed to drag me here," Yuki sighs, finally interrupting the girls' conversation. It was no news she never was fond of karaoke, to the great displeasure of her girlfriend. It was already painful enough listening to her screaming in the living room every time she decided to put an anime concert on - the latest Animelo Summer Live is still very much engraved in her memory - at least, she didn't have to participate. Obviously, she couldn't really stay passive tonight.

"Me?" Mayu's voice pitches up in surprise, her attention now fully on Yuki, "I didn't do anything. It's Jurina who suggested going to a karaoke after rehearsal."

Yuki turns her head to Mayu, rolling her eyes at her innocent look, "Mayu, I know you by heart. You obviously suggested the idea to the poor girl who had no other choice but to accept."

Words stay stuck in Mayu's mouth as she fails to find a clever retort - glancing briefly at Jurina for support - before understanding by her amused expression that she's not going to get any. She did her best to stay discreet but apparently, she was still unable to hide a thing from Yuki.

"Let's go," Mayu stammers, taking a peek at her watch to check the time before looking up in front of her, avoiding cleverly Yuki's gaze, "we're already a bit late."

 

* * *

 

Jurina tries her best not to choke on her coke every time Mayu's voice pitches up in enthusiasm. The AKB's star has been monopolizing the mic for almost half an hour now, the anisongs coming one after another. Albeit the fact that she wasn't a fan of karaoke like Mayu, she didn't dislike it as much as Yuki. She found the activity quite enjoyable, especially when her best friend was having so much fun on her favorite song. The song comes to an end and Mayu quickly goes through the catalogue again, Jurina not missing the small sigh beside her coming from Yuki. Someone is eager to go home.

Mayu suddenly jumps and Jurina knows she has spotted another one of her favorite songs, before meeting Mayu's eyes as she looks up to them - her eyes falling on each of them - until pausing on a quiet Rena.

"Rena, come and sing with me!"

Yuki and Jurina tilt their heads to look at the older Matsui whose features start to decompose at the suggestion.

"It's okay, you're doing great," Rena stammers, not really willing to join the over enthusiastic girl.

Mayu lets out a small growl as she lowers her gaze to the catalogue again, and Rena's body relaxes as she thinks she managed to get out of it, until Mayu's eyes are back on her. Somehow, she knows by her smug expression that she's not finished with her.

"I have the perfect song," Mayu announces, her index pressing a number on the remote control.

Jurina chuckles mentally when  _Macross Frontier_ 's opening, [_Lion_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgNJ9r8S17Q), comes up on the screen. She knows Mayu has already won when Rena starts fidgeting in her seat. It's one of Rena's favorite anisongs. She's never going to be able to resist.

 

* * *

 

They only have half an hour left when Yuki suddenly decides to grab the mic, to everyone's astonishment. Maybe she got bored of listening to Mayu's singing? No one dares to ask, too surprised to see Yuki getting up from the sofa and flipping through the pages of the catalogue. Jurina can hear Mayu sipping her drink and she tilts her head to her, noticing her immense joy as she silently watches her girlfriend. She doesn't know what's going through her mind, but she can almost imagine big fireworks exploding in her head.

A few sighs leave Yuki's lips as she goes through the songs, apparently failing to find a suitable one as her frown keeps increasing second after second. Finally, after what seems an eternity her finger stops on one song, her eyes immediately widening.

"This one!" Yuki exclaims cheerfully, all trace of boredom suddenly disappeared. Her hand grasps the remote control with barely contained excitation, until her favorite Japanese singer, _Ayumi Hamasaki_ , comes up on the screen.

Mayu puts her orange juice aside as the first notes of [_Rainbow_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOz7eSJQeU4) start, emotion progressively taking hold of her as Yuki sings the ballad. She knows she hasn't chosen that particular song by chance. It has a deep meaning for the both of them. A smile grazes Mayu's lips as she listens to Yuki's sweet voice, so entranced by it she doesn't notice the tear that's silently sliding down her cheek.

Jurina however doesn't miss it, a faint smile moving to her lips as she witnesses the emotion in her best friend's eyes. She's so happy the girl has found such a loving partner. She couldn't have made a better choice in the person of Yuki. Her hand unconsciously looks for Rena's on the sofa, intertwining their fingers together when she finds it. As she feels a sudden soft kiss on her temple she diverts her attention to Rena, mesmerized by those loving eyes that are looking back at her. If she could experience only half the love Yuki and Mayu are sharing, she would be the happiest person in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

Mayu quickly hides behind the wall and puts one knee on the floor, her hand gripping tightly her pistol. She can hear footsteps approaching and she gazes at the door, expecting her enemy to barge into the room at any moment. She knows she's sweating profusely - especially after playing cat and mouse for so long - but she knows she can't retreat. Her rival has discovered her hideout, and there's nowhere to escape anymore.

Despite being an assassin for many years, she still can't help feeling slightly apprehensive. She has found herself a worthy opponent, and she can imagine how tense the final confrontation will be. She only has two bullets left in her gun, and she knows the other girl is also running out of ammo. If she doesn't manage to put a bullet in her head, she'll have to engage in a hand-to-hand combat.

"I'm ready, Jurina," Mayu murmurs, gritting her teeth in annoyance, "come and get me."

"Cut!"

Mayu releases a sigh of relief when the director announces the end of the take and she lowers her gun, getting up from her crouching position. She can hear quick footsteps approaching and she tilts her head to her left, a cheerful Jurina soon popping out her head through the door.

"Found you!" Jurina exclaims, a mischievous smile on her lips as she points her gun at her.

"I can't believe you're turning eighteen in two weeks," Mayu mumbles as she absently takes the towel a staff member is giving her to wipe the sweat off her forehead, "you still look like a ten year old to me."

"This is so cool," Jurina quips, ignoring her friend's declaration and examining the fake weapon in her hand carefully.

Mayu rolls her eyes at her friend's childish behavior, watching the crew that's preparing the set for the next scene. It's the final confrontation between the two rivals and also the last scene of the day. As much fun the whole rivalry between two assassins' idea was at first, it ended up being a very tiring shooting.

Judging by the costumes, props, special effects and numerous sets, you can tell it's a pretty high budget shooting. Obviously, the director wanted things to look good on camera for the first duet between the SKE and AKB stars. Jurina - after complaining so much about the song's lyrics - hadn't stopped acting like a little kid all day, having so much fun playing with guns and chasing after Mayu for the purpose of the videoclip. The AKB star had almost forgotten how energetic her young friend could be.

"Let's rehearse the last fight," Mayu announces once she's finished sipping on her water, appreciating the cool sensation against her throat. She really needed the refreshment after such a long chase. And Jurina didn't even break a sweat. Curse the girl and her athletic body. Why did the director decide to make a ten minutes music video again?

"Okay," Jurina answers, letting a staff member take her useless weapon away, before raising her fists in determination.

Mayu's features contort in surprise, amazed that her friend can so easily change moods. One second ago Jurina was playing with her weapon like a kid with its favorite plushy, and now she's glaring at her as if she wanted to murder her. One thing is for sure: she embodies her role perfectly.

"You should play bad guys more often," Mayu declares, getting into her fighting position and taking a step towards her opponent, "it suits you well."

"Wait for it," Jurina replies, her mouth curving up in amusement, "I'll definitely act more once I'm eighteen."

Mayu smiles when Jurina winks at her playfully, before focusing on their next fighting scene. As stressful and tiring this shooting day had been, at least she had the opportunity to spend it with someone she cared about deeply. It was a very rare occurrence, and she had treasured every single minute of it.

 

* * *

 

Jurina's mouth tugs into a broad smile as she listens to the audience shouting her name again and again. She's still trying to catch her breath after dancing the last song of the concert and despite the tiring _Oki Doki_ performance, she still manages to find the energy to scream back at the audience of the SKE theater.

"Thank you!"

The screaming intensifies when she bows to the audience, before waving at them a last time and making her way backstage. As she steps in the dressing room she halts as she notices the pile of presents waiting for her. Her fingers wander on a few of them - smiling now and then as she recognizes some handwriting - before slumping in her chair. Her heart is still beating very fast, and she knows it's not only because of the concert. Today is the best day ever. Jurina Matsui, SKE's ace, just turned eighteen.

When her manager had asked her a few weeks ago what she wanted to do for her birthday, her answer had been swift and clear: she wanted to be on stage. Just by the loud cheers and clapping she had heard just now, she could guess a lot of her fans were present in the room to celebrate her birthday with her. She was the happiest when she was performing, and she wanted to spend that special day with the people that made it possible for her to do what she loved the most. Despite all the joy she was feeling, there was a shadow on the horizon. Rena wasn't here.

In fact, they didn't see each other all day. Even if it was Sunday, Rena had been very busy with work. When Jurina had sent her a text asking her if she could make it in time for the theater performance she had replied she would try but couldn't make any promises. Jurina had hoped to see her make an appearance at some point during the concert. Unfortunately Rena didn't, and despite being surrounded on stage by members she really cared about - Churi included - she still had unconsciously looked for her a few times. Of course, she felt a bit disappointed Rena wasn't able to make it, but she didn't blame her for it. She was well aware how busy the older Matsui was with her extra activities, and she would never want to get in the way of her work.

Half an hour later, after taking a good shower to get rid of the sweat, Jurina makes her way back to the dressing room and starts to get prepared to go home. The process takes a bit longer than usual as she replies to congratulations messages every five minutes on her phone, and she can't help but widen her eyes when she notices the time. All the other members have already left, and she's the last one in the dressing room. That's definitely a first. Just as she's about to leave the door opens and she looks up, staring at the girl at the doorstep in confusion.

"Rena!" Jurina exclaims, not believing the sight in front of her.

"You really believed I would miss your birthday?" Rena asks, carefully closing the door behind her, before gazing at her anew.

"But you didn't...," Jurina's voice trails off, taking a quick peek at her phone to check if she missed a message, before looking up again.

Rena smiles in amusement at Jurina's surprise, momentarily diverting her attention to scan the room, before inching closer when she discovers that they are indeed alone.

"Happy birthday," Rena whispers, locking eyes with the younger girl before capturing her lips.

 

* * *

 

Jurina lets out a frustrated sigh when the blindfold is placed on her eyes, the dressing room soon plunging into darkness. Jurina hears a soft giggle next to her and she pouts, knowing her discomfort is amusing the other girl a lot.

"Why can't you tell me what it is?" Jurina complains, lifting her hand to touch the soft black fabric blocking her eyesight.

"Leave it alone," Rena chides, slapping her hand away gently, before catching it and intertwining their fingers together, "now, be nice and follow me."

Apparently, a few SKE members have prepared a surprise for her eighteenth birthday, but Rena had stubbornly kept quiet when Jurina had peppered her with questions a few minutes ago. Now the older Matsui has blindfolded her and is bringing her to an unknown location, and Jurina has reached her limits. She never was a patient person, and the curiosity is getting the best of her. Not to mention she hates being kept in the dark, both literally and figuratively speaking.

Jurina finally nods, defeated, understanding her protests are having no effect whatsoever on Rena, before silently following her as she leads her out of the room. A few seconds later Jurina subtly tries to lift the blindfold to take a peek, but knows her plan has failed when she hears a soft groan by her side.

"Jurina," Rena warns, and the young Matsui - even if she cannot see a thing - can almost imagine Rena shaking her head in disagreement.

"Rena," Jurina protests, lowering down her hand at the girl's disapproving tone, "you really can't tell me where we're going?"

"No," Rena answers, suppressing a laugh at the girl's impatience, "it's called a surprise for a reason."

At one point Jurina catches a voice in the corridor and she tilts her head to the sound, immediately recognizing it.

"Ryoha!" Jurina exclaims, a tinge of hope filling her chest, "tell me what's going on!"

"I'm sorry, Jurina," the young girl stammers in a small, shy voice, "I can't."

Jurina grumbles at the young member's reply, understanding she's not going to get any help from her either.

"What did you do? Did you go all Gekikara on them?" Jurina mutters.

"What do you mean?" Rena asks, halting her steps to gaze at her curiously.

"Ryoha cannot refuse me anything," Jurina explains, waving her free hand in the air, "so you had to scare her off for her to keep quiet like that."

Jurina frowns when her declaration is met with silence. She kind of expected Rena to laugh or come back at her with a clever retort, but she didn't consider that option one second. She can feel Rena pulling her hand and they resume their walk - the silent treatment she's receiving really starting to unsettle her - before the older Matsui speaks up again.

"Am I that frightening?" Rena murmurs.

Jurina doesn't miss the slight apprehension in the girl's voice and she mentally curses herself. She only meant the whole 'Gekikara' thing as a joke, but the older Matsui has taken her words a bit too seriously. For a minute, she forgot how sensitive the girl can be on this particular subject. Rena's recent shy attempts to get closer to some young members haven't gone unnoticed but unfortunately, it seemed most of them were still unable to utter a single word in her presence.

"Of course not," Jurina answers, carefully choosing her words as she knows Rena is going to ponder each one of them, "but you know how easily impressed the young members can be."

"Right," Rena murmurs.

"Can I take the blindfold off?" Jurina pleads, willing to take a look at the girl as she can feel the doubt still present in her voice.

"Absolutely not," Rena scolds her.

Jurina releases a small sigh at the girl's stubbornness and she pulls her hand, the gesture instantly making Rena stop.

"Don't think about it anymore," Jurina murmurs, lifting her free hand to search the girl in front of her, before moving forward and resting her forehead against Rena's, "I was just messing with you."

Rena can feel a few looks on them but she ignores the attention, relishing the affectionate moment instead.

"I'm sorry for being so impatient," Jurina declares, taking a step back, before slightly squeezing Rena's hand, "please lead the way."

Jurina raises her head in curiosity at Rena's silence - wondering if she has successfully managed to ease her mind - before feeling a soft kiss on her forehead.

"It's okay," Rena answers, a small smile forming on her lips, before tugging on her hand and moving forward anew.

The theater's front door suddenly opens and Rena halts as she recognizes the two members. For a moment she wonders if the whole plan is going to fail and she freezes - apprehensively tilting her head to Jurina - before mentally rolling her eyes at her own stupidity. Jurina is currently blindfolded and probably wondering why she stopped in the middle of the corridor again. She definitely can't see the two members in front of her. A small sigh of relief leaves Rena's lips and she responds to Yuki's waving hand with a smile, before resuming her walk.

The stage finally comes into view and she releases Jurina's hand when she's standing in the middle - removing her blindfold - the young girl jumping when the silence gets suddenly broken by a group of people shouting cheerfully 'Happy birthday'. Jurina blinks a few times as she gets accustomed to the light, before widening her eyes when she sees all the girls standing in front of her, her features contorting in surprise as she notices a cake on a table, and a few unexpected faces.

"You said you were stuck in Tokyo!" Jurina stammers, pointing an accusing finger at Mariko, before turning to Mayu, "And you," Jurina's voice trails off, glaring at her AKB friend, "I have no words for your outrageous lies."

"Happy birthday," Mariko exclaims, taking a step forward and ruffling Jurina's hair affectionately, "I can't believe my baby is now an adult."

"Well, technically, she's not," Mayu retorts, shaking her head in disagreement, "not before twenty."

"Mayu," Jurina grumbles, rolling her eyes at her friend's 'technicality'.

"A young adult then," Rena offers, brushing gently Jurina's shoulder and sending her a smile when Jurina tilts her head to look at her.

"Come on, blow the candles out," Churi suggests, motioning the cake in front of her.

Jurina doesn't wait any longer and moves forward eagerly, taking a deep breath and leaning over to blow out the two blue candles - representing the letters one and eight - standing right in the middle of the chocolate cake.

"Did the stage performance exhaust you that much?" Mayu teases, shaking her head in amusement when the flames are still fiercely standing at the end of the sticks after Jurina's failed attempt.

"Of course not," Jurina retorts, frowning at the strange occurrence, before taking another deep breath to try and blow the candles out again. The flames wave a few times at the action and Jurina's features contort in victory as she believes she has succeeded, but she quickly decomposes when the flames stubbornly refuse to bend to her will.

"What's going on?" Jurina groans, not believing the sight in front of her and glaring at the offending lights intensively.

Jurina hears a soft chuckle next to her and turns in curiosity, witnessing a very amused Yuki who's covering her mouth with her palm, her laughing intensifying when her reaction owes her a soft elbow from Mayu.

"I'm sorry," Yuki exclaims, ignoring her girlfriend's protest on her right, "I just couldn't hold it anymore."

Jurina frowns at her reaction - failing to understand what's so funny - before noticing the way Mayu is grinning widely.

"What did you do," Jurina mutters, taking a peek at the candles to try and assess what's the problem with them, before looking back at Mayu when she fails to understand.

The room falls in a deep silence as Jurina's question stays unanswered - her eyes falling on each member in desperate need of an explanation - only to find amused smiles in return. Rena tries hard to stifle her laugh the best she can, before deciding Jurina's torment has lasted long enough.

"They are trick candles, you can't blow them out," Rena explains finally.

You can almost see the gears turning in Jurina's head as she stares at the candles dumbfounded, before shaking her head in amusement when she understands she has been fooled by her clever best friend.

"Well done Mayu," Jurina chuckles, admitting her defeat, "I surely didn't see that coming."

The theater gets filled with laughter as the other members soon join her, before Jurina takes a bite of the chocolate cake when Mariko gives her a fork. A satisfied sound leaves her lips at the pleasant sensation on her tongue and she takes another bite, enjoying the slight hazelnut taste. When she's had enough she takes a step back and goes to sit in a chair at the front row of the theater to unwrap a few presents, while taking a peek now and then at the members that are enjoying themselves - and her cake - on the stage.

"Do you like your surprise?" Rena asks, taking a seat by her side and glancing in interest at the unwrapped book in Jurina's hand.

"I don't like it," Jurina replies, laying Ryoha's present on her lap before tilting her head to Rena and sliding her hand inside hers, "I love it."

Rena's mouth tugs into a smile and she gently rubs Jurina's knuckles, before leaning over to give her cheek a soft kiss, "I'm glad."

 

* * *

 

Rena checks the time on her watch for the fourth time, a groan inadvertently leaving her lips as the painful reality hits her. She had left the television studio in a hurry - cursing her interview unexpected delay - and was now late for the former AKB member's birthday party. She almost wanted to urge the taxi driver to go faster but the request never left her mouth. It would be very useless with so much traffic and, most of all, awfully improper. Much as she wished for some sort of divinity to save her from this nightmare, she knew her prayers were not going to be answered. She was going to be late, and there was nothing she could do about that.

Thirty minutes later the car finally stops in front of the restaurant and she steps out, swiftly thanking the driver with a polite smile, before turning apprehensively towards the building. Holding on tightly onto the plastic bag that contains the birthday present she moves forward, her fingers immediately grasping the door handle.

For a second, Rena really wonders if she's not at the wrong place. The restaurant is awfully quiet and as she carefully looks around, she fails to spot any familiar faces. That's why she's a bit relieved when a waiter approaches, as she knows she'll definitely need the help.

"I'm looking for Miss Shinoda's party," Rena declares.

The young short, dark-haired man frowns at her request and Rena almost believes she's truly at the wrong address, before the waiter's features lighten up in recognition.

"It's over here," he replies with a slight bow, showing a door on the far left corner of the restaurant.

After thanking him Rena walks towards it - pausing momentarily in front of the 'private' sign - before pushing the door in determination.

The atmosphere of the room contrasts immediately with the first room she just went through. Indeed, Rena is immediately surrounded with laughter and loud chatting and she lets her gaze wander around the room, her eyes falling on each guest. Yuko Oshima, Haruna Kojima, Minami Minegishi, Atsuko Maeda, Minami Takahashi, Itano Tomomi, Mariko Shinoda... That's definitely a rare sight, something you don't have the chance to witness anymore now that half of them have graduated.

Rena suddenly feels a bit out of place in the presence of so many first generation members. Even if she's well acquainted with all of them, she can't help but feel a bit shy surrounded by all these famous AKB members. She has felt this way from the moment she joined the group and somehow, it still hasn't completely left her. She's still very impressed each time she has to speak with one of those stars.

She's not naive: she knows she only owes her invitation to Jurina. If her relationship with the younger girl had not progressed so much these latest months, she would never have been invited to Mariko's birthday. In fact, she almost wanted to decline when Jurina had offered her to come - predicting the uneasiness she was currently feeling - before relenting when she had seen how much her presence would please the young Matsui.

Speaking of which, the SKE ace is clinging to the birthday girl and chatting with her eagerly. Rena is too far away to hear anything but she can imagine she probably said something funny as Mariko's mouth suddenly tugs into an amused smile, ruffling the girl's hair affectionately. Rena knows she should make her presence known, but she can't help but take advantage of the fact the young girl still hasn't noticed her to watch her. She really wouldn't mind spending the next few minutes simply looking at her silently. Recently, she's been doing it much more than she would like to admit, whether it is when the young girl is sleeping by her side, or when she's chatting with other members. In fact, it was now really hard to look away each time her eyes fell on her.

 

* * *

 

Mariko unwraps the present, her features contorting in surprise when she discovers the book.

"Jurina told me you were into cooking," Rena explains, watching as the older girl flips through the first pages curiously, "this is a very good book. I use it a lot."

"Thank you Rena," Mariko says, closing it and smiling at her, "I'll make good use of it."

"You're welcome," Rena replies, before absently taking a peek at the younger Matsui who's engrossed in a conversation with Yuko and Haruna at the table.

"I like seeing her so happy," Mariko declares, following the older Matsui's gaze, before locking eyes with Rena, "you know she's like a little sister to me."

"I do," Rena replies.

After this affirmation Mariko starts to speak about the younger girl and Rena listens carefully, not missing the fondness in her voice as words leave her lips. She can feel her own heart progressively warming up and she nods each time the older girl turns to gaze at her, knowing how lucky Jurina is to have such a person in her life who loves her unconditionally.

"Anyway," Mariko finishes, laughing a bit when she realizes she has been hogging the conversation for so long, "Jurina may act tough on the outside, she has a very sensitive heart. Please take good care of her."

Rena is momentarily taken aback and she ponders over her words. It's not the fact Jurina has confided in Mariko that surprises her. In fact, she didn't expect any less from her as she knows how close they are. No, what startles her is the way the former AKB member is looking at her with a seriousness you don't often witness, as the older girl is known to love goofing around. A few seconds later Mariko hasn't looked away and Rena guesses she's expecting some sort of reply.

"I promise I'll do my best."

"Thank you," Mariko smiles, holding her gaze a little longer, before noticing a figure approaching out of the corner of her eye and tilting her head in curiosity.

"Mariko, what are you doing? It's time for dessert," Jurina interrupts.

"Oh right," the former AKB member exclaims, making swiftly her way back to the other guests.

"What were you two talking about?" Jurina asks, watching curiously the older Matsui who's following Mariko's retreating form.

"What do you think?" Rena smiles in amusement, "our precious Jurina."

Jurina can't help but slightly blush, a groan leaving her lips when she hears the older Matsui giggling at her reaction, "stop it."

"They are bringing the cake," Yuko announces suddenly, moving swiftly towards the wall and switching the light off.

Jurina freezes at the unexpected occurrence and a small gasp escapes her lips, her heart soon starting to pounder in her chest.

"Look at me," Rena demands, catching Jurina's hand. She's well aware that the girl is afraid of the dark, and the slight tremble she feels as their palms meet doesn't surprise her.

"I can't see anything," Jurina stutters, her voice now shaking as she looks around the dark room in desperate need of light.

"Of course you can," Rena affirms, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

Jurina focuses on the older girl in front of her anew and squints her eyes, before indeed catching a faint glimpse of Rena's silhouette. It's impossible to discern more than that, but the sight still manages to soothe her.

"See," Rena murmurs, slowly moving forward as she herself manages to discern a bit more Jurina's features, "everything's fine."

Jurina releases a small sigh of relief and she can feel her body progressively relaxing, her racing heart mimicking its action and also slowing down. Out of the corner of her eye she notices a sudden small light in the darkness and she turns around, watching as Atsuko steps inside the room and brings a birthday cake to the table. All the members are now gathering around it, the waving flames slightly dancing on the ceiling as Atsuko sets the cake on the table carefully.

"We should go and join them," Rena suggests.

Jurina nods and follows the older Matsui as she moves forward, before catching her hand. "Rena," Jurina murmurs, inching closer when she has the girl's attention, "I'm not afraid anymore."

"What do you...?" Rena begins to ask, but she fails to complete her question when Jurina suddenly claims her lips. Even though her features contort in surprise at the unexpected occurrence she immediately responds to the kiss, not missing Jurina's touch on her skin as she cups her cheek.

"I'm not afraid anymore," Jurina repeats.


	4. Chapter 4

Jurina can hear the ruffling of clothes through the door and she arches an eyebrow, wondering why her friend is taking so long. Mayu has been in the bathroom for ten whole minutes now, despite only having so few pieces of clothes to put on. Jurina definitely didn't believe her present would keep the AKB star so occupied. As minutes go by she tentatively leans a bit on the bed where's she sitting, trying to catch a glimpse of the girl through the half-opened door. Mayu has forbidden Yuki and her to take a look at her until she was done but as usual, curiosity was getting the best of her. However, as subtle as she was trying to be, it seemed nothing could go past the clever otaku.

"Don't peek, Jurina!" Mayu shouts, closing the bathroom door immediately, Jurina only briefly having the time to catch a glimpse of a hand, which is not exactly what she was aiming for.

"I wasn't!" Jurina retorts, quickly regaining a sitting position on the bed by Yuki's side, surprised her action didn't go unnoticed.

"Liar, I saw you!" Mayu's voice sounds firm and loud through the door, and Jurina doesn't miss the faint click as Mayu decides to lock it, definitely putting an end to any potential future attempt the young girl may have to take another peek.

"How did she...?" Jurina trails off - her voice barely a whisper as she stares defeated at the closed door - before looking back at Yuki in puzzlement.

"I believe she saw you through the mirror," Yuki chuckles, patting lightly Jurina's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

A sigh leaves Jurina's lips as she retrieves her phone from her pocket - checking her messages absently - while not missing the few frustrated groans occasionally leaving Mayu's mouth.

"You're sure you don't want any help?" Jurina suggests tentatively, only to hear her friend stubbornly refuse her offer a few seconds later.

"Don't bother, she won't come out until everything's perfect," Yuki says, raising a disapproving eyebrow at Jurina, "and what were you expecting anyway? You bought her a cosplay of Mikasa Ackerman!"

"Why do I sense you don't like her?" Jurina inquires, leaving her phone aside to gaze at the older girl curiously.

"She's a great anime character, but that's not the point," Yuki retorts. "Have you seen the apartment? She's everywhere: on the walls, on the shelves. If I didn't establish boundaries, she would even be in our bedroom!"

Jurina raises an amused eyebrow at the older girl's sudden outburst, her eyes then wandering around the bedroom. It seems Yuki has indeed done a very good job: no sign of Mikasa Ackerman anywhere. It's nothing short of a miracle.

"Don't get me wrong," Yuki continues, her voice now more steady and calm, "I love Mayu and I knew what I got myself into when I asked her to move in with me but sometimes, she tends to go a bit overboard."

"A bit?" Jurina scoffs, staring back at her in disbelief, "are we talking about the same person?"

"Fine," Yuki admits, a soft chuckle escaping her lips, "a lot."

The sound of boots on the floor suddenly distracts them and they divert their attention to the door in expectation, only to hear the creaking sound of a stool being moved and Mayu taking a seat on it to remove her boots. According to the few - unfortunately incoherent - mumbles they can catch, she's still not satisfied.

"I hear you," Jurina continues, her attention back on Yuki when it becomes clear Mayu is still not ready to come out, "Mayu has always lived her passions to their fullest. She doesn't care what people think, and she's not afraid of speaking her mind. I think that's what I like the most about her."

"What a passionate speech. Are you hiding something from me? Should I be worried?" Yuki teases.

"I guess I can't help it when it comes to Mayu," Jurina smiles. "She has always been here for me, even during the rough times."

"I know," Yuki replies, brushing Jurina's shoulder gently, "and I'm glad she has such a dear friend. Even when you're not here, she talks a lot about you."

This time both girls are taken off guard as the door opens abruptly, a visibly upset Mayu at the doorstep.

"Why did you tell her that?" Mayu protests, placing her hands on each side of her waist, "now she's going to act all cocky around me."

"You talk a lot about me?" Jurina inquires, grinning from ear to ear.

"See, what did I say!" Mayu exclaims, pointing an accusing finger at Jurina before composing herself and motioning to her outfit, "anyway, what do you think?"

"Something seems wrong," Yuki declares, cupping her chin thoughtfully and studying the small girl's face, "Does Mikasa have such long hair?"

"She did at first, but then she cut them short," Jurina replies with a nod, mimicking Yuki's actions and watching Mayu's features carefully. "And the bangs..."

"The outfit!" Mayu exclaims, waving her hands in the air in frustration, "I'm talking about the outfit!"

"I'm sorry, I was convinced you were talking about your hair," Yuki replies on a light tone, before turning to Jurina in fake surprise, "did you believe she was talking about the outfit?"

"Definitely not," Jurina shakes her head, mimicking Yuki's baffled expression, "it had to be the hair."

"Stop it you two," Mayu mutters, trying hard not to let her anger explode, "and tell me how the costume looks on me."

"It's perfect," Yuki laughs, catching her now fuming girlfriend's hand, and squeezing it briefly, "don't change a thing."

"Yes," Jurina chimes in, winking at the AKB's star playfully, "I could almost believe I'm in the presence of the great Mikasa herself."

"There's no need to exaggerate," Mayu rolls her eyes, before taking another look at herself, a pleased smile moving to her lips, "thank you Jurina, it's a great birthday gift."

"You're welcome," Jurina replies, smiling back at her when Mayu moves to kiss her cheek, "now, what do we do?"

"What about a karaoke?" Mayu suggests, her smile soon dropping at the lack of enthusiasm she's facing.

"I don't mind," Jurina replies finally when Yuki chooses to stay quiet, "but don't forget I'm going back to Nagoya tonight. I have to be at the train station at 5 PM."

"Don't worry," Mayu waves a reassuring hand at her, the joy immediately back in her eyes, "you'll catch it on time."

Jurina doesn't have time to add another word that Mayu has already exited the room and is - according to all the noise she's making - preparing hastily the game console in the living room. Jurina chuckles as she witnesses Yuki's defeated expression by her side and she moves a comforting hand to her shoulder, patting it lightly. It was karaoke time and apparently, the AKB member had every intention of making good use of the three hours left.

 

* * *

 

Rena was starting to wonder if the odds weren't against her. Delayed TV shows and photoshoots seemed to be the new trend lately. What was going on with this business? Was punctuality now an updated notion?

It's already dark outside when Rena makes her way to the stage door of the SKE theater. The concert ended 45 minutes ago and unfortunately, she was late for her date with Jurina. Again. Thankfully, the young girl did not seem to mind too much these recurrent occurrences. Jurina had replied to her text saying she would make good use of the time anyway, as she wanted to rehearse _Rivalry_ 's choreography.

Rena couldn't help but worry a bit when she read her words. She knew the young girl wanted to be fully prepared before the first performance of the song, but she had just been through a two-hour concert. Where could she find the energy? Jurina still didn't know the limits of her body and had a tendency to work too hard. It seemed she didn't learn much from her few trips to the hospital. Rena sometimes tried to reason with her, but it was like talking to a brick wall. It was common knowledge both girls were really different - from their personality to their way of thinking - but if they had one thing in common, it definitely was their stubbornness.

Rena catches the upbeat music as soon as she steps in and she unconsciously speeds up, making her way to the dancing room. The place is now empty as all the members have left, and Rena figures Jurina is probably the last living soul present in the theater. Rena recognizes the last verse of the song as Mayu's voice reaches her and she turns the handle, her eyes falling instantly on the dancing girl. The music comes to an end and Jurina is about to start it again, when she suddenly spots the older Matsui at the doorstep.

"Rena!" Jurina exclaims, a pleased smile moving to her lips, soon transforming into an amused one, "I was starting to believe you had forgotten me."

Despite Jurina's teasing tone Rena can't help but feel slightly guilty and surprised. She is awfully late - actually way more than she announced - and the sight of the young girl welcoming her without uttering a single complaint is definitely unexpected. After all, Jurina is quite famous for her impatience, but it seems she has improved a bit on that aspect of her personality.

"I'm sorry," Rena says, watching as Jurina uses a towel to wipe the sweat off her forehead, "I really did my best."

"No need to apologize," Jurina replies, bending over to catch her bottle of water on the floor and taking a sip of it.

"How is your rehearsal going?" Rena inquires as she approaches, her features slightly contorting in worry as she notices Jurina's soaked white shirt. The young girl definitely didn't go easy on herself in her absence.

"Not exactly as I expected," Jurina admits after setting aside the more than welcomed refreshment. There was a particular step that was causing her some problems during the second verse, and her inability to get it right was starting to frustrate her. "Can I ask you to wait a bit? I'm still not entirely satisfied, and I'm afraid I won't be able to get it off my mind if I don't try again."

"Of course," Rena replies, although a bit hesitantly as she roams Jurina's body in concern, "but do you think it's reasonable? You seem pretty exhausted."

"I'm fine," Jurina assures, placing a quick peck on Rena's lips, before trotting back to the music player, "I promise it won't take long."

 

* * *

 

Jurina's mind screams in joy when she finally manages to execute the choreography flawlessly. It had taken her a bit longer than she had expected, but it was definitely worth it. Now, she was well prepared, and more than eager to perform the song on stage with her AKB friend.

"Rena, I nailed it," Jurina exclaims, before looking over her shoulder when her words are met with silence.

Twenty minutes ago, the older Matsui had taken a seat in a corner of the room and occupied herself with a book while waiting for the young girl to finish. According to the item now laying on her lap and her closed eyelids, it seemed Rena had midway decided to take a nap.

"Rena," Jurina murmurs once she's in front of the sleeping form, shaking her arm softly. The action doesn't fail to provoke a reaction and Rena progressively stirs, gazing at the girl hovering over her, "You should have told me you were tired, we would have postponed our dinner."

"No, I'm fine," Rena replies and she accepts the extended hand, before covering her mouth to suppress a yawn. "Are you finished?"

"Yes, I'm just going to take a shower and we can leave," Jurina announces, already turning on her heels to retrieve her bag full of very needed fresh clothes. Just as she's about to grab it and leave the room a pair of arms encircles her waist from behind, preventing her from making another move.

"You know you're beautiful when you dance?" Rena whispers, resting her chin on her shoulder.

"I didn't notice you were looking," Jurina replies, her hands moving to join Rena's and meeting her eyes in the mirror in surprise. She definitely did seem pretty engrossed in her book the whole time.

"Jurina," Rena smiles, her slight amusement noticeable in her voice as she replies, "I always am."

Jurina doesn't miss the soft touch on her skin as Rena's right hand moves from her waist to her neck - brushing away strands of hair that managed to escape Jurina's loose ponytail - before leaving a trail of lingering kisses against the nape of her neck.

"I'm all sweaty," Jurina protests softly and she tries to extract herself from Rena's embrace, in vain, as the older girl chooses to tighten her hold on her waist and continues her ministration.

"Alright," Rena relents at the second attempt and she lets Jurina retrieve her bag, not before stealing another kiss, this time on the lips. "Don't take too long, we have a date to go on."

 

* * *

 

"Really?" Jurina exclaims in disbelief when both girls take a seat in the restaurant and Rena voices her desire to eat something spicy-free, "are you sick?"

"Stop it," Rena protests, brushing away the offending hand now placed on her forehead in fake concern, "I don't always eat spicy food."

"Since when?"

"I agree that I like it a lot, but it's not healthy to eat spicy food all the time," Rena declares, before going through the menu with great interest. "Plus, I like to try new things, and this restaurant has a good reputation," she explains, before looking up as she catches the sound of a chuckle, meeting Jurina's amused eyes instantly. "I can't believe it, you were making fun of me!" Rena scolds, slapping the menu against the table in disapproval.

"And you were answering _so_ seriously," Jurina laughs.

"Anyway," Rena trails off, now quite eager to change the subject, "what does your mother think about you staying at my place so often?"

"Not much," Jurina admits as she grabs the menu to choose what she's going to eat, "she's pretty used to it by now and don't forget I slept a lot at Churi's apartment these last few months."

"That's right," Rena nods. Jurina had always been a very affectionate person, and it seemed Akane shared the same pattern. "And what does Akane think about that? Doesn't she miss you?" she teases.

"I don't believe so," Jurina smiles. "I know Airi and her are spending a lot of time together recently."

"Yes, they are doing a lot of catching up," Rena affirms. "Honestly, I was a bit afraid. Not only about their relationship, but about mine with Airi as well," Rena suddenly pauses as she realizes what she just said, and she raises her eyes in apprehension from the menu.

Rena didn't hide Airi's confession to Jurina, but she still felt ill-at-ease mentioning it. As a result, she really wished it had not slipped her tongue. Jurina had not said much when she had admitted Airi's feelings for her, but her displeased expression had been enough information.

"It's okay, you can talk about it," Jurina assures when she notices the older girl's hesitation, "I don't mind."

Albeit the fact Jurina knew Rena rejected Airi, it did bother her to know the girl had harbored such feelings for the older Matsui. After all, she had been jealous of Airi at the time. She always believed they were more than just friends, and the kiss she had witnessed that day had only reinforced this feeling. She didn't even believe Churi at first when she assured her nothing was going on between them. That's why it took her quite some time to accept the fact that Airi had loved Rena in a romantic way, and even more to realize it wasn't the case anymore. Jurina still didn't fully comprehend it, but it seemed Airi had managed to do something she herself had never been able to do. Move past her feelings for Rena.

"It's terrible to witness someone's heartbreak, especially when you're the cause of it," Rena says when Jurina prompts her to continue, "I was so afraid of losing her. I honestly don't know what I would have done if she had distanced herself from me."

"Rena," Jurina murmurs, placing a comforting hand on hers as she notices budding tears in the very emotive girl's eyes, "it's over now. Airi and you are good friends again."

"Yes, we are," Rena replies, a small smile grazing her lips. "You know, if this awful situation taught me something, it's that how bad you heart breaks, it can still be mended."

"Yes it can," Jurina whispers. She knows Rena is not realizing it as her thoughts are currently on her best friend, but her words are really hitting close to home. For a while, she believed she would never be able to forget those words that caused her so much pain at the hospital but unexpectedly, time had been a great ally.

 

* * *

 

"Tell me, I've been wondering something for a while now," Jurina declares when both girls leave the restaurant and make their way to Rena's apartment, "Why do you never call Akane by her nickname? All her friends do, but I've never heard you call her Churi."

"Maybe because I don't consider her as such?" Rena replies, not missing Jurina's sudden surprise as she tilts her head to look at her. "Don't get me wrong: Akane is a nice girl, but we're not friends."

Jurina is momentarily at a loss for words and she averts her eyes to the dark street in front of her, pondering over her affirmation. She truly believed the two girls had gotten closer lately - witnessing them speaking to each other more often than before - but it seemed she had misinterpreted the nature of their relationship.

"Do you think you'll ever be?" Jurina asks tentatively, halting when they arrive at a crosswalk and the red light prevents them from moving ahead.

"I know you want us to get along, but that's not how it works," Rena replies gently, not missing the hopefulness in the young girl's eyes. "Maybe we will become friends, maybe we won't. You can't predict nor force these things."

Jurina merely nods, failing to find any good retort. She had almost immediately clicked with Churi and she really enjoyed her company, but she had to admit the possibility that not everyone might be feeling the same way about her older friend. After all, she wasn't herself really close to Airi either.

Plus, she was well aware that Rena and her were two very different people, and her recent words only served to reinforce this feeling. Jurina was a very affectionate person - not afraid to cling to the members she liked - and she had no difficulty forming bonds and chatting with people. Obviously, not the same could be said about the older Matsui. She was a private person, definitely more distant and cautious.

Both girls finally arrive at Rena's apartment a while later and Jurina watches as Rena retrieves her key from her bag, before voicing out loud what has been on her mind for a few minutes.

"You don't open your heart easily."

Jurina's statement takes Rena by surprise and she pauses momentarily as she's turning the key in the lock - pondering over Jurina's words - before resuming the action and pushing the door. It's true that - much as she appreciates the company of many members - they are very rare those she considers true friends. In fact, much as she searches her brain for names - going through all the relationships she has forged in six years - only one manages to emerge: Airi.

If truth be told, she had at one point wondered if her shyness - and image - were not truly preventing her from forming new bonds. She was well aware that the younger members were still not keen on approaching her - even less talking to her - and it still bothered her. It seemed they pictured her as an unreachable person, and although she tried to get rid of this image, it annoyingly refused to leave her.

Regarding the older ones, she never managed to form a connection like she had with Airi. There was just something about her that made them click almost immediately. Only a few words had been enough, and Rena knew this person would be important in her life. Not only did Airi share her passions, she understood her like no one did. She never judged or pried vainly and somehow always seemed to know what she had on her mind. Of course, she still had her inner sanctum, but she didn't keep much from Airi. She didn't need to. She trusted her completely.

That's why she had been so scared when the girl had confessed and she had rejected her. She refused to imagine a life without her friend by her side, but the eventuality had crossed her mind more than a few times during that period. Thankfully, her worst nightmare never came true, and she didn't have to experience the dreadful void.

"I like to choose carefully the people I want a relationship with," Rena explains, raising her eyes to watch Jurina who's taking off her black leather jacket, "because once they find a place in my heart, they never leave."

It was evident Airi was currently occupying a large place in her heart, but as she watches Jurina and responds to her warm smile, she realizes suddenly that she's not the only one anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains an explicit sexual scene, so if you don't feel comfortable reading that kind of thing, I advise you to skip this chapter.

When Jurina had asked her to choose what movie they were going to watch tonight, Rena had pondered over her question thoughtfully before turning towards her movie collection. Her index was now slowly sliding on the covers in search of an interesting one, until suddenly pausing as she read a title that brought sparkles into her eyes.

From the brilliant plot to the beautiful music, everything contributed to make _Howl's Moving Castle_ a transcending experience. However, there was a small problem: it was an animated movie. Much as she loved them, it wasn't _exactly_ Jurina's case. She stared at the cover now in her hand at length - knowing Jurina had not seen that little gem - truly debating whether it was a good idea.

"Did you find one?" Jurina's voice sounded from the couch, jolting her out of her thoughts at once.

No, she had to choose another one if she didn't want to have a napping Jurina. Just as she was about to put the DVD back on the shelf she felt a pair of arms encircling her waist from behind, and a chin on her shoulder.

"You want to watch that one?" Jurina asked, studying the cover in curiosity.

"No, it's an animated movie," Rena replied. Her nostalgic side really wanted to revisit one of her best cinematic experience, but a little voice inside her head told her she could not let her emotions cloud her better judgment. Jurina would never survive a two-hour animated movie.

The last time they watched one together it was in December, when Airi had invited Akane and Jurina to the cinema. The latter had claimed she was not going to fall asleep, but Rena had not missed the way the young Matsui's head had leaned over to her side a few times during the screening, obviously dozing off.

"It's fine, we can watch it," Jurina affirmed, catching swiftly the DVD from her hand as she was about to put it back.

Rena knew it was a very bad idea and she thought about her next move, watching the young girl who was making her way towards the television and switching the DVD player on. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!" Jurina exclaimed as she tilted her head towards her, her thumb and first finger forming a perfect 'o' in assurance.

Rena searched her mind for a clever retort - already listing all the good reasons to not watch that movie with her - but no words left her lips when the title appeared on the screen, and Jurina pulled her towards the couch.

 

* * *

 

It was now one of her favorite moments: the two main protagonists were flying over the town - a frightened Sophie gripping the sorcerer's arm tightly - while watching life unfolding under her feet. This magical passage - enhanced by the beautiful soundtrack - never failed to bring tears to Rena's eyes. Curiosity prompted her to shift her attention to the young girl by her side - wondering if she would see the same emotion reflected in her eyes - only to meet two very closed eyelids instead.

  
Rena screamed inwardly. It was one of the best moments of the movie, and Jurina was missing all of it. She should have trusted her instinct and not relented to Jurina's very convincing sweet smile. Her left hand moved towards Jurina's arm in order to wake her up but as she noticed her peaceful expression, she stopped herself at the last second. It was beyond her understanding how could anyone fall asleep in front of such a masterpiece but a smile nonetheless moved to her lips, and she placed a soft kiss on Jurina's forehead. Somehow, she didn't have the heart to get mad at the beautiful, sleeping girl.

 

* * *

 

"I don't remember falling asleep," Jurina retorted when she exited the bathroom, shaking her head in disagreement. She definitely didn't take a nap; of this she was certain.

"How does the movie end, then?" Rena asked, an amused smile forming on her lips as she turned a page of the volume 4 of _Ad_ _Astra_. She couldn't believe the young girl was still insisting her closed eyelids were only the fruit of her imagination.

Jurina paused at the doorstep of the bathroom, her eyes falling on the older girl reading a book in bed. "Er," Jurina started, trying hard to recall what she was referring to. She could visualize quite well the ending titles, but there was a blank before that. Her unusual failing memory - coupled with the fact she was feeling very much awake - could only mean one thing. Rena was right. As usual. "I'm sorry."

Jurina's apologetic tone dragged Rena out of Hannibal's fight against the Roman Minucius, and she raised her gaze, laying her book on her lap. "Don't worry about it," she smiled, her eyes then slightly widening in surprise at the view of Jurina's white tee-shirt.

Albeit the fact that she was absolutely sure Jurina had never wore it once, it still somewhat looked quite familiar. Rena closed her book and put it on the bedside table - her reading glasses following the same path - before her gaze fell upon Jurina again as the young girl was making her way towards her side of the bed.

Rena's brow furrowed as she blinked at the piece of clothing through the dim light of the bedside lamp - trying hard to recall where she had seen it before - until the picture of a beach and two palm trees finally did the trick. "Isn't that the tee-shirt we bought in Hawaii?"

Startled eyes immediately looked back at her, and Jurina's fingers paused on the bedcover as she was about to get in. "I can't believe you remember."

Now that Jurina was close enough Rena could distinguish the small red 'Aloha' sign at the bottom, and what happened that day came to the forefront of her mind. "I do," Rena replied, while a still very bewildered Jurina finally entered the bed. "You were desperate to have it the moment you laid eyes on it but you had no money left, so I bought it for you as a gift."

Jurina nodded, feeling Rena's fingers tracing absently the letters of the Hawaiian greeting. "You have a good memory, it was more than a year ago."

"I don't know either why I recall that moment in the shop," Rena admitted. It was indeed a very random event which, additionally, followed a very long day of shooting on the beach. "Memory works in the strangest ways."

"It's true," Jurina conceded. She didn't always understand why she sometimes remembered very trivial things when she failed to recall more important matters. However, contrary to Rena, she knew perfectly why that particular moment was still engraved in her memory. "I don't know what I would have done without your help."

"You would have harassed someone else?" Rena teased, suppressing a laugh when Jurina turned her head the other away in embarrassment.

"That's not true," Jurina protested, crossing her arms over her chest in disagreement.

"Oh, come on," Rena exclaimed, tugging lightly at Jurina's sleeve in amusement, "you know you always get what you want."

Her words seemed to stir something into Jurina as she uncrossed her arms and finally looked at her. Jurina's sudden silence caught Rena by surprise and for a second she wondered if she had said something wrong, before noticing the way Jurina was now moistening her lips.

"Yes," Jurina murmured as she inched closer and their noses brushed against each other playfully, "I do."

Despite Jurina's distracting warm breath against her cheek Rena couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the cockiness in the young girl's voice. She was so close to come back at her with a clever retort when her lips were sealed with a kiss, and their lips started moving against each other. Rena relished the gentle and familiar sensation, not missing the way her heart was now hammering inside her chest. It was not the first time Jurina was the one initiating a kiss but it still caught her by surprise, the young girl's caresses on her back as she encircled her waist sending shivers down her spine.

A moan inadvertently escaped her lips when Jurina finally left her mouth and descended to her neck - brushing away a few strands of hair with her hand carefully - before nibbling softly at her skin and leaving a trail of lingering kisses. Rena placed her palm behind Jurina's head, encouraging her to go on with her gentle ministrations.

Jurina continued to give attention to Rena's slender neck for a little while longer - registering all the small sounds Rena emitted occasionally - before moving upwards to her mouth again, the older girl immediately kissing her back as their lips connected. Jurina could feel herself slightly losing control of the situation against Rena's sudden eagerness, and she didn't fight back when Rena pulled away and placed her hands on her shoulders, pushing her softly against the bed.

Jurina's eyes shot open at the unexpected turn of events. She watched in surprise Rena moving on top of her - tucking a strand of hair behind her ear in the process - before leaning over and capturing her lips anew. Jurina parted her lips slightly during the kiss and Rena didn't waste time, accepting the invitation and starting her exploration of the new area. Jurina did at some point feel a hand resting on her stomach beneath her tee-shirt but she didn't really pay attention to it, too distracted by Rena's wet organ inside her mouth.

Albeit the fact Rena had seemingly decided to take charge, Jurina did not feel her trying to dominate the situation. Instead, she relished the sensation of their tongues moving slowly against each other for the first time. After a little while Rena finally pulled away and Jurina used that opportunity to catch much needed air, before squinting at Rena when she felt no more movement above her.

There was a sudden hesitant look in Rena's eyes and Jurina frowned, wondering where it was coming from. Just as she was about to ask Rena broke their eye contact and reduced the small distance between them. Her lips left lingering kisses on Jurina's abdomen, while her hand lifted her tee-shirt progressively. This time, Jurina paid attention to her fingers as they caressed her toned abs gently, touching each muscle in a soft and extensive study. At some point Jurina felt a small tug at the hem of her shirt and she gazed at the older girl in curiosity, before understanding that the piece of clothing was preventing her from continuing her exploration.

It was not the first time Rena had seen her naked. After all, they had shared many hotel rooms when she was still a very young kid. Moreover, Jurina had never been shy about her body. However, it had been quite a while since she had exposed her nakedness to her, and Jurina felt suddenly self-conscious. Nevertherless, she gave in to Rena's unvoiced demand and pushed herself up - pulling her tee-shirt over her head - her cheeks coloring slightly in nervousness.

"Look at me," Rena murmured softly. Indeed, Jurina was now looking anywhere else but at her. Rena cupped her chin, her thumb brushing her cheek lightly.

Jurina followed her instructions and took an apprehensive peek, her heart fluttering at the sight of the loving eyes looking back at her. Rena's gaze never once fell on her nude form, choosing instead to reduce the distance and press her lips against hers. The kiss - gentle and never invasive - lasted for a little while. Jurina felt her tense body relaxing progressively. Two hands placed over her shoulders prompted her to lay down again and she obliged, feeling Rena's red tee-shirt brushing against her skin as she continued kissing her. 

Jurina was relishing the pleasant sensation of Rena's soft lips when they suddenly left hers and descended to her chin - then to her jawline - placing a few lingering kisses down their way. Meanwhile, Rena mapped her bare skin with her fingertips. They resumed their previous exploration of her toned abs, until moving upwards in the direction of her chest. Jurina buried her fingers in Rena's long black hair and caressed her scalp, appreciating the combination of kisses and caresses on her skin.

Her heart skipped a beat when the daring fingers reached her chest and started to caress tentatively the outline of her right breast. Rena's name unconsciously left her lips at the new pleasant sensation. Lips left her jawline and Jurina squinted at Rena, a rush of warmth invading her chest when she witnessed wet lips kissing her other mold.

Jurina was in a haze. She could sense Rena was doing her best to be as gentle as possible, but the sound of her throbbing heartbeat was now echoing loudly in her ears. She was also very aware of her unsteady breathing, but she knew it was pointless to try and compose herself under Rena's ministrations. Her palm paused into Rena's hair as she tried to adjust to that new feeling at the pit of her stomach, until the older girl's hand left her breast and traced down her side, soon pausing at the waistband of her grey pajama.

"Jurina," Rena's soft voice pulled her out of her haze and she cast a look at her, "we can stop if you wish."

Jurina studied Rena's features carefully and didn't miss her sudden edginess: her hands didn't dare to make a single move near her pants. Despite all the pleasure she had been giving her until now - and the desire she could see reflected in her eyes - she was still afraid of going too far. Jurina had to muster all her willpower to not let tears from escaping her eyes at the thoughtful attention.

"I want this," Jurina replied, pushing herself up and accompanying her declaration with a kiss. A rush of warmth immediately invaded her chest as Rena responded to it eagerly, and she moved her hands tentatively to the hem of her red tee-shirt to lift it.

Her little action didn't go unnoticed and Rena suddenly broke the kiss, closing her hands around Jurina's palms. "No," Rena murmured, not missing the sudden confusion in Jurina's eyes. "I want tonight to be about you." She could see that Jurina wasn't agreeing to her terms and was about to insist, but she placed a finger on her lips swiftly, preventing any retort from leaving them.

Jurina relented to Rena's pleading look and laid down on the mattress - feeling the digits that were now tugging at her waistband - and lifting up her hips to help her with the process. Once she was divested of her last articles of clothing, Rena connected their lips and Jurina couldn't help but shiver in anticipation at the hand that was slowly descending her body.

She was trying to focus her attention on the kiss and not on the fingers caressing her inner thighs, but she couldn't ignore the need building inside her. Until now, she had felt contented with the slow pace of their relationship - relishing every minute they could spend together, and each kiss they would share - but she was afraid she would not be able to do without Rena's touch on her skin anymore. The sensation was just too intoxicating.

Jurina let out a small whimper at the sudden light touch on her sensitive spot and she broke the kiss, barely registering Rena's whisper in her ear. "Tell me if I hurt you." Jurina tried to reply but no words managed to leave her lips, her mind already in a haze. By Rena's motionless hand she could tell she was not going to make another single move without her consent and she considered her options - tugging slightly at the sleeve of her tee-shirt to ask her to continue - hoping she would get the message.

It seemed Rena understood it quite well as her thumb caressed slowly her most sensitive spot, while her fingers explored the area tentatively. Jurina could feel light kisses being placed against her neck, but the pleasure she was getting between her legs was far too distracting to pay attention to anything else.

Rena finally found what she was looking for and she slid a finger slowly inside her, pausing to let Jurina adjust to the new sensation. Jurina didn't know how long it stayed immobile but she soon found herself clutching the bedsheet, a few moans escaping her lips when Rena moved back and forth inside her. Each slow motion sent another wave of pleasure, and she knew by the warmth filling her lower abdomen that she could not hold much longer what was coming.

"Let it go," Rena whispered.

Jurina narrowed her eyes at the sudden demand - not missing the warm smile directed at her - and responding to Rena's short kiss the best she could. She didn't know how, but it seemed Rena could also guess she was not far from her release.

Despite the constant slow strokes inside her, Jurina knew she was already close. She tried to prolong the moment a little while longer - not willing to end the pleasurable moment quite yet - but soon discovered it was pretty useless. Her mind was losing its battle against her body.

A last caress on her sensitive post finally did the trick. Wave after wave shot through her, and her body started convulsing. A few small whimpers left her lips in the process, before she finally relented and collapsed into the bed.

She was still trying to catch her breath when Rena pulled out from inside her, a whimper escaping her lips at the action. Jurina opened her eyes progressively, watching Rena laying on her side next to her. Jurina was trying hard to process what her body had just gone through - amazed by the mix of emotions she was currently feeling - but she was still half in a daze, and as a result incapable of any clear thinking.

"Are you alright?" Rena asked in concern, caressing her arm lightly and placing a kiss on her forehead.

Jurina knew she was currently unable to voice a proper answer, still processing what her body had just experienced for the first time. She scooted closer and buried her head in Rena's chest instead, feeling instantly two protective arms around her. Jurina shut her eyes, relishing the comforting gesture and listening to the sound of her erratic heartbeat. As it progressively slowed down her attention got caught by the sound of Rena's heartbeat, and her chest fluttered as she discovered it was still beating fast.

"I love you, Jurina."

It took her a few seconds to register what the older girl had uttered for the first time but when it finally sank in she pulled away from the embrace, her eyes falling into Rena's loving ones. Jurina knew a tear was rolling down her cheek but she tried not to pay attention to it, capturing Rena's lips in a soft and lingering kiss instead. When she broke the kiss a little while later she saw her own emotions reflected into Rena's eyes: love and devotion. Jurina was well aware of the slight tremble in her own voice when she replied. "I love you too, Rena." 


	6. Chapter 6

Mayu Watanabe is starting to wonder if the odds aren't against her. So many times she complained about the childish outfits the wardrobe department was always giving her, to no avail. As important she believes to be in the group - she is not AKB's star for nothing - her words never have the slight effect on the people in charge of the costumes' design. Whereas her eighteen year old best friend - Jurina Matsui to not mention her - didn't need to open her mouth a single time to get the coolest outfits, she was left with the pinkest fluffiest dresses in the history of mankind.

That's why she wasn't optimistic at all when she pushed the dressing room's door, already expecting a dress waiting for her for her first _Rivalry_ 's performance on a television show. However, she couldn't help but pause in surprise in the middle of the room when she discovered two outfits - one white and one black - and no sign of a dress. To make sure she wasn't being delusional she approached her slightly trembling fingers to the incredible sight - taking one hanger then the other to make sure there wasn't a trick somewhere - until she realized her sight was truly not deceiving her. No, no sign of a dress. Was this a miracle? Had her prayers finally been answered?

No. The odds still were against her. That's a fact she discovered a few minutes later, after trying to put on the white pair of pants that she was apparently going to wear, considering her name written on the tag. _Trying_ being the key word here, because they were so awfully tight, she couldn't manage to pull them all the way up. What did she do to deserve this? Just when she was finally going to wear an outfit that did not involve the color pink or something fluffy, she was completely unable of putting it on. And of course, it was too late to ask for another pair. The performance was in fifteen minutes. _God._ The odds really are against her.

Mayu steals a glance at the SKE's ace who entered the room a few minutes before, starting to envy her pair of black shorts. Despite the fact Jurina arrived after her, she was almost completely dressed. She had put on her pair of shorts and her matching black shirt in the blink of an eye, and was now taking a seat to put her flat long black boots on. Even worse, she was accompanying all this effortless act with a soft humming of _Nakama no Uta_ , a smile plastered on her face. One thing is for sure: her best friend was really happy right now. Too bad she was feeling the complete opposite.

"These pants are so tight!" Mayu exclaims after another fruitless attempt, taking a seat and exhaling deeply in frustration. She figures she probably needs a divine intervention at this point if she wishes to sing her duet with Jurina.

A curious Jurina tilts her head towards her friend, and she watches her as she buries her head into her hands helplessly. "Need any help?"

Mayu glances back at her offer, following her movements as Jurina gets up slowly and approaches. "I'm not sure what you can do. These pants are just too small."

"Or maybe you need to lose some weight," Jurina suggests, an amused smile dancing on her lips at the groan Mayu's mouth immediately produces in reply. "Get up, I'll help you."

The AKB's star follows her instructions - wondering how on earth her friend thinks she'll be able to solve her annoying wardrobe problem - until she sees her slightly bending down and grabbing the hem of her pants that are stuck under her knees. Mayu arches a doubtful eyebrow at her obvious intention and crosses her arms over her chest - truly believing Jurina is never going to be able to gain a single inch - until the white cottony fabric suddenly hits her behind as Jurina pulls it up in one swift movement.

When Jurina straightens up Mayu stares back at her, mouth agape, not believing what just happened. She struggled for almost five minutes, how come Jurina managed to do it in barely five seconds?

"You just need to button it up and you're good to go," Jurina affirms, a small smirk at the corner of her mouth. "Now, what do I get in return?"

"What?" Mayu stammers, still under the shock of this unexplainable thing that just happened under her eyes, before noticing in confusion Jurina's mischievous expression. "My gratitude?"

"Not enough," Jurina shakes her head.

While buttoning up her pants Mayu narrows her eyes at her friend's sudden odd behavior, before understanding where she's getting at at the sight of a pair of lips quickly approaching hers. Thankfully, her good reflexes enable her to cleverly avoid it, and she tilts her head left at the last second.

"Come on," Jurina protests, closely following her footsteps as Mayu moves towards the mirror to check her outfit, "I'll make it quick. You won't feel a thing."

"Is that what you promise all your victims?" Mayu scoffs, tilting her head to the right to avoid Jurina's new attack.

Mayu hears her friend's frustrated sigh but ignores it, her fingers moving to her white shirt when she discovers she missed a button.

"You missed another one," Jurina points out a few seconds later.

"What? Where?" Mayu exclaims, lowering her gaze and desperately failing to see what Jurina is referring to. Suddenly, her peripheral vision catches Jurina's sneaky intention, and she moves away just in time to avoid another kiss.

"Nice try," Mayu rolls her eyes at her friend's stubborn attitude. You would believe years of pushing her away would make her understand it was totally useless to try, but it seemed it was doing quite the opposite. Jurina truly had a wide imagination when it came to stealing kisses. Good thing she was a very resistant girl.

Just when she believes Jurina will try another futile attempt the door suddenly opens, and both girls tilt their head in curiosity. Mayu mentally sighs in relief when she discovers the newcomer is Rena, knowing her presence will allow her the respite she deserves. Indeed, Jurina isn't paying attention to her - her eyes now glued on the older Matsui - and the AKB's star takes this opportunity to grab the white jacket from the hanger and finish getting dressed, knowing she won't need to watch her younger friend's every move anymore.

"Hi," Rena says, responding to the smile Jurina is sending her, before taking the costume waiting for her performance of the new single of the Team Surprise, and examining the matching blue jacket and skirt as well as the white shirt and black tie.

"Hi, Rena. You haven't seen Yuki?" Mayu inquires, casting a look at the clock on the wall. There are only ten minutes left until the beginning of the recording, and she's starting to wonder if the older girl is going to make it. Yuki did send her a text an hour ago to warn her she was going to be a bit late. Apparently, her previous interview got a bit delayed.

"I have not," Rena replies, tearing her eyes away from the costume in her hand, and not missing Mayu's worried expression. "Our song is after your duet. There's still some time."

While Rena gets busy getting changed, Jurina watches her own reflection in the mirror, debating how she is going to do her hair. She enjoys making some changes to her hairstyle from time to time and today, she wants to match her AKB's friend's one. "Mayu, are you going to attach your hair?"

Mayu tilts her head towards her at her words, briefly pondering over her question, before shaking her head softly. "No, I think I'm going to let it down."

"Alright," Jurina nods, checking herself again in the mirror as she starts to carefully brush her long silky black hair in preparation for the performance.

"Your hair is getting pretty long," Rena declares as she takes a seat next to her. "Are you going to cut it?"

"I don't know," Jurina trails off, stealing a glance at the older girl who's now wearing her blue skirt, and buttoning her white shirt. "I was thinking I could let it grow a bit more."

"Are you sure?" Rena exclaims, a bit surprised by her affirmation. She clearly recalls hearing the young girl complaining a few times about how long it was taking her to dry her hair now that it was so long.

"I know, I don't always sound happy about it," Jurina replies as if she could read her thoughts, sending her an amused smile through the mirror, "but the result is worth the effort."

"I agree," Rena murmurs absently, taking a look at her own reflection. Maybe it was because she now was used to it, but she didn't mind anymore the time she needed to spend to take care of her long hair. Not only she believed it suited her features well, it also fitted her costumes perfectly.

A few minutes pass by while everyone silently finishes to get dress, Jurina slipping into her last piece of cloth - a black leather jacket - before she curiously turns towards the older Matsui when she's finally ready.

"What about you? Any big change in mind?" Jurina asks, following Rena's fingers as she's carefully tying the knot of her black tie.

"Maybe," Rena trails off, her attention still very much on the task at hand. "I was thinking of dying my hair brown."

"Permanently?" Jurina's voice pitches up in astonishment. It wasn't the first time Rena tried something new but, somehow, she always came back to her usual style at some point.

"That would be the plan," Rena nods, a smile grazing her lips as she notices her interlocutor's surprise. "But not now right now. Maybe in a few months."

"Alright," Jurina murmurs, extending her hand and running her fingers through Rena's hair gently. "I liked that style you had during that movie you did."

" _Gift_?"

"Yes, that one. You looked a bit..." Jurina trails off, retracting her hand and looking for the right word to describe how she felt when she watched her counterpart's role in it. She looked so different from the girl she knew, but in the meantime, she couldn't help but be impressed by her performance. Rena truly was a born actress. "Wild."

"Wild?" Rena chuckles, giving her her full attention now that she's done making final adjustments to her tie. She truly didn't expect such a word to come out of her mouth. Especially not to describe her.

"Yes, _wild_ ," Jurina repeats, emphasizing on the last word. "You know, I think everyone is mistaken when they think Rena Matsui is a sweet innocent girl."

Rena's mouth tugs into an amused smile as she witnesses Jurina's playful expression, accompanied by a soft caress on her knee. She didn't believe she would ever think such a thing, but she kind of missed the flirty Jurina these last few months. As very cute a shy Jurina was, a confident one was more than enticing.

"It's time, Jurina," Mayu suddenly clears her throat, catching both girl's attention. Jurina tilts her head towards the short girl who's now waiting by the door and turning the handle, and a soft giggle escapes her lips at her serious expression.

"Coming, _rival_ ," Jurina singsongs, winking at her playfully.

Rena arches an eyebrow at the exchange, suppressing a laugh when Mayu rolls her eyes at Jurina's cheeky behavior. Her attention gets drawn back to the girl in front of her when she feels two arms encircling her neck, and a kiss on her cheek. "See you later."

Rena responds to Jurina's display of affection with a warm smile, before watching as both friends head out of the room swiftly. A few minutes later - just as Rena was starting to wonder if her AKB friend was really going to make it on time - a slightly out of breath Yuki barges in the room, and Rena listens with amusement to her friend's recent issue with a seemingly very slow taxi driver.

 

* * *

 

Jurina opened slightly the black curtains of the hotel room, just enough to take a peek outside. Albeit the fact it was only 7:30 am there were already a few people walking down the streets, and Jurina absently followed a few ones - briefly wondering where they were heading to - until her eyes fell on the small park nearby. There were no children to be seen playing on the dark blue slide at such an early time, but her attention got drawn to the large cherry tree standing proudly in the middle of the place. It was that time of the year when people would take pictures in front of its ephemeral pink flowers, and enjoy a picnic under its large branches on the week-end.

The sight was truly magnificent, and Jurina wondered how long it had been since she had been able to really pause and enjoy it. So many times she had passed in front of a blossoming cherry tree over the years, to only briefly glance at it. When did she become so busy she couldn't even partake in such a simple activity? The thought momentarily brought sadness into her eyes but she quickly shook it off, refusing to dwell on it, before she closed the curtains again.

Her footsteps led her back to the bed and she sat on the edge carefully, contemplating the older Matsui who was still sleeping. Jurina was well aware of what she had been missing during all these years, but she didn't have any regret. She loved being on stage and bringing joy to people. It was her reason for getting up every morning. But most of all, she refused to imagine a life without the girl who shared the same surname. They had been through so much together these past seven years. No one knew her better than Rena. But who could have foreseen this unpredictable evolution in their relationship? She loved Rena with all her heart, and she hoped nothing would ever stop this fluttering feeling from filling her chest every time she laid eyes on her.

When, after a while, she finally looked away from her lover's peaceful expression, her eyes absently fell on Rena's red tee-shirt, and her mouth immediately tugged into an amused smile. She had not really paid attention to it the night before - her eyes almost immediately shutting from weariness as soon as her head touched the mattress - but now, she had to refrain herself from laughing at the view. Two humanized trains were - as incredible as it may seem - _dancing_ together.

The sight was just too hilarious, and Jurina wondered where on earth Rena had managed to buy such a thing. Wait. Didn't she mention a while ago receiving a few gifts from the railway museum in Nagoya? What that tee-shirt part of it? But most of all, where did she keep it hidden all this time? How come she never noticed it before? All her questions stayed unanswered and her amused expression turned into a mischievous one, knowing she had to do something about it. She just simply couldn't let it go.

While keeping a cautious eye on Rena she grabbed carefully her phone that was laying on the bedside table, knowing she had to immortalize such a moment. Unfortunately, it was at this precise moment the sleeping girl chose to stir, and Jurina barely had time to lean forward to take one picture that a pair of eyes fluttered open and looked back at her.

"Jurina?"

The young SKE member hid the phone behind her back swiftly, even though it was already too late. Rena had not missed the faint click of the camera, and she was now slowly taking a seat in bed, confused. "Were you taking a picture of me?"

"Maybe?" Jurina trails off, trying to sound as evasive as possible. She was hoping the older girl would let it go and she slowly retreated from the bed, until Rena caught her wrist abruptly. It seemed her attempted escape had come to an end.

"Why would you do that? I look terrible in the morning," Rena protests, her voice still a bit hoarse from sleepiness, while her other hand fixed her bangs instinctively.

Jurina kept silent but her eyes inadvertently fell onto the two dancing trains. She was trying very hard not to laugh, but a soft giggle ended up escaping her mouth nonetheless. She just couldn't keep it to herself anymore. "I think your fans need to know how truly committed you are to your passions."

Rena arched an eyebrow at her declaration - puzzled - and very much failing to understand what she was referring to, until she glanced down at the piece of clothing Jurina was staring at and it hit her. "No Jurina, you are not posting this."

Jurina tried to back away but Rena was now holding tighter on her wrist, her eyes full of determination. "Why? Are you not proud to be a densha otaku?" Jurina teases.

"I am very proud, but my fans don't need to see me in my pajamas," Rena growls, trying to catch Jurina's phone. Unfortunately, after a few energetic but fruitless attempts, she had to face reality. Jurina was just too fast for her. "Alright, do as you wish."

Rena's hold on Jurina's wrist diminished and Jurina stared back at her in astonishment as she laid down on the bed again. She never truly intended to post that picture, but Rena's reaction was more than unexpected. Was she going to quit so easily?

"You really don't mind?" Jurina asks, curious eyes falling on her as she moves forward and leans over her. Right now, she would give anything to understand what was going through Rena's head, as her expression was completely unreadable.

"If you want to post this picture, then do it," Rena replies, closing her eyes in the apparent intention of going back to sleep.

Jurina's mouth opened to produce an answer but no words left her lips, completely taken aback by the older girl's behavior. Rena was always very cautious of what she posted on her own account, so there was no way she was going to let her leak such a picture. "You're not mad, are you?"

Small brown orbs looked back at her and an innocent smile adorned Rena's pale rose lips. "Of course not."

Jurina didn't fully comprehend the sudden change of heart when Rena suddenly leaned forward to capture her lips. A few minutes ago, she seemed more than eager to retrieve the white device and now, she was passionately kissing her like nothing happened. It didn't make any sense, but all her questions vanished into thin air when Rena gently pushed her against the mattress and started leaving a trail of kisses along her jawline.

Jurina couldn't help but lightly shudder when Rena finally reached her earlobe and softly sucked on it. It was her most sensitive spot, one that Rena had cleverly discovered a few nights ago. She couldn't help a moan from escaping her lips at the overwhelming pleasure. Rena's ministrations were putting her mind in such a daze that she failed to notice the fingers that were moving upwards onto the bed sheet, and sneakily approaching the phone still in her hand. When she finally felt it slipping from her grasp it was already too late, and she barely had time to open her eyes to witness Rena retreating and going through her phone.

"There, deleted," Rena announces, a proud expression on her face as she places casually the phone back into her hand.

Jurina blinked a few times in confusion - trying to understand what had just happened - until it hit her and her jaw dropped. "You tricked me."

"You really believed I would let it go?" Rena smirks, hovering over and briefly tracing patterns on Jurina's chest, before whispering into her ear huskily. "Good thing I know _all_ your weaknesses by now."

When Rena looked back at her mischievously Jurina found herself completely speechless. A part of her wanted to come back at her for what she had done, but her brain - currently filled with both confusion and shock - was incapable of imagining any form of retaliation.

A ringtone suddenly disrupted the quiet atmosphere of the hotel room and Rena tilted her attention towards her phone, getting out of bed. The joyful melody of _Dreams come True_ 's song _Ring! Ring! Ring!_  immediately came to an halt when Rena stopped her alarm clock. She placed the device back on the bedside table, before gazing at the young girl who was still laying on the bed, completely frozen. "Come on, Jurina. We have a handshake event to attend."

Jurina - lost in thoughts - watched as the older Matsui moved towards the bathroom, not missing her small amused smile just before she passed the door. Jurina was still completely incapable of uttering a single word when she finally sat up a few minutes later. Today, she had discovered Rena Matsui's unexpected manipulative side. It was utterly frightening.

 

* * *

 

After getting rid of her last piece of clothing Rena cautiously dipped a finger into the water, before turning the tap off and stepping inside the bath when she considered it was finally at the right temperature. A soft sigh left her lips at the pleasurable sensation against her skin and she laid down, relishing the silence of her hotel room as she shut her eyes and tried to relax.

As soon as the handshake event had ended she had joined her hotel alone, knowing Jurina would join her later when her interview would finally be over. Rena had not missed the way the young Ace was far more busy than before now that she was eighteen. Jurina seemed to enjoy it very much - never liking being kept apart from late activities in the past - but this change in her schedule was reducing even more the time they could spend together. This handshake event - as tiring as they always were - had at least enabled them to see each other, thanks to their booth cleverly placed next to each other. Even if the activity evidently prevented them from speaking too much between them, just being close by for a whole day was a luxury they couldn't refuse.

Just as she is beginning to doze off the sound of the front door opening catches her attention and she flutters her eyes open, hearing a few seconds later a familiar voice calling her.

"I'm in here," Rena says, surprised by her slightly hoarse voice. She doesn't miss her sudden sleepiness and she wonders how long she stayed in the bath. The water is still quite warm, but she's well aware of her bad habit of sometimes falling asleep during the activity.

Two brown eyes fall on her as Jurina pushes the bathroom door a few seconds later, leaning against the doorframe as she gazes at her playfully. "Don't fall asleep."

A soft giggle escapes Rena's lips, knowing her hoarse voice has betrayed her current state. To be honest, it also isn't the first time the young ace found her taking a small unintentional nap in the bath. Rena doesn't miss the way the young member slowly lets her gaze wander her nude form through the water, and she straightens up a bit in the bath, extending her hand. "Join me?"

This time, it's her turn to appreciate Jurina's slender body as she more than willingly obliges and undresses, before stepping inside the bath cautiously. Rena encircles her waist gently when Jurina lays down and settles her head against her shoulder. A few minutes pass by as they relish the presence of each other quietly, Rena occasionally letting her fingers travel the girl's body on top of her.

"This is nice," Jurina murmurs finally a while later, intertwining their fingers together. "It's been a while since we've taken a bath together."

Rena frowns immediately at her affirmation. It was common knowledge that a lot of members liked to share a bath together, but she certainly never partook in such activities. That's why she couldn't understand what in the world Jurina was referring to. "Have we ever taken one before?"

"You don't remember?"

"Not at all," Rena retorts.

"I was around twelve," Jurina starts, searching her memory as she's trying to recall more about it. Despite clearly remembering taking once a bath with Rena in the past, some details surrounding the moment are still a bit blurry. "I think it was after the recording of an AKB videoclip. I was in very high spirits that day."

"When are you not?" Rena teases, getting a growl in reply.

"Anyway," Jurina continues, trying to ignore the older Matsui's sudden small laugh, "I don't know how I did it, but that day, you finally accepted to take a bath with me."

"Really?" Rena arches an eyebrow. She clearly remembers the young girl's annoying persistence about it over the years - despite her always immediate refusal - but definitely not relenting to it. "You probably managed to wear me out."

"Maybe," Jurina trails off, a smile forming on her lips at the playfulness in the older Matsui's voice, "but it was different at the time. It was an innocent moment between two friends."

"It still looks very innocent to me. We're _only_ taking a bath."

This time, Jurina frees herself from Rena's embrace and stares back at her, her expression changing into a sulking one. "You know, I'm still mad at you."

"You are?" Rena exclaims, not believing Jurina is still thinking about this morning. Yes, she may have been a bit cruel by using her weak spot against her, but she couldn't take the risk of having her leak such a compromising picture. It was simply inacceptable.

"Alright," Rena leans forward until their lips are merely inches apart. "What are you going to do about it?"

Jurina's expression softens at Rena's husky voice and she gazes down at those tantalizing pink lips - her heart now beating faster into her chest - before claiming what's rightfully hers.


	7. Chapter 7

Center leaned over the railing of the rooftop, watching absently the scenery in front of her. How many times had she been admiring the view these last few months? She lost count of it a long time ago but somehow, she never got bored of climbing up the stairs to admire the view from its top.

She had finally achieved her goal and reached the top of Majijo a month ago, and nothing could make her more happy. No one was capable of defeating her, and her dear Nezumi had stayed by her side after her victory. Speaking of her quiet friend, a frustrated sigh left Center's lips as her short companion was not admiring the view by her side as usual. An hour ago, she had left the school stating she had somewhere to go, and when she had asked her if she could come with her, she had swiftly declined stating it was a private matter.

Center didn't like it at all when Nezumi was secretive. There had been so many secrets between them, and she surely didn't want the past to repeat itself. Nezumi had assured her she had nothing to worry about - and had even given her a short reassuring smile before leaving - but Center couldn't help but fear what she might do in her absence. She had no opponent to speak of, but Nezumi always seemed aware of things she ignored. Who knew if a new girl had decided to take the top, and Nezumi was planning a scheme to stop her?

Center jolted out of her thoughts when she heard the door leading to the rooftop opening, and she noticed from her peripheral vision the singing girl approaching and leaning over the railing next to her. Center gave her a silent side glance - watching her as she was staring with great interest at a long, dark-haired girl drawing on a bench in front of the school - before tearing her eyes away from her to resume her silent observation of the city.

The moment the cheerful girl joined her on the rooftop, Center knew her peaceful afternoon had reached its end. Indeed, her ears were now starting to bleed at the girl's awful singing - as she was trying to hit some pretty high notes - and she muttered under her breath, wondering how she was going to get rid of her. Center glanced back at her in annoyance, knowing she couldn't deal with the disturbance like she usually did.

When she had reached the top with the help of Nezumi, the singing girl had presented herself in front of her not soon after, stating she wished to be her second in command. Center had frowned at the bold declaration - studying her interlocutor from head to toe in disbelief - before a mocking smile fell on her lips as she shooed her away. She really believed to have succeeded, until Nezumi warned her a few weeks later about a girl who had entered the school in the intention of dethroning her, and the new singing girl had defeated her in the blink of an eye.

Unfortunately, Center wasn't there to assist to the fight, but judging by Nezumi who had witnessed the whole scene, the new girl had very impressive fighting skills. That was why when she had presented herself again in front of her Center had followed Nezumi's advice, and accepted her offer. She didn't want to be bothered by futile threats, and it seemed this girl was more than willing to take care of them on her behalf.

That was why she couldn't exactly snap at her or put her hands on the girl who was currently disrupting her quiet moment. She knew she had to find a better way to get rid of her, without resorting to violent ways. Which proved to be a bit difficult, considering her brain couldn't come up with an adequate solution for her unfortunate problem.

Her attention shifted back to the scenery she wasn't paying attention to anymore - thanks to the annoying presence by her side - until her eyes fell on the girl who was sitting on the bench, focused on her sketch. Center knew her second in command had a particular interest in her, considering she had been watching her intently for the past two weeks. It seemed this stranger lived nearby, considering she always passed by the school and ended up sitting on this same bench to draw for a few hours.

 _That's it_ , Center mused, knowing she had just found a way to cleverly push the girl out of her little haven. "What's her name?"

At her question the singing suddenly stopped, and a broad smile grazed her second in command's lips as she replied, her eyes still glued on the girl. "Airi."

Center didn't even know how she managed to discover her name - considering she was pretty sure she had never spoken to her once - but it appeared her second in command was truly resourceful when she set up her mind on something, or in that case, someone. Sometimes, she even wondered if she didn't team up with Nezumi to get the information she needed. Surprisingly, it appeared these two got along well. "Go and talk to her, Bird. You won't reach your objective from this rooftop."

Center could feel her second in command's eyes on her, and she truly hoped her suggestion would not fall on deaf ears. She had reached her limits, and she didn't believe she could tolerate her very high-pitched singing any longer. And, of course, beating her up to make her point was out of the question. According to Nezumi, you weren't supposed to enter a fight with your loyal second in command.

"You think I should?" Bird asked, and this time, Center turned to nod at her. Her second in command's thoughtful expression told her she was truly thinking about it, and she silently prayed that it would work. She really feared that the next words falling from her lips would not be so diplomatic. "Alright."

Center watched her as Bird smiled brightly at her and resumed her singing, before leaving the rooftop a few seconds later. A sigh left Center's lips in relief, gazing at the scenery in front of her. Finally, she had the place all to herself again. Unfortunately, she quickly discovered that her second in command's terrible singing had affected her more than she thought, considering the small headache she was now having. _Great._

Center growled in annoyance and pondered going downstairs to take a nap in the classroom she - as the new top of Majijo - was the only one in the right to occupy, before deciding against it. She had finally managed to recapture her beloved rooftop, and she was not about to leave it behind for a simple headache. Center looked over her shoulder in the direction of the sole bench occupying the rooftop, before leaning back from the railing and moving towards it.

The back of her head met the bench as she laid down on it, her eyes gazing at the blue sky distractively. The view was having an appeasing effect on her and she felt her headache progressively diminishing as the minutes went by, as well as her eyelids shutting against her consent. There was no noise anymore to be heard and Center released a small sigh in content, letting her body relax as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Center fluttered her eyes open in annoyance when she heard the voice calling her name repeatedly. She was having quite a nice dream, and a frown immediately crossed her features as she noticed Bird hovering over her. No, this wasn't happening. She had just shooed her away, why was she now disturbing her peaceful nap?

"What is it, Bird?" Center groaned in displeasure. As she took a better look at her, she could now see terror written all over her face. Well, that was an expression she had never seen before on the usually cheerful girl.

"It's about Nezumi."

At the mention of the short girl, Center sat up on the bench quickly, her sleepiness already forgotten. Her eyes widened in surprise, fear taking over her. Had the girl fallen into a trap on her way back? Had she been attacked? Was she hurt? Hundred of questions were piling up one after another in her head, and Bird's silence was not in the slightest helping in easing her mind.

"Say something!" Center grabbed her arms and shook her with energy. Why was she suddenly so quiet, when she needed her to speak more than anything?

"She's been attacked by Gekikara," Bird explained, shivering as if she just had the most frightening vision in her entire life. "I tried to stop her, but Nezumi told me to stay away."

"Idiot!" Center shouted, pushing her away and getting up on her feet. She couldn't fathom why the crazy girl had assaulted Nezumi - it had in fact been months since they last crossed path with her - but none of it mattered. Right now, her only objective was to protect Nezumi at all costs. "Lead me to them."

 

* * *

 

Center's fists were trembling with fury when she barged into the classroom and she witnessed the terrible scene. Nezumi was laying powerless on the ground with Gekikara hovering over her, her bloody fist ready to land on her face.

"Leave her alone."

At the interruption, Gekikara tilted her head in curiosity towards the door, a grin spread on her lips as she recognized the top of Majijo. Straightening up, she took a step back from the injured girl, biting her nails while she watched Center reducing the distance with Nezumi.

"Center," Nezumi exclaimed in disbelief as her left black eye fell upon her form, "What are you doing here?" The sound of footsteps distracted her and she gazed over her shoulder, noticing a frightened Bird at the doorstep.

"I told you to not warn her," Nezumi grumbled, a bit of blood escaping her mouth as she spoke with difficulty. Not only she had not seen coming Gekikara's attack, she also had been the unfortunate victim of the crazy girl's relentless fists. She even suspected to have a few broken ribs, judging by the terrible pain emanating from her back.

"Don't try to speak, Nezumi," Center spoke gently as she helped the injured girl get up on her feet, while keeping a cautious eye on the crazy girl who was watching their every move.

Nezumi obeyed to her command and let her guide her towards the nearest chair, a wince escaping her lips in pain when her sore body made contact with it. Just as she raised her eyes to look at Center she noticed her decided look on Gekikara, and she knew what was coming before it ever began.

"Don't fight her," she grabbed the sleeve of her brown cardigan, catching Center's attention again. "She's not herself. She attacked me for no reason."

Nezumi found herself a bit startled when Center stared at her intensely for a little while without speaking, before her hand approached her left non-injured cheek, and her fingers brushed her skin tenderly. "I can't let her get away with what she did."

Nezumi knew nothing she could say could convince the younger girl, and she watched her in apprehension as she turned around to face the still grinning Gekikara. Much as she wanted to stop Center from entering a fight with the mad girl, she knew she was physically and verbally incapable in doing so. She would have to observe the whole scene from her sitting position, praying Center would come out victorious from the fight.

Now that Nezumi was safe Center focused on her opponent, quickly setting aside the terrible vision of her injured friend. Gekikara was standing just a few feet away from her, but didn't seem to have the immediate intention of fighting her considering she had not moved an inch. Center found her behavior a bit odd but she brushed the thought aside, lifting her fists in determination.

"Come and fight me, Gekikara," Center hissed. "I'm all yours."

A giggle escaped Gekikara as she studied her for a little while without moving, until she tilted her head to the side and gave her a curious look. "Are you mad?"

When it became obvious Gekikara wasn't going to make the first move Center launched herself at her, a smirk on her face when her fist landed immediately on her opponent's left cheek. She was finally going to get her revenge for their last fight, and she was going to enjoy every second of it.

After a few minutes of punching at each other, Center realized that Nezumi was right. There was indeed something wrong with the crazy girl. Her movements were less accurate and quick than usual and as a result, her punches hardly ever managed to really hurt her. Had her previous fight with Nezumi wore her out, or was there another explanation? In the end, the question vanished into thin air. She didn't care about her motives for hurting Nezumi or her weird behavior. She needed her to understand - as well as all the girls who were now watching the fight in the classroom from a good distance - that no one could lay their hands on Nezumi. Otherwise, there was going to be serious retribution.

"I won't let you hurt the people I love," Center shouted, taking advantage of a moment of distraction to grab Gekikara forcibly by the collar of her dark blue jacket.

As they came face to face Center noticed Gekikara's sudden disoriented look and it made her pause for a second, wondering where her unfocused expression was suddenly coming from. Sure, she had not been answering to her blows as effectively as she had expected her to, but she had not paid too much attention to it until now, enjoying too much delivering punch after punch. There were bruises all over her face and blood was spilling from the cut on her lips when Gekikara parted them slightly.

Center widened her eyes in surprise when Gekikara simply nodded, a giggle accompanying her strange reaction. Center's fist stilled in mid air, taken aback by it. Yes, this person in front of her looked like Gekikara, but it wasn't her. Nothing in her behavior reminded her of the strong opponent she had fought and lost against last time.

Center heard Nezumi's small voice calling her from behind and she knew she had noticed her hesitation. Center didn't need to look around to know all eyes were set on her, waiting for her next move expectantly. As the top of Majijo, it was out of the question to be lenient towards a girl who had dared to hurt her most trusted friend, but she couldn't bring herself to finish her. The person standing in front of her was nothing more than a human wreck.

Still torn about what to do, Center suddenly felt the air shifting around her and before she could ever comprehend what was happening, she found herself pushed against the nearest wall, her wrists pinned against it forcibly. Her shocked eyes fell upon the girl preventing her from moving, a face she had not seen in months. "Black."

"Stop it, Center," Black warned her when she tried to break free, "I won't let you hurt Gekikara any longer."

"What?" Center exclaimed in incredulity. Her attention shifted briefly to Gekikara who had fallen to the floor, exhausted, before staring back at the calm but very serious girl in front of her. "She dared to hurt Nezumi."

"I know," Black nodded a little. "She didn't mean to."

"Why are you protecting her?" Center screamed, fighting against Black's hold on her wrists - to not avail against the older girl's strong grip - and she exhaled deeply in annoyance. "Let me go."

"I will if you promise not to attack Gekikara," Black replied, calm as ever. "I'll handle her."

"Let me go," Center repeated in a threatening voice, inching closer to Black in the hope of intimidating her. However, she quickly discovered the older girl wasn't in the slightest impressed by her glare, considering her total absence of fear. Despite that, Center simply refused to relent. Especially not in front of an audience.

Just as she was about to protest energetically again, the hold on her wrists diminished, and she watched as Black took a step back. Center stepped away from the wall and glanced at Gekikara who was still laying on the floor, before pondering over Black's offer. Stepping back in front of the others was not the idea she favored the best, but she was also well aware of the dangerousness of her new opponent. Much as she had never entered a fight with her before, she knew Black was not going to be an easy target. Reason was telling her to avoid a confrontation with her if it was not absolutely needed, and she had already beaten up Gekikara pretty badly. She was not entirely satisfied, but she had taught the crazy girl a good lesson.

"Get her out of here," Center ordered, as she finally made up her mind. "I don't want to see her anymore."

As subtle as it was Center didn't miss Black's relief as she nodded, before kneeling in front of Gekikara. Center placed herself in front of Nezumi protectively, while keeping a cautious eye on the two women.

"Gekikara, it's me," Black addressed the injured girl, helping her sit up on the floor carefully.

"Black," Gekikara murmured in a small surprised voice, finally jolting out of her disoriented state, "what are you doing here?"

"I got worried when you left the apartment in a haste," Black explained, pain filling her heart at the sight of all the bruises on her face, "I was afraid you would do something stupid."

"I couldn't stay," Gekikara stuttered, now avoiding Black's gaze in shame, "not after what I did to the little one."

"Look at me," Black pleaded as she cupped Gekikara's chin and tilted it gently, "I'm not mad at you. You did not hurt him."

Tears filled Gekikara's eyes and she leaned forward, burying her face into the crook of her neck. Black was momentarily taken aback by the girl's behavior but she soon encircled her waist, listening painfully at the soft cry leaving Gekikara's lips.

The room had fallen silent, and Center couldn't believe the strange scene she was witnessing. She didn't know exactly what was going on, but Gekikara's unusual breakdown told her she had done the right thing by letting it go. Her attention reverted back to Nezumi as she realized the danger had passed, and she pulled her into a hug when their eyes met.

She could feel Nezumi tensing at the gesture but she held tight nonetheless, knowing full well Nezumi was never fond of public demonstrations of affection. She had been so afraid when Bird had told her Nezumi had been attacked, that she couldn't help relief filling her chest at the thought that she managed to arrive just on time. Who knew what might have happened if she had arrived five minutes too late? The thought of losing the person who meant so much to her was simply unbearable.

Center loosened her embrace to look into Nezumi's orbs deeply, before leaning forward and leaving a short kiss on her forehead. As she leaned back she witnessed Nezumi's flustered expression and an amused smile grazed her lips at her reaction. She wanted to do so much more to her, but she knew Nezumi would never tolerate more than that in front of an audience. Unfortunately, she would have to wait for them to be alone to show her again and again how much she loved her.

A mischievous smile fell upon Jurina's lips as she leaned over again, surprise flashing in Mayu's eyes at her unexpected action. However, it didn't take her long to understand what she was trying to achieve, and she tilted her head to the side right in time before Jurina's lips could touch hers.

"Cut!"

"I was almost there," Jurina protested as she stared back in frustration at the director who had dared to stop her.

The room erupted in laughter at the SKE's ace remark, obviously enjoying very much the girl's usual playfulness. However, someone didn't seem to share their enthusiasm.

"You're impossible, Jurina," Mayu groaned. "You can't help but try to steal a kiss from me at every given opportunity."

"Of course I am," Jurina exclaimed, looking back at her immediately. "There's no kiss in the script, it's just so frustrating."

"Well, maybe you should have asked the director to add one," Mayu joked, until realizing she had made a terrible mistake by Jurina's thoughtful expression.

Why did she just suggest that? It was no secret Jurina was the director's little favorite, and if Jurina really took her suggestion seriously and asked him, there was a chance he would accept. Thankfully, they had only kissed once in _Majisuka Gakuen 4_ , and she surely didn't want it to happen again in the season 5 they were currently shooting. So why on earth had she opened her mouth without thinking?

"It's not a bad idea," Jurina replied, so lost in thoughts she missed Mayu's terrified expression, "but the script is probably already finished."

Mayu released a breath she didn't even realize she was holding when Jurina sighed in frustration and sat down in the chair next to hers. She didn't even dare to utter a single word after that, afraid it might prompt her young friend to change her mind.

Mayu scanned the classroom absently, watching the crew leaving it progressively. She had just shot her last scene for the day, and God it had been exhausting. Despite rehearsing her fighting scene with Rena a few times before the actual shoot, she knew she would have a few bruises tomorrow. She didn't move fast enough when Rena had pushed her that one time during their fight, and she had hit the table not exactly as she had practiced. She was going to remember her mistake the next few days.

"Do you have other scenes to shoot today?" Mayu asked as she gave a side glance to the slightly out of breath Jurina sitting by her side. Much as she had slightly hurt herself during her fight with Rena, she could guess Jurina would probably end up with more bruises than her. She always gave everything she had during her fights scenes, nevermind the consequences. She could tell Rena had been very careful during their fight - obviously not willing to repeat the unfortunate accident from last season - but Jurina had not hold back one second. And the contented smile currently grazing her lips was not fooling her at all.

"No, it was the last one," Jurina replied as she gazed at her and chuckled. "And frankly, I'm glad. I'm exhausted. Rena can be quite resourceful when she wants."

Mayu smiled back at her, until she noticed out of the corner of her eye a familiar feminine figure approaching them, and she got up. "I'm going back to the hotel. See you tomorrow."

"Alright," Jurina nodded, following her absently as Mayu left the room with Yuki who was waiting for her at the doorstep, until her eyes fell on the girl now standing in front of her.

"I don't know how Mayu does it. Despite all your attempts, she still manages to keep her calm each and single time," Rena teased.

"That's because she loves me very much," Jurina replied on the same tone, shutting her eyes when Rena ran her fingers through her hair affectionately, before setting them on her again when she heard the older girl drawing close.

"I guess," Rena chuckled, leaning forward until their lips were just inches apart, "but if you wanted a kiss so badly today, you could have simply asked."

Jurina's eyes widened in surprise at Rena's bold behavior, wondering if she was really going to kiss her right here and right now. Sure, a lot of crew members had now left the classroom, but there were still a few people currently occupying it. They were far from being alone. Jurina knew Rena wouldn't take the risk of people seeing them in an intimate moment.

"Wait," Jurina started, about to stop her when it seemed she was really going for it, until she saw the lips changing direction at the last moment and ending up on her cheek.

"What?" Rena exclaimed as she leaned back and straightened up, an innocent smile plastered on her face, "Were you expecting something else?"

"Rena," Jurina growled as she witnessed Rena's slight amusement, until she turned her back to her in the intention of leaving. "Don't do that."

Jurina caught the hem of her dark blue jacket just in time, and the older Matsui was starting to turn around to look at her when she felt two arms encircling her waist from behind, pulling her onto Jurina's lap. A soft gasp left her lips in surprise at the unexpected gesture, until she regained her composure and she let her fingers brush Jurina's arm softly.

When she felt Jurina's head resting against her back she intertwined their fingers together, while watching the last members of the crew leaving the room. No one was paying attention to them - and pretty much everybody was used to Jurina's affectionate behavior anyway - and Rena let herself relax into the young Ace's embrace.

Minutes passed by as they simply relished each other's presence without uttering a single word, until the last member of the crew left and Rena knew it was time for them to make their leave as well. Much as she enjoyed the warm body against hers, a long day of shooting still awaited them, and she needed the rest after their intense fight.

"Jurina," Rena murmured, trying to disentangle herself from the girl's arms gently, "Everyone's leaving. We should get going if we don't want them to lock the school and us in it."

Jurina chuckled against her back before relenting and letting her go, until a sudden idea popped up in her head at Rena's words, and she spoke up when Rena stood up and faced her expectantly. "It wouldn't be such a bad idea."

Rena widened her eyes in surprise at Jurina's playful tone, before shaking her head in disbelief. "I don't want to know what's crossing your mind, Jurina."

Jurina accepted the hand offered and she got up from the chair, amusement still dancing on her lips when she followed her quietly out of the room. As they stepped in the corridor they both noticed that - indeed - pretty much everyone had already left, and Jurina froze when she felt a peck on her lips.

Her startled eyes looked back at Rena immediately, but her features progressively relaxed at the loving smile directed at her. Gentle fingers came to squeeze her hand briefly and Jurina responded to the gesture, her heart skipping a beat as they quietly looked at each other. By now, she really believed she knew the older Matsui by heart - that nothing she would do could surprise her anymore - but somehow, she always managed to brighten up her day in the most unexpected way.


	8. Chapter 8

Yuki looked through the rear-view mirror of the rental car, her mouth tugging into an amused smile at the view of the two girls sleeping in the backseat. Rena was leaning against the right window - eyelids tightly shut - while Jurina was laying on the seat next to her, curled into a ball, her head resting on the older Matsui’s lap. Yuki found the view truly adorable, and she couldn’t help but elbow the front seat passenger on her left, while keeping her attention on the road.

“Mayu,” Yuki murmured, trying not to wake up the two Matsui in the backseat, but unknowingly startling the AKB member who was starting to doze off. “Take a look.”

Mayu straightened up in her seat and tilted her head in curiosity towards her, before frowning when she started to give a few pointed looks in the direction of the rear-view mirror. Mayu didn’t trust her sleepy voice right now so she simply did as instructed, nodding after witnessing what her girlfriend was trying to show her. Yes, Jurina and Rena were having a peaceful nap, but who could blame them? Yuki’s habit to be overly cautious behind the wheel was transforming the car ride in a real nightmare.

“Can you drive a little faster, please?” Mayu asked tentatively. She had kept quiet since they departed the train station but she was now starting to feel sleepy, and she knew the summer heat wasn’t the only reason. Yuki’s very slow driving wasn’t helping in any way.

Yuki’s amusement vanished at her suggestion, and she arched an eyebrow in confusion. “Are you complaining about my driving?”

Mayu immediately realized she had said something wrong and she gulped, not daring to look at her girlfriend anymore. She could almost feel her fuming by her side, and her sleepy brain tried to come up with a clever solution for her sudden unfortunate problem, to no avail.

“First my cooking, now my driving,” Yuki continued when Mayu chose to stay quiet. “What next?”

“No, I’m not complaining,” Mayu stuttered, knowing her quivering voice was far from being convincing. “We’ve almost arrived anyway.”

It was not true, especially considering how slowly Yuki was driving, but it was the best her brain managed to offer. However, Mayu prayed it would be enough to calm the older girl. She believed to have succeeded when Yuki didn’t utter a single word after that, until she realized it was only a short respite.

“I think you should find yourself another girlfriend,” Yuki declared, now very calm. “You don’t seem very satisfied with your current one.”

Mayu immediately turned blank - utterly speechless - not believing the direction their conversation just took. Suddenly very much awake, she turned her head towards Yuki swiftly - mouth agape - before waving at her energetically. “What? No! I’m very satisfied!”

A soft giggle escaped Yuki’s lips, shaking her head in amusement at her mortified expression. “Calm down. I was only teasing you.”

Mayu stared at her in shock for a few seconds - not believing she had just been played - before blurting out the first thing that crossed her mind. “Oh.”

“But I’m still not going to drive faster,” Yuki announced, now more serious. “I don’t want to have an accident.”

Mayu nodded before looking out the window, watching the scenery unfolding very slowly in front of her eyes, and soon blinking again to fight off her sleepiness. _Trust me, there’s no chance._  

 

* * *

 

Rena paused on the doorstep of the house when Mayu opened the front door and invited them in, scanning the place in curiosity. A month ago, Jurina had invited her to spend a week at Mayu’s beach house during the summer and she had accepted, knowing some time off out of the city would give her the short respite she really needed. These last months had been quite hectic, between the SKE activities and her outside jobs, and Jurina’s invitation came along at just the right time.

“Jurina has already been here a few times, she will show you around,” Yuki addressed her, when she noticed her slightly disoriented state. “Once you have unpacked your bag, we can go for a walk.”

Rena gave her a quick nod in reply and took a few steps forward, taking in the kitchen on her left and the living room on her right.

“This way,” Jurina said, and Rena followed her as they penetrated a long corridor, before the young Ace turned the handle of a room and entered.

Rena paused briefly at the doorstep to take a look, and was just about to get in when Mayu’s voice sounded at the end of the corridor.

“There’s another guestroom a bit further on the left,” Mayu indicated, before realizing her mistake when Jurina popped her head out of the bedroom to stare at her - a deep frown on her face - and she backpedaled quickly. “Or you can stay with Jurina, of course.”

“Thank you,” Rena nodded, suppressing a laugh at Mayu’s embarrassed expression, before disappearing in the bedroom with Jurina.

Mayu cursed at herself when she entered her own bedroom a few doors away, her eyes falling briefly on Yuki who was already unpacking her bag, before mimicking her action and her fingers pulled the zipper of her big green bag.

“You don’t want them to sleep together?” Yuki joked.

“I don’t know why I said that,” Mayu sighed as she placed a few clothes in the drawer near her bed, “I think I’m a bit tired.” At the sound of a soft giggle behind her back Mayu stopped what she was doing, surprised, until a groan escaped her lips in frustration. “Stop it. It’s not funny.”

“You’re very cute when you’re flustered, Mayuyu,” Yuki teased, wrapping her arms around her waist from behind, until hearing a small yawn escaping the young girl’s lips.

“You’re really sleepy,” Yuki noted.

“A bit,” Mayu conceded. She surely wasn’t about to admit Yuki’s driving was in part responsible for her sleepiness - especially not after their conversation in the car - so she judged it much safer to blame it on the weather. “It’s the heat.”

“You should rest,” Yuki suggested, placing a quick kiss on her cheek. “We can go out later.”

“No, I have guests,” Mayu protested, despite her already half closed eyelids. “I can’t take a nap.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Yuki shook her head softly, pulling away from the embrace. “I’ll take care of them.”

Mayu wanted to argue but a yawn unintentionally formed on her lips again, and she nodded reluctantly, leaving her bag aside to lay down on the white bedcover. She watched sleepily as Yuki closed the curtains, before sending her way a thankful smile when Yuki shut the door behind her carefully.

 

* * *

 

It had already been two days since the four friend’s arrival at Mayu’s beach house and they had decided, on the third one, to go for a ride. Four bikes were aligned when Jurina followed Mayu into the garage, and she paused in curiosity when she discovered the white one Mayu was currently checking the tires.

“Is that a new bike?” Jurina frowned. Her attention shifted briefly to the familiar dark blue bike by its side - the one Mayu had always used until now - but she definitely didn’t remember seeing this shiny white. After a quick studying of it, she also realized it had more gears than the previous one.

“It is. I wanted a more modern one,” Mayu explained absently, before shaking her head lightly when she kneeled in front of the white bike, and discovered the front tire needed more air.

“Why?” Jurina exclaimed, startled, until her mouth tugged into an amused smile in realization. “You think it will help you win this time.”

Mayu froze - pump in hand - before quickly detaching the tire vale. “Don’t be ridiculous. The previous one didn’t work properly anyway,” she scoffed.

“It seemed to work fine last time I checked,” Jurina smirked. “It’s not the bike’s fault if you can’t pedal fast enough.”

“Shut up, Jurina,” Mayu groaned, pumping some air in the front tire.

“Is everything alright?”

Jurina looked over her shoulder towards Yuki and Rena who had just entered the garage, before shrugging at Yuki in reply. “Mayu thinks she can beat me with her new bike. I was explaining her that a few more gears won’t change a thing.”

Yuki tilted her head to take a brief look at the bike mentioned - realizing indeed that it was a new one - before noticing how Mayu was cleverly avoiding her gaze. It appeared Jurina had hit the bull’s eyes. “I see.”

It didn’t take long before Mayu and Jurina started bickering again and Yuki chose to leave them alone for now, instead turning towards the green bike she always used, and motioning the red one to Rena.

“What is going on?” Rena murmured, when Mayu and Jurina’s arguing seemed to reach no end.

Yuki, who was checking the tires, looked briefly over her - witnessing her very confused expression - and she sighed, knowing her friend was missing a big piece of the puzzle. “Each summer, there’s this competition going on between them. Mayu gets absolutely convinced she will win the race, and every time, Jurina manages to beat her. It appears Mayu believed a new bike would turn the tide.”

“That’s not why I asked for a new bike!” Mayu protested, seemingly having eavesdropped their conversation.

“Of course not, Mayuyu,” Yuki forced a smile at her girlfriend, before turning and whispering to Rena. “Before, I used to think Jurina was the competitive one. Now, I’m starting to have my doubts.”

“I see,” Rena giggled, shaking her head in disbelief when the bantering between the two friends resumed like nothing happened.

A few minutes later, both Rena and Yuki were now more than ready to go, and Yuki knew she had to put an end to this little argument if they wished to leave the garage before sundown. “Alright girls, it’s time to leave.”

Two heads turned towards her immediately and Mayu gave her a sheepish smile, before nodding and climbing on her white bike.

“Looks like I will have to use your old bike then,” Jurina faked a pout, hopping on the blue one. “I’ll never be able to win.”

A retort was already forming on Mayu’s lips - guessing by Jurina’s confident expression that she was thinking the exact opposite - when she heard Yuki clearing her throat and saw her warning look directed at her. Unfortunately, it appeared she would have to let it go for now.

 

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes later the four girls were riding along the beach coast, enjoying the small breeze of the ocean, much appreciated at that time of the day. Luckily, it wasn’t a scorching afternoon as the two previous days. The drop in temperature had enabled them to finally get out of the house and away from the comfort of its air conditioning to enjoy a peaceful ride under the cloudless sky.

However, Yuki knew Jurina had something in mind when she saw her approaching Mayu’s bike, and a little voice inside her head told her the annual competition was about to begin. Indeed, she realized she had been right when she eavesdropped their conversation five seconds later.

“You’re going as slow as a snail, do you want to spice things up a bit?” Jurina quipped as she drew closer to Mayu.

“Don’t tempt me Jurina,” Mayu huffed.

“Come on,” Jurina smirked, “you know you can’t wait to show off your new bike.”

Yuki rolled her eyes. That was it. The moment Jurina spoke about Mayu’s new toy, she knew she would fall victim to her little game. Her girlfriend was just so predictable, and Jurina always knew which buttons to push to provoke a reaction.

“Fine, but don’t come whining at me if you lose,” Mayu countered, already adjusting the gears of her new shiny white bike.

“I can give you a head start if you like,” Jurina offered, a huge grin plastered on her face.

“You’re so full of yourself,” Mayu groaned, her attention now very much focused on the road ahead of her. “I won’t go easy on you.”

“Be careful,” Yuki warned when the girls suddenly hurtled off in front of her. Unfortunately, her words fell on deaf ears as the two friends were already too far to hear, and much focused on their friendly competition to pay attention to anything else anyway. “And they’re gone.”

“They look very motivated,” Rena chuckled by her side, watching in amusement the two girls drawing away until they were no more than two barely distinguishable silhouettes on the horizon.

After that, Yuki and Rena rode quietly next to each other for a little while - appreciating the beautiful scenery offered to them and relishing the comfortable presence of each other - until Yuki gave a side glance to her riding companion. As she watched her silently, she realized they never really had the opportunity to spend some time just the two of them outside of work before, and words left naturally her lips when she spoke. “This is nice.”

“It is,” Rena confirmed. “We should do this more often.”

Yuki nodded in agreement, admitting she wouldn’t mind repeating this moment in the future. Much as she enjoyed the company of other members, a peaceful feeling always filled her chest when she happened to be around Rena.

“I never had the opportunity to tell you, but I’m glad things worked out in the end between Jurina and you,” Yuki stated, reciprocating the genuine smile soon directed at her.

When Mayu had, months ago, informed her about Rena’s confession, Yuki found herself - contrary to her girlfriend - not completely surprised by it. After reflecting upon this strange realization, and wondering why a part of her somehow knew Jurina’s feelings weren’t one sided, her conversations with the older Matsui came to the forefront of her mind. Rena’s questions about her own relationship with Mayu seemed truly out of the blue at the time, but now she realized Rena never said anything by chance.

After witnessing Rena’s intense look on Jurina during the Tokyo Dome concert, she knew she wasn’t just reading friendship in her eyes, but a question remained nonetheless: would she be brave enough to take the next step? Her own procrastination seemed to reach no end after Mayu’s confession - she had even stupidly rejected her at first, out of fear - and a part of her hoped Rena wouldn’t make the same mistake. Feelings needed to be shared, not to be kept to yourself.

Yuki snapped out of her thoughts, more than glad Rena followed her advice in the end. Studying the older Matsui anew she noticed her eyes now glued on the locomotive moving slowly down the hill on their left, and an idea popped up in her head.

“There’s a railway museum no far from here. Do you want to visit it?” Yuki suggested.

“Really?” Rena’s voice pitched up in excitement, before noticing Yuki’s amused expression, and regaining her composure quickly. “No, it’s fine. We don’t have to.”

“I don’t mind,” Yuki shook her head. “I’ll send Mayu a text. They’ll join us once their little friendly competition is over.”

“Alright,” Rena replied, her face lightening up. “Do you know what kind of trains are exhibited?”

“I have no idea,” Yuki chuckled, very much amused by the familiarity of Rena’s enthusiasm. It looked a lot like the one she would witness when Mayu started talking about her favorite anime characters.

 

* * *

 

Jurina, wearing a blue short-sleeved shirt and a pair of brown shorts, could feel the wind against her skin and hear the sound of the waves as she gazed down at the ocean. After admiring the view for a little while, her attention shifted to the few people laying on the sand. Despite the time of the year the beach was luckily not well known and as a result not as crowded as you would expect it to be, making it a place of choice for people who were looking for a peaceful afternoon by the sea. Her eyes started to shut as she relished the pleasant feeling of the soft wind against her skin, cooling down a bit the hot weather.

Just as she was about to get lost in the pleasant sensation footsteps caught her attention and she turned around in curiosity when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Her mouth tugged into a smile as she saw Rena looking at her in expectation, briefly catching Mayu and Yuki a few feet away indicating them the way down to the beach. Her smile vanished when the scene suddenly felt oddly familiar to her, and she ignored Rena’s quizzical look upon her for a bit - trying to understand why she was feeling this way - until everything suddenly made sense.

Her attention got drawn to the ocean again, following the small waves crashing on the beach. Many times in the past she had dreamed of this place, in not a pleasant way. Despite the fact it had haunted her nights for so long, she had never been able to connect the dots before. This place was not the fruit of her imagination: she had dreamed about it because she had been there before.

“Jurina, are you alright?”

Rena’s voice jolted her out of her reverie and she turned around to see the older girl gazing at her in concern. Jurina reached out to squeeze her hand immediately, hoping the small gesture would reassure her effectively. She could guess Rena was expecting some kind of explanation for her odd silence but she chose to keep her thoughts to herself, not willing to dwell on the past. She simply refused to let this place remind her of bad memories anymore.

Her attention shifted briefly to Yuki and Mayu who were already descending the small wooden stairs leading to the beach, before sending a genuine smile at Rena. Yes, she was going to make new memories. Good ones. “I’m perfectly fine.”

 

* * *

 

The four friends had been laying on the beach for fifteen minutes now, and Jurina was starting to feel very bored. It was simply not like her to stay idle for so long. After realizing counting the grains of sand around her towel was ending up frustrating her more than anything else, she tilted her head left to Rena who was laying quietly by her side.

The older Matsui had been very much engrossed in a book since their arrival on the beach, a French one judging by the title she couldn’t manage to decipher. After her fruitless attempt at reading it her eyes traveled downwards to the red bikini she was wearing, admitting it was highlighting successfully the slim curves of her body. She let her gaze wander over the older girl’s skin for a little while, appreciating the sight offered, until a soft giggle reached her ears and she looked up in surprise.

“You’re staring, Jurina.”

“Ah,” Jurina trailed off, an impish smile forming on her lips, “sorry.”

Rena shook her head softly and lowered her book, her amused small brown orbs falling onto her. “Getting bored?”

“A bit,” Jurina admitted. Until now, she had let the three girls enjoy their peaceful afternoon without saying a word, but she couldn’t keep quiet anymore. She had to do something. _Anything._

“Why don’t we go for a swim?” Jurina suggested, getting up on her feet in determination.

“It’s cold,” Rena exclaimed in disbelief.

“No it’s not,” Jurina protested.

“I heard you squeak when you dipped your toes in the water twenty minutes ago,” Rena chuckled.

Jurina gulped, cursing her own voice for betraying her, but decided to push things through nonetheless, “I’m sure it’s fine once you get used to it.”

“Sorry Jurina, but I don’t feel like freezing to death,” Rena replied, “and I really want to progress in my book.”

“It’s in French. Who wants to read that?” Jurina mumbled.

When she understood by Rena’s decided look that she wouldn’t get anything from her, her attention shifted briefly to Yuki - who was reading a cooking magazine and who quickly shook her head at her - before focusing on Mayu.

Her feet led her to the girl who was laying on her towel, eyes shut, and seemingly relishing the warmth of the sun against her skin judging by the contented sigh escaping her lips.

“I think you want to have a little fun with me in the water,” Jurina affirmed.

“What?” Mayu frowned, taking a peek at the girl standing in front of her and blocking the sun, and much unaware of the conversation that had just occurred a few seconds before.

“You. Me. The water.” Jurina explained, crossing her arms over her chest, light amusement dancing on her lips.

“I’m not interested,” Mayu retorted, watching her cautiously as the young girl came to kneel by her side in the sand.

“It will be fun,” Jurina insisted.

“I’m fine where I am,” Mayu repeated, not liking at all Jurina’s sudden huge grin. This expression of hers always meant one thing: trouble.

Indeed, five seconds later she saw Jurina slipping her arms under her head and her knees, but she was too late to react when she ended up trapped in her arms, Jurina soon getting up on her feet and moving towards the water.

“Put me down, Jurina!” Mayu shouted in shock, trying to free herself from Jurina’s strong grip. Unfortunately for her, the young girl was holding tight, and all her attempts failed miserably one after another.

Mayu realized the urgency of the situation when Jurina stepped into the water, knowing she only had a few seconds left to react. She searched her brain for a solution, desperate, but all thoughts vanished into thin air when Jurina threw her in the water. When she got back to the surface she faced a grinning Jurina, seemingly enjoying very much her little prank.

“As you wish,” Jurina smirked, avoiding cleverly a splash directed at her.

“You’re going to pay for that,” Mayu, soaked from head to toe, threatened.

“Bring it on.” Jurina took a few steps back in the water, watching her short friend’s every move in anticipation. She was always up for a good challenge.

 

* * *

 

“Jurina is so full of energy,” Yuki noted, following the two girls who had been splashing water at each other for the past five minutes.

“Isn’t she?” Rena admitted, chuckling when Jurina suddenly launched herself at Mayu - in the apparent intention of drowning her - before shaking her head in disbelief and focusing on her book again.

Yuki watched them a little while longer, not surprised in the least when Jurina managed to have it her way and Mayu suddenly disappeared under the surface of the water, before shifting her attention in curiosity to her companion.

“Le Petit Prince?” she exclaimed, startled to discover which book had been monopolizing Rena’s attention, “don’t tell me you’re reading it in French?”

“It’s an edition in Japanese and French,” Rena explained as she looked up from her book. "The plan was to read it in French but to be honest, I’m more reading the Japanese version than anything.“

"French is hard to learn, isn’t it?” Yuki trailed off, impressed her friend would venture into a new foreign language.

“It is, but I’m sure French people think the same about our language,” Rena smiled, before turning the book around and placing it on her lap. “It’s interesting, but it’s hard to get around all the metaphors. Now, I’m not so sure it was the best book to begin with.”

“Probably not,” Yuki admitted. “ But I admire you for trying to learn a new language. I’m struggling enough with English.”

After that, Yuki’s attention shifted to the ocean, watching briefly the two friends enjoying each other in the water, before she gazed back at Rena in amusement. “You know, it’s a relief you were able to take the week off. For once, I’m not stuck between those two.”

“I’m glad I could be of any help,” Rena laughed.

 

* * *

 

“What are you reading?” Jurina asked, taking a curious peek at the magazine Yuki had been pretty much engrossed into since their return to the house thirty minutes ago. Now that she took a better look at the cover she recognized the magazine Yuki had also been reading on the beach early on, and her friend’s focused attention on it picked her interest.

“I want to do some _hiyashi chuka_ ,” Yuki explained, briefly looking up to Jurina who was taking a seat at the table opposite her, before pointing at the page on the left. “It shouldn’t be too hard.”

Just as Jurina was about to reply that it was indeed a good idea with this hot weather she noticed Mayu waving her hand at her frenetically from the kitchen, and she immediately figured her AKB friend wasn’t terribly fond of Yuki’s suggestion. It was not that she didn’t like cold noodles - quite the opposite - but she apparently didn’t trust her girlfriend not to poison them all.

Jurina had to restrain herself from laughing at her desperate expression - which luckily Yuki couldn’t see thanks to having her back turned to the kitchen - and Jurina couldn’t help playing a little prank on her shorter friend. Her facial expression was just simply too hilarious to leave it there.

“I think it’s a good idea,” Jurina confirmed casually, noticing out of the corner of her eye Mayu now waving both her hands at her, and mouthing something she couldn’t decipher. Never mind, her terrorized expression spoke louder than words, anyway.

“You think?” Yuki’s voice pitched up in excitement, a broad smile on her lips. “I’ll do it tonight, then.”

Those words finished off Mayu whose face turned as white as a sheet. She wasn’t even trying to get Jurina on her side anymore, having apparently lost all hope of escaping Yuki’s new cooking adventure. An amused smile fell on Jurina’s lips, having too much fun with the scene unfolding in front of her, until deciding Mayu’s suffering had lasted long enough.

“Rena and I can help you if you like,” Jurina offered.

“That would be nice,” Yuki nodded, giving her a thankful smile. “I can use your experience.”

When Yuki wasn’t looking Jurina sent Mayu a playful wink, and by the mix of expressions crossing her face, she was having a hard time telling if she was relieved or angry at her for driving her nuts. Probably a bit both.

 

* * *

 

Rena shut her eyes as she stepped under the shower head, letting the water removing progressively the shampoo from her hair. A knock suddenly grabbed her attention half through the process and she glanced at the door, diminishing the pressure of the water before speaking. “I’m almost done.”

Just as she was about to get back to the task at hand she noticed the door opening nonetheless and she paused in surprise, until Jurina’s face came into view.

“Can I join?”

Rena’s features immediately relaxed and she sent her a quick smile, before nodding. “Of course.”

While Rena finished removing the white substance from her hair she watched Jurina taking off her blue short-sleeved shirt and her pair of brown shorts; her blue bikini soon being tossed aside on the floor as well. Rena shook her head in mild amusement at her behavior - clearly contrasting with her own clothes neatly folded on the chair near the sink - realizing some habits were hard to change.

“I just promised we would help Yuki cooking tonight,” Jurina declared when she slid the door open and stepped in the shower. “You should have seen Mayu’s face when Yuki announced she wanted to try something new. I almost believed she was going to have a heart attack.”

“You girls are awful,” Rena chided, indicating Jurina to turn around and starting washing her back with the soap, “Yuki’s cooking is really that bad? I thought she did well at New Year’s Eve.”

“You obviously never tasted it,” Jurina countered. “And Mayu did all the cooking last year. Yuki only prepared the mushrooms.”

“Oh,” Rena trailed off, now remembering indeed Yuki mentioning it during dinner. “Well, she’s doing her best.”

Jurina nodded absently and Rena continued carefully moving the soap on her skin, both girls falling into a comfortable silence. Rena progressively got lost in her own thoughts, realizing her week off was coming to an end. How long had it been since she had truly enjoyed herself in the company of friends? Yes, she spent some time out of work with Airi but it was not the same, from their activities to their conversation topics.

These last six days had been so different from everything she had experienced, and a tinge of melancholy filled her chest at the idea it was almost over. Tomorrow, she would go back to work, her holidays by the beach already a fading memory.

“Tomorrow is the last day,” Rena murmured, her eyes falling on Jurina as she turned around to face her.

“It is,” Jurina nodded in agreement, after briefly stepping under the shower head to get rid of the soap. “Did you like it here?”

“I did,” Rena’s eyes lit up, “This place is so beautiful and peaceful.”

“We can come back next year,” Jurina offered.

“I would like that,” Rena smiled. Of course, it was impossible to foresee the future - even less to know how her schedule would be next year at that time - but she knew she didn’t want those moments to be the last.

Rena’s brows furrowed in surprise when she noticed Jurina suddenly inching closer, until understanding what she had in mind by her playful expression. Indeed, two lips soon brushed hers in a - at first - chaste kiss, until it transformed into a more heated one when Jurina pushed her against the wall gently.

Rena couldn’t help but moan in the kiss when Jurina’s fingers caressed her skin and traveled down her body, guessing by her pressing touch where she was heading to. Lately, Jurina had become more bold towards her - not hesitating to shower her with affection when they were alone - and Rena had to admit this new behavior of hers sent shivers down her spine each time she happened to witness it.

Their relationship had evolved so much these last few months, being at first timid with a Jurina sometimes hesitant to make the first step. Rena didn’t mind the shyness, as she knew her somewhat sensitive heart had not completely healed from the hurt she had unintentionally caused her that day at the hospital. That was why she never lost an opportunity to reassure the young girl the best she could - whether with words of love or with demonstrations of affection - each time she saw a flicker of insecurity in her eyes.

So much time had passed since their first mutual kiss in that hotel room, and Rena could only relish this new step their relationship had recently taken. Jurina didn’t waste time anymore, at times being gentle and caring, and some other days more pressing and passionate. It seemed today she was going to be the latter.

“Jurina,” Rena murmured between kisses, wrapping her arms around the young girl’s neck.

Her eyes met Jurina’s when they broke the kiss, warmth filling her lower abdomen at the desire mixed with devotion she could read in the younger girl’s ones. It was an expression she never got tired of seeing, one that spoke louder than any words she could ever utter.


	9. Chapter 9

Jurina couldn’t ignore the warm sensation that filled her chest when the familiar door came into view. Despite the fact she had already been to Rena’s apartment dozens of times now, a smile still grazed her lips when she paused in front of it, and her gaze fell at her feet on the joyful green tank engine welcoming her. The first times she stood at this same place she was so nervous, she couldn’t even find the view amusing. Now, she had to restrain herself from laughing at Rena’s choice of mat. The older Matsui loved trains, and she certainly didn’t mind letting her neighbors know about it.

However, her delight vanished in an instant when she checked the time on her phone, and realized it was already past midnight. As soon as she was informed the recording of her TV show would be delayed she texted Rena to suggest her to come at her place another day, but the older Matsui wanted to hear none of it. It is true to say that since their week holiday at Mayu’s beach house at the beginning of July, they were not able to spend much time together outside of work. The least opportunity was definitely not to be missed. Still, Jurina was feeling a bit apprehensive when she tentatively raised her fist to knock. She really hoped the older girl was not already fast asleep.

It didn’t take her long until she heard footsteps coming from inside, and saw the door opening.

“Hi. Did I wake you up?” Jurina asked worriedly, taking in Rena’s warm but slightly tired smile greeting her. Not to mention she was already in her pajamas: one of her favorite Gundam short sleeves tee-shirt and a pair of red shorts. Not a good sign.

“No, I was waiting for you,” Rena replied, moving aside to let her pass. “Come in.”

Jurina did as instructed and took her shoes off - placing them carefully next to Rena’s in the entrance - still feeling a bit guilty about her tardiness despite the reassuring words. Although the older girl didn’t seem bothered by it she didn’t like being late, especially not on one of their dates.

“Have you eaten?” Rena inquired, and she shook her head at her. “Sit down. I’ll make you some arrabbiata.”

Jurina pulled a chair in the kitchen and watched her silently as she put the kettle on, her eyes then falling on the packet of pasta Rena took out from a cupboard. An unfortunate incident suddenly submerged Jurina’s memory and she squinted to try and read the inscription on it - starting to really panic - but she was unfortunately too far away to see properly. However, her action didn’t go unnoticed by Rena as she tilted her head briefly to look at her, a broad smile immediately falling on her lips.

“Don’t worry, those are not spicy,” Rena laughed.

Jurina growled at her reaction, not sharing her amusement at all. A few months ago, when Rena asked her to prepare some pasta for both of them she chose the wrong kind by mistake, and ended up with very spicy food in her plate. Rena didn’t even blink when the food touched her tongue - obviously used to the spiciness by now - and only realized the problem when an almost crying Jurina drank a whole glass of water in one gulp. Since that day, Jurina promised herself to never take some food from Rena’s cupboard without checking the label twice. Unfortunately for her, Rena’s kitchen was a real minefield: she couldn’t open one cupboard without falling on spicy food. Who knew there were so many levels of spiciness?

“Don’t make fun of me,” Jurina protested. “I can still remember the taste as if it was yesterday.”

Rena was still chuckling when she slipped the pasta in the boiling water of the pan, before turning around and approaching the girl - who had her arms crossed over her chest in frustration - and leaning over. “What are we going to do about that?”

Jurina arched an eyebrow at the older girl’s playful tone, before encircling her waist and pulling her onto her lap gently. Arms wrapped around her neck in reaction and she rested her forehead against Rena’s, shutting her eyes in content as she relished their closeness. Yes, the older girl accepted her demonstrations of affection in public - whether it was a friendly hug or a light kiss on the cheek - but there was an established line never to cross. One that she agreed to, and understood very well.

Her lips searched the ones facing her, and she tilted her head slightly to meet them. Their lips moved slowly against each other and not once Jurina tried to deepen the kiss, satisfied with their current comfortable pace. Rena’s soft lips were truly intoxicating, and she didn’t believe she would ever get tired of tasting them. Although she explored every inch of her lover’s body these past months, those enticing lips still remained her favorite part. Maybe it was because they were denied from her touch for so long?

“You know I love you,” Jurina murmured when Rena pulled away a while later. “But no more spicy food for me.”

“It’s not my fault if you can’t read a label accurately,” Rena declared in a fake offended tone, standing up to go and take care of her dinner. “It said spiciness level 10 in bold letters. Hard to miss.”

Jurina let out a sigh at the light teasing she was still being subjected to, knowing she could come up with no excuse for her small but pretty memorable mistake. She cupped her head in her hand, watching pensively the amused girl who entered her life seven years ago, and her heart after a kiss exchanged on the beach for a videoclip. Manifestly, she didn’t share her undivided passion for spicy food - among other things - but it didn’t prevent her from adoring her with every fiber of her being.

 

* * *

 

A smile plastered Jurina’s face when she stepped into the bathroom and noticed her blue toothbrush accompanying the red one in the beaker. A month ago, Rena suggested her to move a few of her things to her apartment, and Jurina knew it was partly motivated by her bad habit to sometimes forget stuff when she got invited to her place. Now, her toothbrush was always waiting for her in Rena’s bathroom each time she happened to come, as well as her clothes in the drawer the older girl allocated her.

Jurina looked through the mirror while brushing her teeth, watching the older Matsui who was reading a manga in bed. The young ace could tell by her focused expression that she was pretty much engrossed in the volume 5 of _Ad Astra_ , and she chuckled softly when a shocked gasp left Rena’s lips all of a sudden. Was the astute Hannibal luring the proud Romans into another trap? She wasn’t herself a bit fan of mangas, but Rena’s passionate speeches about her current favorite story was nearly convincing her to give it a try.

Jurina switched the bathroom’s light off when she was done and walked towards her side of the bed - sliding under the red sheets and taking in the pleasant light smell of lavender - before inching closer to the older girl and propping herself up on one elbow. For a little while, she contemplated the quiet older Matsui immersed in her reading, who would have looked like a Roman statue if not for her brief readjusting of her glasses on her nose, or regular turning of a page. Curiosity finally got the best of her and she went to lean her head on her shoulder, taking a peek at the book that always rendered her so excited each time a new volume got released.

“Who is this one?” Jurina questioned, pointing at the blond-haired boy clad in a white toga on the right page.

“It’s Scipion,” Rena informed her. “One of the Romans greatest minds.”

“And this bearded person?” Jurina noticed a fierce looking dark-haired man on the left page.

“Hannibal Barca, Rome’s deepest fear. He was a wonderful tactician,” Rena’s voice lit up in enthusiasm.

“But didn’t he lose against the Romans in the end?” Jurina frowned. Yes, her memory was a bit rusty when it came to History - definitely not her favorite subject - but she was almost certain this person Rena seemed to admire a lot did not meet an enjoyable fate.

“Unfortunately, he did,” Rena sighed, putting the book down on her lap. “In Tunisia, defeated by Scipion.”

“Something is telling me you’re going to get very upset when the story ends and the Romans win,” Jurina joked getting an immediate glare in reply, until the older Matsui’s eyes fell on her pajama top.

“You’re wearing it again,” Rena noted, brushing aside her manga and letting her fingers trace the familiar Hawaiian greeting at the bottom of the white tee-shirt. Her brows furrowed at the view, now remembering a question she meant to ask the girl during that evening in last April, but completely forgot thanks to a very distracting Jurina. “You were so eager to have it. Why did you never wear it until that day?”

Jurina’s previous amusement vanished and words got stuck in her mouth at the unexpected question. While pondering over what to reply, she watched Rena putting her book and glasses away, before laying beside her. It was not that she didn’t remember that day in the shop in Hawaii - quite the contrary - but she was apprehending her reaction if she shared what crossed her mind. A nervous chuckle finally left her lips. It was obvious by Rena’s patient - but curious - expression that she would not be able to change the subject easily. “You’re going to find me childish.”

“No, I won’t.” Rena squeezed her hand in reassurance. “Tell me.”

“It’s because it was a gift from you,” Jurina started, immediately noticing Rena’s confusion. “I know, technically, you only paid for it because I had no money left,” she continued quickly, “but somehow, my mind didn’t see it this way. I guess that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to wear it. It was too precious to me.”

Jurina waited in apprehension as Rena seemed to process the piece of information, until she saw her mouth tugging into an amused smile.

“I never took you for the sentimentalist type,” Rena teased.

“That’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you!” Jurina groaned, turning around in frustration. “I knew you would make fun of me.”

“I’m sorry,” Rena giggled, catching Jurina’s arm and pulling it lightly to try and prompt her to look at her, to no avail as a fuming Jurina stubbornly refused to comply. “I’m not mocking you. It’s surprising coming from you, but it’s cute.”

“Cute,” Jurina grumbled. “You think I’m being ridiculous.”

“Not at all,” Rena replied seriously, encircling her waist from behind. “I can see this tee-shirt holds some deep meaning to you, and I respect that.”

When she got no response, Rena nuzzled her nose into the crook of Jurina’s neck and placed a few light kisses there, feeling the younger girl against her progressively relaxing at the action. Her eyes fell on her next target and she nibbled carefully on her earlobe, knowing exactly which reaction she would obtain.

“You’re not playing fair.” A soft moan left Jurina’s mouth despite the protest and she turned in the embrace, startled when bold lips immediately captured hers and soft fingers caressed her chest under the tee-shirt. Jurina could recognize these signs all too well: a clear indication of what the older girl had in mind, but contrasting with the tiredness she witnessed on her features upon her arrival early on. She definitely could never say no to those alluring lips and sweet ministrations, but found herself a bit hesitant. “Are you sure? You seemed a bit sleepy,” Jurina murmured.

Rena pulled away and looked into Jurina’s loving eyes - noting her slight concern - before tilting her head towards the bedside lamp and switching the light off. The room plunged into darkness at once and Rena tucked a strand of hair behind Jurina’s ear as she leaned in for a whisper. “I’m not _that_ tired.”

Jurina’s heart skipped a beat at her husky tone. It remained a mystery to her how Rena always managed to seduce her without even the need to try that hard. For once, Jurina was glad the darkness concealed her emotions, otherwise the older girl would have seen the yearning her simple words provoked. The ace moved forward and their lips met in a lingering kiss. Jurina’s fingers soon grew impatient and she tugged at the hem of Rena's tee-shirt, very decided to get her lover out of all her clothes as fast as possible. 

 

* * *

 

Rena’s eyes fluttered open and she blinked slowly a few times - getting accustomed to the morning light penetrating her brown orbs - until a small smile fell on her lips when her gaze fell on the naked girl sleeping by her side. The first nights she woke up next to the young ace she couldn’t help but be a bit startled, used to sleeping alone in her apartment. Now, the view brought anything but a warm feeling inside her chest, and she took in the familiar citrus scent of Jurina’s shampoo reaching her, observing her calm features in appreciation. Rena considered herself as a very independent person but lately, she was getting accustomed to the young girl’s presence in her bed; and missing her when she would open her eyes and found herself alone.

She didn’t expect to feel so strongly about anyone - straying away from matters of the heart since her childhood - but she never regretted her decision to confess to her. At first, it did upset her that Jurina chose to hide the truth all this time - valuing honesty between them more than anything, and frustrated by all the misunderstanding her silence provoked - but she refused to dwell on the past anymore. After all, they had been doing a lot of catching up since.

Her eyes traveled next to their joined hands on the pillow. Each time they fell asleep together Jurina would catch her fingers and not let go of them. Even though they often happened to part at some point during the night, she would find them laying on top of hers in the morning. It remained a mystery to her how such an occurrence always happened, but she surely didn’t mind the contact. Jurina’s long, slender fingers: she held them so many times that she knew their touch by heart. Choreographies, interviews, innocent demonstrations of affection, or simple need for comfort: she experienced all of these for years. And much more lately.

Fingers that were at first hesitant to touch her in intimate places grew bolder on her skin. In fact, Rena was convinced not an inch of her body was stranger to the young girl’s caresses, considering the thorough exploration she had been subjected to during their lovemaking. Jurina seemed always curious to discover which new spots could bring her pleasure, attentive to the mere reaction her touch would provoke.

Rena’s body still remembered the intense passion Jurina displayed last night. At first, her intent was to take the lead - wishing to show the young girl how much she missed her - but Jurina managed to reverse their positions in the blink of an eye. When such a thing occurred, she would sometimes try to get the upper hand back and very often succeed - knowing acutely which touches would bend the young girl to her will - but she didn’t put a fight this time. Jurina’s eagerness to shower her with unstinting love was conspicuous, and those fingers that removed her clothes in a haste and mapped her skin with ardent desire put an end to her initial plan, or any rational thought.

The feeling of fingers squeezing hers jolted her out of her thoughts and Rena gazed at the slowly awakening girl. A smile greeted her which she reciprocated, before inching closer and placing a kiss on the young girl’s forehead. As expected, Jurina’s face lit up at once, and Rena found herself amused by the reaction the simple gesture always provoked. “Did you sleep well?”

She got a nod in reply - Jurina watching her silently for a little while - before deciding to go and rest her head on her stomach. Rena ran her fingers gently through the young girl’s dark hair - soon noticing the eyes that were staring back at her shutting at once - and hearing a soft moan escaping Jurina’s lips in bliss.

Rena was thankful her schedule was relatively light today. Yes, she had an interview in the afternoon and a show to perform after that, but she was free the entire morning. She could relish Jurina’s presence without the need to check the time constantly. A luxury that was becoming rare nowadays.

A trail of light kisses was suddenly placed on her chest, and Jurina’s mischievous expression didn’t go unnoticed when she leaned forward and inched closer to her lips. Although she didn’t utter a single word, Rena could tell very well what she had in mind: the fingers moving sneakily under the sheet and now caressing her thigh gave it out instantly. It appeared someone was still in a very playful mood this morning.

“Do you have to go somewhere?” Jurina’s seductive whisper confirmed what she already knew. She would have answered, but she didn’t trust her voice not to betray her emotions when last night’s events suddenly submerged her memory. Instead, she decided to capture those tempting lips in reply, knowing the young girl would get the message easily. The feeling of expert fingers sliding between her thighs told her she surely did.


	10. Chapter 10

Jurina loved jogging. That’s something Rena discovered a few years ago when the young girl came back to their hotel room in her tracksuit one morning, all sweaty and short of breath. Rena never really understood Jurina’s fondness for the activity, but didn’t question it once. Judging by the broad, pleased smile she never failed to see upon her face, it was evident the physical effort was not just keeping her in shape. It was also giving her pleasure and a sense of accomplishment.

Of course, Jurina tried to get her on her little running adventure. Rena had to admit: Jurina was a persistent girl. No matter how many times she refused - stating that the athletic activity did not suit her taste - Jurina never failed to reiterate her demand from time to time. These last months, Rena had heard a bit too much the word “jogging” rolling off her tongue. However, the young Matsui’s methods to convince her had changed drastically over time. Now, she was trying to seduce her into it.

Rena still remembered vividly the little act Jurina played a few weeks ago. One morning, they had woken up together in the older Matsui’s apartment, and Rena did not foresee the danger in Jurina’s innocent smile. She certainly did not guess either the hidden meaning when Jurina leaned forward to kiss her, soon getting lost in the gentle ministrations of her girlfriend. Words of love were whispered in her ear between kisses, and Rena truly believed there was no better way to wake up.

That’s precisely when Jurina chose to slip the invitation very casually, and Rena fluttered her eyes open at the infamous word. Jurina was still giving her that innocent smile of hers when she broke the kiss to look at her. To be honest, she almost fell for it. Maybe Jurina had managed to numb her mind enough this time, because it took her a few seconds to understand the trap she was luring her into. When she progressively came back to her senses a small laugh escaped her mouth, and she shook her head in incredulity at Jurina’s cunning behavior. Yes, the young ace went to great lengths to obtain what she desired. Unfortunately for her, Rena was a very resistant girl. No one on earth was still capable of dragging her outside for a morning jog.

An amused smile fell on Rena’s lips when the memory of that day filled her head. Jurina left the apartment thirty minutes ago to go on her daily jogging, and Rena had taken a seat at the living room table to read a script her manager sent her. She had already looked through the five first pages, when for an unknown reason Jurina’s incredible behavior came to the forefront of her mind. This morning, she had tried again to persuade her to join her but she had calmly declined. And not even Jurina’s cute pout at her lack of cooperation managed to change her mind.

Jurina chose not to insist and closed the front door behind her a few seconds later - though not before leaving a kiss on her cheek - and Rena was left alone, enjoying the freshness of her air conditioning. When Jurina told her she was going jogging Rena’s eyes grew wide like saucers, not believing the young girl would want to confront the heat of July. At her words of concern Jurina had reassured her quickly, affirming the temperature was not too high at 9 AM. Rena did not contradict her, clearly not willing to check for herself.

The older Matsui was turning the sixth page of the script when the front door of her apartment opened suddenly. Out of curiosity, she looked up from the sheet of paper to glance at the sporty girl coming in. Albeit the fact that she was trying to catch her breath and her cheeks were colored pink, she was harboring a broad smile. A clear sign of her self-satisfaction.

Rena let her eyes travel her body, from her loose ponytail to her blue short-sleeved tee-shirt and matching pair of shorts. Her favorite pair of blue and white sneakers completed her jogging outfit perfectly. The girl’s intense perspiration was also clearly visible on her skin, and Rena could distinguish Jurina’s black sports bra through her summer top.

“You should have come,” Jurina declared in a slightly erratic voice after taking her earbuds out. “The weather is not too hot yet.”

Rena rolled her eyes when her least favorite topic was put on the table, even though her smile betrayed her amusement at the SKE member’s tenacity. “I would have loved to, but I want to finish reading the script before lunch.”

Rena almost laughed at the look full of skepticism Jurina sent her way. Evidently, she did not believe her at all. It’s not like she tried to make herself very convincing, anyway. After that, Jurina made her way to the bedroom, and Rena observed her silently as she was taking her clothes off one by one, until she was left in her black underwear. Their eyes met again when Jurina suddenly turned to look at her through the partially opened door.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Jurina declared, opening the door wide, “are you going to join me?”

Rena didn’t know how long she stared at her half-naked girlfriend, but Jurina’s mischievous expression along with her suggestive tone certainly didn’t go unnoticed when she leaned against the door frame in anticipation. “I’m sorry,” Rena shook her head lightly, burying her nose in her script again, “I really need to finish this.”

Rena was well aware that her voice lacked confidence, but she was decided not to let Jurina distract her from her objective. Her manager had sent her a script for a role in a new TV show, and she had promised to give him an answer by midday. Somehow, she sensed following Jurina was not the wiser option right now if she wished to finish in time.

“Alright,” Jurina relented, a bit too fast for Rena’s liking who looked up in surprise. She wasn’t even going to try and persuade her? That was odd. It wasn’t like Jurina to give up so easily.

Rena watched her in perplexity as she detached herself from the door and walked in the bedroom without glancing back at her once. She didn’t detect any trace of frustration in her previous statement, which made her attitude even more strange. Rena put her thoughts aside, focusing on the script again. The storyline was captivating and her character interesting, but her attention got drawn to Jurina when she heard her singing.

It only took her a couple of seconds to recognize what song it was, and she stopped her reading in the middle of a sentence abruptly. Now, she finally understood what game Jurina was playing at. It was no secret the older Matsui never was a fan of the lyrics of SKE’s song _Innocence_. What on earth crossed their producer’s head to believe such daring lyrics fit an idol group? It was a mystery - amongst many other ones - she still had not solved. However, much as she disliked it for so many years, Jurina had recently changed her opinion about it.

No, she still did not enjoy performing it live, but it was a different matter when Jurina was singing it to her in private. Rena couldn’t fathom what prompted the young girl to choose this song in particular to seduce her that day back in June. Rena was in bed reading a book, when Jurina suddenly came out of the bathroom uttering the bold words. It came out of nowhere and Rena was about to voice her disapproval at her poor choice of song, when Jurina’s seductive look silenced her at once.

Rena did not know what took hold of Jurina to act this way. She was completely speechless when Jurina climbed on top of her gracefully and took the manga out her hands, placing it on the bedside table along with her glasses. Not a second the lyrics stopped falling from her alluring lips, and Rena progressively realized the effect they were unexpectedly having on her. Indeed, her heart starting beating faster inside her chest when Jurina accompanied the words with a few lingering kisses along her jawline, and the fingers caressing every curve of her body destroyed her last shred of resistance.

The situation escalated pretty fast, and Rena recalled vividly removing the young ace’s clothes in the speed of light, the energetic act owing her a small laugh in reaction. Rena did not hear a single lyric after that, as she didn’t waste another second to capture Jurina’s lips in a heated kiss.

That particular night was still engraved in Rena’s head, which is why she knew exactly what Jurina had in mind the second she started singing _Innocence_ this morning. If truth be told, it did startle her. Since that day, the young Matsui had not used that trick on her again. Obviously, she was hoping it would help her obtain what she had just denied her. _Clever girl._

“Jurina,” Rena spoke up at last. She was trying her best to erase the memory of that night from her thoughts in order to concentrate on the task at hand, but it proved to be more difficult than she thought. The singing stopped suddenly, and a head popped through the opening of the bedroom door. Rena narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Jurina’s innocent expression, and she tapped the paper sheet with her index. “I really need to read this.”

“Go ahead,” Jurina replied in an angelic voice. “I’m not stopping you.”

As soon as the words left her lips she had already disappeared, and Rena wondered if she was really going to cooperate. It did indeed seem the case as the apartment fell into a comfortable silence anew, and Rena soon heard the sound of water. Just as she was about to let out a sigh of relief the infamous melody reached her, and she shut her eyes in frustration. Was she a fool to believe Jurina would let her in peace once and for all? Apparently, yes.

Rena took a peek at the time on her phone, pondering over her options. There were only two hours left, and she was unfortunately still at the beginning of the script. Rena was pretty famous for being a fast reader, but she realized she wouldn’t accomplish anything when she read the same paragraph for the second time. She wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing. This was not right, not to mention very unprofessional.

Rena got up from the table and cast a look in the direction of her bedroom in hesitation. She was failing to come up with a solution for her unfortunate problem, but she knew she couldn’t complete her work when her head was filled with impure thoughts. And the girl currently inside the shower was responsible for each one of them. The older Matsui took a deep breath and moved forward, very decided to have a word with Jurina about her attitude.

“I know what you’re doing,” Rena started when she walked in her bedroom, and she stopped cautiously in front of the closed bathroom door. She was definitely not going to enter. That was precisely what Jurina was expecting from her. “I need to concentrate.”

Rena waited patiently for an answer, any sign that the young girl understood her request and would finally comply to her wishes. It did not come. Instead, the soft singing continued as if she had never spoken. Frustration washed over her, and she pushed the door in determination. _Fine._

“Rena,” Jurina’s voice reached her immediately when she stepped in, “what are you doing here? I thought you had work to do.”

Rena didn’t answer, instead locking eyes with the amused young girl. She wasn’t even trying to hide her intent anymore with a fake innocent expression, and even took a step back in the shower.

 _No, you are not getting in_ , Rena thought inwardly at the not so subtle invitation. She was doing everything in her power to keep her eyes at an appropriate level, but it failed miserably. Rena leaned her back against the wall behind her, appreciating much more than she wished to admit the view offered to her. Jurina was a beautiful athletic girl. There was absolutely no doubt about it.

When Rena confessed her feelings to Jurina, it wasn’t about lust. Jurina had gradually and unexpectedly provoked something deep within her. Why did such a thing happen? Rena still didn’t have an answer to that question. That day, when she learned about Jurina’s secret after the concert in Tokyo, she knew she had to confront her about it.

Her own attitude still surprised her when she sometimes thought about it. Where did she find the strength to utter such daring words? How come the confession rolled off her tongue so easily? When she entered SKE, she was the shy girl and Jurina the confident one. However, along the way, their roles progressively got slightly reversed.

Rena was still a solitary person and Jurina her usual extrovert self, but Rena couldn’t ignore the changes her body and mind had been going through during these last six years. Somehow, despite her shy nature, she had grown into a more confident person. She was more outspoken, and didn’t let her head get filled with too many worried thoughts anymore.

The awkward girl who entered the Nagoya group was gone, gradually replaced by the twenty three year old adult she now was. An adult who had against all odds let someone enter her heart, and couldn’t imagine living without anymore. Jurina. The person she was currently facing, and who had also grown into a beautiful human being.

Of course, the young Matsui still sometimes acted in a childish way, but she had long ago stopped viewing her as a kid. The girl who had been paired with her at such a young age was more mature than ever. Her looks and her mind. Jurina had changed over time as well. And maybe that was the exact reason why they had managed to find each other after so many years. They finally understood the other one like never before.

Rena jolted out of her reverie when she saw Jurina lifting her palm in her direction. No word left her lips, but gone was her previous mischievous expression. Instead, Rena saw nothing but pure devotion and love shining in her brown eyes. The older Matsui knew it was a matter of seconds until she would remove her own clothes and join her. The pull to get closer to her was simply becoming too hard to resist.

“You know you’re impossible,” Rena’s soft murmur broke the silence.

She knew that she still had that script to read, but it would have to wait. Without adding another word she took her clothes off, aware of the pair of eyes that was watching her every move attentively. Once she was done she opened the door of the shower and took the hand offered. She didn’t oppose any resistance when Jurina pulled her into her arms and their lips met in a passionate kiss.

When Rena confessed her feelings to Jurina, it wasn’t about lust. But it was now also an element intrinsic of their relationship. Of course, the feeling didn’t appear overnight, and it took them some time to really know each other intimately. Understanding their mutual needs was essential, and Rena discovered parts of herself she would never have foreseen.

She desired Jurina’s touch. She wanted to feel her kisses all over her skin. She longed for the pleasure the young girl always gave her when she removed her clothes, and whispered words of love in the throes of passion.

Their life wasn’t perfect. They were far from perfect. None of it mattered. They were two human beings with their qualities and flaws who loved each other unconditionally. And there was no other place on earth that Rena wished to be more than in Jurina’s tender embrace.


	11. Chapter 11

Jurina checked the time on her phone for the second time in apprehension. It was not Rena’s absence that was worrying her so much. After all, the older Matsui had warned her half an hour ago that she would be a bit late. However, none of the two other friends had arrived yet. In fact, Jurina was the only one standing in front of the restaurant right now. Needless to say, she was starting to feel a bit nervous. Today was a special day, and she wanted everything to be perfect. Unfortunately, things were not really going according to her plans.

Jurina scanned again the street in search of a familiar face. Despite the fact that it was already past 8 PM, people were few and far between. Of course, less people went out on a Monday evening, but Jurina knew that wasn’t the only explanation. When she had asked the older Matsui where she wanted to go for dinner on this special occasion, the latter had mentioned a restaurant she had always wanted to try. Jurina did not know about the place, but was not surprised to discover that it was located in an isolated street of Nagoya. Manifestly, Rena wanted to spend the evening in a quiet, simple place, away from prying eyes.

Still, Jurina was starting to feel a bit lonely in this dark street, not to mention increasingly agitated as the minutes went by. Unconsciously, she squeezed lightly the handle of the blue plastic bag in her hand, seriously considering making a call. Just as she was about to take action, she caught sight of a familiar girl walking towards her and waving at her cheerfully. She heaved a sigh of relief.

“Hi, Jurina,” Churi kissed her cheek when she crossed the street and stood by her side. “No one else arrived, yet?”

“No,” Jurina shook her head, feeling somewhat despondent despite her friend’s arrival. “Rena warned me she would be late, and I haven’t any news from Airi.”

“What?” Churi exclaimed, confused. “But Airin told me she would leave earlier to have enough time to go and pick up the cake. She should have arrived a long time ago.”

“I’m sure she’ll be here at any minute,” Jurina waved a reassuring hand at her, but Churi’s worried expression was starting to be contagious.

Churi nodded thoughtfully, until spotting Jurina’s small bag; curiosity got the best of her. They had been talking about this special day a couple of times over the last few months, but never had Jurina spilled the beans about her present. In fact, she always stayed evasive when she mentioned it. Somehow, Churi guessed she was planning something big. Something that would please Rena immensely. “What are you going to give Rena?”

Jurina’s mouth tugged into a mischievous smile, and she leaned forward to whisper into her ear. Churi’s eyes immediately sparkled in amusement.

“She doesn’t have it already?” Churi asked when Jurina faced her again, only to see her shaking her head promptly. “How is that possible?”

“She has been trying to get her hands on it for months without success,” Jurina explained, before grinning widely. “I managed.”

Churi couldn’t help but laugh at Jurina’s sudden proud expression. She didn’t know how the young SKE member managed such an exploit - or how much she spent to obtain it - but she guessed she had probably gone to great lengths to obtain the sought-after object. After all, nothing was too much when it came to her beloved Rena. “Well done, Jurina. She’s going to love you for the rest of your life.”

“I know,” Jurina winked. “That’s the plan.”

“Hello,” Rena’s sudden voice startled them both. So engrossed in their conversation, they had not heard or seen the girl approaching them at all. “What are you two talking about?”

“Hello Rena,” Churi sent her a smile. “We were talking about…”

“Nothing,” Jurina cut her off immediately. “Hi, Rena.”

Rena arched an eyebrow, not fooled one iota by her fake nonchalant tone. It was more than obvious that she was hiding something from her. It was written all over her face. “Don’t lie,” she berated her. “You know you’re bad at it.”

“She has a point,” Churi confirmed.

Jurina growled when she noticed the knowing look Churi and Rena shared. She was being teased. She absolutely needed to learn to lie better, since evidently she was far from effective. Jurina made a mental note to work on it as soon as possible.

“Alright, let’s get in,” Jurina declared, choosing wisely to change the subject, and ignoring the amused looks directed at her. “Churi, can you please warn Airi that we’ll be waiting inside?”

Jurina didn’t wait for an answer and pushed the door, immediately greeted by a waiter. The man in his twenties led them to their booked table, which was situated in a quiet corner of the restaurant. Jurina halted when she noticed a familiar girl already seated and reading a manga.

“Airin!” Churi’s high-pitched voice resonated behind her in disbelief. “You were waiting inside all this time? Why didn’t you text me?”

Airi jumped in fright, and looked up from her book. She could tell by Jurina and Churi’s startled expressions that they were expecting an explanation but much as she searched her brain for one, she failed to come up with a good reply.

Now that Churi mentioned it, it did indeed seem a bit foolish of her not to announce her presence as soon as she stepped inside the restaurant. She had arrived quite early and, when she discovered the other members were not here yet, had decided to take a seat at their booked table. Airi wanted to put the blame on her new manga - as she had been pretty much focused on it the second she turned the first page - but she guessed Churi would definitely not be satisfied with her explanation. It was much safer to keep quiet.

Churi stared at her in incredulity, waiting for a semblance of an answer that unfortunately never came. Jurina was still silent - despite her obvious inability to grasp the situation - but Churi simply couldn’t hold it inside her any longer. She let out a burst of frustration. “Idiot!” 

 

* * *

 

“Come on Rena, blow the candles out,” Jurina clapped into her hands as the cake was placed in front of the birthday girl.

Rena admired the beautiful raspberry cake. Four red candles were standing proudly on the outer edge of the cake, surrounding two larger white ones representing the letters 2 and 4. She truly couldn’t wait to taste it. It looked delicious. However, Jurina’s attitude stirred a flicker of doubt within her and she gave her a curious side glance. The young member who was seated on her left was harboring a broad smile, and sounded a bit too cheerful for her liking.

“You didn’t use trick candles, did you?” Rena inquired suspiciously. Jurina had been very enthusiastic and talkative during the whole dinner - which was nothing out of the ordinary - but a certain event submerged her memory. A prank Mayu had played on her best friend for her 18th birthday. Somehow, she didn’t trust Jurina to not try and do the same thing to her. It was better to be cautious.

“You really believe I would do such a thing?” Jurina gasped, sounding really offended by the supposition.

Rena wanted to say yes. Especially when she remembered seeing Jurina offering her help so eagerly when Airi got up from the table to go and get the cake. Of course, she could simply have acted out of kindness. In addition, Airi was with her the whole time. Her best friend would definitely never have let the mischievous girl add trick candles on the cake. At that thought, Rena took a peek at Airi who was seated opposite her. Unfortunately, she wasn’t of any help; she was completely unable to decipher her expression.

“Alright,” Rena took a deep breath. To her surprise, she managed to blow out the five red candles almost at once. She paused - feeling a bit guilty to have doubted Jurina’s word - before preparing herself for the last two white candles in the middle. Until now, she had strategically focused on the ones on the outside. Time now to blow the ones that represented her age.

Rena filled her lungs with air, and the flames wavered under the influence of her breath. But she didn’t manage to blow them out. The flames were still taunting her a few seconds later as if she had done nothing. A small smile grazed her lips in amusement, understanding she had fallen into a well planned trap.

“See,” Jurina sighed nonchalantly, patting her thigh a few times, “that’s why you really should come jogging with me.”

Rena turned to look at her and giggled. A huge grin was now plastered on Jurina’s face. She was so proud of herself.

“Well done, Jurina,” Rena admitted her defeat. Something still bothered her a bit though, and she squinted at Airi in incredulity. She was the reason she had let her guard down. How on earth had Jurina managed to convince her? Who could she rely on if even her trusted best friend was so easily persuaded by the cunning ace? “I can’t believe you went through with this, Airin. Traitor.”

 

* * *

 

Rena unwrapped carefully the present Airi had just given her, her face lightening up in joy when she saw the picture of an old British tank engine on the cover. This was a DVD she did not have in her collection; of this she was certain. It was a wonderful addition. “Thank you, Airin! You’re definitely forgiven for early on.”

“I’m glad you don’t already have it,” Airi chuckled at her best friend’s enthusiasm. “It was quite hard to find.”

“I can imagine,” Rena nodded, brushing the picture of the black engine in appreciation, before turning the DVD over to read the text on the back. “It even has Japanese subtitles! I know what I’m going to watch as soon as I get home.”

By her side, Jurina’s mouth produced a slight noise and she tilted her head towards her in curiosity. Despite her smile, she could easily discern the discomfort behind it. The older Matsui frowned at her reaction, before progressively understanding what triggered it. That’s right; Jurina was spending the night at her place. Evidently, the prospect of watching a two-hour documentary about trains with her did not enchant her, to say the least.

“Alright, maybe not tonight,” Rena conceded in amusement. She placed the precious DVD beside Churi’s present - the Blu-ray of _The Sound of Music_ \- before squeezing Jurina’s shoulder in reassurance. “Don’t worry, I’ll watch it when you’re not here.”

“I don’t really mind,” Jurina stuttered, even though she knew her unconvincing tone was fooling no one as she saw everyone’s amused expressions. “Here, it’s for you,” she handled to Rena the blue plastic bag she had carefully kept by her side. “Happy birthday.”

Rena opened it, puzzled when she discovered a small rectangular box inside. The older Matsui was well aware that Jurina made many preparations for her birthday. After all, she made sure everyone’s schedule was free months in advance, and booked the place as soon as the name of the restaurant rolled off her tongue. However, she never once asked her what she wanted as a present. As a result, she was completely clueless when she gazed at the box wrapped in red paper. The size did not give her any clues either.

“No, it can’t be…” Rena murmured in complete shock when she unwrapped the paper. In her shaking hands was the scale model of the sole missing piece of her precious train collection: the Shinkansen 500. It was a limited edition, very rare and hard to obtain. The one she desperately tried to get her hands on for so many months. No, it was impossible. She had to be dreaming. “How did you find it?”

“It’s a secret,” Jurina replied playfully, only to see Rena glaring at her. Apparently, someone did not approve of her lack of cooperation. “I have my contacts.”

“I have too!” Rena protested vehemently. “Come on, tell me!”

Jurina laughed when Rena shook her arm repeatedly. A passionate Rena was always so fun. Especially when she acted like a little kid, as was the case right now. It was not an aspect of her personality she showed to many people; nor very often. However, Jurina somewhat guessed her gift would trigger such a behavior. “It’s no use insisting! You won’t get anything out of me!”

“Fine,” Rena relented with a groan. Nevertheless, her eyes sparkled again when she gazed at the small object in awe. Maybe she would never know how the young girl managed to obtain it. In the end, it didn’t really matter. Right now, she couldn’t be more happier, and she kissed Jurina’s cheek in bliss. “Thank you so much. I love it.”

Rena noticed from her peripheral vision the waiter coming their way to clear the table, and his arrival gave her an idea. She absolutely wanted to immortalize this evening. “Excuse me, could you please take a picture of us?”

The young man nodded and took the phone she was handling to him. The first shot was the right one. Rena gazed at lengths at the picture when he gave the device back, her eyes falling on each of the girls. Opposite her, Airi had her usual shy but genuine smile. Churi was resting her head on Airi’s shoulder with a somewhat goofy expression. As for Jurina, she was literally glowing with happiness and giving the camera the brightest smile ever. The young girl had promptly slipped her hand into hers just before the picture got taken, and their fingers were intertwined together on the older Matsui’s thigh.

The picture brought a smile to Rena’s lips and she couldn’t help but think how wonderful this evening had been. The great food, the pleasant company and the well-thought gifts. Her twenty-fourth birthday couldn’t have been more perfect.


	12. Chapter 12

It had been already been a month since Rena last saw Jurina - the older Matsui having work to do in Tokyo with Nogizaka46 during August - and she was absolutely convinced the dinner she had prepared upon her return would please Jurina immensely. After all, it was minced beef and spaghetti; her favorite. However, the young girl had barely said a word since she stepped in her apartment half an hour ago, and was now playing with her food distractively.

Until now, Rena had not said anything about it, believing maybe Jurina wasn’t in a talkative mood tonight. It was uncommon, but it happened. Mostly when the young girl happened to be too tired after a long week of work. But when she saw her sighing for the third time and still barely touching her meal, she couldn’t keep quiet any longer.

“Is there something wrong?” Rena frowned. She was really trying to figure out the reason behind Jurina’s odd behavior. It couldn’t be because of the food. After all, she had cooked the meat exactly as the young girl liked it. The pasta wasn’t in cause either. It wasn’t spicy. She checked twice in precaution. No, there had to be another explanation for Jurina’s unusual silence.

Rena waited patiently for an answer, but unfortunately Jurina didn’t grant her with one. Instead, she kept her eyes on her plate, the question barely provoking a reaction. Rena resumed eating, now starting to feel really disturbed. Was Jurina mad at her because of her long absence? It is true to say the young ace never approved of her concurrent position in Nogizaka46. She had voiced her disapproval a few times since she joined the other group in February 2014.

Rena mulled it over in her head for a little while, before realizing it couldn’t be the reason. Even though Jurina didn’t enjoy seeing her leave for Nogizaka46’s related works, she never tried to persuade her to abandon her concurrent position. That was one of Jurina’s qualities Rena appreciated the most. Yes, she had strong beliefs, but she never meddled in her work. She respected her decisions, even if she didn’t always understand them.

Rena shook her head absently, feeling somewhat frustrated to be so clueless. During their month apart, they communicated on LINE almost every day. Jurina truly seemed to be fine and take the separation well. They talked about their daily work, Jurina sharing occasionally a few amusing anecdotes and making Rena laugh. The young Matsui seemed her usual joyful self during their conversations.

Rena took a tentative peek at Jurina who had barely eaten and was looking despondent. She didn’t like being kept in the dark, but she was running out of options. If Jurina didn’t want to tell her what was bothering her, how could she be of any help? Rena opened her mouth to interrogate her a second time, before changing her mind. Jurina could be really stubborn when she wanted to, and she guessed insisting would be pretty useless. Jurina would share her problems when she felt like it. Patience was her best ally.

Rena looked down at her own plate, realizing she had finished her meal. Decided, she got up on her feet in the intent of cleaning the table. She could definitely use the distraction from Jurina’s unsettling attitude. A few minutes went by without any word being exchanged, before Jurina’s hesitant voice resonated in the quiet apartment. “Rena… Why don’t you want to do photoshoots with me anymore?”

Rena, who was washing a plate in the sink, stilled at her words. She was more than glad that Jurina was finally voicing out loud what was apparently troubling her, but that was a question she definitely did not see coming. It made no sense whatsoever. “What? Why wouldn’t I?”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been asking myself!” Jurina let out a frustrated sigh.

This time, Rena placed carefully the plate in the sink and turned to look at her in puzzlement. Jurina was getting really worked up by this, and Rena had no idea why. “Alright, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“My agent told me two days ago that you’re refusing to do a photoshoot with me,” Jurina explained. “Bomb wants us both on the cover for December’s issue.”

“I don’t see why I would refuse to do a photoshoot with you,” Rena replied. She was having no recollection of the photoshoot she was mentioning. Her agent had not booked her any Bomb photoshoot for the end of the year; of this she was certain. “Everything goes through my agent. I only stipulated him that I wouldn’t do…”

Rena paused, widening her eyes in realization. _Wait._ At first, she believed Jurina may have made an honest mistake, but her convinced expression told her otherwise. Maybe she just got the missing piece of the puzzle. “Is the photographer going to take pictures in lingerie?”

“I think so,” Jurina replied in confusion. She was failing to see the point of her question. “Why?”

“That explains why I didn’t hear about this photoshoot,” Rena nodded, drying her hands with a towel and taking a seat opposite Jurina. “I explicitly told my agent I didn’t want to do those kind of pictures anymore. As a result, he refuses every offer on my behalf systematically.”

“I see…” Jurina trailed off.

Rena watched attentively Jurina who seemed to ponder over the revelation. It is true to say she had never mentioned it to her or to any other member. It was a decision she made a few months ago, and never regretted once. She still didn’t understand how she managed to do those embarrassing shots for all these years. She should have put an halt to them a long time ago.

“Wait,” Rena came to a sudden realization. “That’s why you have barely said a word since you arrived? Because of a simple photoshoot?”

“Yes!” Jurina exclaimed. “I thought maybe I unconsciously did something wrong. That I offended you in some way.”

Rena couldn’t hold it and laughed. She could tell by Jurina’s sudden pout that she wasn’t pleased by her reaction, but it was simply too hilarious. “You can be so silly sometimes!”

“Rena…” Jurina groaned in displeasure.

“I can’t believe it. We spoke on LINE yesterday, and you didn’t mention it. You really are one of a kind,” Rena shook her head in incredulity. “If I was mad at you, you would have known. _Trust me_.”

“Alright, but I don’t understand,” Jurina admitted. She was more than relieved to discover it was just a terrible misunderstanding, but she was failing to grasp why the older Matsui was reluctant to do that photoshoot. “You did plenty of pictures in swimsuit and lingerie in the past.”

“I know,” Rena confirmed. Of course, Jurina had a point and her confusion was legitimate. “But you know I was never really happy about them. They make me uncomfortable.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Jurina murmured, reaching out across the table to take Rena’s hand. “You have a beautiful body.”

Rena squeezed her fingers, moved by her words. It was not the first time Jurina complimented her looks, and it never failed to bring a smile to her lips. Of course, Rena didn’t share her opinion on the matter. She believed strongly to be a very ordinary girl. Other members of the 48group had more advantageous features than her. “That’s nice of you to say, but you’re not really objective.”

“I am,” Jurina interjected. “I believed so from the moment I entered SKE.”

“You were eleven when we first met!” Rena chuckled in disbelief.

“And?” Jurina arched an eyebrow. “I was young, not blind. I could identify a very good-looking girl.”

Rena sighed softly, knowing there was no way she was going to change Jurina’s view on the subject. She caressed the back of her hand with her thumb, the action prompting Jurina’s features to relax. “You really want me to do that photoshoot?”

“I miss it,” Jurina replied honestly. It is true to say she did photoshoots very often - alone or with other members - but the older Matsui was not on the pictures with her. At least, not as much as she wished. “We used to do photoshoots together all the time, but they have decreased tremendously these last years.”

“It’s true,” Rena conceded. They were the figureheads of SKE, and as a result made plenty of photoshoots just the two of them during the first years. What changed? Their role in the group was the same. Jurina was still the center, and Rena the unfailing presence by her side. They were very popular, but not as a pair anymore. “We used to be on every paper. Maybe magazines are getting bored of WMatsui and want to see new faces.”

“Well, that’s stupid,” Jurina grumbled. She certainly didn’t agree with this change, but she was also well aware that it was out of her hands. If magazines decided they didn’t want them on their pages as a pair, she couldn’t do anything about it. Unfortunately, it appeared they were not trendy anymore.

Rena chuckled softly at Jurina’s directness. If truth be told, she never was particularly fond of doing gravures. She merely saw it as an activity that came along with the job of an idol. Jurina, on the contrary, had always loved them. Giving her best smile to the camera, and trying on many clothes. It was just a game to her when she was a kid. Unfortunately, Rena never shared her enthusiasm.

Rena thought about this new Bomb photoshoot carefully. The idea of posing in underwear didn’t really please her. She also knew Jurina was not going to insist and respect her decision if she refused to do it. However, she could feel her resolve progressively faltering. After all, Jurina had a point. The last photoshoot they did together was a year ago for Bubka and their newlywed theme. The memory unconsciously brought a smile to her lips when she remembered Jurina’s shy behavior back then. Somehow, this photoshoot stayed engraved in her mind all this time. It was somewhat a fond memory.

“Alright,” Rena spoke up at last, decided. Jurina’s curious expression fell on her at once. She definitely was not going to expect her next words. “I’ll call my agent to book the Bomb photoshoot.”

  

* * *

 

Rena watched from aside Jurina who was posing in front of the photographer’s camera. They had just finished doing a few shots outside, and it was now time for the infamous pictures in lingerie. Jurina - clad in red underwear - was enjoying herself very much, alternating different poses naturally. Her expressions also changed in the blink of an eye: playful, sad, innocent. She followed the instructions given to her without a second of hesitation and always effortlessly.

While waiting for her turn, Rena couldn’t help but admire her technique. Ever since she was a kid, Jurina had always been very natural at it. When she herself had difficulty offering three different poses to the photographer, Jurina never failed to come up with a new innovative one. Rena truly didn’t know how she managed such an exploit.

“That was perfect,” the photographer declared, lowering down his camera. He was giving Jurina a broad pleased smile, proving the sincerity of his words. “You’re very photogenic.”

Rena wasn’t in the least surprised by the compliment. After all, she had already heard it falling from dozens of photographers’ lips. This man in his thirties was a new photographer she had never worked with before, but it was obvious he was enjoying very much working with the SKE’s ace. Every photographer did.

It was quite common to hear photographers praising the subject of their pictures. The compliments weren’t only given out of politeness; it also helped the model gain confidence. As a result, she was always more malleable to the photographer’s demands. However, Rena knew he meant every word he said. Of course, Jurina’s cheerful and charming personality made her the little favorite of a lot of people in this business, but the older Matsui knew he was telling nothing but the truth. Jurina had always looked good on pictures. It was one of her best assets.

Rena noticed the photographer turning to look at her and calling her name. It was now her turn. The make-up artist who was finishing applying some light lipstick on her lips took a step back, checking one last time that everything was fine with her looks. The woman brushed carefully her hair that had been slightly curled for the occasion, before retreating when she seemed satisfied. Rena took it as her cue to get up, and she removed her robe almost reluctantly.

Yes, she had agreed to do that photoshoot with Jurina, but she felt somewhat unease when she revealed her matching red underwear. The photographer instructed her to join Jurina who was waiting in front of a white leather sofa, and she walked towards her obediently. Rena had absolutely no idea what he was going to ask them to do. Over the past years, she had worked several times with the same photographers. As a result, she knew what kind of pose they liked, and what expressions they expected of her. Each photographer had its own style and idea of art. Of course, she didn’t always agree with them, but it was not her job to say so.

This man was a new rising photographer. She had heard many good things about him - some even calling him a prodigy - but she never had the opportunity to work with him. Until now, he had not required anything out of the ordinary. Simple poses and expressions. No clothes too extravagant. In fact, the photoshoot went on quite smoothly, and the man was nothing but nice to them.

“Please lay down on the sofa,” he instructed Rena.

Rena complied, the leather cracking slightly when she tried to make herself comfortable on the small sofa. She laid her head on the armrest, before tilting her head to the man in expectation. Jurina was still standing in front of the sofa, and Rena wondered what he was going to ask her to do. Was he going to ask Jurina to simply stand by the sofa? It would be strange, but why not. She had seen worse ideas.

“Where do you want me?” Jurina asked the photographer who was indicating his staff to move a few lights in preparation. According to her cheerful voice, Rena knew she was waiting eagerly for his next instructions. Manifestly, she wasn’t asking herself too many questions about the curious setting.

The man looked up and told her with the most genuine smile ever, “Please lay down on Rena.”

Rena was sure her heart stopped for a split second. Did she hear correctly? Was he really asking Jurina to lay down on her when she could already barely fit on this atrociously small sofa? By now, Rena was not sure she wanted to work with this so called _prodigy_ again. 

 

* * *

 

Rena was starting to feel awfully cramped on the sofa. How on earth did they manage to find such an awful piece of furniture? It looked definitely old, was way too small and not in the least comfortable. Was it because it was the end of the year? Had the magazine already run out of budget? Rena had not a clue but right now, she was missing the comfy black sofa of her apartment. And couldn’t wait for the photoshoot to end.

The photographer had already taken a few shots when he suddenly informed he needed to check something and disappeared promptly behind his computer. He promised he wouldn’t be long - even stating he would be back in a few seconds - but it seemed an eternity to Rena. They obviously didn’t have the same notion of time.

“Do you still think it was a good idea?” Rena addressed Jurina in a feeble whisper. The young girl who was hovering over her gave her a somewhat amused look when she voiced her displeasure. Alright, maybe Jurina was enjoying this moment much more than her.

“Why?” Jurina asked, her gaze wandering in appreciation over Rena’s half nude form, “I like the clothes. It’s sexy.”

“I’m not talking about the clothes,” Rena retorted quietly, ignoring Jurina’s teasing. There was no staff member close by, but she didn’t want to take the risk of anyone eavesdropping her complaint. “I’m talking about the position.”

“I don’t mind,” Jurina offered. She stole a quick glance at the man who was still completely focused on his screen, before gazing at Rena. “At least, I get the chance to spend time with you. It doesn’t happen that often lately.”

“It’s true,” Rena conceded. After all, she had indeed been away for a whole month, and their schedules always seemed to conflict lately. “Lay your head on my shoulder,” Rena pulled Jurina’s arm gently. “The photographer hasn’t moved from his computer for the past minute. This could take a while.”

Jurina giggled at her frustrated tone and complied, placing her head on Rena’s shoulder carefully. The older Matsui rubbed her back when her fingers made contact with Jurina’s skin. She surely didn’t want her to catch a cold either.

“You know, I think the photographer wants us to kiss,” Jurina declared nonchalantly after a little while.

“No, he doesn’t,” Rena frowned in confusion.

“He kept telling us to get closer,” Jurina reminded the older girl who was trapped under her. “It’s clearly implied.”

“Jurina,” Rena warned. The young Matsui had sneakily placed a kiss on her cheek, and she could tell she was getting playful. Now, Rena realized she may have made a mistake by suggesting Jurina to come closer. She had only done so out of concern, and to make Jurina more comfortable while waiting for the photographer’s return. She truly didn’t think the cheeky girl would take advantage of her new position. Bad move.  

“Sorry for making you wait,” the photographer’s voice jolted Rena out of her thoughts. She welcomed the interruption gladly, and expected Jurina to go back to her original position. Indeed, the young Matsui was starting to straighten up when the man’s voice stopped her. “Wait, don’t move. Your position was perfect!”

Rena mustered all her willpower to not show her displeasure. Even though she couldn’t see Jurina’s face - as she was placing her head on her shoulder according to the man’s demand - she could feel her grinning against her. Rena made a mental note to add this new allegedly fantastic photographer on her blacklist.

 

* * *

 

Rena entered the dressing room and let out a sigh of relief. The photoshoot was finally over. It was a miracle she managed to survive it after the photographer’s latest unbelievable demands. Thankfully, her perfect smile didn’t betray her emotions when she thanked him at the end. The man was definitely thinking she had enjoyed his work very much. He couldn’t be more wrong.

Rena felt someone tugging her hand and she looked down in curiosity at Jurina who was seated in front of her. She didn’t resist when she pulled her on her lap.

“I know you didn’t enjoy this photoshoot very much today,” Jurina declared, placing her arms around her waist, “but thank you for accepting.”

“It’s fine,” Rena ran her fingers through Jurina’s hair affectionately. She certainly wouldn’t keep the best memory of it, but she could tell her presence pleased Jurina immensely today. She could make a few concessions for her happiness. “It could have been worse.”

Jurina leaned forward, and Rena responded to her kiss with the same eagerness. Demonstrations of affection were very rare during work - given that they were almost always surrounded by people - but today they had the chance to be completely alone in the dressing room. If was truly a luxury, and Jurina surely didn’t miss the opportunity.

The kiss lasted a little while, until they pulled away and gazed at each other quietly. Rena didn’t know what was going through Jurina’s head, but she couldn’t help but smile at the love she could see shining in her eyes. That was an expression she never got tired of seeing it, no matter how many times she gave her that lingering look.

“I’m happy,” Jurina murmured.

Rena was rendered speechless when Jurina went to rest her head against her chest. It was not the content of her words that startled her. After all, she had witnessed the gradual changes in Jurina’s mood since the beginning of the year. She knew Jurina felt those emotions strongly, but never the latter had said those words out loud before. Warmth spread through Rena’s chest instantly.

“Then let’s make sure it stays this way,” Rena placed a soft kiss on her temple. No one could predict the future, but Rena didn’t care. Right now, only Jurina and the present mattered.


	13. Chapter 13

Airi was passionate about drawing. That’s a discovery Rena made the first time she spoke to the quiet girl a morning of March 2009. The older Matsui didn’t exactly know why, but the moment was still imprinted in her mind after all these years. They were seated next to each other in the dancing room - waiting patiently for the coach to arrive - when Rena, out of curiosity, had taken a peek at what Airi was so focused on. The latter was slightly bent over a sketch, her hand carefully drawing lines on the white paper. Rena watched attentively for a little while without saying a word, amazed by the small cheerful characters progressively coming alive. The art was far from perfect, but the inventiveness of the drawing made it quite unique in Rena’s eyes.

That’s when Rena finally broke out of her reserve, and told her how talented she believed her to be. A conversation followed suit, and Rena soon discovered that they had a lot in common, from their calm personality to their passion for 2D characters. That day of March marked the first day of their friendship. A beautiful relationship that was still going strong seven years later.

Rena pushed the door of the restaurant, a smile moving to her lips when she caught sight of her best friend drawing at the table. After all these years, Airi’s passion for drawing had not diminished - quite the contrary - and she took her precious notebook everywhere she went. The few rare times she happened to unfortunately leave it behind, she still found a way to draw. Rena would sometimes find in their hotel room characters drawn on hotel headed notepaper, or on a paper napkin at their restaurant table.

Rena knew it wasn’t a mere hobby for her. It was more than obvious that she wanted to make something out of it. Of course, it wasn’t always easy to make a living out of your passion, and Rena was well aware of the difficulties Airi was facing. Her blog had a lot of success and her fans loved her art, but it was a different matter when it came to the profession. Airi had sent her drawings to many magazines, to no avail.

Regardless of all the times she got turned down, Airi didn’t lose hope one moment. Never once did Rena see frustration washing over her best friend when she received a letter informing her that her art wasn’t compatible with the magazine editorial policy. In fact, she took each refusal very calmly, stating that it probably wasn’t the right time yet. A few minutes later she would be back with a pen in her hand, focusing on another drawing.

Rena truly admired her best friend’s optimism. Someone else may have given up after so many attempts and endless refusals, but not Airi. It was as if it gave her even more motivation to show what she was capable of, as she would draw with renewed determination. No matter how long it would take, Rena was absolutely convinced Airi would fulfill her ultimate dream.

Rena walked towards the table and took a seat opposite her best friend. A slightly startled Airi looked up at once, before reciprocating the smile directed at her and putting her notebook aside. “Hi Rena. How did the interview go?”

“Smoothly, but I’m sorry for being late,” Rena apologized in slight discomfort.

This last year, she had the bad habit of arriving late often when she met Airi or Jurina on a date. Despite her best efforts to break it, she quickly discovered she couldn’t really do anything about it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t up to her. In 2015, her busy schedule barely left her a minute to breathe and when she finally happened to have a bit of free time, she always had to hurry up. It certainly didn’t hold well with her sense of punctuality, but what could she do about it?

Airi and Jurina were nothing but understanding regarding her repeated tardiness, but it didn’t make it less frustrating. On one hand, Rena was more than glad that her work kept her occupied but on the other, it was starting to really infringe upon the little free time she had left. Unfortunately, she couldn’t come up with an immediate solution for her increasing problem. It seemed she would simply have to deal with it for now.

“That’s alright, I understand,” Airi reassured her with a genuine smile. “You have a hectic life, but it’s fulfilling.”

“It is,” Rena conceded. It was definitely not like herself to complain about her workload. Not only she always accepted every opportunity given to her with gratitude, she was also well aware that a lot of members of the group weren’t as lucky as her to be so coveted. Still, she couldn’t help but voice out loud a thought that had been nagging her for a little while now. “Nevertheless, I sometimes wished I wasn’t juggling with so many things at the same time.”

“I see what you mean,” Airi nodded thoughtfully. “You impress me, Rena. I don’t know how you manage.”

“I don’t,” Rena chuckled bitterly, surprising Airi. Until now, she had not shared that piece of information with anyone - not even Jurina - even though she had felt really down at the time. If truth be told, she was still bothered by her missed opportunity. Unfortunately, it was not the first time such an occurrence happened. “Lately, my agent sent me a script for the leading role in a new TV show. It was really interesting and I was about to accept it, until I realized I couldn’t. With SKE and Nogizaka46’s activities, I can’t clear my schedule for a whole month.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Airi said, nonplussed by the news. It was more than obvious by her best friend’s despondent expression that she was really looking forward to it. And it was indeed not the first time Rena had to refuse a role because of her tight schedule. The older Matsui had mentioned it a few times over the past years. “I’m sure another opportunity will present itself very soon. A role that will be more compatible with your schedule.”

Rena didn’t answer, giving her instead a tentative smile. She was grateful Airi was doing her best to cheer her up - in fact, she didn’t expect any less from her kind friend - but it didn’t make the fact less frustrating. When she noticed the waiter coming their way with the menus, she more than welcomed the distraction. She didn’t want to talk about her work anymore. It already occupied the best part of her daily life. No, she was going to have a quiet and carefree evening with her best friend.

Both girls gave the menu back once their choice was made, until Rena remembered what Airi was doing when she first arrived at the restaurant. Airi’s open bag revealed the top of her notebook and she cast a look at it, startled when the characters she managed to distinguish were completely unfamiliar to her. “What are you drawing?”

“It’s a new project I’m working on,” Airi informed her, giving Rena the notebook so she could have a better look at it. She smiled to herself when she noticed Rena studying it very attentively. From the start, the older Matsui had always been one of her strongest supporters. She knew she didn’t realize it, but her frequent compliments about her drawings had always been a motivating force. “Actually, I have something to tell you.”

Rena looked up at once at the sound of Airi’s serious tone. The hesitancy in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed as well, and she frowned at her curious behavior. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes, it’s good news,” Airi declared quickly. “I got offered a contract with Weekly Shonen Jump. I’m going to draw a weekly comic strip.”

Rena widened her eyes in shock. Of course, never once had she doubted Airi’s capacity to obtain what she wanted, but hearing the revelation falling from her lips rendered her momentarily speechless. So many times in the past they had talked together about their dreams and hopes for the future. And Airi was getting closer to accomplish hers.

“I’m so happy for you!” Rena exclaimed finally with much eagerness. Right now, she couldn’t be more proud of her best friend and she reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “Congratulations, Airin.”

Airi beamed a smile, but her expression progressively darkened as she recalled what she was supposed to say next. She wanted to believe that Rena would be nothing but understanding, but she couldn’t help but apprehend her reaction and feel a knot in her stomach. It appeared her uneasiness didn’t go unnoticed, as she felt Rena intertwining their fingers together and giving her a worried look.

Airi knew she couldn’t delay the announcement any longer. She had been thinking about it on a daily basis since she received the offer from the magazine a couple weeks ago. The thought of going to Rena for advice had crossed her mind a few times. One day, she was so close to picking up her phone to call her when she remembered a casual conversation she had with the older Matsui about that delicate subject a few years. _That’s a decision you must take on your own,_ Rena had stated calmly and confidently at the time. _You’ll know when the right time has come._

It was the right time. She mulled it over in her head again and again. She weighed her decision up very carefully. Now, Airi had no doubt about it anymore. However, she couldn’t ignore the fact that a lot of things were going to change the minute the news got out. The life she had known for seven years was going to change drastically from one day to the next. That idea was a bit frightening, but she was also aware that she wasn’t getting any younger. She would be twenty five in two months, and her days in the idol group were counted. It was time to move on, and that job opportunity came along at the right moment.

“Rena, I’m going to graduate.”

 

* * *

 

Rena couldn’t sleep. It was already 1 AM, and she had been staring desperately at the dark ceiling of her bedroom for the past thirty minutes. So many thoughts were currently juggling in her head, and she knew it had to stop if she wished to fall asleep. However, she couldn’t manage to brush any of them aside. If truth be told, she didn’t usually have so much trouble sleeping. Yes, she was a light sleeper and would often wake up a few times during the night, but she went back to sleep very easily.

Somehow, she couldn’t forget the words Airi uttered in the restaurant three weeks ago. They were still imprinted firmly in her mind as if she heard them the day before. _I’m going to graduate_ , her best friend had stated with nothing but an apprehensive look. Rena didn’t know how long she stared at her without saying anything. She didn’t even pay real attention when the waiter came back with their orders.

 _When?_ She managed to say in a feeble murmur after a little while. Without realizing it, her voice quivered, and her heart started beating faster inside her chest. Not only Airi gave her a reply, she also explained in great detail the reason behind her decision. Rena didn’t know how long her monologue lasted but she didn’t interrupt her once, letting the news sink in progressively.

When Airi finally stopped speaking, Rena knew by her apprehensive look that she was awaiting her reply. The atmosphere had become quite heavy, and the tension between them was tangible. Rena didn’t touch her food for some time. Airi didn’t either. It was as if time had stopped altogether. They were not paying the least attention to their surroundings, their eyes firmly locked on each other.

Rena nodded silently. Airi knew what she was doing; of this she was certain. It was definitely not a decision taken on the spur of the moment. Her voice had been nothing but steady and her tone convincing the whole time she explained her decision. However, it didn’t prevent Rena’s chest from tightening. In 2016, Airi wouldn’t be in SKE48 anymore.

Rena wanted to say the right words to erase the worry she could read in her friend’s eyes, but her mouth refused to produce a single word. They went through so much together these past seven years. They enjoyed each other’s company during their free time and spoke about their common hobbies freely. They were moral support for each other during moments of hardships; there were definitely a lot of those during the first years in the group.

In fact, Rena didn’t know how her life would have been without Airi’s reassuring presence by her side. Her even temper and friendship were a driving force. Never did Airi get frustrated over things; even less angry. It was precisely because of all those aspects of her personality that Rena was able to deal effectively with the pressure constantly upon her shoulders as one of the figureheads of SKE.

Yes, the group was going to lose one of its precious members, but Airi was not going anywhere. She would still be her loyal friend as she had always been. They would still spend time together as they always did. Moreover, Airi was thinking about her future. There was nothing wrong about that; quite the contrary. In the end, a smile moved to Rena’s lips, and the words rolled off her tongue naturally. _I’ll always support you._ She meant each one of them strongly.

The tension dissipated at once. Airi gave her a broad, genuine smile in return, before asking her to not tell anyone about her decision. Of course Rena had agreed immediately, understanding her demand very well. It did surprise her a bit to discover Airi had not shared that piece of information with anyone else before - not even SKE’s manager or her own agent - but she was definitely going to keep quiet about it. Airi was planning to make the announcement before the end of the year, and she wanted to be the one to do it in person when she felt the time was right.

“What are you thinking about?”

At the sound of the small voice beside her Rena jolted out of her thoughts, Airi’s image vanishing from her mind. She looked away from the ceiling and tilted her head left, her eyes falling on Jurina who was watching her sleepily. Rena found herself torn, knowing full well she couldn’t tell her what was occupying her thoughts. It was out of the question to break her promise and share with her the content of her conversation with Airi.

“Are you alright?” Jurina continued when she stayed quiet. “You seem a bit elsewhere lately.”

“I’ve had a lot on my plate,” Rena sighed softly. It was not a lie, but not the complete truth either. Still, she had to make sure Jurina would be satisfied with her reply. In that intent, she laid on the side and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep.”

A small smile plastered Jurina’s tired features, and Rena reciprocated it without a second of hesitation. Out of habit Jurina slipped her hand into Rena’s, until the weariness got the best of her and her eyelids closed progressively. Rena watched her for a little while and listened to her familiar, slow breathing. When the fingers inside hers relaxed Rena knew she had fallen asleep again, and she turned to lay her back on the mattress again.

Somehow, Airi’s words came to the forefront of her mind, and she realized she would have to busy herself somewhat if she wished to go back to sleep later. Decided, she slowly got out of bed - careful not to wake up Jurina in the process - her feet meeting the soft, red carpet. Her gaze fell on the small office that was occupying a corner of her bedroom and she walked towards it, taking a seat in front of the desk and switching on the small lamp.

Out of concern, Rena looked over her shoulder to make sure the dim light had not woken Jurina up, before placing her glasses on her nose when the young girl was still sound asleep. A few documents were stacked in a neat pile and she went through a few of them. Rena didn’t pay attention to the time, burying herself in her work at once. When she placed the last piece of paper on the pile a little while later, she was unfortunately still not feeling very much sleepy.

A bit frustrated by this fact she leaned back into the chair, until her attention got caught by a piece of paper visible through the half-opened drawer of her desk. Out of curiosity she took it out, until realizing what it was by the words scribbled on the sheet. It was a project she had been working on for a few months now, but her complete lack of inspiration had prevented her from finishing until now. Her tight schedule had certainly not helped the matter in the least.

A light groan disrupted the peaceful atmosphere of her bedroom and she turned slightly towards the bed, noticing Jurina moving closer to her side of the bed. Rena didn’t know long she admired the beautiful, sleeping girl, but an idea suddenly formed inside her head.

Her small brown orbs widened in realization. Why on earth didn’t she think about it before? It should have been an evidence. Her source of inspiration had been in front of her the whole time. All of a sudden, the words came to her with increasing ease. Rena smiled and took a pencil, her eyes back on the sheet. Tonight, she was going to finish this project. In that intent, she started by writing the title in capital letters: CENTER.


	14. Chapter 14

Some things never changed. That’s the thought that crossed Churi’s mind when she entered the dancing room that afternoon of late November 2015, and noticed Jurina teasing Ryoha endlessly. From a very young age, the young Matsui had always been a real flirt. Churi was pretty sure almost every girl in the group had fallen victim to this side of hers at one point or another. The first years, it was quite innocent. Then, Jurina’s words and touches grew bolder when she became a teenager, and got aware of her charms. And the effect she could have on people.

Some members didn’t like the attention, and did their best to avoid Jurina when she happened to be in a flirty mood. The young ace was anything but subtle about her intentions. You could see her coming miles around. Some other girls didn’t mind it. Churi suspected more than a few members enjoyed the attention they were getting. Jurina could be a real smooth talker when she wanted to, and her looks definitely appealed to a lot of girls. The young Matsui was becoming more and more beautiful as the years went by.

Churi understood perfectly well why some members even sought her attention. No matter how many people you were surrounded with, life in an idol group could get pretty lonely. Somehow, Jurina’s flirty side was a breath of fresh air for many girls. It eased the pressure constantly upon their shoulders, and brought them well-needed joy when times were hard.

Despite that, Churi was convinced Ryoha didn’t fall into that last category. The seventeen year old shy girl never complained about it. Yes, Churi sometimes saw her tentatively trying to break free when Jurina tried to pull her into a hug or kiss her, but never had she asked Jurina to stop. It was all the encouragement Jurina needed to continue. Not to mention, you could tell by Jurina’s mischievous expression that she enjoyed very much making Ryoha all flustered.

If truth be told, Churi strongly believed Jurina’s flirty attitude would fade when Rena and her started dating in January. She couldn’t have been more wrong. Jurina’s affectionate behavior with other members could still be witnessed on a daily basis, although it was not as strong as it used to be. Churi’s keen eyes did indeed notice the subtle but gradual changes.

It was a fact: Jurina flirted less in front of Rena. Moreover, she had stopped trying to steal kisses on other girls’ lips. It was a habit of hers that lasted for many years, but came to an halt at the beginning of 2015. Now, she only targeted the members’ cheeks.

Albeit the fact Churi did notice those changes, she wondered at first how Jurina’s - still active - flirty behavior would be received by Rena. After all, she had witnessed in front of her very own eyes the older Matsui’s jealous side. When she spoke about it with Jurina, the latter argued Rena was not the jealous type. Despite hearing loud and clear Jurina’s prompt denial, Churi had a few doubts about it. She recalled vividly Rena’s distant behavior with her when she believed wrongly that Jurina and her were dating. If she wasn’t jealous of their closeness at the time, then she surely was bothered by it.

That’s why, a few months ago, Churi had watched in great interest the scene unfolding in front of her. Rena had entered the dressing room with Airi, and almost immediately set her eyes on Jurina who was flirting with Ryoha. Jurina had her back turned to the door and as a result not noticed Rena’s arrival, and placed a kiss soundly on the poor skittish girl’s cheek.

How was Rena going to react? Was she going to interrupt the moment in anger? Churi held her breath as she followed the moment in anticipation. She wouldn’t even blame Rena if she chose to reprimand her girlfriend. Churi almost choked on her water when she saw Rena’s lips curving up in a smile. Out of all the possibilities that crossed her mind, that reaction truly didn’t make the list. Rena wasn’t frustrated or mad. She was amused. Amused that Jurina was teasing another girl than her. How on earth was that possible?

Churi couldn’t believe her eyes. She didn’t know how long she looked back and forth between them to make sure she wasn’t imagining the whole thing. Rena had looked at Jurina for a few seconds, before taking a seat and focusing on her phone as if nothing happened. Churi did study the older Matsui’s features attentively. Somehow, she wanted to make sure she wasn’t hiding her discomfort behind a mask of indifference. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time she would do such a thing. No matter how good Rena had become at concealing her emotions, she could read her better after all these years.

No, Rena really didn’t mind Jurina’s actions. At all. Churi had to admit it took her quite some time to get used to Rena’s surprising reaction. Of course, Churi knew Jurina was only having fun and no taking any of this flirt thing seriously. After all the time spent by her side, she could now tell the difference. Still. She wasn’t sure she would have been as understanding as Rena if she found herself in her shoes.

To be honest, she still didn’t understand it completely. Today, Rena had entered the room, only to found Jurina teasing Ryoha again. And she didn’t seem to care much more than the first times it happened. As odd as Churi found Rena’s attitude, she progressively came to a realization. Churi was convinced Rena would have mentioned it to Jurina if her behavior bothered her. She also had no doubt Jurina would have stopped acting this way at once if Rena had asked her. The fact that she had not only meant one thing: Rena accepted Jurina for who she was.

Churi reflected on it while watching the two Matsui suddenly exchanging a smile across the room. In her eyes, there was no doubt how strongly they felt about each other. They had been blissfully happy for almost a year now. Churi was one of Jurina’s closest friends, and as a result the latter shared pretty much everything with her. Her relationship with Rena was no exception. Jurina didn’t mention a single fight or problem between them. Yes, she always missed her deeply when the older Matsui happened to be away but apart from that, there was no shadow on the horizon. Churi really hoped nothing would ever erase that bright smile upon Jurina’s lips. 

 

* * *

 

Churi looked up from her phone when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She was sitting in a corner of the dancing room - waiting for the coach to arrive - when she noticed Airi giving her a sheet. After a quick look at it, she discovered it were the lyrics for SKE’s next single. Churi wondered if it was going to be a upbeat song as usual. She truly didn’t mind it as she enjoyed energetic songs but somehow, she got the feeling by the lyrics that it was going to be a Christmas ballad.

Churi tore her eyes away from the paper, curious to hear Airi’s opinion about it. The latter had quietly taken a seat next to her, and was now focused on a sketch. Churi was not in the least surprised by her action. Each time Airi had the chance, she immerged herself in a drawing. However, Churi couldn’t help but wonder why Airi had been behaving a bit oddly these last weeks. It was very subtle and most members probably didn’t notice a thing. Of course, Churi was conscious that Airi’s new job for Weekly Shonen Jump was keeping her very busy. But her keen senses were telling her there was something more.

Until now, she had waited patiently for her to broach the subject, but Airi had not mentioned anything out of the ordinary during their conversations. Curiosity was really starting to get the best of her. She didn’t know how long she would be able to keep silent if Airi did not say what was obviously occupying her mind. Even though Airi was calm personified, her behavior was not fooling her at all. Airi was hiding something from her.

“Churi,” Airi’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she stared at her, startled. Never her friend had looked so serious, nor her voice been slightly unsteady. “Can we talk after today’s rehearsal? I have something to tell you.”

Churi had absolutely no idea what Airi wanted to tell her. Was it linked to her peculiar behavior these past weeks? Churi hoped so. She was so impatient to know more about it, that she had to refrain herself from asking her to spill the beans right here and now. Not to mention, Airi’s somewhat hesitant look was starting to worry her more than anything. Still, she kept her thoughts to herself and settled for a simple nod. “Alright.”

 

* * *

 

The twelve members stilled when the music came to an end, watching in expectation their dancing coach. They had been dancing for almost four hours nonstop on the music of their next single, and they were now waiting for their coach’s verdict. As it was a ballad, they didn’t have to dance as energetically as usual. However, the older woman was known to be a perfectionist. They simply knew she wouldn’t be entirely satisfied with them. Her next words confirmed their thoughts.

“This song is a ballad. Your moves need to be absolutely perfect, otherwise the slightest mistake will be noticed. Some of you still need to improve a lot,” the dancing coach affirmed, setting her eyes on a few members as she spoke. “But it will do for today.”

“Thank you,” the twelve girls said in unison, bowing to their professor respectfully. They were all conscious that the woman would go to great lengths to obtain entire satisfaction. And would not give up until she got it.

“We’ll work on your solo tomorrow, Jurina,” the dancing coach announced, looking at the young ace who was about to turn on her heels. “And congratulations.”

The eighteen year old girl nodded, returning the brief smile directed at her. Then, Jurina followed the other members to the dressing room, her thoughts going back to the incredible discovery she made a few hours ago. Their producer had done something completely unexpected. He had just given her her first solo in SKE48. And it was going to be a coupling song for their next single.

Jurina truly couldn’t believe it when the lyrics were placed in her hands early on. She had not seen it coming at all. Their producer usually informed her when he took a decision about her position in the 48group, or anything else regarding her job as an idol. This time, he had not warned her beforehand. What made him decide to offer her a solo after all these years? Why now? Jurina couldn’t fathom the reason behind the man’s action, but she couldn’t be more ecstatic.

Jurina would lie if she said she had not been waiting for it. When Rena got offered a solo, she couldn’t be happier for her. She was even one of the first to congratulate her. On the other hand, Rena did not particularly share her enthusiasm. If there was one thing the older Matsui dreaded above all, it was standing alone on stage. This solo definitely did not hold well with her shyness.

It didn’t matter how many times Rena stated she should have been the one to get that solo. Of course, the extrovert Jurina did not apprehend like her the exercise of being alone in front of people. But _Kareha no Station_ was not meant for her. It was a beautiful, well-written ballad that suited the image Rena projected. No one else could have played the part and sang it better than her.

That is why Jurina expected her time to come soon after Rena’s solo. If Rena was offered a solo at such an early stage of the group’s creation, she had no doubt she would get one too. To her surprise, the years went by and she never did. Even though she failed to understand why, Jurina didn’t question once their producer about it. She was happy to pour everything she had on stage. She worked everyday very hard to master their song’s choreographies to the perfection. Her singing had its flaws, but she counterbalanced that fact with her energy and enthusiasm. If she was never going to have a solo, then so be it. 

 

* * *

 

Jurina took a seat in the dressing room, her attention soon getting drawn to her backpack. Just before entering the dancing room for practice, she had slipped inside her bag the lyrics of her solo. Jurina was feeling a bit sweaty and knew she deserved a good shower after practicing their new song. A few members were already leaving the dressing room with fresh clothes in that intent. Despite that, she couldn’t resist taking another peek at the sheet. The temptation to read again those beautiful lyrics was too strong. If truth be told, she even had a bit of a hard time concentrating the first minutes of rehearsal. She couldn’t help thinking about those words.

Without a second of hesitation, Jurina pulled the paper out. Her eyes read first the title printed in bold letters: CENTER. Then, she went through the lyrics printed underneath. Albeit the fact she had read them twice already, her heart started beating faster and warmth spread through her chest instantly. Each word written, each feeling described. It was her.

Of course, she could sometimes identify with situations described in their songs. And in seven years, she sang hundreds of them. Even shed tears when some words hit close to home. But never a song had portrayed her so well. Right now, she didn’t need to look at her reflection in the mirror to know the deep emotion shining in her eyes. She could feel them moistening without her consent. This song was truly the best present she had received in years.

Jurina never doubted their producer’s ability to write good songs. After all, he had been doing it successively for the past ten years. However, she wasn’t in the least happy when she discovered the lyrics of her duet with Mayu, _Rivalry_. Yes, the music was catchy. The single even sold very well the following weeks of its release. However, the lyrics couldn’t be more far from the truth. Not a single word depicted accurately her relationship with Mayu.

This unexpected solo was the complete opposite. She wouldn’t change a single sentence or word. It was sheer perfection.

“Our producer outdid himself with this song,” Jurina murmured, overwhelmed by the beautiful lyrics she had just read. Her strengths and weaknesses. Her way of thinking. Her perception of the world. The words didn’t idealize her. They described who she truly was at her core. Jurina didn’t think their producer knew her so well. Yes, they spoke occasionally, and she was aware that he was somewhat fond of her. But this solo? It was as if he knew exactly what was going inside her head. How was that even possible?

Jurina turned to look at Churi who was sitting by her side, and frowned when she saw her eyes growing wide like saucers. What had triggered such an expression? Her incomprehension grew even more when her friend let out a short laugh.

“Are you serious?” Churi exclaimed in disbelief. Her eyes searched briefly Rena in the room - noticing her chatting with Airi a bit further away - until setting them on the confused girl in front of her. “Have you read the sheet properly?”

“What? Of course I have,” Jurina defended herself. “The lyrics are incredible. I don’t know about the music, but I can’t wait to s…”

Jurina was interrupted when Churi suddenly tapped repeatedly the left corner of the sheet with her index. Jurina was more than taken aback by her action, but took a curious look at what she was trying to show her. Her friend was pointing at two very small lines printed in the upper left corner of the paper.

“I can’t believe you didn’t notice,” Churi continued. This time, she couldn’t help but smile in amusement at Jurina’s reaction. Shock was now written all over her face. “Our producer didn’t write the lyrics of your solo.”

 

* * *

 

“Ten minutes? Thank you.”

Rena hang up and slid her phone back inside the pocket of her coat. Once the rehearsal was over she had taken a quick shower, and was now heading to a television studio for the recording of a thirty-minute show about mangas. While waiting for the taxi she had just booked to arrive, the older Matsui thought back to the dance practice.

A smile had fallen upon her lips when she heard the notes of their new single for the first time. The lyrics were nice, and it was an enchanting melody. It was due to be released just before Christmas, truly a perfect moment in Rena’s eyes. She had no doubt people were going to love it. If truth be told, she had also been a bit surprised. The group was known for its energetic side, and it was not so often that they sang ballads. It was even rarer for a ballad to be chosen as the side A of a new single. At best, it was a coupling song.

She also had to admit the slow rhythm suited better her non-athletic body. Of course, she had improved a lot on that aspect since her first arrival in the group. It’s not like she had a choice on that matter, anyway. SKE’s songs were physically demanding, and their dancing coach inflexible. Sometimes, Rena wasn’t sure who was more intransigent regarding their choreographies: their dancing coach or Jurina. The latter didn’t tolerate the slightest mistake either. Not only was she very hard on herself, she also made sure the other girls mastered their choreographies. It was not uncommon to see her help another member with her moves if she considered she didn’t know them well enough.

Nevertheless, Rena still couldn’t proclaim herself a sporty girl. Far from it. It was not that she did not enjoy dancing on those upbeat tunes. After all, _Oki Doki_ was one of her favorite songs. And the joyful melody was pretty famous for being one of SKE’s most physically challenging songs. She sometimes even joked about it with Airi who always apprehended the immediate lack of energy that followed that particular song.

No, Rena was not afraid of a four-hour rehearsal anymore. Her body had gotten used to it overtime. Moreover, she knew how to preserve her strength effectively to not exhaust herself. It took her many years to find the right balance, but it was essential if she wished to survive in the idol group.

Rena really liked the new song, but something slightly bothered her: the composition of the senbatsu. Not many new girls were in it. In fact, it respected almost scrupulously the senbatsu of their previous single. Up to the position of each member. Maybe she shouldn’t be surprised. It had been this way from the start. SKE’s management rarely made bold decisions. When AKB changed the composition of their senbatsu quite frequently, SKE stuck to the same old one again and again.

To no one surprise, Jurina and her were still the double center. Rena couldn’t deny that there was a reassuring feeling to it. Each time she discovered she would be dancing by Jurina’s side again, she felt relieved. They worked well together on stage. Their moves always matched perfectly. In fact, they didn’t need anymore to rehearse a lot to be synchronized. It came naturally to them. Rena knew she could count on Jurina to handle the choreography. And the feeling was mutual.

Rena remembered hearing a few members voicing their concern when they happened to change positions. It was always disconcerting when a member had to suddenly change position for a song. The poor girl lost her regular landmark, and had to adjust very quickly to a new one. It could lead to confusion and mistakes. They were all professionals, but not infallible. That is why a change of position was sometimes welcomed, but always apprehended. It could give the opportunity for a girl to be more at the front, but it also required of her to be more attentive. Thankfully, Rena didn’t have to worry about that. Just like Jurina was the eternal center of SKE, her position was set in stone by her side.

But what about SKE’s future? She did not agree with SKE’s management’s choices. Their reluctance to include fresh blood was nothing but a mistake in her eyes. What was going to happen to the group once Jurina and her would be gone? Will SKE be able to survive the departure of its figureheads? Rena wanted to believe that they were not irreplaceable, but SKE’s management was not leaving the opportunity for other girls to shine.

 

* * *

 

Rena turned on her heels when she heard a familiar voice calling her name. A smile immediately plastered her face at the view of Jurina approaching, until it vanished when she noticed the baffled look she was giving her. Just as she was about to interrogate her about it, Jurina spoke up in a feeble murmur.

“You wrote me a song.”

Rena wanted to laugh. She _finally_ realized it. When they entered the dancing room early on and the young Matsui did not say a word to her about it, it was not hard to guess she had not read the paper in its integrality. At some point, Rena had thought of broaching the subject, until refraining from doing so. The rehearsal was about to begin, and Jurina would realize it soon or later anyway. Not to mention, she was not aware herself that their producer would include her solo in their next single. It had taken her by complete surprise.

“I did,” Rena confirmed. Her smile broadened when Jurina was still staring at her in utter perplexity a few seconds later. It was not every day you could render Jurina Matsui completely speechless. The sight was very entertaining. As a result, she couldn’t help but tease her a bit. “Don’t tell me you hate it.”

Rena was caught off guard when Jurina reduced the distance and wrapped her arms around her neck. Soft lips brushed her skin, and a kiss was placed on her cheek. “Idiot. You know I love it.”

The older Matsui didn’t miss the slight tremble in the young girl’s voice, clear evidence of her emotional state. With one arm she circled Jurina’s waist, while she caressed the back of her head. “I’m glad.”

“Why did you do this for me?” Jurina asked after a little while, disentangling herself to look at her.

Rena wasn’t surprised when she noticed a few silent tears, and she wiped them off Jurina’s cheeks carefully, before taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze. The young girl immediately intertwined their fingers together. “Don’t you remember? A few months ago, I told you I wanted to write a song for SKE48.”

Rena guessed by Jurina’s bewilderment that she absolutely did not recall this particular conversation. To be honest, she did not blame her. She had said those words very casually in the train that led them to Tokyo. That day, Jurina was so frustrated by the improbable lyrics of _Rivalry_ that she had a hard time memorizing them. Rena had agreed they didn’t reflect the true nature of her relationship with Mayu, before declaring she would one day write a song of her own.

“A month ago, I went to see our producer with the song I had written. I didn’t know how my request would be received. I knew my action to be quite bold, but I didn’t want to give up without trying,” Rena explained. She paused, watching Jurina attentively. Her silence and intense expression told her that she was waiting eagerly for her next words. She complied to her unvoiced request willingly.

“At first, he didn’t even speak much. He merely accepted the sheet and read the lyrics in front of me. When, a few seconds later, he placed the sheet back on the table without saying a word, I was convinced he would refuse. I could see no emotion whatsoever on his face. To my surprise, he accepted.”

“Our producer has always been a man very hard to decipher,” Jurina conceded. “But if you wanted to write a song about the group, why did it become a solo for me?”

“I don’t know,” Rena admitted. “I guess my initial intention changed along the way. Plus, in a sense, I’m still writing about SKE. You’re part of it, aren’t you?”

Jurina giggled at the light teasing she could discern in Rena’s tone. Maybe she would never understand what prompted Rena to write such a beautiful song for her, but one thing was certain: she was going to treasure this precious gift.

Jurina couldn’t help but wrap her arms around Rena’s neck again, the gesture making the other girl laugh. Her eyes shut when she felt the older Matsui embracing her in return. She let out a soft sigh, relishing their closeness. It didn’t take long before her thoughts went back to the lyrics of the song, still moved by the beautiful present Rena had just given her.

“You deserve it, Jurina,” Rena whispered.

Rena’s sweet voice was all it took for her to shed a few more tears.


	15. Chapter 15

Rena let out a small, almost inaudible sigh when the doors of the elevator opened at the right floor. Grabbing the handle of her suitcase she stepped out, walking in the quiet hallway of the hotel. Tomorrow, she was participating at a handshake event with the other members of SKE48. And the current silence surrounding her this evening was a bit too heavy for her liking. Jurina who was walking by her side seemed awfully lost in thoughts: she had barely spoken on their way here. Behind them, Airi and Churi had not said much either. Rena was well conscious that this unusual situation was only the result of what happened a couple weeks ago, straight after the first rehearsal of SKE new single.

_“You deserve it, Jurina,” Rena whispered._

_Rena held the younger Matsui tightly, feeling her sobbing on her shoulder. Her reaction didn’t surprise her in the least. Jurina had always been a very sensitive person at core - no matter how much she tried to act strong on stage and in front of others - and she could tell getting her first solo in SKE was moving her deeply. Probably even more to know that the lyrics were written by her._

_Rena murmured a few caring words in her ear, hoping they would soothe the emotional girl effectively. She received a few nods in reply, but no words left Jurina’s lips. Manifestly, she didn’t trust her voice enough to reply yet. Rena patted the back of her head gently and kissed her temple._

_The older Matsui’s attention suddenly got distracted when she noticed over Jurina’s shoulder Airi and Churi leaving the building. She sent them a smile when their eyes met, but quickly realized something was wrong. The tension was manifest between the two friends, and the smile Airi sent her in return was somewhat shy. On the other hand, Churi’s features had never been so serious. In fact, it almost looked like she was fighting back tears. It was a very strange sight coming from the usually very cheerful girl._

_“See you,” Airi said to Churi, a tentative smile on her lips. A weak nod is the only thing she got in reply. Churi didn’t look at her once during the whole time._

_Airi et Churi’s arrival had also alerted Jurina who was now disentangling herself from the embrace to look at them. A quick side glance at her told Rena she was as surprised as her by the two girls’ strange distance._

_Rena watched Airi walking away, and followed her a bit until she was no more in sight. What could have provoked such a heavy tension between the two friends? The only time she saw them acting this way, it was more than a year ago, when Churi got rejected by Airi. Since that moment, both girls had managed to get along again, and everything seemed to be back to normal. It was almost like nothing ever happened._

_“Churi, what is it?” Jurina’s concerned voice brought Rena’s attention back on the mentioned girl._

_Airi was too far away now for her to question her, but she could tell she would get the answer to her question pretty soon. Indeed, Churi had taken a few unsteady steps towards Jurina, before laying her head on her shoulder. The young Matsui immediately circled her waist, and Rena wondered if she didn’t hear a few light muffled sobs. Now, Rena was also starting to get really worried about Churi’s behavior._

_“Airin told me she’s graduating,” Churi stammered._

_Rena froze, suddenly feeling a bit ill-at-ease. Churi’s words did not surprise her as she had known about it for weeks, but she didn’t know when Airi would share the news with her friend. One day, during one of their conversations, Airi had voiced her concern about it. She didn’t know how Churi was going to react, and she feared she would not take it so well._

_Rena wanted to reassure her that everything would be fine but if truth be told, she didn’t know Churi that much. How she was going to react to the news was a complete mystery to her. No one reacted the same way to graduations. Some girls took it with calm, others cried for days. It was always hard to predict how a member was going to take it._

_Rena had to admit it was a bit strange to see the tears streaming down Churi’s face. It did not hold well with her typical joyfulness. Somehow, she felt a bit out of place witnessing such a scene. Jurina was tentatively trying to comfort Churi, but her shock at the news was evident in the ace’s somewhat hesitant voice._

_Rena suddenly noticed out of the corner of her eye a taxi approaching, and she knew it was her time to leave. In that intent she took a step back, unsure of what to do or say. She didn’t want to go without saying goodbye to Jurina, but she didn’t want to interrupt the moment._

_As if she could read her mind, Jurina stared at her over Churi’s shoulder. Rena could tell by the look she was giving her that she wanted to say something as well, but Churi was holding onto her and weeping softly on her coat. It was a tricky situation._

_Rena imagined Jurina wanted to pepper her with questions. Probably ask her if she already knew. Make sure that she was fine. For a moment, she wondered if her lack of real surprise at the revelation didn’t betray the truth. Indeed, Jurina was watching her with a curious expression. No words were exchanged. In the end, Jurina sent her a faint smile, which she reciprocated. Rena gazed sadly at Churi’s back one last time, before getting in the taxi._  

 

* * *

 

Rena took a seat on the side of the bed, watching Jurina who was kneeled on the ground and taking a few clothes out of her blue suitcase. They had barely shared a word since they entered the hotel room a few minutes ago and her thoughts went to Churi, knowing she was the reason behind Jurina’s unusual silence. To be honest, it had surprised her to discover Churi was going to share a room with Airi. She kind of expected her to request to switch room.

After all, she could still feel the distance between both friends. Yes, they were talking to each other and definitely not acting as strangers, but the tension was still tangible. It appeared the news of Airi’s graduation hit Churi hard. Much harder than it hit her.

That day back in late November, when she got into the taxi, she received a text from Jurina shortly after: _You already knew, didn’t you?_

A smile had moved to her lips at her perceptiveness. Of course, Jurina would guess it immediately. Her reply was simple, and short: _Yes_. As soon as they saw each other again, they talked about it at lengths. Rena quickly put an end to Jurina’s concern for her by stating that she was fine. At first, she got a few skeptical looks in return, until her calm tone and light caresses managed to persuade her.

They did not bring the topic up again. After that, Jurina spent more time with Churi than usual. Rena didn’t oppose any resistance when the young girl asked her a couple of times if they could cancel their dates. The hesitation she distinguished in Jurina’s eyes the first time even caught her off guard. _“You don’t have to ask for my permission, Jurina,”_ she had affirmed, confused. _“Spend as much time as you want with Akane. I understand perfectly.”_ Churi needed a shoulder to lean on; a friend to pour out her heart to. Jurina was going to be this person.

“How is Akane doing?” Rena broke the silence at last.

“It’s hard to tell,” came the hesitant reply.

Rena waited for her next words in expectation. The young girl had suddenly stopped emptying her suitcase, and was now looking in the opposite direction. It was not hard to guess her question was putting her ill-at-ease, but it was time to talk about the elephant in the room. Her wish to know more was not only motivated by her concern for Churi. Jurina also needed to share what was on her mind. Indeed, Rena had noticed the impact Churi’s sorrow was having on Jurina’s mood lately. It was obvious she felt down to not be more helpful to her dear friend.

The older Matsui followed her as she got up on her feet at last, and sat by her side on the bed. Her gaze was fixed on the floor when she continued. “The crying has stopped long ago, but she’s not speaking much.”

“I see,” Rena murmured, placing a comforting hand on Jurina’s and giving it a light squeeze. “Time heals everything. She’ll get better, don’t worry.”

“I hope,” Jurina sighed, feeling despondent despite Rena’s attempt to reassure her. “Manifestly, I’m not close to Airi as she is, but I can feel her pain.” This time, Jurina turned to look at Rena. Her somewhat confused look told her she needed to elaborate. “When Mariko graduated, I was completely devastated.”

“I know.” Rena felt the hand inside hers trembling slightly, and she immediately knew Jurina was remembering this difficult moment as she spoke. Oh yes, she recalled it pretty well too. Jurina had been through many difficult moments since she entered the 48group, but never had she seen the young girl so depressed. Not only the news had impacted her emotionally, it also put a strain on her body. She was completely falling apart, and no one seemed able to truly help her.

At some point, Rena even feared she wouldn’t make it and decide to leave SKE. Everyone knew Jurina had a somewhat fragile health. Now, there was no doubt she also had a sensitive heart. But she did not leave. One day, Jurina stepped inside the dressing room and gave her a broad, genuine smile. It was at this precise moment that Rena realized that she had - against all odds - successively managed to overcome her pain.

“I never want to go through something like that again,” Jurina declared, getting up from the bed and moving towards her suitcase. “It’s too hard to see the people you care about leave.”

Rena didn’t reply. The pain was still obvious in Jurina’s quivering voice, and her gestures were less assured when she resumed emptying her suitcase.

There were so many things she wanted to add to that. _Everyone leaves at one point or another,_ was one of them. _You too, Jurina, will leave when time has come,_ was another.

Somehow, she couldn’t resolve herself to say any of those words. 

 

* * *

 

Jurina had a divided opinion on hats being part of her costume. On one hand, she believed it gave her style and made her look definitely cooler. _Kiseki wa aida ni awanai_ wouldn’t be the same song without its famous accessory. A part of the choreography even revolved around it! On the other hand, she always felt slightly apprehensive when she discovered she would have to wear a hat during a performance. Somehow, she couldn’t help but fear of losing it on stage during the execution of the choreography.

Jurina was currently sitting in the dressing room, looking at her reflection in the mirror. The SKE members had been performing a few songs for the showcase of the handshake event in Nagoya. Jurina had long ago put on her new white suit and boots for her solo to come, CENTER. However, her matching hat was causing her a great deal of stress. She couldn’t stop adjusting it on her head again and again. Up. Down. Left. Right. No position seemed to fit.

A groan escaped her lips in frustration when she was still unable to obtain complete satisfaction despite her many attempts. She was perfectly aware that she was supposed to be on stage in a few minutes, but the accessory was currently driving her nuts. Just a little bit.

A small laugh coming from her left distracted her, and she tilted her head in curiosity at the sound. Rena was coming her way and shaking her head at her in disbelief. There was no doubt she was not agreeing with her picky behavior. Jurina recalled her sometimes making a comment about it when she was confronted with the same problem on _Darkness._

“Stop touching your hat,” Rena chastised her once she was sitting in front of her, “It’s perfect how it is.”

Jurina reflected on her statement and her fingers paused on the outline of the hat for an instant, until they started itching without her consent and she couldn’t help moving it again.

“You’re impossible!” Rena exclaimed in frustration at her stubborn behavior, slapping her hand away gently. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

The young Matsui didn’t speak and let her proceed. Deep down, she more than welcomed the unexpected help. This hat was really starting to make her nervous, and the prospect of making it fall during the first performance of her solo was terrifying. No, she couldn’t let that happen. Everything had to be perfect. No incident was allowed, even less on that particular song.

“There, you’re good to go,” Rena announced a few seconds later. Jurina was about to check herself in the mirror, when Rena’s voice stopped her in her tracks. “Wait, your knot is crooked.”

Jurina muttered under her breath when Rena started teasing her about her legendary issue with ties. She didn’t even try to reply to anything she was saying, knowing she was perfectly right. Maybe one day she would finally manage to make a proper tie without anyone’s help. Unfortunately, that day had not arrived yet. Jurina was even convinced she had done the worst job ever today. Blame it on her terrible anxiety.

“Everything will be fine,” Rena’s soothing voice jolted her out of her thoughts, and she gazed at the older girl. Judging by Rena’s knowing look, it wasn’t hard to guess she was perfectly aware of the turmoil currently going inside her head. “You know the lyrics by heart, and the choreography has no secrets for you.”

“I don’t want to mess up,” Jurina voiced her concern despite the reassuring words. Of course, the older Matsui was entirely right. She had worked on the lyrics so many times she even dreamed of the words at night. Moreover, the great and hardworking dancer that she was had mastered the energetic choreography in the blink of an eye. It didn’t prevent her from rehearsing it again and again until the last moment.

“You won’t,” Rena affirmed, grabbing promptly Jurina’s hand that was about to adjust her hat again. When she felt it slightly trembling inside hers, she gave it a light squeeze.

A staff member suddenly entered the dressing room, and Jurina straightened up in alert at the calling of her name. Right now, she was thankful for the light breakfast she ate this morning at the hotel. Her agitated state had provoked a knot in her stomach as soon as she started dressing up for her solo, and her heart was now hammering inside her chest in anticipation.

Jurina stood up - sending a nervous smile to the few SKE members present in the room and wishing her luck - before heading towards the door. She knew that Rena was following her close by: she could hear the soft footsteps behind her. As it was a solo, she would be the only person on stage. No background dancers whatsoever. However earlier on, the older Matsui had stated that she would watch her performance from backstage.

At first, Jurina was moved that Rena wanted to be present for the first performance of her solo. Now, knowing that she would have this particular pair of eyes glued on her the whole time added more pressure on her shoulders than anything. This is why she didn’t manage to share a single word with Rena during the whole way leading to the stage. Her mind was entirely set on the important performance to come. There was no room for the slightest mistake.

Jurina halted just at the entrance of the stage - watching briefly the girls currently singing - but refusing to take a peek at the audience. Somehow, she knew the view would make her more nervous. Television cameras were even present to film the event. They had already recorded their first performance of the SKE new single early on. They were going to immortalize as well her first performance of her solo. For once, Jurina wasn’t so eager to be in front of cameras.

The young Matsui felt a hand slipping inside hers, and she tilted her head to Rena. The latter had a playful expression on her face when she leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “Even if you make a few _minor_ mistakes, I won’t love you any less.”

A genuine smile moved to Jurina’s lips - the first one since she started getting ready for her solo - and she chuckled softly. In an instant, all the accumulated tension dissipated. “Promise?” Jurina decided to play along.

“You have my word,” Rena confirmed on the same teasing tone.

Jurina let her eyes close shut, relishing the proximity. She didn’t know how long they stayed without saying a word, but Jurina completely ignored all the noises around her. The music playing loudly on stage. The girls dancing energetically. The sound of their boots on the wooden floor. The cheers of the crowd. She didn’t pay attention to a single thing, only listening to the sound of her heart progressively going back to its normal rhythm. Jurina knew she owed this appeasing feeling spreading though her chest to the older Matsui facing her. The girl she loved so dearly.

The first notes of her solo, CENTER, sounded on stage all of a sudden. This time, Jurina took a step back and opened her eyes. From her peripheral vision, she saw the SKE members exiting the stage in a haste. A staff member approached her and started the countdown with his fingers. The young Matsui let go of Rena’s hand and adjusted the mic in front of her mouth one last time, before moving towards the light. It was her time to shine.

 

* * *

 

It was the last performance of the showcase. After singing a couple of SKE songs - the new single and Jurina’s solo included - they were closing the showcase of the handshake event with _Kataomoi Finally._

Rena really hoped the apprehension didn’t show in her eyes when the interviewer approached them at the end. Just before the showcase started Airi had taken her aside, and informed her that she wished to make the announcement today, at the end of the showcase. Rena could almost hear the seconds ticking in her head when the man in his thirties asked his first question to Jurina.

The young Matsui replied confidently, and with a broad smile on her lips. The performance of her solo had been perfect, and the song well received by the audience. Rena could imagine how relieved she must be feeling inside. It was even showing on the outside: she was literally glowing with happiness. Rena made a mental note to congratulate her as soon as they would leave the stage but right now, her thoughts were on her best friend. And what she was going to say in a few minutes.

If truth be told, she didn’t know why she was feeling nervous. It’s not like she was going to hear about it for the first time like all the fans watching them. So why was she having a bit of a hard time focusing on the conversation? Right now, she was definitely glad that Jurina was monopolizing all the attention on herself.

Out of curiosity, Rena took a brief and discreet peek at Akane. All the girls were looking at the interviewer with a polite smile plastered on their face. All except her. In fact, she was staring at him with an uncharacteristic uneasiness. There was no doubt that - in retrospective - fans would watch this interview again and draw the conclusion that she already knew what Airi was going to say.

Rena’s attention got back to the interview when she realized Jurina had stopped talking. It was a matter of seconds now. Indeed, Airi took suddenly a step forward and raised her hand. Rena held her breath when her best friend spoke up.

“I have an announcement to make.”

A few gasps were immediately heard amongst the fans, and Rena could feel the heavy tension in the air. Not a member was making a single noise on stage, their eyes glued on Airi in anticipation. A few girls had their eyes wide open and their mouth slightly agape. Even the few members who had not been informed beforehand were somewhat guessing what she was going to say. Those words were spoken too seriously to not mean something important.

Airi’s solemn words came without further delay. “I, Furukawa Airi, have decided to graduate.”

The news was followed by many desperate shouts in the crowd. People called her name, again and again. Rena took a peek at her best friend, watching her explaining calmly and with a confident smile the reason behind her decision. She had the same expression that when she told her the news in person that day in the restaurant. In a way, it reassured Rena. There was no hesitation whatsoever in her voice, proof that she had definitely thought this through.

From her peripheral vision, Rena noticed tears falling down the cheeks of several SKE members. Some were even trying to repress their cries with a hand carefully placed in front of their mouth. The shock was evident on the face of many girls. Those who didn’t know. Those who were learning the news at the same time as the audience.

As for Churi, she was not looking at Airi, but staring right in front of her. Despite that, her eyes were glimmering with emotion. The news didn’t come as a surprise to her, but it was evident hearing it out loud was affecting her again. Budding tears were forming in her eyes, but she was doing everything in her power to not let them fall.

Maybe it was the emotion tangible on stage and amongst the fans. Maybe it was hearing Airi speaking about her graduation. Rena didn’t know exactly what had triggered it, but she could now feel her heart beating rapidly. All of a sudden, she felt a hand inside hers. Taken aback, Rena momentarily wondered where Jurina’s unexpected affectionate gesture was coming from.

When the young girl had asked her a couple weeks ago how she was feeling about Airi’s graduation, she had guaranteed her that she was fine. And she believed it strongly. In the end, Rena realized that she was still affected by the news of her best friend’s departure. Now that things were made official, there was somehow a different feeling to it. Airi was really leaving SKE48. There was no turning back.

How did Jurina manage to guess her true feelings? It was a complete mystery to her. They were currently standing side by side, and they had not exchanged a look since Airi uttered the fateful words. Moreover, she was almost certain her emotions were not showing. Her perfect smile was still in place.

Rena didn’t say a word and kept her gaze firmly on her best friend. Nonetheless, she accepted Jurina’s comforting gesture with gratitude, and laced their fingers together.


	16. Chapter 16

Some people really feared the idea of graduation more than anything. Rena still remembered the first time a fan mentioned it during a handshake event. It was in 2011, and a boy, who couldn’t have been much older than her, came to her all shaky and nervous, before blurting out: “You’re my oshi! Please don’t graduate!”

Rena found herself utterly speechless, her juvenile smile vanishing in an instant. She was so shocked she didn’t manage to utter a single word. When she finally managed to regain a bit of composure time was already up, and the boy taken away from her sight. After that unbelievable moment, she couldn’t concentrate properly the whole morning. The boy’s words were still engraved in her mind and she was unable to shake them off. Why on earth would she already be graduating? She had only been in the group for two years!

And it was definitely not a onetime thing. Years went by, and Rena got confronted with this subject again and again. She still didn’t understand why people seemed so obsessed with it but now, she could give a proper answer. _I won’t,_ she would often say. _Please don’t worry about that,_ was another typical reply. Her initial surprise was far long gone. Now, she always harbored a polite smile and replied in a calm, measured tone.

Today, at the handshake event in Nagoya, a few people had already mentioned it. When she heard the question for the third time, it was from a foreigner. Rena immediately recognized the blond girl. Of course, Rena couldn’t remember the subject of their previous conversations or how many times this particular fan came to see her. However, she knew the girl was a long time fan.

Rena was no different from other members. She was always pleasantly surprised when she noticed foreigners in her waiting line. Despite being far from fluent in Japanese, they always did their best to speak the language. Somehow, the thought that they would make such effort for such a short conversation moved her each and single time. Foreigners were not that common during handshake events, but they were always glowing with happiness. Their enthusiasm contrasted so much with Japanese fans, and their typical reserve.

Rena wrapped her hands gently around those of the blond girl, noticing her somewhat troubled expression. Indeed, her smile was not making a very good job at hiding her true emotions. Something was obviously bothering her. It didn’t take long for Rena to grasp what it was.

“I’ve been following you for many years,” The girl with an Italian accent declared in Japanese. Rena nodded, distinguishing the light nervousness in her voice.“Airin announced her graduation today, and I hope you won’t follow the same path. Your presence in SKE has brought me so much needed joy. I would be very sad to see you leave.”

Rena did not blink at the statement, used by now to people mentioning her potential graduation. The first years, it did frustrate her to hear people talking about it so many times. However, no matter how hard she tried to reassure her fans, the question still kept on popping up. In fact, there was not a single handshake event without at least one person mentioning it. As time went by, Rena understood she couldn’t do anything about it. No matter what she said, her words had little to no effect. People would still keep on worrying.

“Thank you for coming again,” Rena answered politely. “Please don’t worry about that. I’m not going to graduate this year.”

A pleased smile plastered the fan’s face, and the older Matsui could tell she had managed to ease her mind. She barely had time to squeeze her hands in comfort that time was already up, and the Italian girl vanished from her sight. Just as Rena was about to shake hands with the next person waiting in line, she heard a small laugh coming from her left. She tilted her head in curiosity, noticing Jurina who had stopped shaking hands with her own fans, and was now watching her in amusement.

“Really? That’s the best you can offer?” Jurina’s laughing intensified.

Rena sent her a bemused look, wondering what could be wrong with her answer. It was the typical one she gave when she was asked about graduation. Why did the young Matsui suddenly find her words so funny? Rena couldn’t figure out why. However, she didn’t need to question Jurina when the latter added. “Rena! 2015 will be over in two weeks!”

Rena let her statement sink in, admitting progressively that she had a valid point. She had been repeating those words so many time over the past year, that she didn’t realize the year was already about to end. Despite that, no words managed to leave her lips. Fans who had caught their conversation were now joining the young Matsui in her laughter.

“You could have at least said: not anytime soon. I’m sure your fan would have felt more reassured,” Jurina continued on a teasing tone. “Don’t worry everyone,” Jurina now addressed the people waiting in Rena’s line, who were following their interaction in great interest. “Your oshi is _not_ going to graduate.”

Rena noticed from her peripheral vision her next fan approaching to shake hands with her but somehow, her eyes were still glued on the delighted Jurina. The young ace was desperately trying to calm down but still laughing a little despite her best efforts, before resuming the handshake as if nothing happened.

Jurina’s last words echoed in Rena’s head. The young girl was not paying attention to her anymore, a broad smile on her lips as she welcomed her next fan. Rena didn’t know how long she stared at her without saying anything. All of a sudden, she heard the guard’s hesitant voice calling her name, and she turned finally towards the waiting fan.

Rena greeted the young man with a polite smile, but couldn’t ignore the tinge of unease now filling her chest.

 

* * *

 

Rena looked up from her book when she heard a soft knock on her hotel door. She frowned a bit, wondering who could it be at such a time of the day. The handshake event had ended an hour ago, and the sun was already down. Rena had taken a quick bath to relax after the tiring day, before deciding to read while waiting for Jurina’s return.

The young Matsui had been asked to do a couple of interviews after the event, mostly to talk about SKE new single and her unforeseen solo. Rena had no doubt magazines were going to talk about it at length for the following weeks. That was definitely news that Jurina’s fans were going to appreciate greatly.

Rena put her manga aside and walked to the door in curiosity. She was more than startled when she noticed her best friend on the other side. Were they supposed to meet after the event? No, Rena was pretty sure they were not. Despite that, a smile soon moved to her lips. Her best friend’s company was always welcomed. She let her in without further ado.

“Jurina is not here?” Airi inquired, taking a step forward and looking around the room in curiosity.

“No, she had a couple of interviews,” Rena replied, offering her visitor a seat. Airi immediately sat on the bed by her side. “She’ll be here soon. How are you feeling?”

“A bit tired,” Airi admitted, letting out a small sigh. “People haven’t stopped asking me about my graduation: fans, members, journalists. But it was expected.”

“They will clearly have a lot to speak about after today,” Rena nodded in agreement. “Our new single, Jurina’s solo and your graduation. This day will stay imprinted in a lot of people’s minds.”

Airi noticed the slight melancholy in Rena’s voice and she let a few seconds pass by, trying to understand its origin, until her features grew more serious when she spoke up again. “I didn’t have the opportunity to speak with you after I made my announcement on stage.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Rena shook her head lightly. “You were surrounded by many members who were questioning you about it. I already knew.”

“I know you said you were okay with it,” Airi trailed off in hesitation. “But if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Rena pondered on her offer, noticing the genuine look Airi was now giving her. It was quite unusual for her to openly share her feelings, but if there was one person she always felt comfortable enough to do so, it was definitely Airi. “It was a bit strange to hear you say those words out loud in public,” Rena conceded. “It made it seem suddenly more… real.”

“I know,” Airi murmured. “That’s why I wanted to make sure…”

“I’m fine,” Rena cut her off gently. “You really don’t have to worry about me.”

Airi watched her best friend attentively. Was Rena really speaking the truth or hiding her true feelings behind a mask of indifference? She saw her doing it so many times in the past. And the older Matsui had perfected it so well over time. Right now, Airi was having a hard time telling. Somehow, she wanted to believe her friend’s current smile was nothing but sincere.

“Something quite funny happened today,” Airi affirmed on a light tone, deciding it was time to put the somewhat heavy subject aside. “A fan in my line was sad I was graduating, but relieved because you declared you had no intention of graduating.”

“What?” Rena widened her eyes in confusion.

“During handshake, a boy from my line told me that,” Airi clarified. “Apparently, he heard it from a fan of your line.” Airi chuckled a bit when she noticed Rena’s stupefaction. “Fans are truly resourceful, aren’t they?”

Airi had only brought the subject up in order to lighten up the mood, but it appeared her words had the opposite impact on Rena. Indeed, the latter was now looking the other way, and her face had slightly darkened. Airi frowned, wondering what could have triggered Rena’s sudden change of mood. She truly believed the anecdote would amuse her best friend. After all, it did manage to make her smile at the time.

“I didn’t say those words,” Rena uttered in a feeble murmur. “Jurina did.”

Airi found herself a bit confused, failing to see the point of her correction. Moreover, she couldn’t fathom out the reason for Rena’s slight nervousness. Airi searched in her head an explanation for her current strange attitude, until a potential one emerged. She wasn’t sure to be right, but decided to go for it nonetheless when Rena was still not willing to talk a few seconds later.

“You’re not thinking about leaving SKE, are you?” Airi questioned tentatively.

Two small brown orbs looked back at her, and Airi read the hesitation in them quite well. No words needed to be exchanged to guess what was going through Rena’s head right now. Yes, she was thinking about doing it. And was feeling apprehensive about it. Airi could tell her friend wanted to add something more, so she waited patiently for her to speak.

The air had become suddenly slightly heavier, and Rena was now playing nervously with the phone in her hand. Airi placed a comforting hand over that of Rena’s, in an attempt to calm her agitated state. It seemed the simple gesture had some effect, as Rena’s features relaxed progressively.

“I would lie if I said your decision didn’t have any impact on me,” Rena started, now looking straight into her eyes, “It made me think about a lot of things. Mainly about my future.”

Rena paused, and Airi took the opportunity that she was now staring pensively at her feet to watch her attentively. Evidently, something was bothering her. It was written all over her face. Somehow, Airi could tell it was not completely related to her possible future graduation. The clumsy and shy girl who entered SKE was far long gone. Rena was now a decisive person, who never hesitated when she wanted something.

Moreover, Airi was well aware that there were many things Rena wished to accomplish, and couldn’t because of her current idol job. They had already spoken about a few missed opportunities, mostly this past year. Roles in TV shows and movies she was forced to refuse because of her tight schedule. And Rena’s ultimate wish was to become an actress. So why did it look like she was facing a dilemma? It didn’t hold well with the Rena she knew. When her mind was set on something, she didn’t give up. What could possibly be holding her back? Airi was about to interrogate her when it suddenly hit her. Why didn’t she see it sooner? It was not something that was holding her back. It was someone.

“You haven’t told Jurina,” Airi stated. She knew she hit the bull’s eyes when Rena turned to look at her and confirmed her thoughts with a silent nod. “You don’t know how she’s going to take it if you decide to graduate.”

Airi was taken aback when a small, nervous laugh escaped Rena’s lips. The older Matsui didn’t speak for a while after that, and Airi wondered what could have triggered this peculiar reaction. Just as she was about to break the silence surrounding them, Rena spoke up at last with a troubled expression. “I think I know how she’s going to react. That’s precisely the problem.”

 

* * *

 

Jurina was supposed to be back in time for dinner, but had sent her a text warning her she would be delayed, and therefore she should eat without her. Rena was still with Airi when she received the message, and she offered the latter to join her for dinner.

They took some take away, and spent the rest of the evening eating and chatting in front of the television. They didn’t talk about her potential graduation anymore. Airi showed her the new drawings she made for Weekly Shonen Jump, and managed to make her giggle when she noticed a character obviously based off her. The melon pan in the girl’s hand gave it away instantly. Airi admitted with a knowing look she may have been inspired by her.

At some point, Rena wondered if her best friend was not purposely trying to distract her from her worried thoughts. In any case, whether it was intentional or not, it worked. Unexpectedly, she managed to spend a carefree evening with Airi.

When Airi left her hotel room a little while later, Rena resumed the reading of her book while waiting for Jurina. Sometimes, she wondered if the young girl wasn’t able to read her mind. Indeed, she received a text a few minutes later, telling her not to wait for her and go to sleep. The thought that the young Matsui guessed effectively what she was currently doing put a smile on her lips, until she decided to lay down and rest.

However, she didn’t wish to go to sleep quite yet. No matter what Jurina suggested, she was decided to wait for her return. In that intent she put her pajamas on and got into bed, watching mind-absently a movie on the television. The older Matsui felt her heavy eyelids closing a few times halfway through, and she could tell her weariness was starting to get the best of her.

It was not that surprising after the long, tiring day she just went through. Handshake events always managed to drain all her energy. Rena knew there was no point in fighting it. She had tried in the past, to no avail. In the end, her body always won against her mind. Reluctantly, she turned the television off and rested her head on the pillow to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Rena felt her heart skip a beat when she heard the hotel door open, the sound startling her and waking her up effectively. She opened her eyes sleepily, gazing at Jurina who was making her way in the dark room as quietly as possible. The older Matsui checked the time on the alarm clock: 11 PM.

Rena straightened up, Jurina’s startled eyes immediately falling on her when she noticed some movement in the bed. Jurina stopped dead in her tracks when Rena switched on the bedside lamp and their eyes met.

“Sorry,” Jurina winced. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“It’s fine,” Rena stifled a yawn. “How did the interviews go?”

Rena saw Jurina taking her coat off and heard her talking, but soon realized she wasn’t really listening to anything she was saying. Indeed, her mind was already back on her conversation with Airi. Rena could see the bright smile on Jurina’s lips as she spoke with enthusiasm, but all she could think about was the terrible impact her graduation was going to have on Jurina if she decided to go through with it.

Rena realized Jurina had stopped narrating her day when she suddenly saw her entering the bathroom to get ready to go to bed. Rena watched her silently while she got into her daily routine, her thoughts on the conversation she was supposed to have with the young Matsui. Her mouth opened a few times in that intent but somehow, no words left her lips. She simply couldn’t bring herself to put that sensitive topic on the table.

 

* * *

 

Rena wasn’t feeling tired. Was it because of the small nap she had against her will taken earlier? Or were the thoughts currently juggling in her head keeping her awake? It was hard to tell. Her eyes were wide open, and boring into the back of the girl laying by her side in bed. Rena didn’t know how long she stared at Jurina’s back. All of a sudden, she felt the irrepressible need to get closer to her.

The older Matsui reduced the small distance between them and wrapped her arms around her waist. The light groan escaping Jurina’s lips in reaction told her she was still not sleeping. Rena held her for a little while without saying anything, relishing their proximity. Fear of losing those simple but precious moments of intimacy progressively invaded her mind. Rena did her best to brush off this negative feeling but it spread in her mind like a cobweb, soon guiding her lips and her hands.

Rena left a trail of wet kisses along the nape of Jurina’s neck, while her hands slipped under her tee-shirt in determination. Jurina let out another groan at her bold actions, and Rena could well discern the confusion mixed with tiredness in her voice when she called her name. “Rena…?”

Rena paused for a split second. Of course, she had not indicated beforehand in any way her wish to get more intimate with Jurina tonight: she had not planned any of this. She was merely letting her growing apprehension speak for her. As a result, Jurina was taken aback by her unforeseen move on her. It didn’t stop her for all that. When Jurina turned to face her, Rena didn’t waste a second to climb on top of her and press her lips against hers.

The kiss was hard and demanding, and Rena could feel Jurina was having a hard time following the rhythm she was imposing her. After a while Rena broke the intense kiss and straightened up to remove her own shirt in a haste, before tugging at the hem of Jurina’s top in determination. For a moment, she wondered if her request would be denied. Indeed, Jurina didn’t move an inch, as if she seemed to ponder on it. Just as Rena was about to reiterate her demand, Jurina complied to her wishes and removed her shirt.

Rena was conscious that she was not being completely herself when she connected their lips rapidly, and her fingers caressed Jurina’s exposed chest. There was another force controlling her. It wasn’t love or lust. It was fear. Fear of losing the girl she came to feel so strongly about. Never before had she let that particular negative feeling enter her heart when it came to her relationship with Jurina. Yes, their relationship was somewhat hesitant the very first months. Jurina’s heart had not completely healed at the time and needed to take things slow. She respected that fact and granted her wishes willingly.

But never did she fear of losing her affection. Jurina loved her. She could see it in every word, look and touch. If truth be told, her adoration for her was sometimes a bit overwhelming. She didn’t always understand how the ordinary, twenty-four girl that she was managed to place such a deep emotion in Jurina’s eyes. But it was here. It had been here for a year. Maybe even longer, without her noticing. And now, she was afraid of not seeing it anymore.

While still kissing with fervor the girl trapped under her, Rena’s hand traveled down Jurina’s body until the waistband of her pajama prevented her from going any further. This time, she didn’t ask or wait. She slipped her fingers underneath Jurina’s underwear, eager to touch the young girl more intimately. She had almost reached her destination when she felt Jurina breaking the kiss and stopping her hand rapidly.

“Rena, you’re going too fast,” Jurina uttered in surprise.

Rena froze instantly and opened her eyes. She stared at Jurina but the darkness was preventing her from properly seeing her. Nevermind, the tone in her voice had been enough. She removed her hand as if it had been burned and straightened up at once, not daring to touch another inch of Jurina’s body anymore.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what took hold of me,” Rena stammered in embarrassment. A blatant lie. She knew exactly what had motivated her actions. A feeling she refused to speak of. A conversation she feared to have. A girl she was dreading to lose.

“Are you alright?” Jurina asked in a small concerned voice.

No, she was not alright. Quite the opposite. She was feeling awful. Now was the time to explain her behavior. Announce to Jurina what she was thinking of doing. Rena knew all of this. So why could she still not muster the courage to say the words? Why was she completely incapable of speaking the truth?

From her peripheral vision Rena noticed Jurina extending her arm to switch the light on. However, she quickly grabbed her hand before she could ever reach it. She refused to let her see the distress in her eyes. Nor the solitary tear now rolling down her cheek in silence. Rena knew emotion was starting to take hold of her, but she did her best to compose herself. She wanted to make sure her voice did not betray her true feelings when she spoke up.

“I just want to be with you tonight,” Rena whispered. “I promise I’ll be more gentle.”

Her request was met with silence. Jurina didn’t say anything for a little while, her hand still awfully close to the switch of the bedside lamp. Rena could guess that she was hesitating and pondering over her options. Her better judgment was telling her to check first what was apparently wrong with her. If their roles had been reversed, she would have done the exact same thing.

Rena closed her fingers around Jurina’s hand carefully, willing to carry on with her plan. In the hope of destroying her last shred of resistance, she planted a chaste, loving kiss on her lips. “Please?”

Rena knew Jurina had surrendered when she felt the fingers inside her hand relaxing and the young girl responding to the kiss softly. Rena felt relief filling her chest instantly. She knew she was only delaying the inevitable. They were going to have that conversation she dreaded so much soon or later. But not tonight. Right now, she wanted to make Jurina’s heart race with love and desire.


	17. Chapter 17

Rena took a seat in the last row of the SKE theater, and watched pensively the empty stage in front of her. She had performed so many times in the past on this stage. The first years, SKE was just a new formed sister group of AKB, and this small stage was the only place where the group could sing frequently.

A nostalgic feeling spread through her chest. This place held so many memories. It was where everything started for SKE. Rena still remembered vividly performing the first times in front of a half empty theater.

Nevertheless, it never affected her enthusiasm. Each time, no matter how many people were present, she gave her very best. After all, that was what they were taught to do. To demonstrate SKE’s energetic side everyday on stage. To always have a broad smile on their lips, no matter how much their shirt was soaked with sweat after an exhausting two-hour concert.

And that’s precisely what she did. She gave everything she had during rehearsal and on stage. It didn’t matter that she was at first positioned at the back, and that the audience could barely see her. The view at the back gave her a unique angle: she could watch the other members dancing. Admire an eleven Jurina thriving to do her best and leading the group at the front.

Despite her very young age, Jurina had incredible energy and charisma. Not one complaint ever left her lips. She wasn’t afraid of physically demanding choreographies. Their dancing coach’s relentlessness didn’t deter her either. She worked hard every day, until she was completely satisfied with herself.

Jurina’s unfailing motivation propelled Rena into surpassing herself. When times were hard and Rena’s body was hurting so much she couldn’t help the tears from falling, Jurina didn’t stop. She kept on. Danced through the energetic choreography, no matter how many times their coach asked them to rehearse it again. Rena simply knew she couldn’t give up when she looked at Jurina. She was her driving force.

And, one day, Rena got offered a front position. After all these years, she still didn’t understand why she was chosen to be paired with Jurina. Without contest, there were better dancers and singers in the group. In fact, she could name a dozen of girls who could have easily occupied her spot.

Yes, she was a hard working person. But she was definitely not an exception. Everyone worked hard to meet their coach’s demands. There was no place whatsoever for laziness in SKE. Every girl was well aware of it. Their energy was their trademark.

In the end, Rena stopped wondering why she was chosen and decided to relish her new position. It truly happened when she least expected it, and she seized the opportunity with gratitude.

SKE popularity increased progressively, and the girls were able to perform in larger venues. The Nagoya Dome was their biggest achievement. It took years to get here but finally, they could compete with AKB. They did not have to stay in its shadow anymore. SKE had success. They were playing in the big league. People seemed to love SKE’s unique, very energetic side. Popular members had lots of fans coming to see them during handshake events.

Rena was more than happy that SKE finally had reached a certain level of fame. However, it also meant she saw the inside of the SKE theater less and less. Indeed, her growing popularity prevented her from standing on this stage as much as before. With her busy schedule, she simply couldn’t perform every week. In fact, much as she searched in her head, she couldn’t recall the last time she stood on this stage.

A few staff members suddenly appeared on stage, and Rena knew they were preparing the place for tonight’s Team KII concert. Her nostalgia progressively gave way to melancholia. Even if she spent less and less time on this stage as the years went by, it would always hold a special meaning to her. This is where it all started for the 1st generation of SKE back in 2008.

And it was the place where it would end for a particular member of the Team KII. The person she considered as her best friend in the world. A girl who had joined SKE only a year after her: Airi Furukawa. Tonight would be the last time she would sing and dance in front of an audience. Today, the 15th of January, was her graduation concert.

Rena was feeling slightly nervous about what was going to happen tonight. It had only been a month since Airi announced officially her graduation. Why did she have to leave the group so fast? In her opinion, it felt rushed. However, Rena knew perfectly well that Airi was not at fault. When it came to SKE activities, management planned everything. Members didn’t have a voice in the decision-making process.

Rena wanted to voice her disapproval when the graduation date was officially announced to the other members of the group. She didn’t understand why it was taking place at such an early stage of 2016. Despite the words that were threatening to fall from her lips, she remained silent. No matter how popular she had become in the group over the years, she had no influence whatsoever on their management’s decisions.

Rena took a peek at her phone, and discovered there was still an hour until the beginning of the concert. She had arrived a bit early today, not wishing to be late for this special event. After that, she observed again distractively the staff members who were checking the lights, and making sure the moving stages were working properly. Her phone suddenly vibrated, and the text she received made her stand up at once. Her best friend had arrived.

 

* * *

 

Airi looked up from her book when she heard the door of the dressing room opening, and saw Rena appearing. They exchanged a genuine smile, until the older Matsui took her coat off, and came to sit by her side. For now, they were the only two members present in the room.

“I see I’m not the only one who arrived way too early,” Airi noted with a soft chuckle.

When Rena told her a few weeks ago that she would do everything in her power to be present for her graduation concert, she felt deeply moved. After all, she was well aware that the older Matsui had a busy schedule. Moreover, the graduation date had been set very early after the announcement.

Airi would lie if she said the date had not surprised her. She expected to have at least three months left in the group. Nevertheless, she didn’t protest. She accepted the date with a polite smile, and went through the graduation process obediently. Photoshoots, interviews, last handshake events. She barely had time to breathe during this month.

“I’m particularly glad I was able to make it,” Rena answered, letting out a small sigh in relief. “Until a few days ago, I wasn’t sure I could.”

“I’m happy you’ll be on stage with me tonight,” Airi said sincerely, taking Rena’s hand and squeezing it lightly.

“You deserved better than that rushed departure,” Rena murmured. “You were captain of Team KII, and in the group since 2009.”

Airi distinguished fully the displeasure in her friend’s voice. Even though they had barely been able to see each other this last month - being each of them caught up in their own busy schedule - they had had this particular conversation once before. It happened in December, merely a few days after the date was announced. Rena was not only surprised about it: she was unhappy.

In fact, it almost looked like her friend was more impacted by the date than herself. Yes, she was startled to learn she would graduate so soon, but it didn’t bother her so much. Her mind was already set on her future. Of course, she would always keep a fond memory of all these years she spent in the idol group. After all, it was a big part of her life.

However, it was now time to move on. She had nothing more to offer SKE48. And SKE48 had definitely fulfilled a few of her dreams. Now, she was going to try and accomplish her ultimate goal. She knew the road was still long until she would fully become a recognized manga artist, but she had made a huge step with Weekly Shonen Jump’s latest job offer. Never once, since she entered the group, had she lost hope. And the path now ahead of her had never looked brighter.

“I made the most of it while it lasted,” Airi affirmed softly, but with conviction. “Now, it’s time for me to let another girl take my place.”

Rena’s silence told her she didn’t completely agree with her. Yes, Rena would have liked things to end differently. To be able to spend a little more time with her in SKE. Unfortunately, this short month period didn’t give them that. Despite the fact that an important page of her life was turning, Airi knew it didn’t mean the end of their relationship. They would keep on seeing each other: Airi had absolutely no doubt about it. Their friendship was too precious to let it end with her departure.

Airi took a quick peek at the clock on the wall, before gazing at her best friend who was now staring into space. She knew that the other members would be here in about half an hour, but she wanted to take advantage of the fact that they were still alone to broach a certain sensitive subject with Rena.

Since that day in the hotel room after the handshake event, they had not spoken about Rena’s possible graduation again. Airi was never one to pray, always preferring Rena to come and speak with her when she felt the need to. She had adopted this pattern for years now, a pattern that was always greatly appreciated by her introverted friend.

However, she was conscious of her friend’s inner turmoil. She had made it quite obvious a month ago, and she really wished she could do something to help Rena. But what could she really do? It was an important decision that affected her future. Only Rena could make such a decision. No one could tell her what to do, or influence her.

Airi was still a little unsure about their following conversation. As a result, she couldn’t help the hesitation from entering her voice when she uttered her next words. “Have you spoken to Jurina about your… possible future plans?”

She had not. Airi could immediately tell this in the way Rena grew still, and her features darkened in discomfort. The older Matsui didn’t turn to look at her, nor did she speak. For a moment, Airi wondered if she had not made a mistake by putting that topic on the table. Maybe it was too early for Rena to speak about it. Maybe she still hadn’t made any final decision.

The silence surrounding them had suddenly become a bit heavy, and you could almost hear a pin drop. None of them was making a single move. Their breathing had slowed down considerably. Seconds went by painfully slow. Airi could almost feel the unease growing between them. Just as she was about to change the subject to alleviate the tense atmosphere, Rena spoke up unexpectedly.

“I tried a few times,” Rena admitted helplessly. “I never found the courage to go through with it. Lately, she has been so happy. I fear…”

Airi nodded silently when Rena didn’t continue. In a sense, she could somewhat relate to what Rena was going through. She also waited a lot before confessing the truth to Churi. She feared her friend would not take well the news of her graduation, and she had been right. She still remembered vividly the expression in Churi’s eyes when she announced it to her.

At first, the shock completely prevented Churi from uttering a single word. It took a while until she asked her first question. _Why?_ Airi had expected that question in particular. She had even planned a whole answer in her head in anticipation. Nevertheless, it was painful to see the way her friend was looking back at her when she started her explanation. Airi decided to keep a smile on her face the whole time, but she knew it had faded at some point during their conversation. She simply couldn’t help but be affected by the despair that progressively invaded Churi’s eyes. It was an expression she never believed she would see in the usually cheerful eyes of her friend.

Of course, both situations were not completely similar. Airi and Churi were close, and shared a lot. Most of their hobbies were common, and they saw each other quite frequently outside of the group. They enjoyed spending time together. They always had so much fun. But they were just friends. There was no romantic feeling involved.

On the other hand, Rena and Jurina had taken their relationship to a new level a year ago. Airi knew that the older Matsui loved the young girl dearly, and the feeling was more than mutual. If Rena made up her mind and decided to graduate, there was no way to predict how badly Jurina was going to react. And Airi guessed that was precisely what Rena was worrying the most about.

“Have you made a decision?” Airi finally asked the question that was been burning her lips.

Rena nodded, this time looking straight into her eyes. “I thought about it at length. Weighed up the pros and cons. I have no other choice but to leave SKE if I want to pursue my dreams.”

There was an air of finality in her voice. A determination that left no room for discussion. In a sense, it reassured Airi to hear it. Yes, her decision was going to have an impact on Jurina. But it would also have an impact on SKE48. The group was going to lose one of its figureheads, and management would surely need to cope with this great loss. Their efficiency in doing so would decide SKE’s future.

All of a sudden, the door of the dressing room opened, and both friends looked up in curiosity towards its direction. Churi was standing on the doorstep, and by the look she was giving them, Airi immediately feared the worse. She couldn’t have heard their conversation, could she? Her heart beat faster in apprehension when she noticed the girl staring at Rena in utter shock. Churi’s next words put an end to any doubt she ever had.

“Rena… You’re going to graduate?”

 

* * *

 

When Churi arrived at the SKE theater a few hours ago, she surely never expected to eavesdrop that kind of conversation. She had arrived a bit early and was about to open the door of the dressing room, when she caught the words falling from Rena’s lips. At first, she refused to believe she heard correctly. Rena couldn’t be thinking of graduating. If she did, Jurina would surely have informed her about it, and definitely not looked so cheerful for the past few months. Unless…

Churi widened her eyes when she came to another conclusion. One that she didn’t like at all. The idea that Rena could have kept her graduation secret from her. She wouldn’t do that, would she? It was her wish to get answers that led Churi to push the door. She wanted to hear directly from Rena that it was only the fruit of her imagination. Rena was not deciding to leave the boat only a month after Airi. And certainly not keeping it from Jurina, the young girl who loved her so much. It was simply impossible.

In the end, Rena didn’t need to answer her question. Her petrified expression spoke louder than words. Churi was still about to ask her about it, when a few members of the Team KII appeared in the corridor a few seconds later, and entered the dressing room. By the look of it, Airi was the only one who seemed to know about Rena’s plans. So there was no way this particular conversation was going to happen while they were surrounded by so many people.

After that, Churi tried to focus fully on Airi’s graduation concert. She managed to do quite a good job when she happened to be on stage. However, the conversation she had unintentionally eavesdropped would often invade her mind once she found herself backstage, or in the dressing room to change into a new outfit. Quite often, she noticed Rena gazing at her briefly. Her discomfort was more than obvious. Nevertheless, they didn’t speak at all during the whole concert. The heavy tension between them would have been obvious to keen eyes.

During the last song, Churi couldn’t help the tears from rolling down her cheeks. Albeit the fact that she had promised herself not to cry, the idea that Airi wouldn’t be in the group anymore was too overwhelming. And hearing the audience shouting Airi’s name in despair again and again certainly didn’t help.

Once the concert was over, Churi watched the other members of the Team KII speaking with Airi in the dressing room. A lot of girls were crying, and the graduated member was comforting them as best as she could with a hug or a kind smile. Churi didn’t join them and kept her distance. Airi knew how she felt about her graduation. They had already spoken about it many times since she announced her decision to her in private.

What more could be said? Did Airi need to see her tears again? See her distraught expression another time? No, she didn’t. She had already enough to deal with the members currently gathered around her. This is why Churi left the SKE theater as soon as she was dressed in her casual clothes. She didn’t exchange a word with Airi, but she noticed the genuine smile her friend sent her as she passed the door to leave. Churi didn’t hesitate to reciprocate it.

Of course, her smile was somewhat different from hers. It was tinged with melancholia. But, behind all the sadness Airi’s graduation had caused her, there was hope. Hope that this wasn’t the end for them. That their friendship - that meant so much to her - wouldn’t suffer from it. Churi was not naive: she knew her friend’s departure from the group would have an impact. They were going to see each other less: of this she was certain. However, it didn’t mean their bond was going to be severed. Airi had held an important place in a heart during all these years. And she was going to make sure it would keep being that way for the following ones.

 

* * *

 

“Akane… Can we talk?”

Churi tensed when she heard Rena’s tentative voice calling her. She was outside the SKE theater and about to call a cab to go home, when her fingers stilled on the screen of her Smartphone. Akane placed the phone back into her pocket, turning to look at the older Matsui who was standing a few feet away from her. Churi ignored the cold wind that suddenly blew into her face and stared at the girl. Well, it appeared they were going to have that conversation, after all.

Churi nodded, and watched Rena reducing the distance. So many questions were currently juggling in her head, but she wanted to leave the other girl the time to explain herself first. If truth be told, it felt a bit weird to have that particular conversation with her. It felt wrong in so many ways. Churi had spoken on many occasions with Rena this last year. Definitely more than the previous ones. But it was only due to their common relationship with Jurina.

Churi still didn’t consider Rena and her as friends. And she knew Rena didn’t either. A few times, Jurina had admitted she felt a bit saddened that the two girls apparently didn’t manage to get that along. They were cordial, and could hold easily a conversation without any sign of unease. But they were both aware that they were merely interacting because of Jurina.

Churi was currently finding herself a bit torn. On one hand, she wanted to know what had motivated Rena to make such a decision. Why now. Why so soon after Airi’s decision. On the other hand, she felt bad knowing Jurina still didn’t know. This wasn’t right. She wasn’t supposed to know about this before the young girl.

In the end, Churi was the one who broke the heavy tension between Rena and herself. She took a quick look around to make sure no one could hear them, before speaking up. The disapproval was definitely showing in her voice, but she simply couldn’t help it. “You really are leaving?”

“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” Rena answered in unease. “But please don’t tell Jurina. I want to be the one to tell her in person.”

“I hate keeping something from her,” Churi declared in all honesty. Rena’s words were confirming again what she feared. Rena was really going to graduate. When? Why? In the end, she didn’t ask any of those questions. Her thoughts went to Jurina, and the pain she could foresee in her eyes when she would hear the news. “Don’t wait too long. She doesn’t deserve to be kept in the dark.”

Rena didn’t answer. However, Churi guessed by her discomfort that she was dreading her conversation with Jurina. Of course, it wouldn’t be easy to admit her such a thing. It was going to hurt Jurina: of this Churi was certain. But there was no point in delaying the inevitable. Rena had decided to graduate, and would have to announce it publicly sooner or later.

Decisions always had consequences. Rena had made plenty of decisions these last seven years. She accepted her transfer to Team E despite the pain it caused Jurina. Didn’t refuse when she got offered a kennin in Nogizaka46. Much to Jurina’s disagreement. As time went by, she received more job opportunities outside of the group. Opportunities that she didn’t let pass. Churi may very well not be that close with Rena, it was not hard to guess this decision in particular was probably the hardest she ever made. And definitely the decision that was going to have the most devastating impact on SKE’s ace.

 

* * *

 

Jurina knocked softly on the apartment door, waiting for the girl on the other side to open. If truth be told, she was feeling slightly nervous. Her hand was clutching the plastic bag tightly and her heart was beating faster in expectation. Why? Because today was very special. It had been exactly one year to the day that Rena confessed her feelings to her after the AKB48 concert in Tokyo.

That is why she had bought a present for the occasion, and booked one of Rena’s favorite restaurants for tonight. Of course, she was positively sure Rena would be completely surprised about her plans. After all, it was common knowledge that the older Matsui didn’t really attach importance to dates. She still remembered vividly last Valentine’s Day. Rena had invited her to her apartment and Jurina believed it was because of it. Much to her surprise, it was not. In fact, Rena had entirely forgotten about it.

In the end, it didn’t matter if they didn’t always attach the same importance to things. January 30 marked the first day of their relationship. This day would always have a special meaning to her. This day symbolized too much for her to ignore it.

When a few seconds passed by and Jurina didn’t hear the sound of footsteps, she frowned a little. It is true to say she had not warned Rena of her arrival, as she wanted to make her a surprise. However, she knew that she was spending the afternoon at her apartment. She had casually checked her schedule with her the day before.

Maybe she had momentarily gone out to run an errand? Jurina pondered over her options, before taking out her spare key from her handbag. A little while ago, Rena had given it to her, stating it would be easier that way for her to make her way in and out of her apartment.

Jurina was completely speechless when the object was placed nonchalantly in her hand. Jurina imagined she must have looked very shocked, because Rena couldn’t help teasing her about her attitude for the following minutes. Of course, Jurina was well aware that Rena was mostly giving her the key out of practicality. However, her heart still raced at the idea that Rena was entrusting her with it. She felt deeply moved.

Jurina turned the key in the door, her arrival met with complete silence. Yes, it appeared Rena was truly away. Jurina took her jacket and shoes off, and placed them carefully in the hallway as usual. Her steps led her first to the living room, until she pushed the door of the bedroom. What she found behind made her pause: Rena was sleeping on her desk.

Jurina didn’t move, and watched with a loving smile the older girl’s sleeping form. The light that was penetrating the room through the small window was illuminating the sleeping girl, enhancing her shiny, long black hair. Jurina found the view simply beautiful. It was just impossible not to stare.

Jurina finally entered the room after a little while. When she happened to stand by Rena’s side, she leaned over to place a kiss on Rena’s temple. It was a tender, very light kiss, as she didn’t wish to disturb the girl in her sleep. The position certainly didn’t look comfortable, but Jurina was aware that Rena had not been sleeping well lately.

These last two months, she found her working at her desk in the middle of the night a couple of times. Jurina knew how hard working Rena was. But lately, it seemed her work was draining all her energy.

Jurina also guessed Airi’s graduation was affecting her emotionally. It didn’t matter how much she stated she was fine. Someone’s graduation always affected other members. It was even worse when it was a girl you were especially close to. Rena was not made of stone. No matter how well she had perfected her mask of indifference over the years, there was still a sensitive soul behind.

Rena still had her glasses on, and Jurina guessed she must have fallen asleep right in the middle of what she was doing. Indeed, there was a pen in her hand, and a white paper under the sleeping girl’s face. Jurina retraced her steps back to the living room to retrieve her present in the plastic bag, before entering the bedroom again.

She carefully placed the object wrapped in red paper on the desk, along with the matching red envelop. A pleased smile moved to her lips when she observed the disposition. Her gift would be the first thing Rena was going to see when she would open her eyes. It was perfect.

Jurina pondered over what to do next while waiting for Rena to wake up. She clearly wanted to be here when she would wake, to watch her reaction when she would discover her present and read her letter. Her attention got drawn again to what Rena was doing before falling asleep, and she took a curious peek at the white sheet. Most of it was covered by Rena’s face, but she could still see fragments of words.

It was apparently a letter Rena was writing to someone, judging by her handwriting. In order to take a better look at it, she leaned forward a little. She frowned slightly when she noticed the letter was addressed to their producer. What could Rena possibly be writing him about? She had not mentioned her anything about it.

She could tell it was something important. Indeed, Rena had crossed out a few things, obviously not satisfied with her choice of words. Because she couldn’t see the sheet properly, most of the sentences didn’t make sense. Rena’s handwriting also definitely lacked its typical neatness. In the end, Jurina decided to give up. She made a mental note to ask Rena about it later.

Just as she was about to straighten up and leave it alone, a word captured her attention. A word that made her heart stop. _Graduation._


	18. Chapter 18

It’s the slamming of a door that woke her up. Rena fluttered her eyes open, wondering who could be making such unusual and unpleasant noise. After all, she lived in a quiet building. And it was definitely not her 70 year old neighbor who could be at the origin of it. The woman was the quietest person on earth. Sometimes, it was even hard to believe there was truly a human being living next door.

Rena felt sleepy, and she understood why when she noticed that her head was resting on her desk. She had taken an involuntarily nap. Straightening up, she rubbed a little her soaring neck, until her eyes widened in surprise when she noticed a red small packet and a matching envelope on her desk. Rena frowned in perplexity at the discovery. Who could have placed them here? Curiosity got the best of her, and she grasped the red envelope.

A smile moved to her lips when she recognized Jurina’s handwriting on the letter inside. She had no idea whatsoever what could have prompted the young girl to write her a letter. After all, they saw each other yesterday, and Jurina had not mentioned anything about it. Despite that fact, she was pleasantly surprised. And very curious about it. The older Matsui adjusted her glasses on her nose, and started to read.

_“Rena,_

_Times passes by so fast, don’t you think? When people tell me it’s already been eight years since I entered SKE48, I look at them in surprise. It clearly doesn’t feel like it. I need to see a picture of myself at eleven year old to fully realize it. And it always embarrasses me when I see such a thing. I was so young back then. I almost don’t recognize myself. I’ve changed so much over the years. Physically and mentally. The environment around me has also changed a lot. So many members have left SKE48. It always feels strange when I look at what is left of the 1st generation. Somehow, it makes me sad that so many founding members are gone._

_However, one person has been my constancy throughout all these years: you. Since I entered SKE48, you have always been by my side. I have to admit: a few times, I feared of losing you. It happened when you joined Team E, or when you accepted a kennin position in Nogizaka46. In the end, my deepest fear didn’t come true. Yes, we saw each other less. I didn’t like it. I still don’t like it when you have to leave for Tokyo and Nogizaka46’s related works. But you are still in the group; by my side. And that is all that matters to me._

_A few months ago, you told me you wouldn’t have been able to make it so far without me. That my presence brought you well needed motivation when times were hard, especially during the first years. At first, I didn’t understand your words. How was it possible that the very young girl that I was back then could have accomplished such an extraordinary thing? You never said anything about it. You put up with all the moments of hardships so bravely, that I never realize I had played a role in your determination._

_I remember people used to say we were too different. Some staff members even doubted our duo would work. Despite their beliefs, it worked. Because we were complementary. You calmed me down effectively when I was bursting with too much energy. I know I wasn’t always an easy kid to deal with for you. I often got over-enthusiastic over things, and I’m very stubborn._

_However, there’s one thing I’m certain of. I wouldn’t have stayed in SKE48 if it wasn’t for you. The young girl that I was wouldn’t have been able to deal with the pressure without your reassuring presence._

_Do you remember how we used to ask ourselves why they decided to pair us together? Apart from our names, we had not much in common. Now, I think I understand better. Somehow, the people who made that decision knew we would support each other. Apart, we would have given up a long time ago. Together, we were a force that nothing could stop._

_I’m sure you must be wondering why I’m writing you all this. You don’t know what today is, do you? It’s January 30. A year ago, you did something I could never have foreseen. You reciprocated my feelings. Not a day passes by without me being thankful for that day. Honestly, I don’t know if I would have been able to stay in SKE48 any longer. Standing everyday by the side of the object of my affection would have been too hard. Unrequited love is such a painful thing._

_But all this is now in the past. I’m happy. I’ve never been happier than this last year by your side. And it’s all thanks to you._

_When you will read this letter, I’ll definitely be by your side watching your every reaction. I’m well aware that you’re not anymore the over-emotional girl that you were when you first entered the group. But I’m pretty sure I’ll see a tear or two rolling down your cheeks._

_I hope you will like your present. I had a really hard time finding it!_

_Love you._

_Jurina.”_

Rena chuckled softly at Jurina’s insight. She wiped away a few budding tears. Oh how much she hated crying. She had done it so much the first years she joined SKE48… But maybe she could let it go for once. After all, they were tears of joy.

Rena placed the letter back on the desk, her attention now on the present. Just as she was about to start unwrapping it, her fingers halted midway. Wait. Didn’t Jurina write in her letter that she would be present?

Rena turned around, only to meet the silence of her bedroom. She stood up in confusion, tilting her head in the direction of her living room. “Jurina?”

No answer. Her apartment was still as quiet as the moment before. Nevertheless, she decided to check the rest of the apartment to make sure. Who knew, maybe the young girl was playing a prank on her? It would be unusual, but it would explain her current absence in the bedroom.

Rena entered the living room, and her gaze wandered around the place. No sign of the SKE’s ace anywhere. A quick look at the entrance told her Jurina was definitely not present. Her jacket and shoes were gone.

Rena frowned a little, trying to understand the reason behind the girl’s absence. Maybe Jurina had decided to leave when she discovered that she was sleeping? In a way, it could make sense. But in her letter, the young girl seemed very decided to be present. Somehow, Rena believed Jurina’s stubbornness would have prevented her from leaving and missing such a moment. Moreover, Jurina had a few belongings here: books, games, and movies. She could have easily occupied herself in the meantime.

Finding no plausible explanation for Jurina’s absence, Rena decided to call her. She retraced her steps back to the bedroom, finding her Smartphone placed on the right corner of her desk. Her fingers were dialing Jurina’s phone number, when her attention suddenly got caught by another letter laying on the desk next to Jurina’s. A letter she was writing before unexpectedly falling asleep.

Apprehension immediately built up inside her as she remembered what it was. Rena placed the white device back on the desk, and took the letter to read it. She was feeling so sleepy while writing it, that she didn’t remember exactly its content. Moreover, she was having such a hard time finding the right words. What did she write?

Rena scanned the letter, really hoping she didn’t write what she thought. It was only a draft, and she had crossed so many words, out of dissatisfaction. Most of the sentences didn’t even make sense. Her deepest fear came true when she stopped on a certain word. It was written in black and white. _Graduation._ Rena’s heart stopped, and the paper trembled between her fingers.

She tried desperately to convince herself that Jurina had not read this. That she had left her apartment for another reason altogether. For another, simple reason she wasn’t aware of. Jurina was going to come back very soon. And Rena was going to tell her how much her beautiful letter moved her. Yes, she was coming back.

A memory suddenly submerged her mind and put an end to any doubt she still had. The slamming door that had woke her up. It wasn’t just any ordinary apartment’s door. It felt too close to have been a neighbor. No, it was her apartment front door. Which meant… Jurina was here just a few minutes ago. And had left as soon as she stumbled upon that letter. That letter she should have never read.

The sheet slipped between her trembling fingers and landed on the desk. Without wasting another second, Rena turned on her heels and stormed out of her bedroom. Her heart was hammering inside her chest when she put her coat and shoes on in a haste. Jurina had discovered the truth. And in the worst possible way. No, this wasn’t happening. She had prepared everything in her head: the day and the way she would announce her graduation to Jurina. Why didn’t things go according to her plans?

 

* * *

 

Rena searched in alert a familiar face when she stepped on the sidewalk in front of her building. She looked left, then right. No sign of Jurina. No, she couldn’t be too late. Jurina had only left a couple of minutes ago. She had to explain herself to her.

Her feet moved forward in the direction of the taxi waiting line, in the hope that the young girl was not already gone. She sped up, knowing she had a few minutes’ walk to arrive at her destination. She completely ignored the startled looks she received on her way from a few bystanders. Yes, it was most definitely unusual to see the non-sporty Rena Matsui running down the streets.

Rena didn’t care how she must have looked to others. The only thing that mattered right now was to find Jurina. And prevent her from leaving. Relief filled her chest when she saw her waiting for her taxi a few meters away. Rena slowed down, and waited until she was a few feet away to call her name. “Jurina…”

The designated young girl who was typing a message on her phone paused at the sound of her slightly erratic voice. But she didn’t turn to look at her. Rena immediately noticed that Jurina was avoiding her gaze when she approached her. Yes, she was more than glad that she had arrived in time. But Jurina’s current attitude was worrying her more than anything.

“You… read the letter, didn’t you?” Rena asked tentatively. Somehow, a part of her still hoped she was only imagining the worse. The fact that Jurina didn’t bother to look at her or reply put an end to her last shred of hope. “I’m sorry you had to learn it this way,” Rena continued. Her words were still met by silence.

Jurina was still looking the other way when Rena tried to reach for her arm. If she refused to speak, then she would look into her eyes to discover how she felt. However, something completely unexpected happened. Just as she was about to touch her, Jurina pulled her arm away quickly.

Shock plastered Rena’s features at her reaction. Until hurt replaced it progressively. Rena was not naive: she knew Jurina would not take the news lightly. But this cold behavior? Her refusal to speak with her? She had not foreseen that kind of reaction at all. In fact, never in her life Jurina had acted this way with her before. Yes, they sometimes fought in the past. Their last unpleasant fight during the shooting of _Majisuka Gakuen 4_ was still imprinted in her mind. Jurina had shouted at her, something she very rarely did.

But this heavy silence? It was completely unsettling. And the fact that she was unable to look into her eyes wasn’t in the least helping.

“We have to talk about this,” Rena pleaded. She was lost. Jurina was being completely uncooperative. For the first time, she didn’t know how to act around her. What to say, or what to do.

From her peripheral vision, Rena noticed a taxi approaching. Jurina had noticed it as well, and was now taking a step forward. Rena pondered over what to do next. She couldn’t let Jurina go. Not like that. Not after what she just accidentally discovered. In a last desperate attempt, she caught her arm in a haste. This time, Jurina didn’t oppose any resistance to the gesture. But she didn’t react much for all that.

“Please let me explain myself,” Rena stammered.

Nothing was going according to her plans. She was supposed to sound strong and convincing when she would have this particular conversation with Jurina. She was doing the complete opposite. Her voice quivered in fear of not being listened. Of having made a terrible mistake by not telling Jurina the truth sooner.

Rena swallowed nervously when Jurina finally turned to look at her. Her eyes were so cold. Her face void of her typical joyful smile. Never Jurina had looked at her before in such a way. Not even during their fights. This reaction was something completely new to her. And it was terribly unsettling.

“What is there to talk about?” Jurina’s voice pierced through the chilly air of January. Her tone was icy. “You already made your decision.”

Rena wanted to reply, but no words managed to come out. Instead, she let go of Jurina’s arm, and watched her getting in the taxi powerlessly. 

 

* * *

 

Tears were forming in her eyes when Rena stepped in the elevator of her building. She kept thinking back to her short encounter with Jurina. The few words that had been exchanged. The cold look Jurina had given her. It hurt so much. How did they come to that?

A few days ago, Jurina was still laughing and harboring the brightest smile ever. Why was she having the feeling she wasn’t about to see it anytime soon? Many emotions were currently spreading through her chest, but the dominating one was frustration. The fact that she had not been able to stop her was frustrating her to no end. Her words had no effect whatsoever on Jurina. She completely disregarded her pleas.

When Rena entered her apartment and removed her coat and shoes, she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. Except this time, it was out of deep sadness. She let them fall in silence. Her unsteady steps led her to her bedroom, and she let herself fall into her chair in front of her desk. Her glistening eyes fell on the letter addressed to her producer. The object that had provoked the anger of the young girl she loved so much.

Rena was feeling completely despondent. On one hand, she wanted to believe she had tried everything in her power to stop Jurina. On the other, she kept wondering what more she could have said to convince her to come back with her to the apartment.

Rena took her phone that was resting on the corner of the desk, and noticed that Jurina’s phone number was still displayed on the screen. That’s right. She had meant to call her earlier on. In a last attempt, she pressed the “call” button and placed the device against her ear. It rang again and again. Jurina never answered. Instead, Rena heard the voicemail a few seconds later.

A helpless, feeble murmur left Rena’s lips as she placed the phone back on her desk. “What have I done?”

 

* * *

 

It had already been six hours since Rena last spoke to Jurina. In the end, the young girl never called her back. When the day started, Rena had planned on finishing her graduation letter during the afternoon. But now, she was completely incapable of touching it. She was conscious she had many things to do now that her mind was made up about her graduation. A future to plan. However, Jurina was currently monopolizing all her thoughts.

More than anything, she wanted to see her and explain herself. But after their latest very tense conversation, she feared Jurina wouldn’t want to speak with her at all. Even less broach that touchy subject with her.

It was 8 PM when Rena heard a knock on her door. She looked up slowly from the kitchen table, not in the mood for any talking. She had currently her plate full of pasta, but she had barely touched the food. Rena seriously considered not answering. She wasn’t expecting anyone tonight. It was probably just a neighbor who came to ask her for a favor.

When she heard a second knock soon after, she got up from her chair much reluctantly. She really didn’t want to have any sort of conversation right now, but her conscience was preventing her from ignoring the visitor any further. She was definitely not in a good emotional state right now, and figured would need to try hard to greet her unexpected visitor with a polite smile on her face.

Rena opened the door, and was left speechless when she saw Jurina standing on the other side. A few seconds passed by without any word being exchanged. This time, Jurina was looking straight into her eyes. And her expression had considerably softened. Gone was her previous coldness. Rena was glad not to see such a deep, negative emotion into her eyes. But she hated as much the new emotion that now filled her eyes. Despair.

“Why?”

Words stayed stuck in Rena’s mouth at the sound of Jurina’s trembling voice. Right now, there was no word strong enough to describe how terrible she was feeling inside. This situation. Jurina’s attitude. Her feelings. She was at the origin of everything.

Rena knew it was time to explain Jurina her decision. She never expected the young girl to come around so fast, but she was thankful she did. Jurina deserved to know what had motivated her decision. Now, she was sure of it: she had made a mistake by not telling her sooner. The harm was already done. There was nothing she could do about that. Somehow, she guessed this terrible day was far from over. 

 

* * *

 

Rena didn’t know how long she had been talking. Jurina had listened to her during her whole monologue, without interrupting her once. To be honest, Jurina’s quiet behavior startled her. She really expected her to stop her at some point, and try to change her mind about her decision. She didn’t. Not once.

Rena placed tentatively a hand on Jurina’s thigh, waiting for a reaction. The young girl wasn’t looking at her anymore, but staring right in front of her without saying anything. This silence didn’t suit her well. Rena couldn’t tell what was on her mind. And she definitely hated feeling so powerless.

Without warning, Jurina got up from the sofa. Rena watched her in surprise, until seeing her moving towards the entrance and putting her shoes on. That’s when it hit her. Jurina was leaving. Again.

“What are you doing?” Rena stood up at once from the sofa, unsettled by her actions. Was she really going to leave without expressing her feelings? Not, it was out of the question. She needed to let it out. To say what was on her mind. She couldn’t keep things to herself.

Jurina had already her hand on the handle of the front door when Rena embraced her from behind. She felt the young girl struggling against the gesture, but she held tight nevertheless. She certainly wasn’t about to let her go again. Jurina had come back because she needed answers. She had provided them, and now she wanted to hear Jurina’s thoughts.

“Let me go,” Jurina protested, trying to break free. Despite that, hope spread through Rena’s chest when she felt her struggle lacking its previous determination. She was starting to give in. But she needed to put an end to any last shred of resistance she had.

“I won’t,” Rena replied on a soft, but decided tone. “You need to talk to me.”

The struggle stopped and Rena saw Jurina’s fingers leaving the handle. Albeit that fact, her request was not met. No words left Jurina’s lips for a while, and she didn’t move either. Rena kept her arms around her waist. Somehow, she couldn’t help but fear the young girl would change her mind and leave abruptly. She didn’t want to take any chance.

All of a sudden, she heard it. At first, it was soft and subtle. Then, the sobbing became a bit louder. Rena shut her eyes, feeling the body against her trembling slightly. Jurina was finally letting it out. It was so painful to hear Jurina’s helpless crying. Rena tightened her hold around her waist.

 

* * *

 

Rena checked the time on the alarm clock: 1.30 AM. The young girl in her arms and laying in bed with her was finally asleep. But it was only the result of her physical and emotional exhaustion. Rena had listened Jurina crying for hours. She had done everything in her power to calm her down, but her comforting gestures and soothing words had little to no effect on her.

They didn’t eat at all. After Rena had managed to convince her to stay, they went straight to bed. Rena wasn’t hungry anyway. She didn’t even believe she could eat anything in her current emotional state. The knot in her stomach had not left her once since Jurina came back to her apartment.

Jurina’s never-ending crying had prevented the young girl from uttering a single word during the whole time. In the end, she did express her feelings. And it had been terribly painful for Rena to hear the sorrow she was causing her.

Rena guessed her earlier monologue wasn’t the end of this. Soon or later, when Jurina would finally be feeling a bit better, she would express her feelings with words. She’ll just have to patiently wait for that time to come.

Rena felt some movements in her arms, and she saw Jurina gazing at her. “I’m really sorry, Jurina,” Rena murmured. Albeit the fact she couldn’t see her because of the dark, it wasn’t hard to imagine the pain still present in her eyes. The sadness she had placed in her usually cheerful brown orbs. She knew she was going to see it again for the following weeks.

“Why are you apologizing?” Jurina replied in a small, weak voice. “You want this. No one is forcing you to graduate.”

No, Rena surely didn’t miss the slight bitterness in her tone. Nevertheless, she didn’t blame her for still being mad at her. Somehow, she half expected that kind of reaction. Plus, Jurina hard learned the truth in a terrible way. She had every right to be angry at her.

“Yes, I want to leave SKE48,” Rena answered, choosing her words carefully. “But I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, Jurina.”

Rena waited for a reply or any kind of reaction. She got none. In the end, Jurina didn’t add a single word. Nor did she reply to her declaration of love.

The fact that Jurina had come back and listened to her should give her hope that everything was going to be fine in the end. However, apprehension refused to leave her. She was feeling terribly insecure about their future. After all, she had now broken Jurina’s heart twice. Would she ever be able to forgive her for that?


	19. Chapter 19

Jurina exited Rena’s apartment in a rush and leaned her back against the door, completely shocked. She couldn’t believe the word she had just read on the letter: _graduation_. Rena was planning on graduating, and she had not told her anything about it! How was that possible? Jurina shook her head lightly: it wasn’t. Rena would never have made such a decision without informing her beforehand.

Jurina heard the door beside her opening, and she glanced at the old lady who was now staring at her in curiosity. Oh yes, she may have slammed the door while leaving Rena’s apartment. And the noise apparently didn’t go unnoticed from Rena’s quiet neighbor.

“Jurina-san, are you alright?” The woman addressed her with a slight frown.

Jurina immediately made a face, regretting her previous impulsive action. She never meant to close the door so abruptly. What prompted her to do it? Was it shock? Anger? Probably a mix of both.

“Matsuda-san, I’m sorry for the noise,” Jurina apologized quickly with a polite bow. Despite her words, she noticed that the frown upon the woman’s face was still much present. Obviously, the old lady was still awaiting some sort of explanation for her unusual behavior. An explanation she clearly wasn’t about to share with Rena’s neighbor. “Forgive me, but I have to go.”

Jurina inclined her head to the woman once last time, before turning on her heels and walking towards the elevator.

 

* * *

 

While waiting for her taxi to arrive, Jurina kept thinking again and again to what she had just discovered. The word was written in black and white but somehow, she still refused to believe it. Rena knew how badly Mariko’s graduation had hurt her. She had seen its effects on her health with her very own eyes! Not to mention, they had spoken about it again not so long ago. How could Rena think of making her go through that terrible experience again?

Jurina took her Smartphone out of her pocket, and started to dial Churi’s number. That’s when she suddenly heard Rena’s erratic voice calling her. And she froze. Jurina didn’t say anything. She waited in apprehension for Rena to make the first move. To tell her that she misread the letter. Instead, she did the complete opposite. She confirmed her deepest fear with her next words. _I’m sorry you had to learn it this way._

Jurina felt her world crumbling down in an instant. And completely betrayed. From her peripheral vision, Jurina noticed Rena trying to reach for her arm. She pulled her arm away out of impulse. She simply couldn’t look at the older girl anymore. Even less let her touch her. Jurina ignored all her pleas one after another. Right now, she didn’t want to talk. She was furious. Furious at Rena for hiding such an important thing from her. And for even considering leaving SKE48. Leaving her behind. She knew her anger was definitely showing when she finally addressed Rena, but she couldn’t help it. _What is there to talk about? You already made your decision._ After that, she didn’t wait for Rena’s reply, and got into the taxi without second thoughts. 

 

* * *

 

Churi immediately guessed something serious had happened when she opened her door, and saw a distressed Jurina standing on the doorstep. Earlier on, the young girl had sent her a text, asking her if she could come and see her. Churi had agreed, although she could tell something was wrong by the seriousness of her message. Jurina usually liked to fill her messages with cute smileys. There was none.

“Jurina. Is everything alright?” Churi asked in worry when the young girl was still staring at her in silence.

A memory suddenly invaded her mind. Wait. Didn’t Jurina told her a few days ago that January 30 was a special day? That’s right. It had been a year to the day both Matsui started dating. Jurina had mentioned making a surprise to Rena. She seemed so impatient and enthusiast about it. So why was she here? Why was she standing on her doorstep, and not at Rena’s place? Just as she was about to ask her, Jurina’s next words gave her the explanation she needed.

“Rena is graduating.”

Shock plastered Churi’s face. It was definitely not because of the revelation. After all, she had known about it for weeks. And had kept the secret from Jurina with much difficulty. No, what shocked her was the fact that Jurina had learned it today. Many questions juggled in Churi’s head. Why on earth did Rena choose to tell her today of all days? It was an incredibly stupid and insensitive idea.

In the end, she decided to keep her questions for later. Right now, her friend needed comfort, and she took a step forward to embrace Jurina tightly. 

 

* * *

 

Churi really believed they would talk about Rena’s graduation. That it was precisely the reason why Jurina had come to see her. To seek comfort and answers. But after her declaration on her doorstep, Jurina didn’t mention it again. Churi really wished she could get inside Jurina’s head. Jurina had only told her about the letter she had discovered on Rena’s desk, before quickly changing the subject. When Churi tentatively tried to push further, Jurina simply said she didn’t want to talk about it and instead spend a carefree afternoon with her.

Churi was baffled when she heard those words. Jurina’s behavior didn’t make sense at all. When she herself heard the news of Airi’s graduation, she cried on Jurina’s shoulder. And spoke to her about it at length. Jurina was reacting in a completely unusual way. And she was now kneeling in front of the television and preparing the game console as if nothing happened. What on earth was going on with Jurina? She had been avoiding the elephant in the room for hours now.

Realization suddenly hit Churi. Why didn’t she see it before? Jurina was in complete denial. She was refusing to accept the truth of Rena’s graduation.

“You need to talk to her,” Churi affirmed.

She noticed Jurina freezing briefly at her words, before resuming what she was doing as if she had not said anything. This time, Churi didn’t let it go and walked towards her. She knelt by her side and caught Jurina’s arm as she was about to place a DVD in the player.

“I don’t want to see her,” Jurina murmured, avoiding her gaze in unease. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”

Churi guessed much. This situation reminded her so much of her situation with Airi. She couldn’t even look at her best friend after the revelation. And it took her a few days to finally look straight into her eyes without crying. “I know it’s going to be hard, and I’ll still be here if you want to come back after that. But first, you need to let her explain herself.”

Churi knew how stubborn Jurina could be when her mind was set on something. If the young girl was absolutely decided not to talk to Rena right now, she would choose not to insist. However, she really hoped her words would manage to persuade her. Delaying the inevitable would only make things worse. Churi was positive about that.

Jurina didn’t reply. Instead, she leaned her head on her shoulder. The fact that Jurina didn’t protest told her she had thankfully managed to convince her. Churi laced their fingers together, and felt Jurina’s hand slightly trembling inside hers. Churi shared her pain. After all, she had been in Jurina’s shoes not so long ago. Airi’s graduation had also affected her a lot. However, she feared Rena’s graduation was going to have an even worse impact on her sensitive, young friend.

“I’ll always be here for you,” Churi affirmed softly. “I’ll never leave your side.”

Churi felt Jurina squeezing her hand lightly in reply. 

 

* * *

 

It was just a nightmare. And she was going to wake up anytime soon. That’s what Jurina kept telling herself when she opened her eyes that Sunday morning, and stared at the ceiling of Rena’s bedroom. Did she even managed to sleep after yesterday’s revelation? She surely didn’t recall it, her mind refusing to think about anything else but Rena’s unexpected graduation.

She felt completely drained. And she didn’t need to take a look at herself in the mirror to guess how bad she was looking. The last time she cried so much, it was at the hospital in Tokyo, when Rena said those fateful words. Those words that put an immediate end to her confession.

 _It’s just the fruit of my imagination,_ Jurina told herself another time. After all, it wouldn’t be the first bad dream she would be having about the older Matsui. She had had plenty of those after Rena involuntarily broke her heart that day. The older girl currently sleeping next to her surely couldn’t be thinking about graduating.

Jurina felt the mattress shifting, and she tilted her head to watch Rena waking up. The apprehensive look the latter gave her confirmed her fear. The letter addressed to their producer on Rena’s desk. Her very short conversation with her in front of the taxi waiting line. Her visit to Churi. And finally, the words Rena had said when she decided to come back to her apartment. She had definitely not imagined yesterday’s events.

Jurina held back the tears that were threatening to fall. This was indeed a complete nightmare. But this time, she was well awake.

Rena wanted her to speak. To share her thoughts with her. Despite fully knowing that, no words could come out of her mouth. Somehow, she feared the tears would fall anew is they put that sensitive topic on the table again. Jurina saw Rena reaching for her hand, and she felt it trembling inside hers. It was very subtle, but Jurina didn’t miss it.

Jurina knew what Rena was doing. It was their ritual when they slept together. As soon as Jurina would wake up, she would hold Rena’s hand and lace their fingers together. As for Rena, she would always kiss her forehead with affection as soon as she opened her eyes.

This morning, their little routine was brutally disrupted. Jurina didn’t place her hand in Rena’s as usual. Instead, Rena was the one to tentatively reach for hers. And the gesture was more hesitant than anything. When Rena leaned forward to kiss her forehead, Jurina didn’t let her and moved back. She slipped her hand out of Rena’s the moment after.

She had done it without thinking. All of a sudden, Jurina was feeling very uncomfortable with the intimate gestures. Rena was laying just a few inches away, and she felt the irrepressible need to put some distance between them. She read the hurt Rena’s eyes quite well, and turned her head the other way. She had no right to look at her like that. Not after what she had confessed yesterday. Not after the terrible pain she had caused her.

Jurina’s attention got caught by the red letters flashing on Rena’s alarm clock: 9.15 AM. For once, she was thankful not having to work today. She didn’t know how she would have explained her sleepless, puffy eyes to others.

Jurina straightened up and took a seat on the side of the bed. She still felt awfully tired, but her brain was refusing to shut down, and unfortunately keeping her awake. She simply knew she would be incapable of going back to sleep. Besides, she couldn’t stay next to the older Matsui anymore. Jurina could almost feel Rena’s eyes boring into her back. Watching her every move. It was making her ill at ease.

Jurina’s chest tightened. She never thought she would experience this atrocious pain again. She strongly believed her suffering had ended when Rena reciprocated her feelings. It took time, but her broken heart had finally managed to heal. And now, it was shattered again. Because of the exact same girl.

“Jurina…?”

Jurina sighed softly when she heard the hesitant voice calling her behind her back. She guessed Rena wanted to hear that they were going to be alright. That yes, she was hurt, but the pain would eventually fade over time. But how could she say those words when she didn’t believe them? Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to lie.

Jurina stood up and walked towards the bathroom. Her steps were somewhat unbalanced. She paused just in front of the door, pondering on what to say to Rena. She couldn’t give her the reassurance she needed. Her heart was still terribly aching after yesterday. But she also didn’t want to ignore Rena’s presence. Nor her desire for small communication.

“I’m not ready to talk about it yet,” Jurina declared, her eyes still glued on the door in front of her. She was conscious of the slight tremble in her voice, and did her best to compose herself. It proved to be harder than she thought. Nonetheless, she managed to prevent tears from falling when she continued. “I just have one request: I don’t want to be present when you’ll announce it publicly.”

Jurina didn’t wait for an answer. She pushed the door and entered, before closing it behind her. She knew that simple - but unusual - gesture would be enough information for Rena that the matter was over for her. That she didn’t wish to pursue this conversation. She waited a few seconds, listening carefully. Relief filled her chest when Rena stayed silent and didn’t join her in the bathroom. 

 

* * *

 

Rena stepped out of the television studio, and let her gaze wander in the crowded streets of Tokyo, while waiting for her taxi to arrive. Despite the fact that it was Sunday, there were a lot of people walking down the streets. Japan’s capital never truly slept. It was always bubbling with energy, no matter the time or the day. And it was especially the case in this famous area of the city.

Just after lunch, she had taken the train from Nagoya to Tokyo, in order to join the other Nogizaka46 members. She was supposed to stay in the capital for four whole days, for the promotion of the group new single. She had performed the song live just half an hour ago on a television show. And had at the end announced her graduation.

Rena felt uncomfortable with the way it happened. She never intended on announcing her graduation today. Her initial idea was to tell Jurina in two weeks, just before announcing it publicly during a SKE48 showcase in Nagoya. However, yesterday’s unforeseen event had completely shaken her original plan. Rena knew she couldn’t keep up with her original plan as soon as Jurina learned the truth.

People would have guessed something was wrong as soon as Jurina would have made a public appearance on Monday. The young girl had never been good at concealing her emotions. Of course, Rena knew Jurina would have kept quiet about it, but her fake smile wouldn’t have fooled anyone. It would have been obvious to everyone - members and staff included - that something terribly bad had happened during the week-end. Moreover, it would have been too hard for Jurina to stay silent about it for two more weeks. Rena couldn’t bear to inflict her more pain. She had already done enough.

That was why Rena had made this last minute decision. This morning, Jurina had made it clear she didn’t want to be present during the announcement anyway. Her statement had startled her to say the least, but she had not contradicted her. It had been so painful to see Jurina keeping her distance and denying her affection.

No matter how deeply it hurt her, she was going to respect her wishes. If Jurina needed time to process it, then she would give it to her. She would grant her some space as well, while still keeping a cautious eye on the SKE’s ace. Those following weeks were crucial. The older Matsui was afraid of what Jurina might do to herself. She had seen her neglecting her health a few times before, and she didn’t wish to see the past repeat itself.

Just before Jurina had left her apartment, she had asked her in concern where she was going next. Somehow, she didn’t like the idea of Jurina being alone right now. It relieved her to hear she was going to spend the rest of the day at Churi’s place. She knew her dear friend would take good care of her during those moments of hardship. Until Jurina would feel a bit better, and come back to her.

She was already missing her loving smile and warm embrace.


	20. Chapter 20

From a corner of the dancing room, Churi observed attentively Jurina who was helping the thirteen kenkyuusei of SKE48 with their dancing moves. It was already quite late this Friday of early March, and all the other SKE members had already left practice half an hour ago. Only SKE’s ace remained, rehearsing with the kenkyuusei the choreography of a couple of SKE songs. Churi had meant to leave at the same time as the other members, but somehow her feet had refused to move at the sight of the surprising energetic rhythm Jurina was imposing the young girls.

Usually, she didn’t pay much attention when Jurina decided to work with the kenkyuusei but today, Jurina was being really bad-tempered, and losing her patience quickly. Her unsettling behavior had even distracted her a few times during her own practice, and it was now beginning to really worry her.

The young Ayuka Kamimura had unfortunately just missed a step, resulting in Jurina raising her voice in clear annoyance. The harsh tone she had employed with the poor sweating girl had immediately alerted Churi. Much as it was not uncommon to hear Jurina reprimanding less experienced members when they made a mistake, the words - although serious - were always spoken on a soft tone and with kindness.

Today, Jurina was definitely crossing a line she had never crossed before. To be honest, Churi felt like she was starting to look awfully like their uncompromising dancing coach. The inflexible woman who wasn’t afraid to make girls rehearse for hours to the point of exhaustion, and not blinking if the harsh treatment made them cry out of physical pain. Churi had gotten used to this characteristic of hers over time, but it was not like Jurina to act this way with others. Today, she was going way too far for her liking.

Churi seriously considered stepping in when she noticed the tears forming in the eyes of the twelve year old girl. Never before that day Churi had felt the need to intervene during one of Jurina’s lessons. In fact, the young ace loved to help younger members. A pleased smile would always plaster her face when her teaching bore fruit. Jurina enjoyed sharing her experience with others. It had always been one of her strong points since she joined SKE48 eight years ago.

However, these last weeks, Churi had witnessed Jurina behaving quite differently during rehearsal. First, she was being harder on herself: always the first to arrive in the dancing room, and the last to leave. Then, the lessons she gave the kenkyuusei were so inflexible they were starting to look like a martial training. Churi knew exactly what had triggered this sudden change in her attitude. Jurina was definitely not in her right mind since she stumbled by complete chance upon Rena’s graduation letter.

“You’re slowing down the others, Ayuka!”

Jurina’s protest echoed loudly in the dancing room, and she ordered all the girls to stop with a rapid movement of her hand. The thirteen girls stilled at once at the sound of her firm voice, their eyes glued to the floor. None of them dared to steal a glance at their improvised teacher. The very unhappy Jurina, who would be turning nineteen in a couple of days.

The poor girl who had been targeted for the second time was doing her best not to cry, but her desperate attempt to control her emotions proved much in vain. Indeed, a few tears soon rolled down her rosy cheeks in silence. Her lips were tightly shut, almost as if she was forcing herself not to let a sound out. Churi knew she couldn’t stand here without doing nothing.

Of course, Jurina was speaking nothing but the truth, and her scolding was legitimate. The now exhausted Ayuka was indeed having difficulties memorizing the moves of this energetic choreography. She was clearly a step behind the others. However, it was not like Jurina to raise her voice, nor to be so harsh with anyone. Churi simply knew she had to intervene.

“Let’s call it a day, alright?” Churi moved forward and stopped the cheerful music of Oki Doki. A heavy silence enveloped the occupants of the room, but none of the young members dared to make a single move. Their eyes were still set on the floor, waiting with obvious apprehension for Jurina’s next orders.

Churi glanced at the latter, conscious that none of the girls would move until Jurina had approved. Her friend may only be eighteen years old, she was very respected by the other members of SKE48. In the absence of any higher authority in the room, she was the one the members would listen and turn to.

Due to their very young age, the kenkyuusei were more impressionable than anyone else. Jurina’s central position within the group clearly had a profound meaning to them. As a result, they respected her even more. And right now, Churi’s words were having little to no effect on them. Only Jurina’s decision mattered. According to the frustrated look Jurina was giving her, she did not seem to appreciate one iota the unexpected interruption. Would she agree with her and let them go? When Jurina was still silent a few seconds later, Churi chose to insist.

“It’s already very late anyway,” Churi affirmed, giving a pointed look to the clock on the wall. Evidently, Jurina wished to continue rehearsal until she was completely satisfied with the result. However, time was not her best ally. It was indeed getting awfully late, and the kenkyuusei were not allowed to practice after a certain time of the day. Jurina was no stranger to that rule. She herself had been subjected to it when she was still a child.

Churi waited expectantly for Jurina’s reaction. She could almost see the gears turning in her head. Almost hear the voices that were telling her to continue with rehearsal. Jurina was currently not satisfied with the kenkyuusei’s progress. That fact was very obvious. And Jurina was never one to give up until she obtained entire satisfaction, whether for herself or for others. Just as Churi was thinking of a way to tip the scales in her favor - an argument that would definitely put an end to Jurina’s hesitation - she saw the latter letting out a small sigh of resignation.

“That’s all for today,” Jurina nodded as she finally addressed the young girls. Her frustration was still present in her voice, but she did not utter another word when the members bowed politely to her, and scattered in the room to gather their things.

It was subtle, but Churi didn’t miss the relief washing over a few girls. She even noticed the small smile the young Ayuka gave her when she passed by her. No words were exchanged, but she could tell the girl was grateful for her interruption. None of the girls currently in the room would ever admit it out loud, but it was obvious they were happy to go home. Jurina’s training had been very tiring on each one of them.

A few minutes later the thirteen girls were gone, leaving the two friends alone in the dancing room. Churi almost flinched when she noticed the disapproving look Jurina was sending her.

“You shouldn’t have ended the lesson,” Jurina complained in displeasure. “There was still time. They could have continued for another hour.”

Albeit slightly taken aback by her somewhat cold tone, Churi didn’t let her friend’s attitude deter her for all that. Her voice was calm when she answered. “They rehearsed for almost three hours. The next showcase involving the kenkyuusei is in two weeks. They’ll be ready on time. Don’t worry.”

Jurina still didn’t like it. The silent look she gave her in reply was enough information. Nonetheless, Churi did not regret her action one moment. Who knew how far Jurina could have gone if she had not interrupted her? How much she could have exhausted the poor girls, and herself along the way?

Churi widened her eyes in surprise when she saw Jurina turning on her heels and approaching the CD player to start the music again. The cheerful music of Oki Doki sounded in the dancing room at once, and Churi understood Jurina had every intention of rehearsing the choreography again. Alone.

Churi let out a despondent sigh at the sign of her relentless stubbornness. Yes, Jurina was a perfectionist. It was definitely not the first time she would find her working on her moves alone until very late. It had happened many, many times over the years. However this time, she guessed her decision was not solely motivated by her will to surpass herself. Jurina was desperately trying to clear her head. To recover from the sorrow Rena had caused when she had broken her heart again. To forget about an event that would occur in four months from now. A date that had been set by SKE’s management a few weeks ago, and that they both cautiously avoided mentioning: Rena’s graduation concert.

“Why don’t we go for a bite?” Churi suggested, her eyes lightening in hope when she gazed at Jurina’s dancing form across the mirror.

“Not hungry,” Jurina replied immediately without exchanging a look with her, focused as ever on her dancing.

 _Of course you’re not_ , Churi mused, frustrated by her lack of cooperation. How many times did she witness the young girl skipping a meal these last weeks? Way too many times for her liking. Churi knew perfectly well why Jurina had lost her typical cheerfulness along with her appetite. The news of Rena’s graduation was affecting her tremendously. And she was immerging herself in her work to try and cope with the pain it was causing her.

“Well, I’m starving. Let’s go and eat,” Churi declared. In the intent of making her word final, she walked towards the CD player with determination and stopped the music.

Jurina was going to protest. Churi could foresee it when the music faded and the dancing girl stopped dead in her tracks. Jurina was now staring at her in complete shock, obviously not expecting such a bold move from her. And definitely not pleased by the unwilling interruption. Nevertheless, she didn’t let her time to voice her disapproval, and she quickly continued when the young Matsui opened her mouth to speak. “Let’s go, Jurina.”

Churi didn’t wait for a reply or a reaction. Without further ado, she extracted the CD from the player, and placed it back in its case without glancing back once at the younger girl. Churi could almost feel Jurina’s eyes boring into her back in utter dissatisfaction when she turned on her heels with the CD carefully secured in her hand.

She silently prayed Jurina was not going to insist on staying. Jurina could be really stubborn when she wanted to, and she surely didn’t want to fight with her over that matter. Moreover, she was well aware that she couldn’t force her into following her. At the end of the day, no matter what anyone said, Jurina always did as she pleased. No one - in eight years - had ever managed to force her into doing something she truly didn’t want. Not even the person she listened to the most in the group: Rena. Churi didn’t fool herself in believing she had more influence over her than the older Matsui.

Apprehension built up inside her while she went to pack her bag. The air around them had become way more heavier, but Churi tried to ignore it as best as she could. She didn’t look at Jurina once. Somehow, she feared her resolve would falter if she crossed her gaze. A few seconds went painfully by, until Churi noticed from her peripheral vision Jurina drawing away from the large mirror of the dancing room and approaching her own bag of clothes. Not a word was exchanged between them the whole time, but relief spread through Churi’s chest when Jurina started preparing her things. She had thankfully managed to convince her to join her for dinner. It was a small victory, but not to be ignored.

While Jurina left the room to take a shower, Churi reflected over the events that happened this last month. After carefully observing Jurina on a daily basis, Churi had to come to an evidence: her health was declining. She was losing weight. Some days, she even looked awfully pale. Churi didn’t like at all what she was seeing: it was frightening her. The past was starting to repeat itself.

As soon as she saw the first signs, she had tentatively broached the subject with Jurina. But soon discovered it was like talking to a brick wall. It was somewhat frustrating to her that her closeness with the young ace didn’t change anything in regards of that specific topic. Until now, they talked about pretty much everything. Shared what was on their mind, even the most futile small things. But that tricky subject was apparently off limits. Jurina simply refused to listen and changed the subject each time Churi tried to engage a conversation about it.

It was out of deep concern - and great powerlessness - that Churi had for the first time talked about it with Airi two weeks ago. They were having a nice lunch together and talking carelessly about the latest movie they had watched, when Churi had suddenly brought up the subject right in the middle of the conversation. She truly didn’t mean to bother her friend with such matters, but Jurina’s preoccupying health was monopolizing all her thoughts. She had blurted the words without thinking. And soon discovered she was right in sharing her concern when Airi gave her an interesting piece of advice.

No, Airi had no miracle solution for that unfortunate problem. Jurina’s stubbornness was no secret to anyone. Her bad habit of neglecting her health either. Every SKE member had witnessed that pattern in front of their eyes at least once. Airi even confessed fearing such a thing would follow the news of Rena’s graduation. Much as she was herself clearly incapable of influencing positively the young ace anymore than her, she suggested her strongly to speak with Rena about it.

If there was one person who ever had any influence over SKE’s ace, it was the older Matsui. Yes, it was a long shot considering how stubborn Jurina could be, especially when it came to that sensitive subject. However there was a small chance that she would listen to the older Matsui. There was no real guaranty that it would work. But if even Rena couldn’t do anything about it, who could?

Churi had agreed that it was her best shot. That was why one evening, after the shooting of a television show in Nagoya, Churi couldn’t keep it to herself any longer. As soon as the coast was clear and they found themselves completely alone in the dressing room, she approached Rena and voiced her concern about Jurina’s condition. The older Matsui didn’t seem very much surprised by her alarming words. In fact, she listened carefully to everything she said with her usual, typical calm, without interrupting her once.

Once she was done speaking, Churi waited expectantly for what Rena was going to answer. Rena didn’t share much with her. Not that she expected any less from the somewhat secretive other girl anyway. However, she did something she did not foresee: she admitted her own helplessness. According to her own words, Jurina and her were not on the best terms. In fact, they were barely interacting since that fateful day of January 30. They remained cordial and had a polite smile always plastered on their face during professional matters, but that was basically it.

The revelation didn’t really come as a real surprise to Churi. It is true to say Jurina had been spending a lot of time at her place this last month. And it did not take a genius to figure out that she was avoiding Rena. Churi even wondered if Jurina had ever returned to Rena’s apartment after that day. Somehow, she really had her doubts about it.

Albeit the fact Rena’s admission didn’t come as a complete surprise to her, it was an odd sight to face a powerless Rena. Of course, it was not her place to advise Rena on how to handle Jurina. Rena knew her better than anyone else. Even better than her own family, Jurina had once laughed about it. After all, Rena had been by her side for eight long years as WMatsui. And in an intimate, romantic relationship with her the past year. Evidently, the young Matsui held no more secret for her. However, Churi was starting to wonder if it was not a bad idea for Rena to allow this distance Jurina was imposing between them.

Of course, Jurina needed time to process things and accept Rena’s graduation. But somehow, Churi was fearing her stubbornness was preventing her from making the first move towards Rena. If neither of them was willing to reach out to the other, how were they going to solve their problems? It was just a temporary issue: of this Churi was certain. They loved each other too much to let such an event - as painful as a graduation always was - get in the way of their happiness.

Churi knew that Rena was conscious of what was going on under her nose. She could sometimes see the older Matsui steal a glance at Jurina across the room. But she was choosing deliberately not to reduce the distance in order to respect Jurina’s wishes. Until now, Churi understood her decision quite well. But today, after seeing Jurina’s mood turning darker and her health declining even more, she couldn’t stay idle anymore.

 

* * *

 

They had entered the restaurant thirty minutes ago, and Jurina still had barely touched her ramen. While finishing eating her own, Churi couldn’t help but be frustrated by how things were going. She had desperately tried to lighten up the mood with some small talk, but Jurina had proved to be very uncooperative. In fact, Churi had been doing most of the talking during the whole time. To be honest, she was grateful that they were seated upstairs in a private room, away from prying eyes. That way, no one could see the usually talkative SKE’s ace staring silently at her full bowl. And playing mind-absently with the noodles.

“It’s not good?” Churi asked, trying tentatively to stir a reaction. Jurina had ordered her favorite - tonkotsu ramen - but the food had barely touched her lips.

“I told you, I’m not hungry,” Jurina answered drily, raising her eyes slightly to meet her gaze. The reproach was still obvious in her voice. She was not very happy to have been dragged here.

“You should be after a non-stop three-hour rehearsal,” Churi countered with a frown. “And I know you haven’t been eating properly lately.” This was a tricky subject, and she knew it. She was walking on broken glass. Jurina never liked it when someone broached it in the past, always dismissing the warnings.

After Jurina had fainted during the rehearsal of the Nagoya Dome concert and ended at the hospital because of it, Churi made herself a promise: to never let such a thing happen again. Thankfully, Rena had been present that day and prevented the young girl from injuring herself. But who knew what could have happened if she had not been here? What if Jurina had seriously injured herself, and been forced to quit the group because of it? She would have been devastated.

Churi didn’t want to take any chance. Jurina needed to take better care of herself, no matter how much she was currently hurting. Her health was more important than anything else. Churi got distracted when she heard her phone buzzing, and she took a peek at the device placed on the table in front of her. The message she received was short, but gave her the piece of information she needed. The person she was waiting for had arrived at the restaurant.

Churi raised her eyes in mild apprehension to look at Jurina. Her young friend was surely not going to appreciate what she just did. She even suspected she was going to be a bit mad at her for the following days. If truth be told, she did hesitate a lot before making such a call. Her fingers were stuck on the screen of her phone - refusing to dial the number - when she waited for Jurina to come out of the shower earlier on.

In the end, she saw no other option. It had already been more than a month since Jurina had unfortunately discovered the truth about Rena’s plans. And the issue between both Matsui had not been solved. They were barely talking to each other. It wasn’t right. Much as she didn’t like to meddle into people’s affairs, she had to take matters in hand.

“I’m leaving,” Churi announced, getting up from the table and starting to gather her things. When she looked up, she met Jurina’s confused look instantly. “I’m sorry Jurina, but this needs to end for your sake.”

“What?” Jurina exclaimed in incredulity.

Churi didn’t explain any further and turned on her heels, moving towards the door in determination. The sound of soft footsteps climbing the stairs reached her, and she stopped when she saw the door opening. Standing on the doorstep was the one and only Rena Matsui.

No words were exchanged, but there was a small grateful smile upon Rena’s lips. Churi reciprocated it, albeit a bit awkwardly. She surely didn’t want to be present during the conversation that was about to follow between both Matsui. She expected it to be nothing but very tense. Moreover, she could now almost imagine Jurina’s shocked look - mixed with displeasure - behind her back. She had just tricked her dear friend, and she was feeling slightly bad about it. When Churi moved past the older Matsui and descended the staircase, she had to keep repeating herself that it was for the greater good. 

 

* * *

 

Jurina was completely shocked. She simply couldn’t believe what was happening. The minute before, she was having dinner with Churi and now her friend was gone, leaving her alone with the girl who had showed up without notice. Rena Matsui. The person she wanted to see the least right now. The girl who had stolen her heart after a kiss exchanged on a bench during a videoclip, before shattering it for the second time and without warning a month ago.

Rena had hidden something so important from her: her decision to leave SKE48. In June, Rena Matsui was going to graduate. After all this time, her heart was still aching at the idea. In fact, Rena’s mere presence in front of her was causing her such terrible pain. How much she hated the impact Rena always had over her. Whether it was positive or negative, the older girl never left her indifferent. Not once in eight years. And this gentle smile she was currently sending her way was not helping at all in appeasing her sorrow.

“I can’t believe she did this,” Jurina muttered under her breath, looking away from Rena and staring in frustration at her bowl of ramen. From her peripheral vision, she noticed the older girl quietly taking a seat opposite her and occupying Churi’s previous spot. Jurina was feeling ill at ease, not knowing what to do with the unexpected presence in the room. She kind of wished she could ask Rena to leave. Her presence was making her very uncomfortable. And she didn’t want to have the conversation she guessed Rena was going to start soon or later.

However, not a single word left her lips after that. Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to be so harsh towards Rena. No matter how much she had hurt her, she didn’t wish to inflict the same pain to her. Despite all the tears she had shed this last month because of her, she still loved the girl in front of her dearly. And her affection for her was currently making her heart beat in pain.

“I know you don’t want to see me,” Rena’s soft murmur disrupted the heavy atmosphere. “But please don’t blame Akane. I’m glad she called me and explained to me what happened during rehearsal with the kenkyuusei.”

Jurina nibbled on her lower lip, guilt washing over at the reminder of what happened in the dancing room. Yes, she was well aware that she had gone a bit too far earlier. She reflected over her behavior when she took a shower afterwards. Her bad mood was impacting her daily life in the worst way possible, and making her act in an unusual way towards others. Somehow, she couldn’t control herself. The harsh words had rolled off her tongue without thinking.

“You know, this situation is hard for me too,” Rena stammered.

Jurina looked up in surprise when she heard the slight - but perceptible tremble - in Rena’s voice. Their eyes met again for the second time, and Jurina immediately noticed the sorrow in them. It took her off guard. Of course, she had witnessed the same emotion shining in Rena’s eyes when she desperately cried for hours in Rena’s arms at her apartment. But in the end, Rena’s pain had been overshadowed by her own distress.

Not to mention, Jurina had never seen it again after that day. On the contrary, Rena always harbored a smile when they met in public for SKE’s activities, and her perfect mask of indifference never slipped once when confronted with the subject of her graduation by journalists. Jurina had not said anything about it, but it had more than disconcerted her to see her acting this way when they happened to do interviews together.

If anything, it looked like she was happy to leave SKE48. Satisfied with the choice she had made. How on earth could she always look so happy, when she herself felt like her world had just crumbled? Yes, Jurina did her best to smile in front of cameras. She never cried in public, nor in front of other members. When, a few times, emotion was getting the best of her and the tears were threatening to fall, she made sure no one could witness them. Despite the circumstances, she wanted to be strong.

It was all fake. Her sadness was obvious to everyone. No matter how much she hid it behind a tentative smile, she knew at her core that she wasn’t really fooling anyone. Of course, members were not saying anything about it. They were preserving her. Only Churi had tentatively broached the subject a couple of times. And she had lied by saying that she was going to be fine. If Rena was taking it so well, then she was certainly not going to crack in front of others.

Today, Jurina realized she got it all wrong. For the first time in a month, she discovered Rena had in fact kept her true feelings to herself the whole time. And she had not seen anything. No, she had refused to see it. How was that possible? After all, it was just the typical Rena she always knew. Always hiding her true feelings to preserve herself.

“I know you said you needed time, and I’ve given you space. But I can’t let you neglect your health any longer. I won’t stand seeing you laying in bed at the hospital. Not another time.”

Jurina watched without a word Rena standing up to come and sit next to her. She didn’t flinch when the older Matsui hesitantly placed her palm over her hand. How could she be so stupid? Of course, Rena cared about her. Of course, Rena felt guilty about the way things went. Why on earth did she let her own sorrow shadow what was going right under her nose? Rena was hurting as well. And she had let that hurt persist during more than a month by keeping her distance with her.

Jurina could feel the tears forming in her eyes. But this time, she didn’t try to hide or stop them. She felt Rena’s gentle caress on her skin as she brushed her tears away, suddenly realizing how much she had missed their proximity and the touch of her lover. As a result, she couldn’t help but lean into it when Rena cupped her cheek affectionately.

“We’re going to go through this rough time. Together.”

Jurina didn’t reply, not willing to let her emotional state show through her voice. Instead, she accepted Rena’s tentative - and almost awkward - embrace, and returned it tightly without a second of hesitation. She was conscious that it wasn’t going to be easy. The following months were going to be very hard on them. She didn’t even want to start thinking about the immediate void she would feel once Rena would be gone. Somehow, she wanted to believe they were going to make it through. That their relationship was not going to suffer from Rena’s graduation.

It was her sole and only hope.


	21. Chapter 21

_Four months later._

Jurina had been staring helplessly at the ceiling of her bedroom for the past twenty minutes, fully awake. Her alarm clock had not rung yet, but she knew it was now a matter of minutes. After all, she had checked the time as soon as she had opened her eyes. Nevertheless, she was stubbornly refusing to get out of bed.

It was common knowledge the nineteen years old girl always had trouble waking up. When she happened to share a hotel room with another member, the other girl often had to shake her a little to prompt her to wake up. Rena - who was the person she had the most shared a hotel room over the past eight years - had more than once mentioned her problematic difficulty to wake up during their conversations. The first times it happened, she would scold her a little out of frustration. But now that she was pretty used to that characteristic of hers, she teased her about it more than anything.

However today, there was something else that was preventing Jurina from leaving the comfort of her own bed. It wasn’t that she was lazy and wished to spend more time in her bed. It wasn’t either that she was still feeling tired. No, Jurina was refusing to leave the room for another simple reason: today was Rena’s graduation concert. And she was desperately trying to delay the inevitable by buying herself a little more time.

The attempt was much fruitless. The familiar ringtone suddenly disrupted the quiet atmosphere of her bedroom, and extracted her effectively from her dark thoughts. Jurina let out a small groan in displeasure. Never in her life had she hated so much the sound. She didn’t want to get up. She absolutely didn’t wish to go through that particular day. But the very annoying piercing sound was reminding her that she had no choice in the matter.

Jurina tilted her head towards the rounded object and stared at it in deep frustration, before putting a halt to her misery by extending her arm and pressing the button quickly. The bedroom plunged into silence at once, but the quietness didn’t really do her any good. On the contrary. It was enabling her to fall back deep into her thoughts again. And letting the sorrow enter her heart.

Jurina mind-absently caught some noise coming from the kitchen, evident sign that her mother was up. The prospect of leaving her bed was still not enchanting her, but she knew her mother would enter her room if she didn’t show up for breakfast in five minutes.

 _You can do it,_ Jurina thought inwardly, trying to find the courage she was desperately lacking. But despite the encouraging words, she realized she was unfortunately still feeling as despondent as the moment before.

Those four months had passed by in the blink of an eye. Without realizing it, the date she had marked in red on her calendar and that she dreaded so much had unfortunately already arrived. And she was still having a hard time believing it was really going to happen. The idea that, tomorrow, Rena would officially have left SKE48, was still impossible for her to accept. After today’s concert, she would be left alone to lead the group. The girl she admired and loved so much wouldn’t be by her side anymore.

This realization was darkening her mood again. Jurina could feel instantly her chest tightening in pain. No matter how many times Rena had tentatively tried to reassure her and showered her with affection, she couldn’t help but let apprehension take hold of her when it concerned the future of her relationship with Rena.

The older Matsui seemed confident nothing was going to change. But Jurina remembered vividly the events that followed Mariko’s graduation. The AKB member she was so close to, and even considered as a big sister. Her departure had caused her such terrible sorrow. Out of pain, she couldn’t even participate in a few SKE events for a while. In fact, it took her quite some time to get over her absence.

And after that, they were of course not able to see other as often as before. Yes, they communicated often on LINE. But it was not the same. Mariko’s physical absence had created a void. A void she could still feel after all these years, no matter how much joy she felt each time they had the opportunity to meet. Unfortunately, those moments were so few and far between.

So why would she react any differently with Rena’s graduation? The older Matsui would be spending even more time in Tokyo after her departure. And Jurina would be stuck in Nagoya because of SKE’s activities. It was already hard enough when Rena happened to leave for Nogizaka46’s related works. She suffered from the void her absence provoked each and single time.

But no matter how much she hated those moments of separation, Rena always returned at some point to Nagoya. She always came back to SKE48, where she truly belonged. After tomorrow, there would be no coming back. No feeling of relief that her trips to Tokyo were only temporary. No, this time it would be definitive. Jurina would not wait for Rena and greet her with a happy smile. She would not tell her how much she missed her. She would not stare at the dressing room’s door in obvious impatience and expectation. Because Rena would never pass it anymore.

Jurina was feeling her eyes moistening when she suddenly heard a soft knock on the door. Rapidly, she brushed away a tear that was starting to form. She couldn’t let her mother see her in her current state. She had been doing enough crying these last months. It had to stop at some point. That was what Jurina kept telling herself each time she felt emotion taking hold of her. But somehow, she feared it was just wishful thinking on her behalf. Rena’s departure from SKE48 was not going to end her tears. Quite the contrary.

“I’m awake,” Jurina spoke up, straightening up and taking a seat on the side of her bed. She immediately regretted the sound of her voice. It was so weak, and the light tremble perceptible. Her mother was surely going to notice it.

The door opened slightly, and Jurina gazed at her mother who was sending her a warm, gentle smile. She reciprocated it immediately, albeit a bit awkwardly. “Did you manage to sleep?”

Jurina nodded slowly, noticing the worry now plastered on her mother’s face. She knew perfectly well what was motivating her to ask such a thing. Yesterday evening, she couldn’t manage to sleep, dreading too much the events of the following day. Rena’s graduation concert was monopolizing all her thoughts, preventing her from closing her eyes one second. Her brain was simply refusing to shut down.

At some point, she had left her bedroom to drink a glass of water in the kitchen, and had crossed her mother’s path. When she had admitted her powerlessness to her, the latter had given her some sleeping pills. That had thankfully worked perfectly once she had joined her bed again.

Jurina stole another glance at the time on her alarm clock. It was only 8:30 AM, but she was aware that she had a busy schedule today. The concert wasn’t starting until 3 PM, but Jurina could feel it was going to be a very long day. A day of intense rehearsal and preparation, coupled with a constant knot in her stomach.

Jurina was most definitely not looking forward to that particular concert. She even kind of guessed it would be hard for her to keep her legendary enthusiasm and cheerfulness once on stage. But what could she do about it? She didn’t have any say in this. Whether it was Rena’s decision to graduate or the date of the concert - which she considered way too early - no one had asked for her opinion. She just had to accept everything like a good little soldier. And that thought, that she had no influence whatsoever over those two facts, was still terribly frustrating to her. Even after all these months.

Jurina noticed from her peripheral vision her mother entering the room and taking a seat next to her. Thanks to the morning light inundating her bedroom, Jurina could discern even more the deep concern in her mother’s eyes. The concern she had caused her these last months. Her mother was certainly not ignorant of her sorrow.

Somehow, even talking about Rena’s departure was still very hard, no matter how many times someone mentioned it around her. And people talked about it a lot: journalists, fans, staff members. Even SKE members behind her back when they believed she wasn’t listening. Unfortunately for her, she accidentally overheard a few conversations about it.

Jurina had spoken about Rena’s graduation a few times with her mother. Or to be more accurate, her mother had engaged the tricky conversation with her. But her mother didn’t truly realize the full extent of the pain Rena’s graduation was causing her. There were so many things Jurina couldn’t tell her mother. This last year, when they happened to talk about Rena, Jurina always had to keep half of the truth to herself. Because she couldn’t admit to her how much the older girl really meant to her.

“I know you’ll miss her dearly, but you’ll still be able to see her. You will remain friends, even after she leaves.”

Jurina didn’t know what to answer to her mother’s reassuring words. A part of her wanted to retort that she feared deep inside that their relationship was going to change after tonight. Another wanted to blurt out that Rena and her were more than what she was describing. And that it was precisely because of their intimate, strong bond that her leaving SKE was hurting even more.

In the end, Jurina kept her thoughts to herself. She was aware that she couldn’t say any of that. She didn’t want to worry any more her mother by voicing out loud her concern about the future. And she certainly couldn’t admit either the true nature of her relationship with Rena. Jurina had always been very close to her mother, but this was a particular topic she refused to speak of.

Her mother had met Rena in person a few times over the past, and always spoken highly of her. She liked Rena. She was grateful for the fact that the older Matsui had always been by her side in SKE, and strong moral support during all those years. That she had, in a sense, played her role by comforting Jurina in difficult times, especially the first years when she was still a fragile child.

Somehow, Jurina feared her mother’s opinion about Rena would change drastically if she discovered the truth. Jurina simply couldn’t take that risk. She still wanted to hear nice words falling from her mother’s lips. And she absolutely wished to stay on good terms with her. However, she feared it would not be the case anymore if she admitted that she had it all wrong. That, more than a year ago, Rena and her had crossed a line, and were definitely more than the very good friends she believed them to be.

Jurina felt her mother squeezing her hand lightly, and she accepted the small comforting gesture in gratitude. Of course, she was thankful for her attempt to cheer her up. However, her words failed miserably to alleviate her doubts. Apprehension was simply refusing to leave her. However, she forced herself to smile when she turned to nod at her. 

 

* * *

 

Rena took a close look at the tracklist laying in front of her on the table. She wanted to make sure that every song was well present. Twenty five songs: a two-hour concert in the Nagoya Dome. That was exactly what was awaiting her in a few hours, under a shiny sky. The weather forecast had indeed promised a day without rain. It was actually quite a relief. Until two days ago, she was convinced it was going to rain during the concert. It had even rained a little just yesterday. Unexpectedly, the tide had turned this morning. They were not expecting a single drop of water.

Rena was still alone in the dressing room this morning. The other members of SKE48 had not arrived yet for the preparation of the concert. The older Matsui didn’t mind the silence of the room. On the contrary. Silence had always been her best friend anyway. It suited so well her quiet personality.

Pen in hand, Rena ticked off another song on the sheet, reviewing again that they were all in the right order. She had chosen each one of them. As well as the order they would be performed on stage. Management may not have given her a choice regarding her graduation’s date, they left her to decide the tracklist of her concert. And it had taken her many days to write down a definitive list.

SKE48’s discography was so vast. They had sung so many different songs over the past seven years. Selecting only twenty five songs proved to be challenging. So many choices possible. So many songs she loved. How was it possible to select so few? Now, Rena was definitely glad management never asked her opinion over the planning of their previous concerts. She would have faced a complete dilemma.

At some point, Rena did turn to Jurina to hear her opinion regarding the tracklist of her graduation concert. Somehow, she wanted to know which songs she wished to sing. Her opinion mattered to her. But Jurina didn’t really give her the reply she expected. In fact, she stated that she should be the one making those decisions, not her. It was her graduation concert. It was a day too important for her to let anyone else influence her on the matter.

After saying those decisive words, Jurina had left the room with a tentative smile that did not fool her for all that. Their relationship had greatly improved since that evening in the restaurant four months ago. The conversation that followed had cleared a few things. And thankfully reduced the distance between them. But Jurina was still terribly hurting because of her decision to graduate. Rena could see it on a daily basis. And that pain she would often witness in her eyes had not faded after all those months.

However, Rena never once regretted her decision to graduate. How could she? After all, everyone left the group at some point. Airi had graduated in January, and many other important members before her. Nothing was set in stone. Members came by and left. No one was irreplaceable. Not even her. Rena wanted to believe that SKE could manage fine with the departure of one of its figureheads. No, she certainly didn’t always agree with their management’s decisions, far from it. But once she would be gone, they would need to make important decisions for the future of the group. It was mandatory for the survival of SKE48. And she trusted them to make the right decisions.

In her absence, other girls were finally going to be given the opportunity to shine. Other members would be filling her shoes. Occupying her spot at the front of the stage. And she was completely fine with the idea. She had spent eight years in SKE48. It was time for her to move on. It was time for the group to find a new lease of life.

And there would still be Jurina as SKE’s constant ace. Rena wasn’t worried about the group’s future. She knew the nineteen years old girl would lead the group effectively once she would be gone. Everyone would gather around her. And Jurina would keep on helping the kenkyuusei. After all, they were the future of the group. But until the day they would take over, Rena knew Jurina was completely capable of leading SKE.

No, Rena was not unfamiliar with Jurina’s doubts. They had spoken about it a few times. Jurina didn’t believe she could do it without her by her side. But Rena was convinced it was only her sorrow speaking. In the end, when the pain would had dissipated enough, she would fully embrace her role as sole leader of SKE. Rena had absolutely no doubt about it. And she knew SKE was definitely in good hands with the young ace. The group always held great importance to Jurina. The latter put all her energy into it. There was no reason that it would stop after her departure.

A smile grazed Rena’s lips when she arrived at the bottom of the list, and all the songs she had selected were indeed present, and in the right order. She was not entirely satisfied with the tracklist, saddened to have been forced to leave out a few songs she really liked. But choices needed to be made. And some were harder than others. That’s a fact she had discovered a few times over the past years. And had been even more conscious of it these last months.

Rena couldn’t regret her decision to graduate. It was a well-thought decision, definitely not taken on the spur of the moment. Not one second she regretted entering SKE. During that course of time, she experienced every emotion humanly possible: joy, sadness, pain, frustration. And many others. Being in the idol group had also changed her a lot. She gained a confidence she lacked. Not to mention, she met incredible people. However, she did regret one thing deeply. The pain she had caused Jurina, the girl she loved so much. But the harm was done. And much unavoidable.

 

* * *

 

Rena raised her gaze when she heard the door of the dressing room opening. It didn’t really surprise her when she saw Jurina standing on the doorstep. In fact, she almost expected her to arrive before her. Indeed, the young Matsui usually was the first to arrive and the last to leave. They exchanged a quick smile, until Jurina came to sit next to her without a word.

Rena watched her attentively while the other girl was typing a message on her phone. It reassured her to see that she looked quite rested. This morning, she kind of feared to see Jurina arriving with bags under her eyes, clear evidence that she wouldn’t have slept well the night before.

Rena stayed quiet while Jurina finished typing her message, addressed to Akane she couldn’t help but notice. She was aware how dear the latter was to Jurina. They were both really close, and her friend had been a great help to her these last few months. Akane and her shared a unique bond. And Rena was grateful that Jurina had such a precious friend by her side.

Yes, Mayu was Jurina’s best friend. But the distance unfortunately prevented them from seeing each other as often as they wished. Akane was here. In Nagoya. And had provided Jurina with necessary comfort during those recent times of hardship. Just as much as Jurina had when Akane had herself been devastated by the news of Airi’s graduation.

When Rena noticed Jurina putting away her phone, she lifted her hand to squeeze her shoulder lightly. The gesture brought Jurina’s attention to her, and a small smile fell on Rena’s lips. She didn’t want her concern to show too much - already knowing how hard it was going to be for Jurina to face that day - but she still needed to ask. She needed to know what was going on inside the girl’s head.

“How are you?” Rena asked. And regretted her words the moment after when she noticed Jurina’s features darkening. Maybe it was a somewhat insensitive question to ask today. Rena immediately felt slightly bad. “I’m sorry.”

Of course, Jurina was apprehending the concert. Albeit the fact they avoided talking too much about that particular topic these last couple of days, she could read Jurina like an open book. Moreover, Jurina had shared her concern about their future a few times these last months. Was she being too naive in believing that her graduation would not impact their relationship too severely? Yes, she had feared Jurina’s bad reaction from the start. That was why she had waited so long to tell her. Waited until she was absolutely certain that graduation was the best decision for her to make.

Nevertheless, she wanted to believe that they were strong enough to survive this. It was only a hard moment to go through. A very difficult one indeed - for both of them - but still a temporary phase. In the end, everything would be fine.

“Jurina,” Rena encircled her arm gently to try and prompt her to look at her. Indeed, Jurina was now looking the other way, obviously bothered by her question. Thankfully, the young ace complied to her wishes at once, and their eyes met. “It’s true that I won’t be by your side in SKE48 anymore, but I’m not leaving you. I’ll still be here. I’ll always be here.”

Jurina gazed at her silently, and Rena could progressively see the tears threatening to fall. Jurina always did her best not to show her emotions in front of others, and generally succeeded in doing to. But somehow, she couldn’t completely keep it inside when it came to her. And Rena hated those tears that still kept on falling after all those months. Even more knowing that she was the reason behind them.

“I’m really trying to convince myself that it won’t change anything,” Jurina managed to finally utter in a half trembling voice. “But I can’t.”

Jurina’s constant doubt did not surprise Rena in the least. After all, she had voiced it many times now. But it still pained her as much to hear it. She wanted so much to find the right words to reassure her. But it seemed nothing she said could truly ease Jurina’s worries. How much she hated feeling so powerless.

“You know that I love you,” Rena declared, a bit desperately. She was trying again to ease Jurina’s mind. Another attempt that added itself to a long list of failed ones. But she couldn’t stand seeing Jurina’s tears anymore. The tears that she was brushing away one after another. She received a silent nod in reply, and her mouth tugged into a confident smile. “Then stop being sad. I want you to be happy.”

Rena leaned in for a kiss, and felt the lips moving against hers immediately. The kiss was chaste and short, but Rena noticed the light progressively back in Jurina’s eyes when she pulled away. She was aware that her pain was still lurking behind Jurina’s tentative, small smile. Waiting for another opportunity to manifest itself and darken the mood of the sensitive girl. But she didn’t let that fact deter her for all that.

She was going to erase that pain she had caused Jurina, no matter how long and how much effort it would take. She was going to do everything in her power to see her loving, genuine smile directed at her again. That expression that she adored so much, and that she had not seen again after that fateful date of January 30.


	22. Chapter 22

_2.55 PM._

Rena’s graduation concert sold out merely a few days after the tickets were available for sale. As a result, there was currently not an empty seat to be seen in the famous baseball stadium of Nagoya. A message in white, bright letters was currently flashing on the black, large closed doors of the main stage: graduation concert of the Nagoya princess.

You could feel a certain excitement mixed with tension in the air as the concert was soon about to begin. People in the audience were wearing tee-shirts at the effigy of their oshi, and there were definitely a lot of Rena Matsui’s fans. Some were even getting their light sticks ready in preparation for the start of the concert.

All of a sudden, the letters imprinted on the black doors disappeared progressively one by one as if washed away by the wind, and the imposing doors started to open. All pairs of eyes were now glued on the doors in expectation, and people started cheering when the one they had been patiently waiting for appeared.

Rena Matsui, her long, black hair falling over her shoulders, was clad in a red dress and matching high heels. A rosebud of similar color was pinned in her hair on the right side of her head. When the doors were finally wide open, she moved forward slowly and elegantly onto the main stage. Her beauty enhanced by her light make-up captured again the hearts of many in the audience. Her look was somewhat serious and, as she halted in the middle of the stage, her eyes swept the audience left and right as if searching for someone.

Her eyes fell on the floor at her feet, disappointment clearly visible in her small brown orbs as she had obviously failed to find who she was looking for. However, her attention soon got caught by the incredible view she had missed at her arrival. On each side of the long, perpendicular stage that was crossing the Nagoya Dome, were laying hundreds of red roses. Rena widened her eyes, mesmerized by the beauty of the scene she was witnessing.

Her feet moved forward without her consent - as if she was drawn by the path evidently prepared for her - and she admired the flowers carefully aligned left and right as she walked down the perpendicular stage. When she finally arrived at the end of the stage she raised her gaze in curiosity, noticing a girl standing a few meters away from her and who had her back turned to her. The latter was dressed exactly like her, except for her clothes colored blue. Rena stopped and observed the silent presence from afar, relief spreading through her chest when she discovered she just found who she was desperately looking for earlier.

“Did you… do all this for me?” Rena asked in a quivering voice, her eyes shining with emotion as she addressed the other girl.

The girl in a blue dress turned to look at her, harboring a loving smile at the view of the person she had been patiently waiting for. “Princess of Nagoya, please accept those roses as a token of my devotion for you.”

Rena gasped at Jurina’s solemn tone and stared at her for a few seconds in awe, her voice simply refusing to come out. Her mouth opened a couple of times, but it took a few seconds for her lips to finally produce words. She placed her hand over her beating heart in anticipation. “Does it mean… that I have your heart?”

Jurina reduced the distance between them progressively - walking gracefully towards the girl who was looking at her intensely - until they were standing only a few feet away from each other. She lifted her hand and took Rena’s inside hers gently, lacing their fingers together as she placed both of their hands over her chest. “Always.”

Rena’s face lit up in joy and she leaned forward, resting her forehead against Jurina’s. Both girls shut their eyes and fell silent at once, each of them relishing the close proximity with the other. Their hearts and souls were finally united after so many moments of hardship.

This little scene that the audience seemed to enjoy very much - judging by their loud cheers - was nothing but staged. It had been the moment since Rena passed the large doors and appeared in front of the Nagoya Dome. Both Matsui had rehearsed the text together a few hours ago.

The older Matsui felt Jurina’s hand trembling slightly inside hers. That was not part of the scene, and she knew it. Of course, she was conscious that she couldn’t say anything to calm the girl who was evidently letting emotion take hold of her. But she couldn’t stay idle either and pretend she didn’t notice. That’s why she did the only thing she was currently allowed to in the current circumstances: she gave her hand a light squeeze - simple gesture that would be unnoticed from cameras - hoping it would bring her necessary comfort.

From the moment their eyes met on stage, Rena guessed Jurina would be having a hard time playing her part. Her prediction came true when the young girl uttered her last word. _Always._ Rena knew Jurina was not fully acting right now. That there was a truth to what she was saying. She had distinguished easily Jurina’s emotion behind her previous solemn declaration, and the current light tremble of Jurina’s fingers was another proof. Rena had taken on her role professionally as soon as she stepped onto the stage, but Jurina was definitely having a hard time not letting the truth slip behind her mask of current suitor of the Nagoya princess.

Rena didn’t say a word nor did she step out of her role one second, knowing all cameras were currently projecting their image to the audience on the two large screens. For a moment, she wondered if the audience picked up on Jurina’s curious behavior. Did they realize how much this moment was truly affecting her, or did they believe that it was all part of the scene? Rena hoped for the latter.

The first notes of _TWO ROSES_ suddenly sounded in the Nagoya Dome, and both girls took a step back from each other, getting in position for the song. They didn’t have time to share a glance. However, Rena didn’t need to look at Jurina to know that she was already focusing on the choreography of their duo. The first song that started her two-hour graduation concert.

 

* * *

 

Churi waited patiently from backstage for both Matsui to end their duo. Members of the team KII were finishing making last minute adjustments to their red and black costumes behind her, but Churi didn’t pay attention to the noises and light chatting coming from them, her thoughts directed towards the younger girl dancing and singing on stage.

Albeit the fact she couldn’t see Jurina right now, it wasn’t hard to guess how hard she was taking all this. And this song in particular held so much meaning to her. As Churi heard the words leaving her lips, she really hoped Jurina was not going to lose it and crack on stage.

Earlier on, Jurina had indicated her between two rehearsals that she was very decided to not show her emotions. She was going to act as professional as possible, and definitely not cry during the concert. But would she truly be able to stick to her words? Wouldn’t her body betray her at some point, and win the fight against her will?

“It’s a bit strange to hear them performing this duo, isn’t it?” A feminine, familiar voice distracted Churi, jolting her out of her thoughts effectively. She tilted her head towards the sound, a faint smile falling on her lips at the view of Airi, clad in a similar uniform. Her best friend who - she had discovered a few days ago in surprise - Rena had invited to her graduation concert, and was going to perform with them during the two hours.

“I’m already feeling somewhat nostalgic,” Churi admitted a bit nervously, looking away from the girl now standing by her side. “It’s the last time they will ever sing it together. I can only imagine how Jurina must be feeling inside right now. She loved that duo so much. And the lyrics made so much sense to her.”

Airi nodded silently, knowing full well how deeply worried her friend was for Jurina. She had shared her concern about her declining health a couple of times those past months, and doubts about her mental ability to survive Rena’s graduation concert. Yes, Jurina was very affected by Rena’s departure. But the sensitive young girl was not the only one having a hard time. Rena had definitely been saddened by the distance her decision had provoked between them. And the pain her graduation was causing Jurina. “It’s a moment they will remember for the rest of their lives. _Both_ of them.”

At the emphasis on that particular word Churi gazed back at her in slight astonishment, before understanding what message she was trying to convey. She was trying to tell her that Rena was hurting as much as Jurina, even if she didn’t voice it or show it openly as much as the younger girl.

It is true to say that Churi didn’t know the older Matsui as well as Airi. After all, the latter had been Rena’s best friend during all those years. How could she pretend to know her as well when she was definitely not that close to the Nagoya princess? Yes, she could read her better, but some aspects of her personality remained a complete mystery to her. And she figured that she had little chance to crack it. Even less now that the older Matsui was leaving SKE48.

Despite those facts, there was one thing she wished more than anything: that Rena would never break Jurina’s heart again. If it ever happened, Churi was doubting Jurina could recover. She was already having difficultly overcoming her previous heartbreak. And clumsily gathering the pieces of her shattered heart.

“Hey,” Airi’s soft, murmur sounded next to her ear, and Churi felt a light squeeze on her shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’re going to cry. It would look strange on _Omatase Setlist_. It’s supposed to be a joyful song.”

At her declaration, Churi frowned in confusion, before feeling the tears moistening her cheeks. She wiped them away rapidly with the back of her hand. She didn’t even notice them falling. When did that happen? “You’re right,” Churi replied in a small strangled laugh. “I’m afraid this graduation concert is making me emotional.”

“Everyone is feeling the same,” Airi smiled sadly, “Have you seen the girls behind us?”

Churi took a discreet peek over her shoulder, noticing indeed how everyone was now very tense. Apprehension and nervousness could be read in a few girl’s eyes. And it was definitely not because of their next performance. The team KII had sung _Omatase Setlist_ countless of times. It held no more secrets to them.

It wasn’t just Jurina who was touched by Rena’s departure from the group. Everyone was. It meant something to each member, even to those who didn’t know her that well. It was obvious nothing would ever be the same once she would be gone. SKE was going to change. But was it for better or for worse? How was management going to deal with the absence of one of the group’s figureheads?

Churi had to admit she was feeling somewhat insecure about the group’s future. And afraid that the pressure upon Jurina’s shoulders would become even heavier with the absence of the older Matsui by her side. Was she going to make it in her current fragile, emotional state? It had already been six months since she discovered the truth about Rena’s graduation. Much as the distance between them had been thankfully considerably reduced, she still was pretty much depressed. Churi could see it on a daily basis.

WMatsui had always been at it strongest when they were united. Together, it felt like nothing could stop them. And they had successfully managed to lead and represent the group during those eight last years. But what was going to happen now they would be separated? Did the group stand a chance? Would their relationship survive?

As Churi heard _TWO ROSES_ coming to an end, she lifted her gaze firmly in front of her, getting ready to receive the signal to step on stage at any moment. Unfortunately, she had no answer to those two questions. But, more than anything, she really hoped things were not going to fall apart for everyone after Rena’s departure. That was her deepest wish.

 

* * *

 

 _Kataomoi Finally_ had just ended when the SKE members entered the dressing room to change into a new outfit. They had been dancing for almost 45 minutes, and some girls - judging by the hair sticking to their face and cheeks colored pink - were definitely appreciating the respite more than others. Of course, they would never admit their tiredness out loud to anyone.

Rena barely had a second to breathe, considering how short their break was. She removed her previous dark red uniform in the blink of an eye, before gazing at the familiar plaid red and black costume of _Kiss Datte Hidarikiki_ that was waiting for her on a hanger.

While putting on each piece of clothing one by one, she stole a glance at Jurina who was getting dressed by her side. She was startled when she discovered that she was a step ahead of her. Indeed, she already had her white shirt, grey tie, and plaid costume on. And was now sitting on a chair to put her long, black boots on over her stockings. _So fast,_ Rena thought inwardly, impressed. When did she find time to do all this? They entered the room at the same moment, did they not?

No words were exchanged between them during the whole process. Jurina was very much focused on the task at hand, and Rena didn’t wish to disturb her during that moment. Instead, she let herself think back to the way the concert was going on so far. Everything had been going well until now, each song being executed one after another as she had planned. They were now half way through the concert and all the girls were doing a great job, a beaming smile plastered on their face throughout the whole time.

However, Rena picked up on the way Jurina’s features would sometimes darken when she found herself backstage between two songs. She knew that she was hiding her sorrow to the audience with a fake expression of joy. That fact was much obvious. She may have fooled the other members, she could see right through her.

Somehow, she guessed Jurina wasn’t enjoying herself one iota. From a very young age, Jurina had always loved being on stage and singing in front of an audience. Some girls liked doing photoshoots the most, others shooting in dramas or doing comedy on TV shows. Jurina was good at every aspect of her job, but she was definitely at her happiest when she was singing and dancing.

Today was definitely not the case. Considering how cautiously they avoided speaking about that day for months - and the pain it always caused the young Matsui when they had no choice but to talk about it - she figured Jurina wished to be anywhere else but here. In fact, she suspected that - if she had been given the opportunity to miss that particular concert - she would have seized it without a second of hesitation.

A few minutes before the concert started, Rena had gathered all SKE members around her and given a little speech. Her message was clear: they were to forget that it was a graduation concert, and act as if it was any other concert. She didn’t wish to see tears and sadness in their eyes. She wanted for everyone to enjoy themselves on stage.

Was it too selfish of her to ask for such a thing? She didn’t see this graduation concert as a painful moment. For her, June 22 only marked the end of an era, and the beginning of a new one. Much as she loved being in SKE during all these years, she was looking forward to what the future had in store for her.

All the girls seemed to have complied to her wishes. If they were feeling sad, then it was not showing on stage. And Rena wanted to make sure Jurina had a good time, even if for just a little while. It was the last time they would ever sing and dance together. Rena was relishing every minute of it, making sure that day would stay imprinted in her mind as a good memory. Somehow, she wished she could find a way for Jurina to feel the same.

Much as she searched her brain for a solution, none came to mind. What could she do or say to help Jurina leave her pain aside, even momentarily? Rena finished getting dressed, while pondering on it thoroughly. If she had admit, she was missing Jurina’s typical impatience mixed with excitation. Her never-ending cheerfulness. Even the small banter they would sometimes have backstage between two songs.

All of a sudden, Rena got pulled out from her thoughts when she heard Jurina letting out a light groan of frustration. She glanced back at her in curiosity, and suppressed a laugh when she discovered what she was doing. Jurina was now adjusting her hat on her head, her fingers moving it left and right, then up and down. And repeating the process over and over. A hint of nostalgia invaded her at the familiarity of the scene. She had witnessed such a moment so many times over the years.

Jurina failing to do her tie properly. Jurina struggling to find a right position for her hat. And so many other little things that made Jurina unique, and that Rena could list quite easily if someone asked her to describe SKE’s ace. No matter how hard Jurina tried to be a perfect idol, those moments brought out another truth. In the end, she was just a normal human being like everyone else, with its qualities and flaws. And she loved her for every one of them.

That’s why, for the time left, she wished nothing more than to have her Jurina back. The Jurina who would smile brightly on stage. The Jurina who would sing - and a few times shout to the audience - until her voice became too high-pitched for her to continue. The Jurina who would dance and run on stage energetically for two long hours, no matter how much her breathing became erratic over time and the sweat clearly visible on her skin. She wanted to see that Jurina again.

An idea suddenly popped up in her head when she gazed at the accessory that was currently rendering Jurina slightly mad. It was not something she had planned. In fact, she didn’t like last minute changes. Nor did Jurina. But if there was a chance it would help Jurina relax for at least a little, then she had to try. What did she have to lose?

“Jurina,” Rena addressed her when she was done adjusting her costume and satisfied with the decision she just made. A pair of startled eyes fell upon her, and she guessed the other girl must have been lost deep in her thoughts to be looking at her in such a way. She even noticed her jumping a little in reaction. “I’m going to do the final spin.”

“You are?” Jurina exclaimed in perplexity. “Why?”

“Because I want to,” Rena stated simply with a small shrug, refusing purposely to elaborate and grabbing the hat Jurina was still fiddling with. “And I’ll need that.”

Rena smiled when she noticed the look Jurina was giving her. Indeed, she was staring at her with a stunned expression, her mouth wide open. SKE’s ace may now be nineteen years old, she still sometimes had those very childish reactions. As a result, she couldn’t help but tease her a little. “Please close your mouth. You look like a fish.”

“Don’t… make fun of me,” Jurina protested in a mumble, looking away in discomfort. Until curiosity got the best of her again and she gazed back at Rena in expectation. “And what’s with the sudden change? Why do you want to do the spin? I thought you hated it?”

Rena giggled at all the questions she was being subjected to. Oh yes, Jurina had always been a very curious person. Unfortunately for her, she was very resistant. And decided to make it a surprise. “You’ll see. Just follow my lead on stage.”

Rena could see Jurina was about to formulate another question - obviously unsatisfied with her very evasive reply - but she didn’t let her time. She placed the hat on her head and turned on her heels, walking towards the door with determination. When she was about to turn the handle she took a peek over her shoulder, noticing Jurina still hadn’t moved an inch and was looking at her in complete confusion. Oh yes, this was going to be fun. 

 

* * *

 

While waiting backstage for her turn to step on stage for _Kiss Datte Hidarikiki_ , Jurina watched attentively the 13 kenkyuusei who were currently performing _Oki Doki_ in the Nagoya Dome. She heaved a sigh of relief at the reassuring view. The young girls were doing great on the famously very energetic song. Her attention soon got caught by the young Ayuka, proud to see her mastering the choreography so well.

Memories of a clumsy and non-athletic Ayuka flooded her mind instantly, as well as the unfortunate way she treated the poor girl five months ago in the dancing room of the SKE theater. At the time, her bad mood led her to be very harsh towards her. Much too harsh. She still regretted her behavior to that day. However, no one could deny that the young girl had progressed a lot lately. She wasn’t behind the others anymore like before, although she apparently still lacked self-confidence.

Jurina remembered the short conversation she had with her only a few hours ago during the rehearsal of Rena’s graduation concert. The young girl looked so despondent, that Jurina couldn’t help but approach her in concern.

_“What is it, Ayuka?” Jurina asked, resting her hand on her shoulder._

_The young kenkyuusei - who was standing on stage and staring pensively at the empty seats of the Nagoya Dome - jumped in surprise at the sound of SKE’s ace voice. “Jurina-san!” But she was obviously hesitant to say what was troubling her, considering no words left her lips after that._

_“You can tell me,” Jurina insisted softly. There were a few other members around, but they were too engrossed in their own work to bother listening to the conversation between the two girls._

_“It’s just…” Ayuka started in a small, stammering voice. Her eyes met Jurina’s as she turned to look at her, but she wasn’t as intimidating as she expected her to be. In fact, she was giving her nothing but a gentle, reassuring look. A burst of confidence spread through her chest, prompting her to reveal what was occupying her mind. “I don’t want to miss a step.”_

_“Don’t worry about that,” Jurina replied immediately with a smile, now understanding things better. “I know this choreography is challenging and physically demanding, but you have worked on it for months. You’ll do fine.”_

_“Rena-san will never forgive me if it’s not perfect,” Ayuka replied in a faint whisper, looking away instantly. At the sound of Jurina’s small laugh, she gazed back at her in astonishment._

_“Rena doesn’t want perfection,” Jurina shook her head lightly in amusement. “She wants you to do your best, and enjoy yourself. Especially today.”_

_Ayuka couldn’t help but notice the way the ace’s voice trailed off as she uttered her last words. In fact, even if Jurina was still looking straight at her, it seemed like she was already far away. Ayuka could indeed discern the sudden void in those usually so cheerful eyes. Until the light came back in them progressively when Jurina addressed her anew._

_“I’m proud of all the work you’ve accomplished, Ayuka,” Jurina declared, squeezing her shoulder lightly. “You earned your place in this group as any other kenkyuusei. Never forget that you’re the future of SKE48.”_

_Ayuka nodded slowly, deeply moved by her senior’s words. She wanted nothing more than to thank her for her kindness but her mouth stayed shut, somehow too shy to say anything. She felt a light tap on her arm, until the older girl turned around and left. She didn’t know how long she watched Jurina’s retreating back but as she let the words sink in, her face lit up progressively in renewed admiration._

“You’re aware that Ayuka admires you a lot?”

The older Matsui’s words extracted Jurina from her reverie, and she tilted her head to look at the girl who was joining her by her side. “What? No.”

“Last Valentine’s Day, she came to me with those chocolates she had bought for you,” Rena started, recalling vividly this conversation in particular.

It was definitely not an isolated moment, nor the first time a younger member addressed her for that matter. In fact, it had happened several times over the years. When a girl was too shy to address Jurina directly, she came to talk to her. At first, she accepted the presents and gave them to Jurina the next time she saw her. Then, she decided to change tactics and refused them systematically.

“Ayuka wanted me to give them to you. I told her she should give them to you in person,” Rena explained, remembering perfectly well the young girl’s dejected look at her reply. “I figure she never did, did she?”

“No, she never gave me any chocolate,” Jurina murmured, gazing back in astonishment at the designated girl dancing on stage. “I would have remembered it.”

“So many girls admire you,” Rena smiled in amusement, “but a lot of them are too shy to even think of approaching you.”

“I know, and I don’t always understand it,” Jurina admitted a bit helplessly. “There are many other seniors in the group. Why me?”

“You are someone they look up to,” Rena affirmed. “That’s why they will always follow you.”

Jurina could feel that there was a hidden message Rena was trying to convey behind her words. A message about her leading role in SKE. A message about the future of the group. But she didn’t want to think about any of this. She didn’t want to imagine a future in the group without Rena by her side. Unfortunately, it was very soon going to become a reality. Things had been set in motion the minute Rena announced her graduation publicly. Nothing could stop the inevitable now. And not even the feeling of Rena’s hand slipping inside hers managed to bring her some real comfort.

 

* * *

 

Jurina had to admit: she enjoyed doing the final spin on _Kiss Datte Hidarikiki_. Of course, there was always an unpredictability to this particular moment. Indeed, her position - and lips - never ended exactly at the same place, no matter how many times Rena and her rehearsed the choreography. To be honest, Jurina still didn’t understand why that kept happening. Was it because of Rena’s tangible nervousness? Or was it due to her own fear of accidentally kissing her lips during the process? She certainly didn’t want to go against her wishes again and make her mad.

Indeed, she had long ago stopped to try kissing her for real during that song. The older Matsui didn’t like the forced intimacy, and Jurina obliged when she asked her in 2012 not to do it again. Jurina even apologized for stealing - what she surprisingly discovered was - her first kiss. But, to be honest, the apology lacked a bit of sincerity. Back then, she had enjoyed very much her mischievous little deed. And the sight of Rena’s rosy cheeks and flustered expression was too cute to forget.

Over the years their roles got reversed a few - but rare - times, Rena being the one to make her spin for a change. Jurina still wasn’t used to it. She believed their position was even more awkward when such an occurrence happened. And, according to Rena’s words, she preferred much more letting the younger girl do it anyway. That was why Jurina had no idea what got into Rena’s head to wish to do the final spin today.

 _Oki Doki_ ended, and she stepped on stage with the other members for the performance of _Kiss Datte Hidarikiki._ The older girl had stayed awfully secretive about her out of the blue last minute change. She even stole her precious hat along the way and placed it over her head as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Well, she had to admit it looked good on her. Even so. Rena’s behavior didn’t make much sense to her.

As soon as the music started, Jurina put her thoughts aside and focused on the song. The group had performed this song so many times in the past, that it held no more secrets to her. Before she even realized it was already coming to an end. If she didn’t thankfully recall at the last moment Rena’s wish to do the spin herself, she would have definitely taken her position and done it without thinking. Out of pure habit.

Jurina wondered if it was the fruit of her imagination when they looked at each other, and she saw a somewhat mischievous smile upon Rena’s lips. She didn’t have time to assess it that the older girl had already grabbed her fingers and was making her spin. For the first time in a while, their steps weren’t as clumsy as usual. Jurina smiled to herself, thinking they were finally going to deliver a perfect performance. What she did not expect was to feel a pair of lips on hers.

It’s during those moments that time seemed incredibly slow. Jurina acknowledged the cheers coming from the crowd, and she wondered if the cameras had managed to capture the moment successfully. Usually, they filmed from the other side, and her hat helped conceal the fact that there was no real kiss involved.

Wait. Realization suddenly hit her. So that’s why Rena had taken her hat in the dressing room without letting her have a say in this? That’s what she planned all along when she asked to follow her lead? Her mouth tugged into an amused smile at what Rena was daring to do on stage. A warm, pleasant feeling spread through her chest instantly. She didn’t know when was the last time she managed to show such self-restraint. She wanted to kiss her back so badly.

However, she didn’t let her feelings cloud her better judgment. She didn’t know what was currently being projected on the two large screens. If they were lucky enough, the hat was doing its job and this intimate moment was carefully hidden from cameras. But maybe a camera was cleverly capturing everything from another angle. She couldn’t take that chance.

The melody of _1!2!3!4! Yoroshiku_ sounded in the stadium, and Jurina took it as her cue to leave. Indeed, other members of SKE were already waiting in position on the secondary stage, ready to unleash their overflowing energy on the cheerful song. Jurina felt Rena’s lips pulling away instantly, and she mimicked her actions by taking a step back from her.

Without a word, she followed the other members who were exiting the stage and moving towards the dressing room. When she saw Rena passing by her she grabbed her hand and gave it a little tug. The older girl halted and turned around to look at her. She was harboring a mischievous expression, and Jurina realized she had not imagined it at all earlier on. She let out a small laugh, and caressed gently the back of Rena’s hand with her thumb. “I liked the surprise.”

Rena reduced the small distance, and planted a loving kiss on her right cheek.

 

* * *

 

Jurina watched silently the older Matsui who was doing her sol _o Kareha no Station_ on the main stage. No matter how many times she heard her singing this song, she never got tired of hearing it. Yes, the lyrics were sad. And yes, Rena dreaded that solo very much the first years, never enjoying being left alone in front of an audience. But this song was made for her. The clothes, her soft voice as she sang the melody elegantly, and the simple but well executed choreography. Everything was perfect.

From her peripheral vision, Jurina noticed Churi approaching her side in her _Cross_ outfit, but her eyes stayed glued on the performance. In two minutes she would be stepping on stage for her own solo _CENTER_ , but for now on she gave all her attention to the older girl moving gracefully on stage. If she had to admit, she even felt her heart beating a bit faster inside her chest as she followed her every move attentively.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Jurina murmured mind-absently, knowing only her dear friend by her side could hear her. Not that it would matter anyway if someone else caught her words. Her admiration for the older Matsui was never a secret to anyone.

“Yes,” Churi conceded with a smile. “It’s hard to imagine how uncomfortable she felt the first times she sang that song on stage, considering how natural she is at it.”

“Rena is a born actress,” Jurina admitted. “It makes sense she would wish to pursue this career.”

After that, both friends kept quiet during the rest of the performance, until Jurina saw her counterpart kneeling to take the suitcase. She took it as a sign to prepare herself. A staff member was already making the countdown with his fingers: 10 seconds left. Jurina adjusted her white hat on her head one last time.

She didn’t know why she always felt so nervous when she was aware that a certain pair of eyes would be watching her during her solo. Because, she had no doubt about it. Rena would be following her performance as soon as she would exit the stage, and she would take her place. That’s something the older Matsui had indicated her merely a few hours ago. It appeared Rena enjoyed watching her performing her solo as much as she loved watching hers.

Jurina tried not to think too much about it and repeated the choreography in her head, as well as the lyrics. Both that she - of course - already knew by heart. Jurina felt Churi giving her a light tap on the arm, and she knew her friend was trying to encourage her through this small gesture. Yes, she may have mentioned once or twice to her friend how edgy this solo could sometimes make her.

“Five seconds,” the staff member announced.

Jurina let out a small inaudible sigh and raised her gaze in determination. The cheers of the audience reached her as Rena left the stage, and she stepped in as soon as the first notes of _CENTER_ sounded.

 

* * *

 

_4.55 PM._

Rena faced the stadium that was now shouting her name endlessly. Yes, everyone was aware that _Sore wo seishun to yobu hi_ marked the end of the concert. All the members were aligned a few meters behind her - their arms linked to each other - and were waiting for her to say her last words. Rena had prepared a short speech in anticipation for this moment but for now, she let her gaze wander around the stadium in appreciation.

Her hair was tied in a ponytail, and her loose red tee-shirt and pair of blue shorts were sticking to her skin because of all the accumulated sweat. So many songs came one after another during the last twenty minutes. It barely left them a second to breathe. But SKE48 was famous for its lively songs and energetic choreographies. So that’s exactly what she wanted to give the audience when she prepared the tracklist.

To be honest, her eyes moistened a little during the performance of _Sore wo seishun to yobu hi_. But how could it be otherwise? The lyrics were too close to home not to be affected by them. Tears were bound to fall each time members had to sing this song in particular. It happened in the past, and this time was no exception. Despite the fact she knew which reaction it would provoke, it was impossible for her to exclude it. So many members had said their goodbyes on this song. It was too emblematic for her to leave it aside.

Rena was aware that it was probably the last time she would ever stand on stage in the Nagoya Dome. That’s why she took her time to relish every second of it. She didn’t want to rush her goodbyes to the audience. They had been so faithfully devoted to her during all these years. They deserved to savor this moment. After all, it was the last time she would be surrounded by her fellow members. And judging by certain desperate cries in the crowd, some people were definitely having a hard time accepting the truth.

Finally, when she considered her silence had lasted long enough, she raised the mic to her lips. Not a sound could be heard in the audience anymore, and all eyes were glued to the 24 years old girl. Rena knew everyone was going to remember her last words forever. That’s why she had to make it count. “I cherish more than anything those eight years I spent in SKE48. I’ll always be grateful for my fans’ love and support.”

Rena made a pause and lowered her mic, a few people in the crowd taking this opportunity to call her name again. She nodded softly, acknowledging with a smile each word of support that reached her. Her eyes swept the stadium, taking in all the tee-shirts at her effigy. So many of her fans were present. The view was truly moving. It took her a lot of self-restraint to not let emotion take hold of her. She promised herself not to cry during her concert. She was adamant on keeping her word.

The air shifted and became a bit heavier when she turned her back to the audience to face the members. The beaming smiles they had harbored bravely during those two hours had now completely disappeared from their faces. Now, they were all looking at her with a seriousness that would have destabilized her, if she wasn’t already used to it after going through so many graduation concerts.

It was time for her to bid her farewell to her fellow members. Of course, there were a few girls she would keep contact with after today. But for the majority of them, this concert was the last time they would ever face each other. Rena couldn’t help but feel a bit nostalgic at the idea. But she didn’t regret for all that her decision to leave. Yes, she would feel a certain void at first. It was unavoidable. But she also knew it would soon be filled by something new and good. She had fulfilled one of her dreams. It was now time for her to reach her ultimate goal.

“Be assured that I’ll remember each one of you,” Rena declared, her eyes not leaving the girls once. She wanted to meet the gaze of each of them, but knew it was currently impossible. There were too many. And too little time left. That’s why she made herself the promise to have a word with each one of them once they would find themselves backstage.

Rena approached the mic to her lips again, preparing herself to say her final words. This is it. After that, she would pass the doors and it would be over. “You’ll forever be in my heart.” Her eyes stayed a little while longer on Jurina.

As they looked into each other’s eyes, Rena noticed those of Jurina moistening. Oh yes. The young girl was doing her best not to cry. And, surprisingly, she did not. Not even when Rena moved towards the large black doors of the main stage, and turned one last time towards the Nagoya Dome to bow to the audience. She sent the crowd one last smile of gratitude, until the doors closed on her progressively and the Nagoya princess disappeared from everyone’s sight.


	23. Chapter 23

It was over. Rena’s graduation concert had ended more than half an hour ago, and the previously fully booked stadium of Nagoya was now completely deserted. After sharing on her way backstage a few words with a couple of SKE girls and staff members who demanded her attention the now graduated girl had finally managed to reach the much awaited shower, more than eager to let the water wash away all the sweat she had accumulated during the two-hour concert.

Rena removed her clothes and turned the water on - waiting a little until it was at the right temperature - before stepping under the shower head. As she closed her eyes a small sigh left her lips in content, relishing the pleasant sensation cooling down her body and relaxing her sore muscles. She really needed that after the very enjoyable - but definitely energetic - two-hour concert.

Just as she was about to take the soap to wash herself she distinguished a light - but perceptible - sobbing coming from another shower nearby. Her hand froze in mid air when she recognized who it belonged to. All the chatting that had been going on in the other showers had now completely ceased. Rena leaned her back against the wall behind her, her chest tightening in pain at the sound of Jurina’s crying.

The young ace had managed to keep her sorrow to herself during the whole concert, even during the last very emotional song _Sore wo seishun to yobu hi_. The lyrics of that particular song always managed to moisten a few girls’ cheeks. But Jurina had not cried. Not even at the end when Rena passed the doors of the main stage with a broad smile, and her face progressively disappeared as the doors closed on her. 

Of course, she was going to let it out at some point. Rena had expected so from the moment the concert started. But, when she bravely confronted the two-hour concert without shedding a single tear, she believed Jurina was not going to crack in front of an audience. In fact, she figured she would probably prefer waiting until they were just the two of them alone to finally show her true feelings. After all, that’s what she had been doing during all these months.

Rena listened to the sound helplessly, hoping Jurina would manage to find the strength in her to calm down. However, when the sobbing could still be heard a while later - even intensifying a little - Rena understood that was not about to happen. Jurina couldn’t control herself anymore. In front of others, she had kept her emotions to herself during six long months. Now, she had reached her limits.

Rena slowly turned the water off, pondering over her options. There was nothing more difficult than to hear the usually so cheerful ace cry her heart out. In the past, each time she happened to witness any sign of distress in Jurina’s eyes, she made sure to comfort her as best as she could. Of course, she was aware that her words had little to no effect, but it didn’t prevent her from trying.

The current sound of Jurina’s constant, loud crying was becoming unbearable. Decisively, the older Matsui stepped out of the shower. Her eyes fell on the clean, large towel hanging by the sink and she seized it, enveloping her body in the red fabric. Her feet led her to the door leading outside and she stepped in the corridor, halting when she immediately noticed a few members staring at her.

Rena felt self-conscious at all the silent looks directed at her. After swift observation, she realized there was not a hint of disapproval in their eyes, as she half expected. Every single girl in the bathroom knew perfectly well what had triggered the tears of SKE’s ace, but they did not seem to hold it against her. Rena found it somewhat reassuring, even though she would not blame them if they did. After all, she was the only one responsible for Jurina’s distress.

Rena had to admit the unwilling attention was making her slightly nervous. Everyone was looking at her in expectation - watching her every move - and obviously wondering what she was going to do about the situation. However, she didn’t say a word, instead moving towards the shower from where the sobbing was still emitting loudly.

Her steps slowed down when she turned at the corner and saw Churi already standing in front of Jurina’s door. The girl was clad in a green towel and her fist hanging in the air - a few inches from the door - as if she was about to knock. When the latter took in Rena’s presence by her side she lowered her arm and turned around to look at her. Rena was caught off guard when she distinguished the pain visible in her eyes as she addressed her. “Please make it stop.”

Rena found herself at a loss for words. She was conscious that Churi’s demand was only motivated by the deep concern she felt for her young friend - a concern that was justified and that she understood well - but what could she really answer to that? She was already doing her best to put an end to Jurina’s sadness. She had been trying desperately for six months. And each and single time to no avail. When Jurina’s tears thankfully happened to stop, it was only a short respite.

In the end, Rena gave her interlocutor a soft nod and small smile in reply, sign that she was acknowledging her request. Yes, she was confident she would find a way to make Jurina’s tears stop for now. But a tiny voice inside her head immediately reminded her that it would only be a momentarily success. Only one person could truly put an end to Jurina’s misery: Jurina herself. Rena couldn’t wait for that moment to come as she couldn’t bare seeing the object of her affection in such a state of grief. But until then, she would be here to help her in any way she could.

Rena finally tore her eyes away from Churi and turned towards the door, knocking on it twice. “Jurina, I’m coming in.”

No answer. Not that she truly expected one, anyway. The crying was still going on strong as if she had never spoken, but she knew Jurina heard her well. She made sure her voice was loud and clear enough. Rena waited a few seconds - just in case the young girl would manifest herself in any way - until turning the handle when nothing happened. What she found behind made her heart sink. Jurina was standing in the shower - water splashing over her trembling body - her face turned towards the direction of the wall. Judging by the hand placed in front of her mouth, it was obvious she had all along tried her best to choke back her tears.

Jurina showed no sign that she acknowledged her presence, but the sound of the door opening had obviously alerted her. Rena closed the door behind her and moved forward, her eyes shimmering with emotion at the view of the crying girl. Her fingers detached the towel that was hindering her body until now - letting it slip carelessly on the floor - before sliding the door open and embracing the young girl from behind.

Rena didn’t miss the way the naked body tensed against her. Rena felt the warm water now cascading over her own shoulders, but she focused entirely on the girl in her arms. Jurina was not hindering her face with her hands any longer - her arms now falling by her side - but she was not responding to her gesture of comfort. For a moment, Rena feared she was going to reject it, and she tightened her hold around her waist.

The events of January 31 were still vividly imprinted in her mind. At the time, Jurina had denied her affection. Even distanced herself from her. It is true to say things had evolved positively since, but Jurina’s suffering seemed to have reached a higher level today. What if her graduation concert was the last straw for her? What if there was no coming back from that?

“I’m here,” Rena whispered into her ear. Her lips tentatively caressed Jurina’s moistened right cheek, placing a light kiss here. When the action still didn’t provoke much of a reaction, she placed another lingering one. Rena waited, alerted when she saw no sign of improvement.

Rena murmured many words to her. Some were of comfort. Others of love. Words she had relentlessly uttered again and again for the past six months. And that she was ready to repeat if it could help ease Jurina’s sadness just a little. She didn’t know exactly how long it lasted. As the minutes went by, she felt the body against her finally relaxing. And the sobbing dying down a little while later. She pressed her lips against Jurina’s cheek anew. And saw Jurina nodding silently when she told her again how much she truly loved her.

Relief spread through her chest when Jurina’s hands came to join hers at her front. No words were exchanged, but Jurina was finally accepting her demonstration of affection. Now, she hoped Jurina would one day finally be able to return her words of love.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t want my fans to see me like this,” Jurina murmured, refusing to follow Rena who was about to open the door.

Both girls were now fully dressed and ready to leave, but Rena could well discern the unease in Jurina’s puffy eyes when she turned to look at her. Rena pondered over her declaration - much confused as she was failing to see where she was getting at - before noticing the way Jurina was not gazing at her, but staring at the door leading outside. That’s when it hit her. Jurina didn’t want her heartache to be caught on camera. The cameras that would assault them as soon as they would make their way outside.

Indeed, cameras had not stopped following the members backstage and during the whole time of the preparation of the concert. It was expected, as footage needed to be taken for the DVD and Blu-ray to be released in a couple of months. Everyone was used to cameras following them. In fact, after so many years, they practically forgot their presence. As a result, cameras managed to capture successfully many moments of intimacy. And viewers seemed to love those.

Rena knew what Jurina was implicitly asking of her. But would her demand be fulfilled? She was seriously doubting it, but she wanted to try for Jurina’s sake. “Alright, stay here.”

Rena left the room, and it didn’t take her long to find who she was looking for. In fact, the two familiar cameramen were waiting in the corridor not far from here, and immediately raised their camera in alert when they noticed her approaching. The older Matsui had a slightly embarrassed look on her face when she addressed them. “Please, can you not film Jurina and I?”

Both men lowered their cameras slowly and looked back at her in astonishment. It was definitely not the first time she tentatively tried to prevent cameras from filming her. It happened a few times the very first years she joined the group, especially when she got caught crying alone by the cameraman who followed her practically everywhere.

After realizing her pleas had no effect whatsoever and the camera kept on rolling nevertheless, she accepted her fate. Unfortunately, she had no choice in the matter. The man was only doing what he was told, and it was part of her job as an idol to have cameras filming her all the time.

Rena was very familiar with the two men gazing at her. They had been filming and following Jurina and her for years. Sometimes, they would even chat a bit off-camera. However, what she was asking of them was unconceivable. And she knew she still had not fully convinced them when she read the unease in their eyes. Just as she was about to formulate her request again, she saw her personal cameraman opening his mouth to speak.

“I guess we have enough footage,” The man agreed, turning to look at the other cameraman. Considering the silence of the latter, it was obvious he was hesitating a lot about this. Rena was more than glad that her cameraman was going to comply to her wishes, but if Jurina’s cameraman refused to cooperate, then it was much useless.

“Takumi-san, I know this is a difficult decision to make,” Rena addressed kindly the twenty eight years old short-haired man, “but Jurina would be grateful if exceptionally you did not film her this one time.”

 

* * *

 

Rena opened the bathroom’s door and took a look outside, glad when there was no sign of the two cameramen anymore. At the sound of soft footsteps behind her she tilted her head, noticing Jurina now standing by her side. Despite her previous crying evident all over her face, she could discern the relief in her eyes. Both cameramen had thankfully complied to her wishes.

“Thank you,” Jurina uttered in a soft murmur.

Rena took her hand and squeezed it, not letting it go once as she lead them both through the corridor. There were a few staff members and SKE girls present, and Rena acknowledged the faint smiles directed at her. Some girls even bid her farewell one last time on her way. The older Matsui replied to each of them politely, while feeling the trembling of Jurina’s fingers inside her hand.

Rena kept advancing, aware that the young girl was still in a fragile, emotional state. And hearing everyone around them saying goodbye to the Nagoya princess and wishing her the best, was another reminder that she wouldn’t be considered a SKE member once she would have passed the door leading outside. Clearly, it was not helping in any way Jurina to control her emotions.

Rena quickened up her a pace little, willing to pull Jurina out of her torment as soon as possible. When the large door leading outside was finally within reach she pushed it without further ado, and stepped aside to let Jurina move towards the taxi awaiting them. After checking that the young girl was inside, she turned one last time in the direction of the corridor.

Without surprise, all pairs of eyes were still glued to her. In fact, the place had suddenly fallen dead silent. Everyone was conscious that it was probably the last time they would ever meet the older Matsui. Or even gaze at her. Rena even noticed her personal cameraman appearing alongside Jurina’s at the end of the corridor. Both their cameras were lowered, clear sign that they were not filming that moment. And considering how everyone seemed currently moved by Rena’s departure, it would definitely have made a very touching scene.

Rena couldn’t help but send them one last grateful smile at the concession they had agreed to make. She stayed on the doorstep a little while longer - reflecting whether she should make one last statement - before thinking against it. She had already spoken to each member; and in great lengths with a few very emotional ones. She had thanked all the staff members she had worked with during all these years.

What more could she say? No, nothing more needed to be added. Rena gave them one last smile and inclined her head to them, before passing the door that led to the outside world. 

 

* * *

 

The ride back to her apartment was painful to say the least. As soon as Rena joined the other Matsui in the taxi tears sprang to Jurina’s eyes, and the young girl didn’t waste a second to settle her head against Rena’s shoulder. Rena did catch at some point the driver gazing at them through the rear mirror curiously - definitely wondering why one of the girls on the backseat of his car was crying her eyes out - but not a word left his lips nonetheless.

By the time they reached her apartment, Jurina’s sobbing had stopped. But it did not reassure Rena. Somehow, she knew it could start again at any minute. Once she was facing her front door the older girl rummaged through her bag in determination, impatient to get inside as fast as possible.

She still remembered vividly a conversation in particular she had six months ago with her next door neighbor. That day - just as she was about to enter her apartment - the elderly woman had startled her by opening her door suddenly, and asking her worriedly about her _’young and nice friend Jurina-san’_. Apparently, when the latter left her apartment in a haste that day of January 31, she looked quite distraught.

Rena had to admit she found herself at a loss for words, and it took her a few long seconds to come up with a semblance of an explanation. Frankly, she wasn’t even sure she managed to convince the older woman successfully, considering the light frown the latter gave her once she finished babbling an answer. Matsuda-san may be 70 years old, she was not senile yet.

That’s why Rena had absolutely no wish to cross path with the older woman tonight, or any other neighbor for all that. She valued her privacy more than anything, and it always made her uncomfortable when people tried to pry into her personal life. Of course, her neighbor was only showing her concern for the young Matsui she happened to meet a couple of times over the last year and a half. But as she had no other choice but to leave important elements out of her answer, it was a very tricky subject for her to broach.

Rena’s fingers finally met the small, metallic object and she retrieved it at once, inserting the key in the lock and opening the door at once. Rena leaned her back against the door once she shut it behind them, gazing at Jurina who was silently taking her jacket and shoes off. She was more than glad that they managed to make it safely to her apartment without meeting anyone on their way. At least, that was an issue she didn’t have to worry about anymore.

But it didn’t ease her mind. She watched Jurina’s every move carefully, bothered to see her avoiding eye contact. Jurina abhorred appearing weak in front of others. Somehow, she believed she had to maintain this image of a strong person at all cost. That it was her duty as ace of SKE and leading member. That was why Rena guessed she was deeply embarrassed by the fact she had cracked in front of others earlier on in the shower.

“Go and take a seat in the kitchen. I’ll make us something to eat,” Rena heard herself saying, albeit the fact she was not feeling hungry. And Jurina wasn’t probably much either. Nevertheless, she saw her nodding at her and doing as instructed. Another time, maybe the young girl would have argued. Rena figured she was probably too exhausted right now - mentally and physically - to even consider voicing her disapproval one second.

 

* * *

 

Rena was in her pajamas and ready to go to sleep when she heard the light sobbing coming from her bathroom. She looked up from her book at once - a manga she was only half distractedly reading anyway - and tried to catch a glimpse of Jurina through the partially closed door. When she failed miserably to do so she put her glasses and book away and got out of bed, pushing the door softly a few seconds later. Jurina - clad in her pajamas - was sitting on the stool, tears falling down her cheeks for the umpteenth time today.

“No, Jurina,” Rena pleaded, moving forward to stand right in front of her and pulling her head gently into her chest. Two arms wrapped around her waist in reaction, and she caressed the young girl’s hair to try and soothe her.

“I’m sorry,” Jurina’s muffled voice sounded against Rena’s red tee-shirt, “I want to make it stop. But I simply can’t help it.”

Rena felt the tears wetting the thin fabric of her tee-shirt progressively, and she listened again to the manifestation of Jurina’s despair. She had heard it so many times these last few months. And even more these last couple of hours. She should be pretty much used to it by now. But the truth was, it still affected her as much as the very first time. And feeling discouraged at how powerless she was.

After a little while, Jurina calmed down on her own, and Rena took that opportunity to take a step back to look at her. Her beautiful face looked puffy and tear-stained, and the older Matsui brushed away with her thumb one last tear that was sneakily escaping Jurina’s left eye.

Then, she turned on her heels and kneeled in front of the cupboard under the sink, retrieving a clean washcloth from the pile. She made sure to dampen it enough under the water, before facing Jurina again and starting to wash her face softly.

Rena was aware that it was not going to erase completely the signs of her distraught state, but she couldn’t stand seeing her like that. The young girl had always been such a bright and joyful person. Tears were not meant for her. Sadness was not an emotion that qualified Jurina Matsui.

Lost in her musing, Rena felt suddenly Jurina’s hand covering hers and stopping her in her process. Their eyes met silently, and she found herself a bit confused when Jurina removed the washcloth from her cheek and put it aside. Her confusion grew even more when the young girl pulled her tentatively into her lap. Rena looked at her questioningly, but when it was obvious by the other girl’s silence that she was not going to provide her an explanation, she simply did as asked.

Jurina leaned her head against her chest, and for a moment Rena was afraid she might cry again. She even waited expectantly for the tears to fall, already patting lightly Jurina’s head in anticipation. To her surprise, no such sound came out of Jurina’s mouth. In fact, they stayed in each other’s arms for a while, without sharing a single word. Rena did now and then kiss Jurina’s temple, not missing the way it made the other girl’s body relax.

Rena didn’t know how long they stayed in that position. To be honest, she truly missed this kind of closeness. It had been so long since they had really held each other. Lastly, it was always Rena holding Jurina, and mostly for comforting reasons. She missed their true moments of intimacy and Jurina’s affectionate behavior.

That was why she was pleasantly surprised when she noticed Jurina pulling away from the embrace, only to lean forward to initiate a kiss. A mixture of joy and hope spread through her chest when their lips met. If anything, she was happy Jurina was finally making the first move. Jurina never rejected her when she happened to hug her or kiss her, but it was obvious by the uncertainty in her gestures that the intimacy was making her somewhat ill-at-ease. She still had not completely forgiven her for her decision to graduate.

Now, after witnessing Jurina’s change of attitude, she was starting to have hope. She definitely wouldn’t have felt so confident a few hours ago, but maybe the tide was finally turning in her favor. It was not a desperate kiss. Far from it. In fact, it looked a lot like any other gentle kiss they had shared in the past. It was not invasive. There was no will to dominate the other. It was a simple show of affection. One she almost feared she would not see any more when she let - a couple of times - dark thoughts invade her mind.

This evening, something had changed. A page had been turned. Not only for her, but also for Jurina. She had released all the sadness she had accumulated these last six months. Shed so many tears it had probably drained the little energy she had left after tonight’s concert. And maybe it was for the best. Now that she had completely let everything out, she was going to be able to move on. And finally forgive her.

Rena couldn’t help but smile when Jurina deepened the kiss. The young girl was prolonging their moment of intimacy, much to her delight. And Rena made sure to pour all her feelings for her into that kiss when she followed her lead willingly.

The older Matsui was pretty sure her face was glowing with happiness when - a little while later - they pulled away to catch some air. Maybe her joy was infectious, because she saw Jurina’s mouth tugging into a genuine smile. Oh, how much she missed seeing it.

 _I got her back,_ Rena thought, caressing the girl’s cheek gently. There were no words strong enough to describe how happy she was feeling right now. This loving expression that she adored so much. She was finally seeing it again. And her smile broadened even more when Jurina leaned into her touch.

However, Rena got a bit concerned when she saw Jurina now looking back at her with a serious expression. Unconsciously, she held her breath in anticipation, feeling that she was about to say something important. Jurina didn’t make her wait very long, as she opened her mouth to speak soon after.

“I love you Rena,” Jurina affirmed, with a soft nod. “But please don’t break my heart again.”

Rena didn’t say anything, letting the words sink in. Warmth invaded her at the declaration of love she had waited for so long. She had now forgiven her. There was not a single doubt about it. And it couldn’t make her happier. However, she also paid carefully attention to her very last words. Those that reminded her of what she had done. Of the deep sorrow she had caused Jurina all this time.

“I promise,” Rena answered. She did notice her own voice slightly quivering, and she momentarily wondered where it was coming from. Was she being emotional because Jurina was finally forgiving her? Or was it because she was reminded of all the pain her decision had caused them both? In the end, Rena realized it didn’t really matter. They were finally reunited. And she didn’t want anything to split them apart again.

 

* * *

 

 

**THE END**


End file.
